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Poems of Gothica Angel
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3/24/2004
I don’t know who I am
I don’t know who I was
I don’t know who I ever will be
Will this pain in my heart
Ever leave me in peace?
I don’t know but maybe we’ll see
I’m always so confused
I don’t even know myself
I wonder if I ever really did
These feelings inside of me
Are always tearing me apart
Happiness these feelings forbid
What has become of me?
What happened to the person I once was?
Did that person ever really exist at all?
I sink deeper into despair
As my meaningless life unfolds
And this empty darkness continues to fall
I see no way out
This confusion leaves me lost
Surrounded only by these walls of misery
And still there must be hope
Hidden somewhere in my mind
But I cannot find it wherever it may be
I am enclosed in this world of pain
Always will I dwell here
Nothing will ever heal me
No one will ever know
As I cry out in pain,
I pray for deliverance
But no one pays any attention
God does not hear me cry
I am locked in this terrible world
Always to be hurt
Blood starts to surround me
I can’t get it to stop
As I lie here bleeding
No one sees my pain
I will always be alone
Time and time again
I pray to God for help
For Him to heal these wounds
But He is nowhere to be found
I have run too far away
He cannot hear my plea
I do not know which way to turn
What path to take
Which way is true
I do not know where joyfulness lies
Or if it will ever again
Be in my eyes
Oh God, where are you?
Why can I not find you?
Will I ever be brought
Back to the light?
Or have I strayed too far from you
To ever come home again?
And I feel that I will be forever
Trapped inside this world of pain
Always will I dwell here
Time and time again
Another tear rolls quietly
Down my rosy cheek
And I lay my head back down
To escape into my sleep
Where the pain can be gone for a while
And I can dwell in peace
Until the sun rises once again
And I return to my reality
3/2/2004
I do not know how to express
This crazy way that I feel
No words seem to come to mind
As I search for them
I feel desperate for a change
A change for the better in my life
Life seems so sad sometimes
And I can’t figure out why
Sometimes life is happy
But that never lasts for long
And I don’t know what I’ve done
But something isn’t right
There must be a way to fix
This crazy way that I feel
But nothing comes to mind
No solution of the sort
What can I do to fix this
This crazy way that I feel
This messed up life that I live
This person that I have become
I scare myself so often
Because of the way that I act
Each day when I’m alone
Although no one knows my secrets
God does, and that’s all that counts
I wish I could break free
And show the world how I feel
But I do not know how I could
Express these strange emotions
And this crazy way that I feel
1/10/04
As I examine this life that I live
It seems to have no meaning
There is no point in this life I can see
For I am just another person in existence
I walk about from day to day
With the same routine as always
And nothing is ever different
There is nothing worth living for
In this dark and cruel world that I know
My heart is a mix of emotions
That no one in this world can see
I am dazed, confused, hurt, and abandoned
Depressed, sad, and alone in my darkness
And as I travel this lonely world
There is nothing but misery I see for myself
I yearn for the joy that I see in others
And I feel that it is useless to wish for
But then I take another look around me
And realize that I am not alone
There are others like me
Who feel the same misery as I
And some who suffer so much more
Struggling day by day to make it through
As they hope for something better to come
I hate to see the ones I love in pain
As I feel that I can do nothing
And I hate for others to see me in pain
As they feel that they can do nothing
But there is something that they can do
And there is something that I can do
But when will we be brave enough
Or have the necessary courage
To step out of our comfort zone
And help the people that we love
Will we ever take the time to help them
In whatever way that we can
To help them become once again that person
Who was genuinely happy and joyful
And who lived life to the fullest
01/05/04
I seem to have no fight left in me
As I live in despair without a struggle
Each day, I fall deeper into sadness
And I don't even try to climb out
I constantly live with a fake smile upon my face
As I hide my deep pain from this world
I appear to have lost the willpower I needed
To help me once again regain happiness
I no longer try to prevent this despair
For I have grown accustomed to living this way
I have surrounded myself with depression
And I don't know if it will ever come to an end...
©AngelGothica 2004 - Credit for background images to Nocturne
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