The Guys' Place

The stereotypical image of the aftermath of the one-night stand is a lovelorn woman awaking amidst a pile of rumpled sheets, looking around wide-eyed and bewildered, wondering where her Prince Charming has gone as the front door slams shut and the sound of squealing tires can be heard in the distance. These days, however, with women more willing to assert their sexual independence, it's just as likely to be some poor guy staring out the window at a dust cloud in the driveway.

With increasingly hectic schedules, people choosing to marry later in life and other societal trends changing so rapidly, one-night stands are more common than ever, with both males and females choosing the option of no-strings sex over time consuming and complex relationships. While perceptions of one-night stands still vary, it has become a much more socially acceptable form of sexual release.

Questions of one-night stand etiquette actually deal slightly more with what goes on before the encounter than afterward, but the afterward part usually gets the most attention. The best way to end the encounter should be determined, even if unspoken, by mutual agreement beforehand.

This means that it should be clear between both parties that what is about to happen is a one-night stand. This, first and foremost, will save hurt feelings and complications and make the entire process a lot smoother. It will also give both parties a pretty clear indication of how to make an acceptable "getaway" when the deed is done.

Whether male or female, if all you're looking for is a one night stand, respect the other person enough to let them know that immediately. Don't overdo the flirtation and the sweet-talking as this can be confused with wanting something more. This doesn't mean you have to adopt a cold, clinical approach, but it does mean that sending mixed signals will make things messy. Getting to know a little about one another is fine, but save the discussions of hopes and dreams and life goals for someone with whom you plan on spending more than one night.

If you think you're well on your way to making the agreement and suddenly the other party pulls out pictures of their puppy or talks about introducing you to their parents, it's time to politely excuse yourself and find someone with a clearer idea of what you're looking for. If you go ahead with the one-night stand with this type of person, do not be surprised to find your pet rabbit boiling on your stove after you haven't returned a few hundred calls. All jokes aside, it's simply unfair and a little cruel to have a one-night stand with someone who you suspect is wanting more. You can play around without being a player.

If you've covered your bases on the preparation, then the etiquette of afterwards is pretty clear. Yes, it is acceptable to be gone while the other person is still asleep. No, you are not required to make awkward conversation over bacon and eggs when all you want to do is get home and get a shower. With the clear expectations of both parties that it was a one-time event, it might actually even be a little creepy to your partner if they awake to find you lying next to them with a big, dopey grin.

As far as further contact goes, if you had such a great time that you might want to have at least another one-night stand with this person, consider leaving your name and number or email address on a piece of paper. No long note about how great it was, yadda, yadda. Save that for if, and when, the phone call comes. If the phone call doesn't come, drop it. The person knew where they met you for the first one-night stand. If they're interested in pursuing anything else, they will be able to find you again.

If you are looking for more than a one-night stand, you shouldn't find yourself in this particular predicament in the first place. It's extremely rare for a one-night stand to develop into a committed relationship. Remember that each of you were looking for casual sex when you met. For something more, you have to go through the traditional steps of meeting someone, getting to know them, spending time with them, and then exploring a more in-depth relationship, both physically and emotionally. That's a lot of hard work and the main reason so many of us are having one-night stands instead.

The bottom line is that if two adults have consented to a one-night stand and made their intentions clear in the beginning, there doesn't have to be any awkwardness about the etiquette. Once you have fulfilled each other's needs (using appropriate protection) you have done what you agreed to do and you are both free to go your separate ways. Such is the beauty of the one-night.