Charlotte – will you lot shut-up I’m triying to record this shit onto my phone!
Haz – heee heeee!
Catherine – I love you Haz!
Haz – heee heeee! WHAT???????
Catherine – put your legs togaver and be a lady like me!
Haz – you’re not a lady! I don’t know what you are, but you’re not a lady!
Catherine – I am a lady! You can’t prove any thing!
Haz – get off me you lezie!
Catherine – AAAHHHHWWWWWWWW!!!! I want to be called ‘stompie’
Hay – HELP! I’m being squished!
Haz – GET OFF ME!
Charlotte sings badly la la la laa laa laa la la
Hay – why are your legs so red?
Catherine – Haz stud on them and I’m a transvestite!
Hay – yes…….. did you record your song then????
Charlotte – NO! Because you guys wouldn’t fucking shut-up!
Hay – Catherine can I try on your shoes?
Catherine – you can try on more than just my shoes!
Hay – *SCREEMS!* HELP! HELP! I DON’T WANT TO! NO CRAPPY BIGFOOT ELF SHOSE IS WORTH THAT!
Catherine – they were only £34.99! That’s Asda price!
Hay – you shop at Asda!
Catherine – yes! I do all my shopping there!
Haz – heeee heeeeeee!
Catherine sings that crappy Britney Spears song
Hay – Catherine shut-up!
Catherine – Heee heeeee I’m a lesbian
Haz – yeah what ever! Tuna-corn the fish of the future!
Sir (our teacher) – Blah blah blah electrolysis blah blah!
Hay – I so bored
Catherine – what are you doing?
Hay – painting your nails with a crappy bright blue nail polish
Catherine – o’shit you are AAAAAAHHHHHWWWWW!
Haz – Catherine is a Goth living with her parents when is secretly 41!
Hay – that is like soooooooo old!
Catherine – that’s not very nice!
Hay – I’m going to give this to Alice for her birthday since she loves it so much!
(It’s a small rubber with three pins shoved into it! I call it a ‘PIBER!!!!’ It’s great fun! make one your self, it you want to! Picture below)
Catherine – who’s Alice?
Hay – Alice Haylock, blonde, blue eyes, mad about James Blunt and I can see why! Yummy! Thank God she’s over Elijah Wood! Yuck!
Haz – you are a twat!
Hay – who me!
Haz – No ‘Stompe!’ over there!
Catherine – La la laa laa Cabbages and Kings!
Hay – I like that poem, it’s funny, with the walrus and the little oysters!
Catherine – SIR! SIR! FOOD ADDITIVE!
Sir – that’s all ready on the board Catherine!
Catherine – SIR! SIR! FOOD ADDITIVE!
Sir – it’s on the bard!
Catherine – SIR! SIR! FOOD ADDITIVE!
Sir – it’s on the bard!
Catherine – SIR! SIR! FOOD ADDITIVE!
Sir – Catherine are you listening?
Catherine – what did you say sir?
Sir – Don’t worry!
Will – you killed my dog!
Hay – WHAT??????? When?????? And why??????
Will – in my dream!
Hay – oh! Really!
Will – ya! then I had a very nice chat with a purple dinosaur called Earl! Which is weir because that’s my middle name!
Hay – that’s the only thing you find weir!
Ash – haaa haaa haaaa your middle is Earl! William, Earl! William, Earl! William, Earl! Haaaa haaaa!
Haz – Well your middle names is ass-hole!
Will – and we all know what I do to ass-holes… rim them!
Ash – yum! Will bollocks!
Will – we had a night of wild passionate sex! With cheese and nachos! Hey are you free to night?
Ash – you betcha!!!!!!!
Haz and Hay –AAAHHHHHWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!?
Hay – Sir can I listen to Abbey’s story?
Sir – No!
Hay – ohw!
Hay is very sad! Holly mumbles some thing to Charris
Charris – wouldn’t you like to know
Holly – ya!
Alice cuts paper
Sir – mumble mumble I walk home
Charris – sir have you ever herd of the ‘CAR’?
Alice – Any one got colouring crayons?
Hay – STOP! I can’t writ that fast!
Alice – oh! Sorry! h-a-s a-n-y-o-n-e g-o-t a-n-y c-o-l-o-u-r-i-n-g c-r-a-y-o-n-s?
Rob and Freda sing terribly in the background! So terribly it would make you want to kill your self!
Jazz – that’s my chair!
Charris – wow! The French are attacking us!
Holly – why are you writing in green?
Charris – I hate comforting people!
Holly – I’m madly in love with some whose name begins with ‘L’!
Sir – ever second of every day!
Holly – you should have done it!
Sir – Richard sit down!
Jamie – the ten-pee will jump out!
Alice – Rhys is a duck!
Charris – what’s a bath season?
Sir – a point in time when every one had one big bath!
*There is a nock at the door!*
Holly – come in!
*Yr 7 – thanks for the chairs!*
Holly – thieving gypsies! Ya you run away! Cowards!
Charris – I’m a pixie!
Jazz – I need the toilet!
Holly – it’s a magic number!
Haz – Linda looks stupid with make-up!
Jonny – Harr…..
Haz – you want to use my phone don’t you!
Jonny – yes please!
Haz – here you go!
Hay – I can hear you blinking!
Haz – really! Eerrrrr!
Hay – can you hear me?
Haz – EERRRRRR! It’s like some one liking your eyes and making funny slurping sounds!
*Boys behind us giggle like little girls!*
Jonny – haaa haaa! You have a picture of a dick on your phone!
Haz – that’s your finger!
Jonny – No that’s Chris’s real dick!
Haz – don’t you have any thing better to do? You have a funny shaped dick!
Jonny – he’s got a new one!
*Catherine hums*
Haz – you spelt her name wrong!
Hay – I don’t fucking care! Do you have to use my fountain pen? No offence I just don’t like people using it, that’s all! You know cos’ it changes the way it writs!
Haz – huh????
Hay – once when Charlotte used…..
Charlotte – who said my name?
Hay – I was just telling them about the time you broke my fountain pen!
Charlotte – I DIDN’T BRAKE YOUR FUCKING! SHITY PEN!!!!!!!! KNOW STOP GOING ON ABOUT IT!
Hay – she so did!
Haz – I don’t care! I’ll just use my pen!!!
Hay – you can you my fluffy pink shiny pen!
Haz – heee heee fluffy and shiny!
*Catherine hums*
Rob – I’ve got it!
Sir – you have!!!!! Amazing!!!! I forgot to set you homework!!!!
Haz – haaa haaa!……… oh crap!
Hay – crappy James ate one of my pins from my PIBER!
Catherine – what are you writing about me?
Haz – I don’t wanna do work! I wanna go to sleep! ZZZZZZ
Sir – Catherine this way!
Catherine – duh????
Sir – blah blah blah oxidation blah blah blah!
*No one says any thing. All you can hear is sir talking about oxidation!*
Haz – this is boring! Some one say some thing!
*Catherine stares at the hot water test tube bath thingy! She is HYPNOTIZED!!!!!*
Hay – ooohhh! Stream!
*Catherine hums again*
Charlotte – mumble mumble gaining oxygen
Hay – wouldn’t it be cool if you could get little floating clouds that were all the colours of the rainbow! It would be like a little miniature fairyland!
Haz – wouldn’t it be cool if you could get giant pop-tarts! I don’t know what they are but they look nice!
Catherine – Wouldn't it be cool if you two SHUT-UP!
*Catherine texts some one under the table! (She dose that a lot!)*
Hay – Catherine has a secret boy friend called Jamie! Look you can see him out the window! Lets wave!
Haz – Hay! There is no one there!!!!?????!!
Hay – Sssshhhhh! He’s not real! Just go along with her!
*Five minutes and one mars bar later*
Hay – Catherine what’s that’s the answer?
Catherine – I don’t know!
Hay – your useless! why do I sit next to you?
Haz – because you are turned on by the smell of cat pee!
*Hay smacks Haz!*
*Another five minutes later! No wait six minutes later!*
Hay – I’m smart!
Haz – yes! Smarted than the average bear!
Hay – I know some one called ‘ Bear’
Haz – really! Wow I wonder what that kid did to disserve that for a name?
Will – what’s the answer?
Haz – I haven’t written it down! haa! haa!
Will – fine! I will just look at my llama porn until you have written it down.
Hay – Hey heres a hole in the desk! Some ones must have been trying to…
Haz interrupts – escape!
Hay – yeah!
Sir – blah blah blah copperions
Catherine – I’m so depressed!
*Charlotte complains that sir’s previous experiment didn’t work. Sir looks totally uninterested.*
Sir – and now for the fun bit!
*Haz throws an ink cartridge (which was very special to Hayley) at Catherine.*
Hay – NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*And drives on the floor to find it.*
Sir – if you don’t do your work then you will be up the creak with out a paddle!
*Every one laughs!*
Haz – what creak? Where? What? Huh?
Hay – Catherine I’ve just noticed you have a fringe!
Catherine – I know! But it’s to long!
Haz – the talking fringe has spoken!
Hay – you look like our lord, the flying spaghetti monster!
Haz – we should coat Will in this crystal stuff and put him in the freezer!
Hay – yeah for like a year! Hey Will where’s Ash?
Will – how the fuck should I know were that jumped up pick is?
Haz – I don’t know? We were just asking!
Hay – your both gay so we thought . . .
Will – he's gay?!?!?! Oh! So that’s why he kept touching me when we were walking down that dark alley!
Charlotte – how did you see where you were going? Or what he was touching?
Will – about a year ago I had some glowing ears installed! Its like having a built-in torch!
Hay – cool so that’s what that cord thing is for!
Haz – and I just thought it was one really long earring
*Charlotte burps really loud!*
Charlotte – ohw! That hurt! Tom your sat on my ruler!
Tom – no I’m not!
Charlotte – yes you are!
Tom – no I’m not!
Charlotte – yes you are!
Tom – no I’m not!
Charlotte – yes you are!
Tom – no I’m not!
Charlotte – yes you are!
Tom – no I’m not!
Charlotte – yes you are!
Tom – no I’m not!
Charlotte – yes you are!
Tom – no I’m not!
Hay – tom you fucking are!
Tom – oh yeah! And it’s a big one! Why didn’t I realise?
Hay – it’s a super-flex!
Rhys – yuck it’s moulded to the shape of his ass! And it’s still warm! AAHWWWWW! Hay don’t wipe it in my hair!
Charlotte - my ruler!
Hay -
donkey!Haz - donkeys suck!
Hay - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! you take that back
Haz - you make me take it back!
Hay - oh what ever! i don't care! my love is with the purple monkey clan! and Bow!
Haz - you know he's dead
Hay - no hes not
Haz - ....*cough* dead *cough*
*purple hand gives hay banana*
Hay - see! he's ALIVE!
Haz - ....that was me, the purple hand! you know about my condition. It's a sensitive subject!
*Haz cries*
*A voice deep from Hays wardrob eckos*
Bow - I am Bow and i am alive
Haz - no your Toe! Bows deformed half brother
Bow - no i am Bow. I am he
Haz - No your not
Bow - dam you human. I am he
Haz - Toe go away
Bow - I AM BOW.
Haz - no one likes you! I have Bows head! SEE!
*Haz holds up bloodied head*
Hay - Haz thats Toe!
Haz - no that's Bow
Hay - NO! IT'S TOE!
*Haz moves mouth of the bloodied head and mimics Bows voice*
Haz - I am Bow
Bow - LOOK I NOW WHO I AM AND I AM BOW.
Haz - no! Your Toe! The deformed brother! U SUCK! SUCK! . . . . . . catherines ass
Catherine - thanks!
Hay - look Bow is alive and lives in my warddrob and if i say hes alive then HE IS FUCKING ALIVE!!!!!!!!!
Catherine - oh! pretty squares!
Haz - He's dead
Hay - ALIVE!
Catherine - so many squares!
Haz - dead, dead, dead, dead, na na, dead!
Hay - oh find i don't care
Catherine - yeah all i can see is squares!
Haz - yah u do
Hay - no i don't coz now you won't by comeing the the purple monkey tea party!
Catherine - so many bloody fucking squares! again and again!
Haz - i've organised my own tea party. It's called 'Bows is dead, so lets drink tea'
Hay - HE'S NOT DEAD!
Haz - yep! A death celebration tea party! There's nothing better than a dead monkey and tea
Catherine - oh cheerful
Hay - yep! But you won't have magical rainbow tea!
Catherine - my fucking squares! That's all i can see!
Haz - Yah I will....i invented rainbow tea
Catherine says - no more squares
Hay -
no the purple monkey clan did!Haz - I'm the Lord of the monkey clan
Hay -
no Bow is! And i am the Queen!Haz - remember....they all voted....and Bow is dead! So now it's me
Hay -
no Bow is aliveHaz - No you were banished because you slept with Tony tiger! Then you left him and took all his frosties
Hay -
look what Alice did!Haz - what did alice do?
Hay -
she was the one that wrote that song about Bow being dead! When hes notHaz - He's dead
Hay -
NO HES NOTHaz - Yah! He is!
Hay - No hes not!
Haz - And I am Lordess of the vampire clan! Ain't that right Cathers?
Catherine - yep!!
Hay - now that we can all agree on!
Haz - YAY!
Catherine - grr im not cathers
Haz - yah you are....ok fine...Betty
Catherine - noooooooo! never betty please
Hay - what would Catherine be?
Haz - a toad
Catherine - oh ha ha! I'm laughing my head off
Haz - I wonder if she's turn into a prince! Lets get Will to kiss her
Catherine - nooooo!
Hay - oh she would LOVE that!
Catherine - i am still here!!
Haz - hubba hubba ZING
Hay -
OOOK! OOK!Haz - the zing is Will's penis *giggles*
*
Hay wolf wisles*Haz - vampire kills wolf! Vampires are at war with werewolves
Hay - Oh no not any more! Werewolfs used to surve Vampiers but then they won their freedom!
Haz - Yep! And they were happy to. But then a vampire and a werewolf fell in love and so a vampire forced the werewolf to watch his bride die! No they didn't! They interbred! To create hybrids! Half werewolf half vampire! But stronger than both!
Hay - like super man?
Haz - Mwahahahaha. No nothing like superman! They killed him
Hay - oh ok! What about super woman? or Power girl?
Haz - they now work for Toe! Catherine are u dead? Did they get u?
Catherine - nope im just trying to work while talking to u non workers!!!
Haz - deal with it cathers. deal with it!
Catherine - i am
Haz - you do that then
Catherine - but u asked
Haz - no I didnt
Catherine - did
Haz - didnt
Catherine - did
Haz - didnt
Catherine - did
Haz - didnt
Catherine - did
Haz - nu uh
Catherine - did too
Haz - nu uh
Catherine - did too
Haz - nu uh
Hay - mind pie any one?
Haz - Yah ok....*recieves pie* too big TOO BIG *dies* mmm cherry
Hay - see i told you that mind food kills! Poor Will! He lost his leg to that!
Catherine - i hate cherry
Haz - yah same
Hay -
I DON'TCatherine - we agree on sumting
Hay -
BOW IS ALIVE!!!!!!!!Haz - DEAD!
Hay - ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sir – human rights are stupid! No one should have human rights but me! . . . No financial gain must be made from the human body! Does that make prostitution illegal?
Haz – does that mean you can’t sell bodies on e-bay? oh crap! what am i going to do with this now? . . . . . . . Here Hay have a kidney!
Hay – oh thank you! You shouldn’t have! Where’d you get it?
Haz – some were magical and full of wonder!
Charlotte – you killed Will didn’t you?
Haz – yes
Will – I’m not dead!
Hay – poor Will! He will never be forgotten!
Charlotte – who?
*Haz, Hay and Charlotte walk off into the sunset!*
Will – hey I’m not dead! Guys? Guys? Help! I am bleeding a lot though . . . . . guys?
And before we knew it, it was the end of year 11 and time to move on, fly the nest, and get on with our sad little lives.
Charlotte leafed England and went to live in New zeland. Holly went back to London. Charris . . . did stuff! Ash fell down a hole and was never seen again. Will became a pirate after the mind food thing! And Haz, Hay, Alice, Rhy, and Catherine all joined sixth-form.
But is this the end of our odd little group? What will happen to us? Will we stay in touch? What will life throw are us? Who knows? But what I do know is that, as we leave the melon of friendship and feast on the bacon sandwich of regret, which if i remenber right, is under the beer mat of forgetfusness, by the tea cut of love, on the table of pain, in the kitchen of self punissment, in the house of happyness, next to the tree of life (which is self prooning) I leave you with theses words – ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!’ but also and more importantly, in the words of Stan Lee, Spiderman, Nov 1963 ‘We'll soon find out if i'm a scientist or not! I'll drop a pellet of the compound i created into this test tube . . .’ it makes sence to me!
This was for you guys! The bestest friends any one could have! Good Luck you crazy bitchs!
<---------- escape goat