Are you cooped up in an apartment/dorm/house/whatever with someone who just gets tired of your constant ramblings of the Monkees? Has it gotten to the point where they now know the full names of all the Monkees, their parents, their siblings, their children, and other such trivia against their own will? Do they know every Monkees song by heart, since you blast their CDs at every moment you possibly can? Have you dragged them out of state or country several times, just to go to a Monkees/solo Monkees concert or convention? Well never fear, my babies, for I have the perfect list for you.
Behold....
THE PHANTASMAGORIC LIST OF VARIOUS WAYS TO ANNOY YOUR ROOMMATE TO THE BREAKING POINT IN A MONKEEISH FASHION!

Listed below are...well...annoying things you can do to annoy that straight-laced, stuck-up, sick-of-the-Monkees roommate of yours. Heck, it doesn't even have to be a roommate, even...it can be friends, enemies, teachers, co-workers....any eligible human being in your presence. Enjoy! (I also have a Space Ghost version. Take a look if you like!)

1. Name your roommate after a Monkee. Throw a screaming temper tantrum if he/she doesn't answer to it.

2. Name yourself after a Monkee. Throw a screaming temper tantrum if he/she doesn't address you with that name.

3. Chant "Head....head....head....head...." in a low voice while your roommate is trying to sleep.

4. Replace all your roommate's towels with stolen hotel towels. Tell him/her that everyone does it.

5. Throw him/her a surprise birthday party when it's not his/her actual birthday.

6. Recite whole episodes. Loudly.

7. Relate everything he/she does with the Monkees.

8. Make a dummy who looks like Mr. Schneider. Talk to it. Play checkers with it.

9. Put orange juice in your roommate's cereal. If he/she complains, act hurt and say "B-b-but Micky Dolenz does it!"

10. Get a red turtleneck with a big pink "M" on the front, red tights, black shorts, and horn-rimmed glasses with no lenses in them. Wear it while running around your apartment/house/dorm, loudly declaring that you are a Monkeeman.

11. Get a matching outfit and give it to your roommate. Act hurt if he/she does not wear it in public with you.

12. Knit woolhats for your roommate. Make him/her wear them all the time. Even in July.

13. Get a hold of your roommate's favorite VHS movie tapes. Tape Monkees episodes over them.

14. When your roommate's date is over, hide behind the sofa and recite "The Day We Fall in Love" in your best Davy accent. Repeatedly.

15. Cry like Peter.

16. Call your roommate "Rob Roy Fingerhead."

17. Refuse to explain who Rob Roy Fingerhead is.

18. Hijack your roommate's laptop. Clog its hard drive to the point of no return with Monkees pictures.

19. Put every Monkees album on his/her mp3 player. Thrice over.

20. Dress as Princess Gwen. Scream at your roommate to get your carriage out of the mud.

21. Do the Davy-shuffle.

22. Make your roommate do the Davy-shuffle.

23. Play Monkees LPs backwards. Loudly. Tell your roommate you're listening for subliminal messages.

24. While doing this, stop the LP suddenly, slowly turn to your roommate, and ask in a low voice, "Did you bury Mike?"

25. Talk in a Texan accent and call your roommate "shotgun."

26. Watch Monkees episodes all the time. Never get tired of them.

27. Refer to your apartment as "The Pad." When your roommate refers to it as anything else, act like you have know idea what he/she is talking about.

28. Refer to your landlord as "Mr. Babbit," whether your landlord is a man or not. Tell your roommate that you won't have the money for the rent until you get a gig at the Vincent Van Go-Go, and make him/her pay Mr. Babbit.

29. Say nothing but "Kretch" to your roommate for one whole day. When your roommate questions you about this, sigh and shake your head slowly.

30. Rename yourself "Billy Roy Hodstetter" and become a folk singer. Sing "Different Drum" unintelligibly.

31. Act like you're in a trance and break your roommate's things. Tell your roommate that the mentalist Oraculo turned you into his psychic slave and made you do it.

32. Threaten to send your roommate away to Don Kirshner if he/she misbehaves.

33. Laugh evilly if he/she asks who Don Kirshner is.

34. Tell him/her to save the Texas prairie chicken.

35. Get a Texas prairie chicken. Name it Nez and let it live in your roommate's bedroom.

36. Get your roommate's boyfriend/girlfriend to fall in love with the Monkees.

37. Recite various euphemisms for "throw up" like Peter.

38. Barf confetti like Micky.

39. Fall in love with your local laundromat owner. Split up the apartment in suspicion, telling your roommate you're not going to risk him/her falling in love with the same laundromat owner.

40. Get a large stuffed bird and hang it above the door.

41. Make Cream of Rootbeer Soup. Eat it. After eating it, turn into a werewolf and howl at the stuffed bird.

42. Make your roommate Monkee-walk with you in public, while singing the Monkees theme song.

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