Funny Sites
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Enjoy your stay. There is much to see and hear - here:
THIS IS A CLEM OVERFLOW SITE. ALL IMAGES LINK TO MORE PICTURES, PHOOONE CALLS, SONGS AND SUCH - CHANGING AS AND WHEN I CAN GET TIME FROM THE TROUBLES OF SEARCHING FOR MRS. KLISS. FOR THE REAL CLEM SITE GO TO THIS SITE INSTEAD YOU FOO FOO clem home The Birth
(By the way the egg came first 'cos of the Dinosaur connection) The very start…(re-advertised due to timewasters) It has now become folklore that "The time it takes for Dr. Bingo to have a shit, CLEM give birth
to another hit", (traditional). These meaningful cherub spoken words were derived from
'years since', when 'Butcher's Dog Spice' arrived on this planet. Picture the scene, it’s 1998 and in the city of Hull,
England the director of entertainment has decided to hold a conker-competition in the town hall.
Many people attended and entered the competition and amongst the crowds,
unbeknown to each other were the 3 conker champions ‘Short Fingers Fharey,’ ‘Mrs.
Kliss’ and ‘Dr. Bingo.’ The competition gradually progressed through to the
final. But surprisingly none of the lads even reached the
semis. However on the way they met up
and instantly realised making music was to be their forte and not the creation of
prize-winning conkers. "I know", said the Doc "...we'll write a song about a thing that really grinds
our nuts. To make the Yang of their (a collective compressed into a single), Yin. Dr.
Bingo then removed himself from the paper
built car (tell you later), to make his hourly call of nature.
With this, Short Fingers Fharey
scrambled inside the Metwo's glove compartment to
retrieve the now legendary 'piece of paper' and a mere pen. Having washed his hands
thoroughly, Dr. Bingo was presented
with the birth of CLEM. Dr. Bingo had to derive the CLEM name though because he has this
power struggle thing with naming everything, including songs and videos that haven't been thought of yet. Fharey had written the full 'Butcher's
Dog Spice' song in these elapsed 20 minutes which mirrors coincidentally with how long John Lennon took to write 'Imagine' - spooky. This
was CLEM's first ever song recorded
by Fharey and Mrs Kliss (although the remix included Franky Frank Franco). In the meeting at the 'Conker Competition' Dr. Bingo had bragged to Fharey the he had already written 'Shoes Outside'. To rectify this lie Bingo set to work and this track
features on the first album 'Monkey Bum'. Since the birthplace was underhandedly released into
the public domain, a homage of thousands have kissed the piece of road where the Metwo had on that day stood -
although they kiss the wrong part of road!
Believing the rumours they pert up
on the oil patch stained road - thinking it's the Metwo's oil. Foolishly they've never heard of The
Rat had to re-feed the radiator with another egg to carry
on the journey of a 'Mad Wednesday'. Previous success includes: BBC Radio airplay including Raw
Talent theme tune. ‘Favourite
Act 2002’ James Whale Radio Show, local
acclaim with multiple ‘Demo of the Week’ awards -Hull Daily Mail. ‘Conker Championship Runners Up’, ‘Player of
the Year 1988/89,
‘The Choice’ of the Master down the trapdoor: “Berk, play Bendy Bendy!”. “The most important chorus in rock’n’roll ever written...Probable genius.
How can they improve on this? You can’t improve on perfection.
Compulsive Bavarian drinking song influence. Any song based on such a fascinating subject has got to be a classic.” Tim Joseph, Hull Daily Mail music critic. “They are extremely funny. I love ‘em actually - I think they’re great!” Alan Raw, BBC Radio Humberside. Short Fingers Fharey (He's unclean, but his singing's mean) Much like the biblical
character ‘Samson’, Shorty stores up power in his hair, and releases it in
gigantic amounts as and when needed.
Shorty’s absolutely favourite thing was playing the
game ‘stuntmen in bushes’ (though he retired when the yanks got wind and
cottoned on). Shorty had gradually progressed up the levels to become a master
12th Daniel at the sport. Time spent looking around his garage for black gloss
paint with which to deal out justice, for shoddy building work and rough arse
plastering and being awoken at 8am by diggers, (ref: Tarmac are plop) is also
a favourite hobby. Shorty is clem’s lead singer and is well respected for
his role in the band: with his style being a pull no punches and hang the
consequence. Famous for such lyrics as
‘chuck us a stick and I’ll fetch it for you’ an exert from ‘butcher’s dog
spice’. His favourite storage device is the porcelain jar and
he, at record pace has taught himself to play the guitar, following Mrs Kliss’
departure to the land of the rising sun. Ever put on a pair of headphones and heard too much
vocal for your ears? Yes? That’s exactly why 'unclean mean' Shorty's is Clem's
No1. Mrs. Kliss (He wears a bra and plays guitar) MRS KLISS WAS MANUFACTURED (HE IS A ROBOT, SEE PIC)
WAY BACK IN 1979 WHERE HE CAUSED HAVOC WITH HIS CRAZY TALK AND UNUSUALLY BAD
BREATH IN THE FACTORY’S REJECT DUMPSTER. HE STARRED AS THE LEAD/ONLY GUITARIST IN CLEM FOR A
FEW YEARS but After an encounter
with a metal bar, a space craft and a skip, Mrs. Kliss BEAMED ABOARD HIS
MOTORISED POLAR BEAR COMPLETE WITH BLACKED OUT WINDOWS (WHICH NONE OF US CAN
UNDERSTAND AS HE HAS THE MOST HANDSOME JETPACKS WE HAVE EVER WITNESSED) - clem
had lost one of their small members.
From worldwide searches and extensive testing, Mrs Kliss (as he is now
known) was found to be underground hunting in Japan. He was abducted and transported through space and time to reach
his hiding place. He got married to a
local and lies plotting his revenge to the alien internal testing! He plucks and plucks through the night, then he plucks
some more and a little more for good luck. Mrs. Kliss is addicted to looking at the
floor while he walks. So far this has resulted in him being the cause of many
accidents without him actually being aware he has caused them. Chris has played
guitar and various other instruments on a lot of the early clem stuff.
Unfortunately he has since been abducted and forced to move abroad with his
broad. Naturally we keep in touch with him and regularly pick his crazy mind.
(very welcome thank you Chris) Doctor Bingo (He's old, but he writes gold) The odd one out of the three being he has
no musical talent whatsoever. What he adds to clem nobody actually knows.
Regardless he is on board anyway. Famous for lyrics such as 'I’ve fallen in
love with someone weird, short and fat with a big hairy beard' an exert
from the single 'Odd Love' he can be seen standing upright in his garden
while swinging carrier bags of nettles around to create that centrifugal
effect. Confusingly makes new songs up via a
picture design first approach. This is
one of the many reasons why clem are so slow at finishing projects: because
they start another 10 at the same time.
He also likes thinking about tarmac and regularly writes down his
findings. This is obviously to keep a (sort of) running tally. Stuntmen In Bushes Fharey gave up his crown with the knowledge that yanks
would be more inclined to hurting themselves (when they caught on), with a
larger freak show scale and our hospitals in England have 8 hour A&E
waiting so couldn't afford the time off clem.
Or catching an MBE in our overly hygienic centres of health. The Ernster He runs the business side of things but doesn't
actually do much because nothing's ever finished. The Metwo (The way to sell a car: case #1) AS it happens the Metwo
was held together by fibreglass. It was
filled using the local newspaper - not inside the car as usual. Upon ownership the car had to receive a vigorous
hammer attack so that the wheels could turn corners (a useful part of driving).
"The M.O.T. bloke told me to do it" Fharey claimed. He then
smoothed the bumps over with body filler (not buns). The rear valance was much worse; corroded to ****
there was just a hole, a gaping wound, a piece of space. In went the newspaper and then glued
together with fibreglass. With underseal blatantly covering the bodges the car
"sailed through" the M.O.T. (it had a leek/carrot). The car was then advertised in the newspaper, which it
was bound with (non contractually). It
was decided that Dr. Bingo would -
against Fharey's wishes, "touch
up" the underseal covering the rear timid
valance. This was on the day the car
was to be sold. Bingo rammed the already hardened brush
(from the last undersealing), into the valance sending shards of confetti
everywhere. Upon the blizzard passing Fharey had collected that days newspaper: included in which was the
Metwo's for sale advert.
Shorty unscrupulously again bodged the hole. Job done.
Later that same day: The fool rang. The fool arrived. The fool paid. The foo foo drove away. NB: never buy a car off of Fharey The Eagle
too drunk
to get a straight picture from 6 Mad Wednesdays Became 'mad everyday'.
The hazy times drinking cheap french bottled beer, on a railway embankment, meeting some very interesting people!! Sex House
Fharey almost died here.
Upon the S & E falling off in his hands Fharey fell backwards from DJ Bum's shoulder. The bollard which Fharey decided to back-wards nut; Fharey was lucky that it wasn't 2 inches closer. Fharey almost had his Humpty Dumpty moment here but after all it wasn't even him so that's nice Snail In A Box posted to the one you love. Only £5.99 for 25 fit snails to be posted as that special gift, at this time of year 
. It actually stayed there a
while 'cos Fharey
Brougham Street - the den of many a late night.
'The' magazine that Mr Lawls had fun with was here.
The Master fell asleep here only (over & over) only to be made into a dogs dinner each time.
The brown screen, green screen, brown screen etc. was had here which led to 'The' magazine incident.
Clem v's Rainbow (only copy) & Robo Fox (only copy) were stolen from this house.
If you fell asleep you could have been woken with a bottle and then a fight to escape...
The Rat
The Nova
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