 My cross-dressing life began unintentionally when I was about 13 or 14 years old (early 80’s) and my first experience would change my life forever.
On one very ordinary day, I made my way upstairs at the family home as I needed to get an item of clothing from the airing cupboard. My memory of this first experience is getting a bit sketchy as I can’t even remember if my family were at home at the time. Anyway, I was about to take some clothing off the shelf in the cupboard, when my eyes became fixated on a pair of my Mum’s panties lying idly on the shelf. At the time I couldn’t understand why I was mesmerized by them. Being a teenager with all the pubescent changes was enough, let alone not being able to explain why I was fascinated by a pair of ladies’ satin knickers! What was going on? Anyway, I picked up the underwear and tentatively took them to my bedroom. It wasn’t long before I felt the urge to put my Mum’s underwear on and I can’t explain how many emotions I was feeling at that moment…..guilt, confusion, excitement etc etc.
Following that first experience in the early 80’s, I must admit I found wearing women’s undies a big turn-on and the guilt trip continued.
The Early Years
I continued to secretly dress in my Mum’s undies and other underwear I’d bought myself, whenever my family were out. To think I managed to squeeze into UK size 10 knickers at the time makes my eyes water now! OUCH!!! Unfortunately I had no idea of sizes back then!
Back then I would utilise every available opportunity to dress up in my girly finery and prance and pose in front of my parent’s bedroom mirror. Although the experience of dressing up was exciting, I was constantly worrying about being caught. Unfortunately, this embarrassing scenario occurred years later, but I will talk about that soon.
The practice of dressing up in the early years was like a military operation and I’m sure this has been the same for many like me. All my girly attire (which didn’t consist of much back then) would be hidden away in a large lockable box file and placed in a wardrobe cupboard.
By the late eighties my need to dress up increased and this is when I first had the need to tell my girlfriend (a girl called ‘Nicola’ at that time) about my cross-dressing desires. It came about after I put a pair of her knickers on ‘for a laugh’ when she went out of the room. She came back in fits of giggles when she saw me and although I felt embarrassed it was such a buzz. Nicola had no hang-up about my desire and she even let me keep two pairs of her knickers. Maybe not a hygienic gesture but certainly appreciated!
Finding Out I Wasn’t The Only Cross-Dresser
In those early years, I thought I was the only cross-dresser in existence and thus believed I was some kind of freak! However, this belief subsided after buying an Exchange & Mart newspaper in the late eighties. As I was browsing through I came across a section on cross-dressing services. I was overjoyed to find this and this find was to open up a whole new world in my femme life.
Following the information I found out in the Exchange & Mart I started to go to a well-established transvestite shop in London (a name I will refrain from mentioning) As I walked into the shop for the first time, I was fascinated to find various guys like myself casually looking at female attire hanging up on rails. Some of the guys were dressed up and others were in male drab. It seemed so weird at the time and although I had found out I wasn’t the only cross-dresser on the planet, I still felt very confused.
After a few visits to the shop, I gained the courage to try out their dressing service. This turned out to be a disappointing experience. After hurriedly being made up by a woman, I was left to sit in an upstairs room with some other cross-dressers. I didn’t particularly like the make over I had been given and I felt very alone. In retrospect I don’t think I was emotionally ready for this chapter of my femme existence. However, I did try out other dressing services around London to gauge if they were any better or worse. Regrettably, none of them did anything for me inside, so I went back to dressing up in girly underwear.
Getting Caught
Following many years of secrecy, an experience back in the summer of 93 was going to change my life forever! One evening I decided to be brave and wear ladies’ underwear to bed whilst the family were at home. It was an exciting experience but I was as nervous as hell! Anyway, the following morning my brother came into my room without knocking to fetch some clothing from the airing cupboard. Unknown to myself, my brother could see a pink strap from the bra I was wearing as my arm rested over the top of the duvet on my bed. Oh my God! After both of us getting the shock of our life, my brother (who was only about 18 at the time) ran downstairs laughing and told my parents I was wearing a bra in bed! I could have killed him, the git! At that point I panicked! I quickly got out of bed and hurriedly took off my girly undies, put some shorts on and ran downstairs to strenuously deny what my brother had seen. To say I was embarrassed was an understatement as I walked into the kitchen to find my parents and brother staring at me. “Are you gay?” was a remark made by my Mum which sticks in my mind. I was in shock and very angry that (a) I was stupid enough to end up in this predicament and (b) that my brother had told my parents what he had seen. I remember saying to my parents that my brother must have been half asleep when he came into my bedroom. As if they would believe an explanation like this! It’s all I could think of saying at the time. Mercifully, the embarrassing situation only lasted a minute or so and then everyone just carried on eating their breakfast as if nothing had happened. Although the experience was very embarrassing, I was relieved my family had found out about my girly side.
There followed two further embarrassing experiences when my Dad opened up a transvestite newsletter addressed to me. Unfortunately my Dad and I share the same name but the name given clearly stated my middle name that my Dad doesn’t share. When my Dad confronted me about the mail I agreed with my Dad’s response that someone was obviously winding me up by sending the mail. I don’t know who was trying to fool who. I’m sure he deliberately opened the mail through curiosity and these further two experiences further endorsed the fact that my family had a cross-dresser in their home.
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