Rants (mostly) and Raves
Worst ideas of the last hundred years
"Hard" plastic packaging - is there any way to open this package without destroying it?
The use of perfectly good songs in TV commercials
Aluminum bats - should be universally banned. They're dangerous; they sound terrible; and they were originally supposed to save money! The laugh track - if you have to tell me when to laugh, it's not funny
Greatest Scams of the last century
Reagonomics - "trickle-down" economics- proposed by an alleged fiscal conservative, no less! (see also: "voodoo economics")
Breakfast Cereal - "just part of a balanced breakfast!"
Cigarettes - why are those 7 tobacco executives not in jail for perjury?
Microsoft Windows - (in particular, Microsoft Word) now there's an evil empire! Every diet except "eating less" and/or "exercising more"
Bottled Water - just proving that we can be talked into buying anything
Clearly, federal legislation is needed to:Require that the "fold" in your credit card statement matches up with the perforation.
Other bad ideas:
* Who decided that fans in hotel room bathrooms were no longer necessary? What changed?
Greatest Scams of the last century
Clearly, federal legislation is needed to:
Other bad ideas:
* Who decided that fans in hotel room bathrooms were no longer necessary? What changed?
Everyone complains about the weather..
Here in State College, PA, we have all four seasons; they're just not evenly distributed. Roughly speaking..
Spring: April 21 - June 20
Summer: June 21 - August 20
Fall: August 21 - October 20
Winter: October 21 - April 20
Thanks to the late Charles Schultz
If Penn State was subject to truth in advertising, the
two primary semesters would be "Fall" and "Winter".
(If you wanted to get fancy, the first Intercession (May 20- June 29) could be "Spring"; the second (July 1 - August 18) could be "Summer".)
I have been here during "Spring" semesters during which the sun did not shine once.
HISTORICAL RANTS
Dec. 02, 2002: Bah, humbug!Here in State College, PA, we have all four seasons; they're just not evenly distributed. Roughly speaking..
Summer: June 21 - August 20
Fall: August 21 - October 20
Winter: October 21 - April 20
Thanks to the late Charles Schultz
(If you wanted to get fancy, the first Intercession (May 20- June 29) could be "Spring"; the second (July 1 - August 18) could be "Summer".)
I have been here during "Spring" semesters during which the sun did not shine once.
I learned recently that the Native Americans were a lot smarter than we are: they all had the good sense to go south for the winter.
HISTORICAL RANTS
A modest proposal (with an assist from Andy Rooney): a ban on public Christmas displays and music (on the radio, and especially, in stores) prior to the fourth Friday in November. Thanksgiving is the best holiday we have; let's give it some respect.
Nov. 14, 2002: Helpful hint
Today's helpful hint from the Penn State Daily Collegian- Ways to save heat this winter: 1) Keep windows and doors closed.
Sept. 24, 2002: Yet more Dear Old State -
Water-bottle ban (Bruce E. Helms, Warriors Mark) I read the Sept. 26 article, "PSU hopes to subdue rowdy fans," with some concern and an equal amount of frustration. The article quoted Penn State police Supervisor Clifford Lutz as saying, "The worst and most dangerous behavior is the throwing of water bottles." No one will argue that this is a sizeable problem, but, I humbly submit, it is one the university itself is perpetuating. I have been a gateman at the stadium for the past 10 years. I was trained that cans and bottles are not allowed in the stadium. Those of us assigned to "liquor control" were authorized to search to intercept such contraband. In the past, water bottles fell into a gray area; we were often told to allow them, especially on hot days. Under the new standards, reinforced each week, fans are no longer allowed to bring water bottles through the gates, period. But once inside the stadium, anyone can readily purchase a bottle of water. As an employee responsible for enforcing the policy, I find this contradiction confusing and frustrating, and I know firsthand that the fans are equally perturbed by the double standard. If we intend to eliminate water bottles from the stadium, then why do we sell them inside? Enquiring minds want to know. Anyone with half a brain realizes that banning water bottles won't eliminate bad behavior. But if the "worst and most dangerous behavior" is indeed the throwing of water bottles, then we can make a substantial dent in that problem by consistently enforcing the long-existing no-bottles policy and stopping the sale of bottled water inside the stadium.
Nov. 19, 2002 Bridge for Sale in Brooklyn
Edy's ice cream is quiety replacing its standard 1/2 gallon container with ones that hold 1 3/4 quarts. The new and old cartons can be found side-by-side during the transition, identical in shape, design and price. According to their spokesperson, "We'd like to keep the cost at a price that's more affordable for folks."
Sept. 19, 2002: Quitting while you're ahead
This from Allan Sloan (Newsweek).. who pointed out that Martha Stewart saved about $55,000 from her insider trading adventure (whether legal or not). Which in turn cost her MILLIONS when the ensuing scandal tanked the value of her company. Greed really is counter-productive.
Is this the person to whom I am speaking?
Kudos to Richard Roeper, who recently addressed one of my pet peeves: the ubiquitous use of the "555" telephone exchange in movies and tv shows. I have exactly the same reaction when I hear it: my temporary suspension of belief is abruptly shattered and I am reminded that I am only watching a movie. As he ingeniously suggested, $100 could certainly be found in a $50 million budget to buy an actual phone number, and use it for promotion. Another good idea from Roeper: the Academy Awards ought to have a separate category for comedies.
Nov. 13, 2001: And I still can't see
Why aren't the top surfaces of car dashboards covered with a non-relfective material? Surely every driver has experienced the anxiety of attempting to drive while squinting through a windshield that is reflecting the sun off a hard-plastic colored dashboard. Quite a few years ago I wrote to one of the major automobile manufacturers with this concern, and they brushed it off with a standard legalise non-answer form letter. Still, I'm somewhat surprised that no one has followed up on it. I have found that a piece of black cloth taped to the dashboard vastly improves visibility. To me, this is a fundamental issue of safety.
April 24, 2001: Penny-wise...
Here at Dear Old State, they have spent many thousands of dollars installing new paper dispensers (of both kinds) in the rest rooms. In order to save money, no doubt, the paper towel dispensers are of the type that eject about 4 inches of towel each time you pull down on the lever. This means that you have to depress the lever 6 or 7 times to get a sufficient amount. (Unless, of course, the machine jams, in which case you have to press 10 or 12 times in order to get it unstuck.) Cleverly, these have all been placed at about eye-level, so that in the time it takes to get enough paper towel to come out, water has run down to your elbow. ... Now a cynic might suggest that this was the original plan; by completely discouraging the use of paper towels, eventually they would make back their investment. ... But I think not, when I consider the other new dispenser. The advantage of the new tissue dispensers is that they hold a much larger roll of paper. This means that many minutes of janitorial time are saved each week because the roll doesn't have to be changed as often. (I'm sure an expensive cost analysis came to this conclusion.) Just one problem: in this new-fangled contraption, the roll is no longer exposed; it is inside the dispenser. Which means that when the paper invariably sticks to the roll, one must reach up inside the dispenser to retrieve it. Failing that, the dispenser must be forced open. I wonder just how long these are expected to last?
Dec. 6, 2000: The Department of Nothing Better to Do
On Monday, the State College Borough Council passed an ordinance that demonstrates why I would never choose to live within the Borough limits. They have now increased to $10 the fine for leaving a recyling container at the curb beyond its proscribed time. Never mind the lunacy of even having such an ordinance, Borough staff proposed the increase because "they now need more time to process the violations."
Dec. 5, 2000: Turn Down that TV!
Once upon a time, the FCC had a rule prohibiting commmercials from being louder than the TV program in which they are inbedded. Can anyone explain why for thirty years the FCC has neglected to enforce this rule? I believe advertisers get around this by playing the entire commercial at the program's maximum volume. Wouldn't it be a simple matter to change the regulation so that the average volume of the commmerical cannot be greater than the average volume of the program? Who would be against that? Write your Congressperson today.
Nov. 28,2000: "Open Seseme" or "Be sure to eat your spinach"
For many years, one of the benefits of American technology is that packages have become easier to open. (Is not the flip-top can one of the great inventions of the 20th century?) Now, we appear to be going in the opposite direction - you need tools open almost anything. This is not just an "old people" problem, either. I just watched a college student pull out a knife to remove the cellophane wrapper from a blank videotape.
Nov. 20, 2000: Adult Onset Amnesia and Homework
How did we come to believe that homework was such a great idea? As it is, the typical high school student leaves for school at 7:30 am, doesn't get home until 3:30 (with a half-hour lunch if they're lucky). That's pretty close to an 8 hour day, not counting extra-curricular activities - a schedule that would make many adults insist on overtime pay. When are kids supposed to have a life? In many households, typical "family" time has become helping the kids with the homework.
This phenomena is party caused by "adult onset amnesia". That is, once they have children of their own, most adults have no recollection of anything in their life that occured before the age of 21. It is also fueled by the American belief that more is always "better". And finally, there is "teacher myopia", the belief of many instructors that at any given time, students are enrolled in only one course - the one they are teaching. If a student is enrolled in 6 courses, and has a modest 30 minutes of homework in each one, that adds up to three hours. I would like to see the evidence that suggests that anything more than an hour or two of homework per day is productive.
Fourth Ammendment Rights
"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized." Nov. 7, 2000:
It amazes me that more people do not see DUI checkpoints as a blatant violation of the fourth amendment. Where is the probable cause? In a recent local newspaper article, a detective made the standard argument, "if you're not committing a crime you have nothing to worry about". By this logic, why not have the police go door-to-door searching for illegal drugs, zoning violations and unauthorized cable TV hook-ups?
I am grateful for the change in the public perception of DUI. Behavior that was winked at thirty years ago is now seen as the public danger that it is. But I am thankful that the Founding Fathers made it so difficult to amend the Constitution. Otherwise - for many good reasons - by now we would have repealed the Bill of Rights several times over.
Nov. 6, 2000: Economics 101
To anyone who questions whether Microsoft is a monopoly which has unfairly stifled competition, I say two words: "Microsoft Word". Is this the best word processing software that a free market can produce?
Sept. 20, 2000: More.. too much of a good thing
Drivers in our little town of State College are too polite - to the point of dangerous. It is never a good idea to "allow" another driver to do something illegal or dangerous. This point was demonstrated to me years ago as I traveled south, in the right lane of un-divided four-lane North Atherton Street (West 322, for those unfamiliar with area). A line of cars were stopped in the left lane. Apparently, the lead driver of the line was giving permission to a car traveling northbound to make a left turn across two lanes of traffic - one of which was the lane I was in. Needless to say, both of us tried to occupy the same space at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I have been cheerfully waved on to do something similar. Thanks, but no; there are times when I'm glad that I learned to drive in New York. Speaking of which, this comment (rant) is in response to a recent discussion on "Car Talk". What is the appropriate point to begin merging in the face of upcoming road work? This came up years ago during the construction for the bypass at the intersection with East College Ave. People would start to get in the right lane a full two miles before they had to; it drove me crazy. I agree with the caller; it is much more efficient if everyone waits 'till the end. That way, no one "cuts in". New Yorkers understand this intuitively.
Sept. 19, 2000: From the perspective of a (former) impatient New Yorker..
No one should be issued a driver's licence in this town until they have first demonstrated that they know how to make a left turn on a green arrow. You are
February 22, 2000:
I hope this isn't a local phenomena, but I haven't noticed it anywhere else. Why are intersections -even major intersections- so seldom properly plowed? A snowplow going down one street dumps a trail of snow onto the intersecting street, but no one ever goes back to clean it up. Shouldn't intersections be the most important place to keep clear?
February 17, 2000: Too much of a good thing
Here's an opinion that certain to make me unpopular: there are too many handicap parking spaces. You've seen it - drivers circling a 500 space parking lot, hoping to be at the right place and time when someone pulls out. Meanwhile, nine out of ten handicap spaces are available. All ten of those spaces are not necessary!
Don't misunderstand. Handicap parking is a good thing - as are ramps, automatic doors, etc. Anyone who has spent any time delivering packages or equipment knows this benefits the rest of us, too. I think its a good thing that a handicap space is available for someone who needs it, but wouldn't 98% of the time be good enough?
January 29, 2000: To See, or Not
It probably shouldn't, but it still amazes me how many people drive in the rain, snow or fog with their headlights off. Clearly (ha), these drivers don't realize that the reason to turn on one's headlights is so that we can see them, not the other way around. Wouldn't it be great if one rainy day a year, the police would spend the entire day handing out warnings?