Home
bind up the brokenhearted,
to bring freedom to the captives,
comfort to those who mourn,
beauty for their ashes,
and joy for their mourning ... "
Come on in, make yourself to home and feel free to browse around. I hope that you will find it comfortable and safe here. Please leave me a note in the guestbook that you've been here and what you think.
And please, join any of the support groups that are available to you for your healing journey. There are wonderful people from all over the world who share your pain and have the compassion and understanding to help you through the rough stuff. They'll cheer you on when you have good days and lift you up when you are struggling. We've all been in unthinkable pain ... and we want to reach out to you and help in any way we can. I hope that you will make yourself available to the wonderful supportive family that we have created in our groups!
Healing from Abuse
- if you'd like to join a support group where there are caring, loving and encouraging people who have been where you are, feel what you feel, and understand where you're coming from. We are a strong online adopted family who care about each other and the abuse that we have endured.
My Healing Steps ... My Path Out of the Pain
- if you are interested in finding out how to break the overwhelmling pain in your life, i share the steps that my therapist and i used to overcome it all and heal.
The Survivor Diaries
- a day to day diary to keep you on track, help you heal, help you take care of yourself, and help you acknowledge the painful emotions you are feeling.
Where Was God When I Was Abused?
- if you've ever asked yourself that question and never found an answer that filled the holes in your heart ... we talk about the spiritual pain we've experienced in feeling like God abandoned us through it all.
Finding My Voices: My Journey Out of the Pain of Incest
- my own story of facing the painful truth of my experience, learning that my trauma created multiple personalities within me, and how I dealt with the great fears, confusion, and chaos to find, finally, peace, acceptance, and the ability to embrace who I am.
Healing from Abuse Book Contributions
- if you'd like to contribute to a book I am working on, I'd love to have your own stories and input.
Feel free to sign the guestbook before you leave! I look forward to hearing from you.
All the best life can possibly bring you ...
Barbara
Survivors Bill of Rights
As a Matter of Personal AUTHORITY, You Have the Right ...
...to manage your life according to your own values and judgment
...to direct your recovery, answerable to no one for your goals, effort, or progress
...to gather information to make intelligent decisions about your recovery
...to seek help from a variety of sources, unhindered by demands for exclusivity
...to decline help from anyone without having to justify the decision
...to have faith in your powers of self restoration -- and to seek allies who share it
...to trust allies in healing as much as any adult can trust another, but no more
...to be afraid and to avoid what frightens you
...to decide for yourself whether, when, and where to confront your fear
...to learn by experimenting, that is, to make mistakes.
For the Preservation of Personal BOUNDARIES, You Have the Right ...
...to be touched only with your permission, and only in ways that are comfortable
...to choose to speak or remain silent, about any topic or at any moment
...to choose to accept or decline feedback, suggestions, or interpretations
...to ask for help in healing, without having to accept help with work, play, or love
...to challenge any crossing of your boundaries
...to take appropriate action to end any trespass that does not cease when challenged.
In the Sphere of Personal COMMUNICATION, You Have the Right ...
...to ask for explanation of communications you do not understand
...to express a contrary view when you do understand and you disagree
...to acknowledge your feelings, without having to justify them as assertions of fact or actions affecting others
...to ask for changes when your needs are not being met
...to speak of your experience, with respect for your doubts and uncertainties
...to resolve doubt without deferring to the views or wishes of anyone.
Specific to the DOMAIN of Psychotherapy, You Have the Right ...
...to hire a therapist or counselor as coach, not boss, of your recovery
...to receive expert and faithful assistance in healing from your therapist
...to
be assured that your therapist will refuse to engage in any other
relationship with you --business, social, or sexual -- for life
...to be secure against revelation of anything you have disclosed to your therapist, unless a court of law commands it
...to have your therapist's undivided loyalty in relation to any and all perpetrators, abusers, or oppressors
...to
receive informative answers to questions about your condition, your
hopes for recovery, the goals and methods of treatment, the therapist's
qualifications
...to
have a strong interest by your therapist in your safety, with a
readiness to use all legal means to neutralize an imminent threat to
your life or someone else's
...to
have your therapist's commitment to you not depend on your "good
behavior," unless criminal activity or ongoing threats to safety are
involved
...to know reliably the times of sessions and of your
therapist's availability, including, if you so desire, a commitment to
work together for a set term
...to
telephone your therapist between regular scheduled sessions, in urgent
need, and have the call returned within a reasonable time
...to
be taught skills that lessen risk of retraumatisation containment
(reliable temporal/spatial boundaries for recovery work);(b) systematic
relaxation;(c) control of attention and imagery (through trance or
other techniques)
...to reasonable physical comfort during sessions.
What We Would Like You to Know About Us.
1. We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adult lives.
2. Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.
3. Sexual abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.
4. Putting thoughts and feelings related to our abuse "on the back burner" does not make them go away. The only way out is to go through these emotions and process them.
5. Our interest in sexual activity will usually decline while we are dealing with this early trauma. This is because:
--- we are working on separating the past from the present.
--- pleasure and pain can sometimes be experienced simultaneously.
--- it is important for us to be in control, since control is what we lacked as children.
--- sometimes we need a lot of space. Pressuring us to have sex will only increase our tension.
6. We often experience physical discomforts, pains, and disorders that are related to our emotions.
7. We often appear to be extremely strong while we are falling apart inside.
8. There is nothing wrong with us as survivors -- something wrong was DONE to us.
9. Sometimes others get impatient with us for not "getting past it" sooner. Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is your patience and support. Right now, it is very important for us to concentrate on the past. We are trying to reorganize our whole outlook on the world; this won't happen overnight.
10. Your support is extremely important to us. Remember; we have been trained to hold things in. We have been trained NOT to tell about the abuse. We did not tell sooner for a variety of reasons: we were fearful about how you would react, what might happen, etc. We have been threatened verbally and/or nonverbally to keep us quiet, and we live with that fear.
11. Feeling sorry for us does not really help because we add your pain to our own.
12. There are many different kinds of people who are offenders. It does not matter that they are charming or attractive or wealthy. Anybody -- from any social class or ethnic background, with any level of education-- may be an offender. Sexual abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenders with whom you have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle of abuse with the next generation of children.
13. We might not want or be able to talk with you about our therapy.
14. We are afraid we might push you away with all our emotional reactions. You can help by: listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not pressuring us, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a nonsexual way.
15. Our therapy does not break up relationships - it sometimes causes them to change as we change. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that were already present.
16. Grieving is a part of our healing process as we say goodbye to parts of ourselves.
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