Professor Weisskopf,

I have submitted my essay on Ctools. Thank you for granting me an extension. It considerably reduced the stress of the past week, which was nevertheless very busy. I hope you will now join with me in defining Monday as beginning at the break of dawn so that my paper may be considered to have been submitted on Sunday as requested. I define it so if only because I have not yet had the pleasure of Sunday's night sleep, and I still look forward to doing so.

Best,

Cooper.

I've missed too many threads of my life to recount them all now in retrospect, but here are some things you should know.

1. I started a new blog in January, called Think Detroit, that keeps tabs on the revitalization of the city: http://thinkdetroit.blogspot.com

2. I'm declaring three majors: Spanish, economics, and urban studies. I don't have time to complete the first one unless I stay a fifth year but I declared it anyway.

3. I spent last week in New York City for Alternative Spring Break. We volunteered at Bronx International High School and explored Manhattan. Over the course of a week I somehow managed to visit Canal St., Chinatown, SoHo, Times Square, Midtown, the Brooklyn Bridge, East Village, Union Square, The Strand, Wicked on Broadway, the New Museum, the Museum of Modern Art, and Harlem among other destinations.

4. I'm studying in Chile in the fall! I leave mid-July and return in December. I'll be taking classes at La Universidad Católica alongside other students from Chile.

5. I should be finishing my homework.

It's times like last night when I really appreciate going to U of M. I was able to get two second-row seats to the St. Petersburg Philharmonic for $15 apiece (rather than $60). They performed Beethoven's "Concerto for Violen in D Major" among other pieces and it was incredible.

Things in general are going pretty well for me. I go for walks in the Arb a few times a week. I watch a lot of good films (like Ingmar Bergman's Persona and everything by Fellini). I enjoy my classes, even though the work required for Econ 401 is seriously daunting at times.

I've been working on creating an academic plan for the rest of college (for which I'm earning a credit!). It looks like I might declare three majors: Spanish, urban communities, and political economy. I'm not sure I have time to complete all three, nor am I sure that I can declare more than one major of my own creation (the latter two are of my own design) but I'm excited for it anyway.

The first two, I would say, are the most definite. I expect to at least graduate with a minor in Spanish, and I know I can definitely study urban communities through the RC Social Sciences. I'm looking into whether I can also do an individualized concentration connecting ethics, political theory, and economics.

Also, I signed up for Alternative Spring Break and last Friday I learned my destination: New York City! I'll be volunteering at Bronx International High School. It should be a really cool time -- and all for $90.

I've been considering updating for a month without knowing what to report. I like my classes. I like Ann Arbor in autumn. All I want to do is read poetry and take long walks and watch the leaves turn. I'm taking fewer credits this semester, so I'll have time to do so. Time to think things through and watch The Office and go to cider mills and be human. That's about all I could ask for right now.

Three weeks from now I'll be back in Ann Arbor. I look forward to it with a sense of relief.

I've been so apathetic this summer. I never finished the final report for my transportation research project nor have I submitted the lit review that was due three weeks ago for my summer class. I hardly even read.

When I get home after work all I want to do is nap or go for a walk. And I think and think and think. I feel best in the morning when I'm thinking positively. I read all the papers and enjoy the sharp sensation of critical thought as I reflect on the progress of Detroit or my place in the world. At night I'm more inclined to nostalgia and regret. I have to go for a bike ride or call someone to ease my mind.

As tired as I am of home and its associations, it'd odd to realize that I may not be back to live here again. Next summer I plan to take classes in the spring and then go abroad in July. The summer after that I hope to have an internship somewhere, perhaps D.C. or New York.

The thought of not returning bothers me, but not as much as I would have expected. Those I've hung out with this summer will all be in Ann Arbor or are moving away themselves. I will miss the friends I have left in Detroit, and I will miss the city itself, but I don't know that either will miss me greatly in return. And after all, I will still be here off and on. And I may well come back after college, if I have anyone left to return to.

On Sunday I went on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Lake Michigan with my sister. We drove to Manistee, watched the sunset, spent the night in a motel, and lounged all Monday on the beach. I also finished Harry Potter, which Stephanie convinced me to buy Saturday night at Meijer rather than wait for Amazon.com to ship the copy I pre-ordered last week. I wasn't very enthralled by the first few hundred pages, but from page 500 onward I was pretty well hooked. It was a satisfying read.

I haven't really read as much this summer as planned. I had all the time in the world in May, but I felt guilty reading because I knew I should be finishing my research project with Transportation Riders United first. Now I'm too busy. And of course, throughout, I've been feeling kind of down, which saps my interest in everything, even books. (I'll stop moping soon, I promise.)

What a long, stressful summer this has been! So much has gone wrong and so much has gone right. On the one hand I'm busy with work and life and intellectually engaged; on the other I'm sleep-deprived and high strung. On the one hand I'm making better friends and living independently. On the other I'm losing the closest friend I've ever had.

I don't really know how to make sense of it. I just keep prattling on to whoever will listen and try to get by day to day.

My mom had her right hip replaced on Thursday. The surgery went well, and her recovery has been surprisingly pain free so far. Tomorrow she leaves the hospital for a rehab facility.

While she stays there I have the house to myself. Normally I would welcome the vacation from her presence, but at the moment I worry that it's just an invitation to brood, something of I've done altogether too much of lately.

To keep sane I've been trying to keep busy. This week shouldn't be too hard. Tastefest starts Wednesday, and I'll probably head down there a couple times. The schedule's promising: Spoon, Yo La Tengo, the Detroit Cobras, the Hentchmen, the Go. And the food, of course, is excellent. I just need people to go with. And plans for the Fourth. I don't really want to be home alone as Hazel Park explodes.

In light of her evident obesity, Paczki must henceforth be called the Paczki Monster.

With the greatest reluctance I am beginning to reorient my life. Truthfully, I don't want to. I liked being in a relationship. I liked going out to eat and making plans and having a confidante and companion.

But the status quo has failed and left a tremendous void in my life. Somehow I must fill it. Toward that end I remind myself that I have gainful employment, fair-weather friends, and the books I've always turned to. I also have a unique opportunity to be selfish. Perhaps it is time to wonder and pursue what's really best for me.

This has been a difficult week. I started work on Monday, and I'm excited about my job. The first week went well, and I like what I'm doing. But adjusting to a 40-hour work week with considerable responsibility also comes with a measure of stress.

It's been harder because I have no one to share it with. My relationship with Amanda seems to have ended, and I'm kind of devastated. Day by day for the past month I've felt like I was losing my best friend. I don't really know what to do with myself or who to turn to, if anyone. It doesn't help either that between the new schedule and the stress, I've been lucky to get five hours of sleep a night.

Needless to say I'm somewhat despondent, but I'm holding out hope that my summer can be salvaged yet.

Sometimes, late at night, I find myself pleased to be me. Pleased to be reading a Wikipedia article on John McPhee. Pleased to be planning future endeavors. At peace with life as it presents itself.

Such peace, I have found, always and only results from a balance of high emotional and intellectual engagement. Such balance is not always easy to strike; for the month of May both inputs eluded me. But June is unfolding with promise. I begin working on Monday and the prospect excites me. My job will be challenging, but I feel well-suited to the task and the organization. And after a month of stagnation, my social life, too, has improved. Tomorrow I may feel differently but tonight I am okay not only with the future but with the present moment.

Today I cooked a nice dinner: poached salmon with both regular and sweet potatoes, fried, and guacamole on the side. I was proud of myself. Now I'm pacing. The coming week or so should be eventful. I may already have a car of my own by tomorrow; Saturday is my sister's Detroit Derby Girls bout; and next Tuesday, Amanda and I are going to see King Lear at Stratford. In the meantime I expect to find myself at Amanda and Maria's new apartment and maybe see some of the returning college crowd, too.

I returned to Hazel Park last week. So far I've just been tying up odds and ends: unpacking, cleaning, pacing, trying to get a car. The latter is proving complicated, but it looks like my mom is getting a new Focus, leaving me with the old one, provided I can pay for gas and car insurance. That combo may well eat the majority of every check I receive this summer. Regardless, I look forward to mobility.

P.S. I'm taking neat classes next fall:

• ANTHRCUL 319 - Latin American Society and Culture


• ECON 402 - Intermediate Macroeconomic Theory


• RCSSCI 301 - Social Science Theory I: From Social Contract to Oedipus Complex


• SPANISH 320 - Introduction to the Study of Literature

Summer's so close! Two weeks of class. One week of finals. Home.

It'll be an odd summer. I'll have a full-time job for one. For two, my mother's having hip-replacement surgery in May. That more or less makes me head of household. For six weeks, I'll be doing all the driving, all the shopping, and all the chores. Mm responsibility!

In the meantime I'm feeling fidgety. All that remain are a few projects--two or three essays, a couple books--and my first year of college will be closed. But I can't set my mind to them. However, I can set my mind to sleep ...

I did DP Day today and I'm worn out. My group cleared an abandoned lot in northwest Detroit. I picked up a lot of trash and moved heavy, ungainly objects that I'll regret having lifted in the morning. It was good.

Speaking of Detroit and really neat things, I got a Community-Based Research Fellowship for the summer. I'll be working full-time with the Nortown Community Development Corporation in northeast Detroit. (The neighborhood is bounded by Mound on the west, Eight Mile on the north, Gratiot on the east, and I-94 and Mt. Elliot on the south). I'm really excited for it.

This summer should be good. I look forward to a car, a good job, a wonderful girlfriend, and neat friends. Only three weeks away.

This week is off to a disconcerting start. I thought I had caught up with my workload, only to discover I had a reflection paper to write for Spanish and an extra book of the Bible to read for Great Books, setting me, once again, firmly behind schedule.

On a more positive note, I'm finding my research project with Transportation Riders United on light rail genuinely engaging. As it nears completion, the objective is clearer and the final report's utility more evident. The challenge of the past semester remains, however: finding sufficient time to devote to it. The risk remains that the final product will be incomplete, and consequently, useless. But if it is sufficiently well-writen and well-documented, it could be instrumental as an initial promoter of light rail transit in Metro Detroit. The potential may be remote, but i find it exciting. I could change the world, if only I had the time ...

When I become stressed, my instinct is to jettison all inessential activities: socializing in the hall, attending discussion sessions, blogging. I hunker down and try to survive.

That mode describes the last three weeks of school. A sever sinus infection coincided with two exams, two papers, and one internship application in addition to the usual obligations of school. I fell behind in nearly every class and am only now, over "spring" break, catching up.

Mostly, I am sleeping, and looking for fun things to do. I'm hoping to see the "Shrinking Cities" exhibit at MOCAD, visit John King books, see Pan's Labyrinth, and take a walk to the Dairy Park, which is open for spring, by weekend's end. Hopefully I can also make some headway in my homework and my research project, so that I needn't repeat the stress that engulfed me for three weeks past.

Sometimes I'm forwarding-thinking to a fault. I plan for the future in lieu of living today. But I think this is forgivable, especially when living today means doing math and math alone, as was true for the past week when I worked to catch up with my calculus class.

I would usually rather plot my tomorrow than deal with present difficulty. Currently, I'm planning the summer. I'm hoping to get a "Community-Based Research Fellowship" through U of M. If I do, I'll be working full-time for twelve weeks on a community development project in Detroit. And for good pay, too. I'm kind of geeked.

For once, I was brave. I dropped Honors Calculus II.

I'm pleased. In its place I'm taking regular Calculus II, which is a wonderful return to high school style math.

Now I'm gathering up more courage to make the next leap into the future: study abroad. If I go through with it, I'll spend next winter term in Santiago, Chile. Neat, no?

I am at an interesting moment in my development.

I feel so much better than I ever did in high school -- taking classes of my choosing, using my time as I see fit, arranging my future. And yet I don't yet feel adult -- as if, as it were, I was only playing at being my own person, and sometime soon I'll return to character and drop the guise.

As I sit at my desk looking busy, I want to turn to the camera and make a confession: "I am not in control. My life propels itself, impervious to will. I, too, am a spectator."

At present, I am considering taking some control. I am currently enrolled in Honors Calculus II, a class that I expected to challenge me but not to terrify me. I sense that I'm capable of completing the exercises and managing the exams, but the thought of dreading the class four days a week for four months truly disheartens me.

But I have a daring plan: to drop the class for Calculus I, which promises to be an easy review, and upgrade another class to Honors, Econ 102, a class that I have true enthusiasm for.

I have until Wednesday to decide. Do I dare?

As I suspected, I've become busy again. I arose to the sound of the fire alarm at nine and have been occupied ever since.

Thankfully I don't mind most of the work. My classes assign good readings. This is especially true of Great Books, but Plato has been a disappointment. His Republic lays the intellectual foundation for fascism. I'm baffled that his philosophy is held in such high esteem.

Regardless, I'll be glad when the weekend arrives. Sloan is playing St. Andy's on Saturday, and I'm pumped.

I'm already feeling restless this semester. I grew accustomed to being deluged with work, and now that I'm merely occupied, it seems like a let down.

I like to be challenged. I want the time that I invest in classes to feel worthwhile. As it is, I stand underwhelmed. I should come to enjoy calculus; I like learning new math. Great books has some rigor to it, too. But introductory macroeconomics, like its predecessor, is codified common sense, and I'm not sure my Spanish class on globalization will really plumb the depths of the topic.

Which means any challenge I face will have to be self-directed. I have a research project that deserves more of my time, but I think it's especially time to re-emphasize two activities I supposedly value: reading and writing for pleasure.

This semester is odd. I find myself with both excess time and money. My class load is lighter, and thanks to an unusually generous financial aid package, I need not pinch pennies.

If it weren't winter, I would resolve to take walks every day, like I often do in Hazel Park. Perhaps I still might, but the temperature deters me. Otherwise it's books and movies -- or friends, ideally, in the event that they, too, have a more relaxed semester.

I suppose there's also the much lauded "community involvement." But I don't know. Chances are I'll be deluged in homework by next week, and my seeming repose will proved to have been a mirage.

Tonight I watched Do the Right Thing with my roommate. It may be the best movie I see this semester.

Its portrait of race relations in the United States is startling both for its honesty and its tragedy. It begins in Brooklyn at dawn in sweltering heat, and the underlying tension in the neighborhood rises throughout the day as the temperature climbs further.

By the time the tensiom broke, I was angry at nearly all the characters. There are no stock characters, only human beings. As a result, each one, black or white, earned my empathy, which made the explosive ending incredibly challenging. I understood how each character was led to his final choice, and how true the result was to real life, but I was all the more frustrated by it because I wished it weren't so.

Watch it. React. And let me know what you think. It's a film worth discussing.

Being back at college is nice. I'm bound to get busy soon, but this first week will be relaxed. Mostly it's a relief not to have two hours of Spanish homework every night.

Instead I have "Great Books" to read, which I'm already enjoying. I want to read some of what I missed last semester, too, especially The Iliad and The Odyssey. I'm tired of taking Greek references out of context.

I finished my first novel in four months today (Everyman by Philip Roth) and realized just how dearly I miss the English language.

I spent my first semester of college trying to master Spanish instead. Last week I passed the four-hour long proficiency exam, which means that I know enough Spanish to understand and communicate the gist of any message.

Fluent I am not. I began reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez a few days ago, but the original Spanish is nearly opaque, with unknown nouns in every sentence. Even post-translation I can barely glimpse the excellence that is apparent to any native speaker.

Which is why Roth’s novel was so refreshing. English! Comprehensible English! With so much flexibility and power and range. How I ever let my acquaintance lapse is beyond me. I'll continue studying Spanish, but for me its power will always pale to that of my native tongue.

I've been considering the future a lot -- what I want to study, and what will follow. My academic interests seem to be coalescing. Mostly, I want to learn about public policy, and as derivitives thereof, political science and economics. As a strong secondary note, I really like learning -- period -- so I want to continue taking Spanish and reading novels and writing commentary and learning wherever I can.

The question is whether I want to do something that relates to my studies. If I knew I wanted to work on Latin American economic policy, I would be so set. But I don't know that. I might, but I care about the United States. I care about Michigan and Detroit and Hazel Park. Part of me suspects that Spanish may be superfluous.

That is, if what I really want to do is work on local political and economic development. Which maybe I do. But as what? A politican, a policy expert, an economist, a lawyer? Running a public-interest group, serving the government, worked as an elected official? Don't know. And hey, there's always journalism.

The nice thing is that I have time to be uncertain. Just not a lifetime, like I might wish.

There's a thought-provoking article in this week's New York Times Magazine about the ethics of philanthropy called "What Should a Billionaire Give – and What Should You?"

The author emphasizes that if the richest Americans -- billionaires and multimillionaires -- gave just ten percent of their wealth, we could easily fund the UN's Millennium Development Goals (which will likely go underfunded and unmet), and if everyone gave just a couple percent, the sum – and the potential for change – would be tremendous.

If I were to donate money, it would be to local organizations. More so than any national charity or political organization, Detroit’s development matters to me. Since reading the article, I’ve been brainstorming the best investments to make with the city in mind. I came up with these:

• Transportation Riders United - I do research for them. They are working to improve the regional bus system and bring rapid transit to Detroit. Check them out. Student membership is $5!


• Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit - Detroit's new modern art museum is sweet but still under development.


• Focus: HOPE - They're funding has been drying up along with Michigan's economy.


• Mexicantown Community Development Organization - They're building an International Welcome Center that will transform the neighborhood and help rebuild Detroit.

I'm sure there are others. I'd like to send five or ten dollars their way.

Consider the hiatus over.