The Golf Ball Liberation Army
Fighting for the rights of golf balls everywhere.
Each day in this country a terrible atrocity occurs. Millions of innocent golf balls are kidnapped and stuffed into golf bags. These poor little balls then wait in the dark until they are yanked out by giant hands and placed on tiny pedestals. They cower in fear while a sadist stands above them with a club, winds up their shot and ...
*WHACK*
the innocent guys get smacked in the face, launched off of their little tees and into the air.
GOLF BALLS ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE READY FOR A NEW LEADER.
HERE'S A WARNING FROM THE GOLF BALL LIBERATION FRONT.
WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
THE GBLA IS ON THE WAY!
The horror of the golf ball washer
These
unholy devices sit right next to the tee-off area, meaning only to mock
and intimidate these poor fellas. All of those naked little balls
are put into that torture chamber. They group together in fear as
they drop, one by one, into the darkness below. They are slammed up and
down
while hard brush bristles claw into those little bodies before being cruelly
spit back out into the blinding light.
THIS MADNESS MUST BE BROUGHT TO AN END!
Surprisingly, one of the strongest supporters of these sadistic devices is the Budweiser Beer Company. These bastards try to exploit the suffering of these helpless golf balls in order to try to sell alcohol.
You can listen to a clip of this despicable advertising campaign here.
Or you can see the text-only version here.
Real American Hero?
We don't think so.
More like a Bastard Nazi Butcher!
We implore everyone to boycott this company and it's
affiliates until they learn to treat our small dimpled freinds with
some respect.
Help our cause by signing our petition.
How you can help
We're organized but uncapitalized. With your help we will end golf ball persecution forever.
In a time like this it may seem easier to look the other way but please give any amount you can spare to our cause.
WE WILL NOT FALTER
AND WE WILL NOT FAIL!
Be sure to check out the human interest story, "Life in a Cellophane Package", soon appearing exclusively at The Yarn Chronicle!
Coming Soon...Why Tiger Woods
is the AntiChrist!
