Cantus Meus: Prelude

Upon my eighteenth birthday…I died.

No longer was I the eldest daughter of my family, nor was I to remember it when soldiers of the Nobility came. Yet, how can I forget it? Every time I squeeze my eyes shut, I see them—flashes of faces I’ve known most of my life. The face of my father would appear before me, stern before breaking into a grin. My mother’s expression would be severe before her eyes twinkled while she would laugh, mute in my mind. The image of my younger sister has her usual dour façade before it softens. If anything, she misleads strangers with her indifference when, in truth, she may be the most sensitive of all in our circle. Specters of my family would whirl before me until the glimmer of steel intervenes...

The flames within the fireplace danced beneath the cauldron that night. Since it was supposed to be a festive event, the dinner table held more wares than usual. Chipped plates and wooden utensils were at one end while makeshift mats nestled below them. Already there was a bowl of cut fruits with honey and nuts—not much, but enough to enjoy for the evening. Near by were loaves of bread, freshly baked and ready with a small platter of my mother’s dressing beside it. The last dish for dinner was the stew that bubbled in the hearth. My stomach flopped as I waited with my sister, the two of us quiet in our seats. Father had his hands clasped, head bowed in prayer. Since idle sitting did nothing to tempt the flow of time to go any faster, my sister and I mimicked our father. No sooner had we closed our eyes did the cauldron appear on the table, steamy and inviting.

“Whew, that was work,” my mother stated as she eased into her own chair.

“But well worth it,” my father answered, a hand out for the ladle. With it, he took a scoop, and after a couple of breaths, sipped a sample. Teeth flashed from a smile as my father leaned forward with his bowl in hand.

“Ah...the meat! And the carrots...just the way I like them.”

My sister and I laughed softly as we did our own work. My younger sister passed the bread around the table as I placed the forks and such to each. With the task finished, I went on to provide the drinks, a mixture of left over berries and cool water from a stream near our home. As I began to pour into cups, a cacophony of shouts, metal, and horses started some distance away from our front door until the noise crescendoed right outside the wood. Without warning, our door splintered while the crash reverberated in our ears. The pitcher I held fell from my still hands while a cup turned over, its contents pooling by my feet. Time was cruel to all of us, then, freezing when it wants to, and at the worst times.

My father’s face darkened as figures flooded into the room, surrounding us all with javelins pointed. Instinctively my mother flew to my sister, arms around her as my father stepped in front of them. I was horribly numb, unable to move, especially as a huge form stepped into my field of vision. The frenzied beat of my heart became painfully loud in my ears as the leader gazed at my family before me. A soldier beside him cocked his head to the side, silent and observant as he awaited orders from his captain.

“It is time, old man...” the captain started, “You have one which the Nobility seeks.”

“My daughter has nothing to do with the Nobility what with our lowly station,” my father answered, his words edged and sharp. “There are other individuals that are better suited for the higher class. Leave us in peace—“

“You speak too much,” a lower ranked officer muttered, his spear head inching close to my father. “For someone who is well informed of stations, you fail to recall your specific standings!”

“That is enough—this is between the two of us,” the captain snapped, hard eyes cast on his underling. “Step away. Now.” The offending young man clenched his jaw, hands tight on his staff before he stepped back.

“You know very well that the Nobility calls on all who are ready for their individual responsibilities. Blind eyes turn on stations and ranking, but health—“

“Our daughter has an ailment! She is not capable of the jobs given by the Nobility!” my mother cried out. A look of disapproval made the captain set his mouth into a line, and my father only had to look over his shoulder.

My mother kept silent, but her eyes flashed as she averted her eyes onto my younger sister. Meanwhile, my sister’s eyes kept flicking back and forth between me, the captain and our father, and the others.

“My wife speaks the truth. Our daughter is under no condition to—“

“—Is that so?” The captain interrupted. “Hm...”

He brought up a gloved hand, and with a small gesture, two officers began to advance towards me. I wanted to shrink away, disappear, anything to avoid their cold hands on me, but I still wouldn’t budge. Instead, my heart skipped, and I felt ice water fall on me. Before anything happened, my father stepped forward, a hand out, until a cross of staffs formed at his torso. The captain sneered at him before he did another signal. The two approaching me fell back.

“What?” The captain asked with fake politeness. His patience was obviously at the end of its tether.

“Please...” my father began, his voice quiet, “May no harm come to her.” Upon the words “No harm,” they exchanged a look before the captain nodded.

“I see. Very well, then—no harm to the girl.” My father, once proud, suddenly became older and tired as his shoulder drooped.

My mother was oddly silent, and my sister—I could not see her face anymore, buried in my mother’s chest. My father looked once at me before he turned away, a hand hovering over his face. Before I could say anything, the captain’s words hung in the air, heavy.

“It is done. We leave now...”

They placed me in a dark place soon after, and I was hollow. My fear drained away with each step I took to leave the room, and my mind was blank. Goodbyes never came up but it was felt nonetheless. We trekked a distance from my home before I was pushed into a carriage that blended with the ink black night. I did not have a chance to right myself when the horses moved. I do not know how far we went—curtains at the windows were drawn, and I have not the will to open them. No, instead, I rocked along with the carriage, lost. Perhaps seconds passed, but for me, eternity stretched, and through it, my sobs echoed.

My childhood died, and my passage to womanhood became one of my greatest trials. I was to lose the beginnings of my existence in order to gain a new one. During that time, I lost sight of my innocence, and the only thing I could count on was survival. I have to survive all things from now on. With new determination, I managed to stop the flow of tears—they cannot help me now. It is all up to me now, I told myself. Only me. My fears, my sadness, my happiness—I locked them up in the same room I left my family in. The Nobility will not have me.

“...I belong to no one,” I vowed.

Comments

May 16^th 2007

FINALLY! The story is starting to move, and I feel...tired! Haha, no...seriously, I devoted the later hours of May 15 to type up the Prelude, but it was well worth it. I'm starting to remember how to write in the first place, so yay.

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