I'm Sorry

"NO!!" she screamed, running into her room, slammed the door, and started looking thru her stuff. He opened the door and ran to her. "Stop doing this!!" he yelled at her and put his arms around her, to stop her from what she was doing. She burst into tears. He, glad that she calmed down. She, mad at him holding her back from her stuff. When she stopped crying he let her go and left her alone in her room. He thought she was okay now, which was stupid to think. Quickly, but quietly she started searching again. Nothing in her drawers. Damn where was it!?! She looked around her room. When her eyes stopped at her closet. Of Course!! That's where she had hid it. She walked to the closet, and started throwing everything what was in it on the floor. There is was. A little bag, with white powder in it. She smiled and looked behind her, making sure he wasn't there.

This was heaven.. everything was so peaceful. Everybody was happy, there was no danger at all. She loved the world. She could think so clearly.. everything was so right. The mess in her room wasn't bad, it made her room look cosy and colourful. The white walls weren't boring. They were very cool. It gave you the chance to think. Nothing was wrong at all. But suddenly she felt danger. Something wasn't right. The walls... the white walls. She was scared. She closed her eyes and fell into nothing. Waiting to fall. She was scared. When she opened her eyes, she saw the walls coming closer. She had to warn him. They were gonna die! The walls were falling.. and then she fell asleep.

When she woke up, she saw him, sitting on her bed with his back facing her. She smiled and sat up to lay back down coz of the terrible pain in her head. "Good morning" she said with a cute voice to him. He was shaking. Then she saw what he was holding in his hands. It was her cocaine. She jumped out of the bed and grabbed it out of his hands. He looked at her. That look made her shiver. He wasn't looking mad or angry or something. But disappointed. Disappointed she was a drug addict. He didn't say anything. He just left her room. Walking very slowly. He gave her one last look, shook his head, and walked away. Why did he have to do that?! Now she felt bad about herself, while last night everything was so beautiful. She sighed and collapsed on her bed. She looked at the bag she was holding. How could something as small as this, control her life. She didn't want to let everybody down. She didn't want to loose everything. But she still couldn't let go of the drugs. She remembered the first time she used some of it. It was hell!! It really was. But after some more, she kinda started to like it. She just had the wrong friends, and was afraid to loose them. So she joined em, with using drugs.

*Flash Back*

"Common, don't be a wimp" her once best friend said to her, handing her a joint. She looked at him, kinda worried about what was gonna happen with her. "Just do it.. No one will blame ya" he said. She looked at the rest of her friends, who didn't really notice her. They were all in there own little world. She looked at the joint she was holding. "If your not gonna do anything with it.. You can give it back.. I'm not gonna ruin a whole joint" her friend said. That made her change her mind, and she did it. She was smoking a joint. Terrible!! The taste was awful. The smoke seemed to be everywhere in her body. Grose!! But she didn't show it. Of course not! That meant that they would laugh at her. She didn't want that. They were her friends. At least, that was what she thought they were. And friends wouldn't hurt her, would they?

***

She walked out of her room. Her head felt like it was gonna explode. She entered the living room where she found him sitting on the couch. She sat down next to him. They sat there for a few minutes, not saying anything to each other. "I'm sorry.." she suddenly whispered. Something snapped. He looked at her, his eyes filled with anger. "WHY?!?!" She screamed at her madly. "YOU KEEP SAYING SORRY EVERYTIME I FIND OUT THAT YOU HAVE BEEN USING AGAIN!!". She just said there, watching at him. Then she looked down. "We had a deal... If you wanted to stay with me, you had to stop using drugs." he said, not shouting, but still very angry. She just looked down. "I'm sorry" she whispered again. "I'M SICK OF HEARING THOSE TWO WORDS !!" he screamed. She was also sick of this. She knew she loved , but she also knew she was addicted. Addicted to drugs.

*Flash Back*

"LET ME GO!!" She screamed at the dealer, who was holding her arm. "This aint enough money!!" he said and grabbed his knife. She started to scream. Somebody heard her and was brave enough to check if she was okay. The dealer saw someone was coming in their direction. The dealer pulled her closer. "If I don't have the money by the end of the week.. I'll know where to find ya" he whispered in her ear, and let her go. He ran away. dropped herself on the ground, and started crying. The person, who came to see if everything was alright, was now standing next to her. "Are you okay?" he asked her. She nodded and waited for the man to walk away. But he didn't. He just stayed there. Why was he still standing there? She was sure she looked like a cheap slut. Maybe he also was a dealer, and wanted to sell her something. Or he was just a horny old man, who wanted to use her for sex.. and maybe other horrible things. She couldn't see his face. It was too dark, but she could see his shoes and his jeans. Pretty cool clothes she thought. Not clothes for a sick old man, waiting to rape her. No, she was safe. But why was he still here? She suddenly stood up, and walked away. He man, totally confused and kinda shocked for leaving him without saying anything, followed her. "Hey!!" he said. She turned around. "What?" she snapped at him. "well... aint you supposed to thank me?" he asked. She looked confused at him, and started laughing. "Oh yea, Ofcourrseee. You saved my life!! I'll give you a self-made drawing tomorrow okay?" she said, still laughing at him. He looked kinda confused. "really?" he asked. "Of course not. I was being sarcastic" she said, turned around and started to walk away. He laughed, looked around making sure nobody had seen what happened. "well.. Thankyou for ruining my evening" he yelled after her. She stopped walking and turned around slowly. "Pardon??" she said. "Yea.. I was planning to go out.. but suddenly, I don't feel like it anymore.." he said, trying to make her feel guilty. "...and ur saying, that that's MY fault?!?" said, pointing at herself. "uh,, Yea.. Do you see anyone else here?" "well, I'm sorry for ruining ur evening Mr..." "" he said. "Mr .. but now I was planning on going home cuz I’m all wet, and it's getting late!!" she said, as if he was holding him back, so that she could make him feel guilty. "But it's only 9:30 PM.. and it's Saturday!!" he said puzzled. "My house is at the other side of London.." she said, and started walking again. 's mind was going fast, thinking of a reason for not letting her go. "HEY!!" she turned around again, with an annoyed look on her face. "I live around the corner.. maybe you would.. like to.. stay at, my place for the night?"

*End of Flashback*

She walked down the street. She would come back for her clothes, and the rest of her stuff. Back to her own flat. Well, not actually her own flat. Her mates flat. She used to live with them. That was before she met cocaine. They would understand her and let her live with them again. Of course they did. 'Friends forever' is what they always used to say to each other. When she finally got there, she ringed the doorbell. "Who's there?" she heard a voice, coming thru the intercom-thing. "Hey, It's me!! Your long lost best friend!!" she said, with a fake-happy voice. There was a silence. "Come in" said. BEEEEEPP. entered. When she was standing in front of the door she sighed, put on a happy face, and knocked on the door. The door opened and was standing in front of her. "Heey!!" said. sighed and let her in. "Long time no see then!!" said, trying to look as happy as she could be. "I'm sorry to ask this.. but, why are you here?" said, sitting on the couch, looking confused at her. looked kinda shocked at her. "You mean.. aint I welcome then?... remember,, Friends forever..!!" she tried. and looked at each other. "Right??" asked hopefully. "..yea.. we kinda stopped seeing you as our friend. The friends forever what we used to say.. doesn't really count anymore.." said. dropped her bags, looked at and , hoping that they were joking or something. looked away and wasn't really looking friendly at her. looked down. "Okay then... if that's how you think about it.. I wont bother you anymore.." was the last thing she said. She took her bags, and left the flat.

'Stupid friends' she thought. 'Which friends? Stupid EX-friends!!'. She walked back to where she came from. Then she remembered her cocaine buddy. Yea, he would let her in.

*3 weeks later*

She said goodbye to let last customer. He payed her pretty much. See, it wasn't that bad to sell ur body!! She counted her money when somebody knocked on the door. 'More Money!!' she thought. She checked herself in the mirror. She got kinda skinny since she left . Ah, what the hell? She didn't care!! She had a house.. well kind of, and she earned money!! She put her money away, and opened the door. "Hey Sexy" she said, but then she saw who it was. She tried to close the door, but he was to strong. "I finally found you!!" he man said. "GO AWAY!!" she screamed. The dealer found her after 3 months. He walked in and closed the door behind him. "So.. I was right eh? You are a cheap slut.. only good for sex.." he said. fell down on her bed. "Get out of here!!" she whispered. The dealer laughed, not a nice laugh.. a scary laugh. "You know.. I'm still waiting for that money.." he said, walking around the room. "I don't have any money!!" yelled at him. "Now get out of here!!" she screamed. He could hear that she was scared. He grinned. "Ur not a good liar.. where is it?!?!" he said and threw some stuff of her desk. "I said.. I DONT HAVE THE MONEY!!" she yelled again. He looked at her, and grabbed something out of his pocket. She saw it.. his knife. She knew he had killed more people with that, and he wasn't scared to do it again. Her eyes we're wide open, begging him, not to harm her. "Oh, don't worry.. I won't use this knife.. I'm only gonna use it.. if I don't get what I want.." he looked at his knife. "..and I want... MY MONEYY!!!" He screamed at her, and threw her desk-chair away. She knew he was only doing it to scare her, and he did a quit good job. She was scared. Then she remembered the last time when he had that knife in his hands, telling her to kill her if she didn't gave him his money. Scream. She started screaming again. The dealer looked at the door, it was still closed. He jumped on her, trying to stop her. When he stopped her, she was crying. Tears, rolling over her cheeks, he, lying on top of her. Then he heard voices. "Shit.." he said and he got of her. The door swung open and some guys ran in. They all ran to the girl, lying on the bed, making sure she was okay. In the meanwhile, the dealer escaped. He was too fast. When one boy started running after the dealer, called another boy him back. "Dude.." he said to him, pointing at the girl.

"?!?!?!" She heard a boy say. She recognized that voice.. "IS THAT YOU!?!" she looked up. Oh yea, she knew him. She tried to smile, but she actually didn't wanted to. "Where the fuck have you been?!?!" he yelled. His voice was angry, but also kinda worried. "I've been looking everywhere for you!!" he said. The two other guys left the room, leaving them to fight. still didn't say anything. He sighed and sat down next to her. "Why.." he sighed again. "Why did you leave me..?" he asked, and looked in the eye. She could tell he was sad. "I..I mean-.. and You... you didn't love me.." said, standing up and walking to her window. "What??" he said confused. "What you mean 'You didn't love me'?? Of course I love you!! Why would I keep looking for a girl who I didn't love!?!". wasn't facing him. She was looking outside the window. She could see the two boys, standing downstairs, waiting for his friend. "I don't know... it was you.. or the drugs.." she said. "So... you choose the drugs?" he asked. nodded slowly. He didn't get it. Why would a person like her, ruin her life? Ruin her body, ruin her health?!? "Why..??" he asked. He was trying not to cry. He had to be the man, who had to help her stop using that shit. "Why ..? Didn't you love me?" he asked again, looking away. turned around. She didn't know what was happening to her, but suddenly she was mad at him. For bursting into this room. Why did he do it? She would rather be killed, then have a fight with him. She looked at him. "OFCOURSE I DO LOVE YOU!! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DIDN'T HUH?!?" she yelled at him. He was surprised by her reaction."Uh, I dunno if I'm wrong, But you left me!! You just.. Left me!! Without saying goodbye!! I still have ur clothes!! I thought you were dead!!". There was a silence. was looking out of the window again. stood up and walked to her. "If you did loved me.. why did you leave me then..??" He rested his hand on her shoulder, but she stepped away. "I already told you" she said. Now it was who became mad. He grabbed her by her shoulders and pushed her in front of the mirror. "LOOK AT YOURSELF !!" he said, shaking her. "LOOK AT YOURSELF!! YOU'RE NOT HAPPY!! YOU ARE KILLING URSELF SLOWLY !!" He was still holding her, not planning on letting her go. She looked at herself, and started crying. saw that she was hurt and let her go. dropped herself on her floor. She was now sitting on her knees, looking down, in front of the mirror. slowly sat down next to her. For 10 minutes or longer they just sat in silence.

"Do you think I like this..?? Do you think I like my life? that I like myself?" said, looking at with wet eyes. shook his head. "No.." he almost whispered. Another silence. "What were you actually doing here?" suddenly asked him. "Oh.. me and my mates were planning to go out tonight.. but then we heard you scream.. and the door was open.. so we actually didn't think, but just ran in." he answered. nodded.

Half an hour later, left with the words "You know where to find me, if you want to, you can come back". was still sitting on the floor. Thinking about everything had said to her. He was right. He was soooo right. She had to stop using cocaine. She had to stop. Stop with ruining herself..

She got up and grabbed a pen and a paper. 'Thanks for making me realize it.. I will always love you, xx ' she wrote down and put it in her pocket. She was gonna bring this to .

*Two days later*

was at the police station. He had to tell them, what has happened and what he knew about it. His eyes were red from crying. He didn't say anything. ".. we need to know what you had to do with this. I mean, You committed a crime.." stood up and put his hand in his pocket. The police man stepped back, afraid was gonna get something like a knife from his pocket, but he handed the police man a note. A little piece of paper.. sat back down, looking at his fingers. The police man read the paper. "Made you realize what?" he asked confused, reading the paper. shook his head "I.. I thought she meant.. to stop.. with drugs.. but not with her life..!!" he said, almost crying again. The police man nodded at another policeman. "He's free to go" he said. looked up. "No.. No I'm not !! Can't you see it?!? I'VE KILLED HER!!" he yelled, while the other policeman dragged him out of the room. "I FUCKIN KILLED HER!!" he shouted, and then the door closed. and were waiting outside for him. walked to them. "I've killed her" he said again, but now he made sure that only his friends could hear him. "I'll drive you home" said, placing his hand on 's shoulder. "I'll get you some movies.. ok?" said, taking his car keys out of his pocket. didn't answer. looked at , then at and nodded. "Sure" said to , and took with him.

When they entered 's place, walked to the living room and sat down on the floor, in front of the couch. turned the TV on and walked to the kitchen. was just staring into nothing. could see him from the kitchen. That boy was broken... heartbroken. He knew all the things he did to find her back. And when he found her, she looked terrible. He knew how much it had hurt him. And now.. she killed herself. Driving into a tree, but first kill 3 people. The dealer, which they saw in 's room when they heard her screaming. She killed her friends, which he knew. and . They also found a little note in their flat. 'Friends forever.. right?' had written on it. He walked back to the living room. wasn't there, but he heard him upstairs. He turned the TV off and put the drink for on the table. The doorbell rang. opened the door and walked in with some movies. "Ey Dude" he said. "Where's ?" asked him. pointed up. "Upstairs... men, that kid is heart broken!!" he said. "I know.. it's not everyday that the girl you love kills herself.. and that you think that it's ur fault.. is it?" said, trying to be funny, which he wasn't. looked at the movies he was holding. "... are you crazy? These are all depressive movies!!" said. "Well...he is in the mood.. so-" said, but cut him off. "We are trying to get him out of that!!" said. Suddenly they both looked up cause of a loud noise they heard.

and both ran up the stairs, as fast as they could. When they entered 's room they both stopped. ran to the bathroom to throw up. had shot himself, thru his head. He was lying on the floor. There was blood everywhere. On the floor, on , on his bed and on the wall next to him. There was a little note next to him. 'I'm sorry' read. When he looked at again, he followed and also puked.

*The end of the funeral*

Only and were still at the churchyard. Looking at the graves. "Dude.. 5 people.. Died in 2 days.." said. "I know.. and we all knew them.." said, looking at 's grave. "Except the drugs dealer then.. we only saw him once.." said. "Did you know that met him before?" said. looked at . "No.." said confused. "He saved before... you know the story how they met..". nodded. "Well.. He went looking for that man, and gave him his money so that he would leave her alone. But I guess when she left , that she went back to him.. to buy more cocaine or something.." said, still looking at the grave. "Whauw.." said. nodded. "let's go man.. I've seen enough of this place.." said, turned around and walked away. "yea.. bye dude.." said to , and wanted to follow , when he saw something in the corner of his eye. He stopped and turned his head to see what it was. 'My God!! am I dreaming?' he thought. He looked away, and then back. No, they were still there, looking at him. He saw and standing next to each other, holding hands. They were smiling at . was looking confused at them. waved at him. waved back, still with that confused look on his face. 'Dude, has to see this!!' he thought. "!!!" he shouted. "What?" yelled back. "You have to come see-" but when he looked again, they were gone.. He sighed and smiled. They were happy up there. "Nothing.." he said.. and walked away.

The End