Top Ten Quotes About America

10) "It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably
precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practise either of them."
Mark Twain

9) "Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus,
but it had always been hushed up."
Oscar Wilde

8) "Sir, they are a race of convicts and ought to be grateful for anything
we allow them short of hanging."
Dr Samuel Johnson, British critic, poet and lexicographer, quoted in James Boswell,
Life of Samuel Johnson, 1791

7) "Frustrate a Frenchman, he will drink himself to death; an Irishman, he will die of angry hypertension; a Dane, he will shoot himself; an American, he will get drunk, shoot you, then establish a million dollar aid programme for your relatives. Then he will die of an ulcer."
S. A. Rudin, Canadian psychologist

6) "America is the only nation in history which has gone miraculously gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization."
Georges Clemenceau

5) "I found there a country with thirty-two religions and only one sauce."
Charles-Maurice Talleyrand-Perigord, French statesman and diplomat

4)"The American male doesn't mature until he has exhausted all other possibilities."
Wilfred Sheed, US writer, Office Politics, 1967

3)"In America any boy may become President, and I suppose that's just the risk he takes."
Adlai Stevenson

2) "No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."
HL Mencken

1) "The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide open spaces surrounded by teeth."
Charles Luckman, US writer

Top Twenty Ways for George W. Bush to
Establish the Legitimacy of His Presidency

20. Change the Pledge of Allegiance to "one nation indivisible, plus Texas"

19. Give California, along with its electoral votes, back to Mexico

18. Replace the Lincoln Bedroom with a rifle range

17. Appoint a presidential commission to look into hypocrisy and nepotism in government. Make Jeb the chairman

16. Issue a Presidential pardon for Yoko Ono

15. Donate the Travel Office staff to medical science

14. Illegally hook-up Oval Office cable to SDI pilot project

13. Appoint John Rocker as ambassador to Canada

12. Give Vermont to the Palestinians

11. Establish a bi-partisan presidential commission to get a fair and accurate recount of Strom Thurmond

10. Hire Thomas Kincaide to redesign the National Mall

9. Pick up White House hotline to Vladimir Putin and ask for "Ivan Itchybutt"

8. Close down Arkansas and replace it with a gigantic parking lot.

7. Appoint Tonya Harding as Baseball Commissioner

6. Replace FDR with Davey Crockett on Mount Rushmore

5. Bomb Chad and blame it on Denmark

4. Appoint Willie Nelson to the Supreme Court

3. Set up campaign finance reform committee and auction the chairmanship on eBay

2. Replace "Here Comes the Chief" with "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

1. Divert attention from massive taxcut for the wealthy by ordering pizza for the entire Third World