"You were caught in a web, he exerted control in the past. He used intimidation physically and sexualling. You making contact with him was to gain control bacm with who controlled you in the past.Contacting him was reliving the trauma."

"To better understand it think of it as someone who has been kidnapped will often handel situations to gain approval from the kidnappers, being what you want the kidnappers to be in order to be safe. It's the only way to be safe."

"Going into conversations with (*) and dropping to his level is a distorted unhealthy way of being able to get control and be safe."

"You can tantalize him but he can't have you this time."

"You are still safe from him."

I realized afterwards that wasn't healthy, left me feeling dirty.

"He was the spider, you were the butterfly. You thought you could escape it, but couldn't." (regarding contact with him and talking to him)

"Talking like that actually hurts you, having to degrade yourself in order to get approval from him. For you to be able to gain control and have control, since you never had them in the past with him."

"Women who have been abused it isn't uncommon to put themselves in situations to gain control. Often they cannot gain control and end up getting hurt. It's like a broken record."

"At least you were far enough along that I did this with "A" over the computer and not in public where he could physically hurt me. It is a control thing, and the conversation with him was to take control and not let him continue to have me in his web which he was doing when I talked to him. I dropped to his level to get approval from him."

Again that is the kidnapper and victim method, as well as the spider and butterfly method.

Aparently my psychatrist told me that she has had alot of paitents that do this type of thing. They do it to gain control that they never have. Some of them have turned into prositution , taking pictures of their private "areas". Stating basically that you cannot have this again, I wont let you.

She said that it's a good thing that I did this over the internet and not in person, that would be putting me into greater risk.

If there is something about this you do not understand drop me a line and I will see if I am able to explain it better. So far this is the best that I am able to do...

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