This book lived inside me for many years, just waiting for the time I could actually string the words together properly and tell my story. It had always been a dream of mine to get this book into print because I feel so passionately that the voices of people who have been or are going through eating disorders and depression are never heard enough. Many of the books about these illnesses on the shelves today are by professionals; people who have never been through anorexia or bulimia themselves and however learned you are, you can never really know what it is like until you have been there yourself. I may sound a little arrogant in thinking I can do this, but what I want to do most of all is give words and a voice to those who are trapped in their own brand of hell and who haven’t got words of their own right now. I know that when I was anorexic I couldn’t have explained to anyone what it felt like if my life depended on it, and depression is so hard for anyone on the outside to understand. I hope that this book will maybe explain a few of the feelings and emotions involved and that it will give people a deeper understanding of these illnesses.

I actually wrote the book in a matter of weeks! Once I had figured out a format and a way that I could encapsulate my experiences in a way that was easy to read and understand, the words seemed to flow faster than I could write them. It really did feel as if it wasn’t me at all that wrote it (but it was, honest!!) and there were times when I read back what I had written and had no idea where it came from - somewhere deep inside, for sure. Even now I look at the book and wonder if it really WAS me who poured out all that emotion into over 80,000 words! I do know that, even though I am in the process of writing two more books which are fictional rather than autobiographical, no other book that I write will be quite the same. This was my ‘baby’ for certain! And a very therapeutic one as well!

Above all else in life people need to communicate in order to be able to understand each other. We need to listen and to talk and to be honest and open. Too many children grow up in confusion and fear and spend so many years of their adulthood trying to fill the gaps in their lives with addictions or abusive relationships or else they fall into that dark hole that is depression. Mental illness still carries a stigma and those of us who suffer from depression and eating disorders are often too afraid to admit it and so we suffer in silence. Not every eating disorder can be seen from the outside, and depression can be a ‘behind closed doors’ illness with a brave face being out on for the rest of the world. For years I was silent - too proud and too afraid to admit that I had very deep-rooted problems, and I am sure I am not alone in that. This book is my voice being heard properly for the very first time, and I do hope that it encourages those who read it to use their voices as well, and to share their feelings with others, to ask questions, to give answers and above all to communicate in an open, honest and caring way.

Thank you for sharing my story and my words and listening to my voice. It means so very much,
Anne

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