I’ll wait and see

I can see him thru the window. It’s raining and he’s holding an umbrella. I’m sitting in the bus, looking at him. He doesn’t see me, it’s too dark. That man, that I only see at my children’s birthdays is now standing next to me. Still, he doesn’t notice me. Luckily he doesn’t. 5 years ago, and still not one word has escaped from my mouth to his ears. Oh, I hear him talk, and he me, but we don’t listen to each other. That was the problem. That man, who once made me happy, hasn’t spoken to me in 5 years. That’s a pretty long time, but in the meanwhile everything looks like yesterday. In my head everything turned normal again, and I think it’s the same with him. The bus is still standing still and I am still looking at the man, next to my window. I don’t think about the bad times anymore. The divorce, the screaming, the pain… no, now it’s time for all the good things that we’ve been thru. I think of the times that I found little notes next to my pillow with 2 rhyming lines, which turned out to be a whole song in the end. Yea, he was romantic. I think of the times that we both found out that I was pregnant. We were so happy. Everything was right, and nobody could steal our luck. Our families, both happy because their first grandchild was on its way, hate each other now. And our wedding, ah, it was perfect. Those years were amazing, but then, everything changed. I have no idea what happened, but we both just… stopped loving each other. It was the weirdest thing, because it all had been so good. The bus takes of. I see him walk away with my children. My son, telling stories about his week and my daughter just, walking next to him, holding his hand. Luckily they never had real problem with the divorce. In the beginning my son thought that his dad wasn’t here anymore, and asked me to tell stories about the times that he still was here. He was too small to understand anything of it all, but now its all clear to him.

My phone rings. ‘’ is flashing on the screen. Once it said ‘My Hunny’ or ‘Ur Babe’ when he called… but now it’s just . I haven’t seen that name flashing on my phone in ages. Everything that he has to say, would tell me, and everything I had to say to him, would tell him. I hope he didn’t see me, staring at him in the bus. I only saw him 10 seconds ago, and now he’s calling me. I answer my phone. “Hello?” I hear him say. His voice is calm and soft. I don’t say anything, just listen to his breathing. “ are you there? There is something wrong with ” I hear him say. Still there is no sound coming from my mouth. Instead, I hang up and walk to the front of the bus. “Hey Lady!! No walking when the bus is driving!!” I hear the bus driver say when he sees me. “Stop the bus” I say. It was almost a whisper. The man, sitting the chair next to me, looks at me. When the bus driver looks confused, the man next to me grabs my arm and takes a good look at me. “Goddamnit, she’s crying!! She is serious, STOP THE BUS” he screams and in seconds the bus stops. I get out of the bus and just, walk back. My phone keeps ringing in my hand, as I am still holding it. Everything gets wet, but I keep walking.

“There you are!! Why the hell did you hang up?!” I hear him scream. I ignore him and sit down next to who’s lying on the street. There is blood coming from her head. “The man just, drove off!! We were crossing the street and this car came and-” “Omg, hunny, everything is gonna be okay” I said and heard the ambulance coming. “Would you at least just, listen to me” I hear him yell at me. “No, I wont” I said and picked up when the ambulance stopped in front of me. “You are unbelievable, do you know that?!” he yelled angrily at me and I turned around. I look at him, and he at me. I heard cry. “You, take care of your son” I said and stepped into the ambulance. We drive away and I see , picking up and walking away. Probably he’s gonna get his car and drive to the hospital to yell some more at me. I know this, happened a lot to me. I am not really working with him, as I always am vague and not willing to talk to him. It’s too weird to become friends with your ex-husband. And… I don’t really like weird.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!” I make no sound, don’t even look at him. “You are so fuckin childish!! We are grown up !!” still, I am quiet. “For more than 4 years you don’t talk to me, and even now, you are still not communicating with me” “…it’s already 5 years, and if I wanted to communicate, I would have at least called you” I said, not facing him. “Argh, never mind, I totally understand why we got divorced!!” he yells and walks away. Some people look at me, I don’t care. Look what you want, as long as is okay. is sitting next to me. He’s asleep, and didn’t wake up luckily. A doctor enters the waiting room and looks around. He looks at me and smiles. Good, that’s a sign for me that is okay. He walks towards me and I stand up. “She’s okay, you can see her now” he says and walks away. I follow him to the room where is and when I enter, I see , sitting on a chair next to her.

“You okay hunny?” I ask and walk to the other side of the bed. nods. “My head hurts” “It’s gonna be okay sweetheart” says. I look at him. Suddenly all the anger that I felt for him in the waiting room is gone. To see someone, love his daughter so much, just, makes you happy. He looks at me. I swear.. my tummy is doing something. It’s weird, and as I said before, I don’t really like weird… but this feeling isn’t too bad. I recognize it. This is the feeling that I used to have for him… it’s not big, but I can feel it’s still there. He looks away. I am sure that he felt it too… or at least, there was something between us, which I can’t really describe. “You okay?” I ask. looks at me, so does . He sees that I’m talking to him. “Yea, …. Yea I’m okay, you?” “me too, thnx” I say.

Finally, in 5 years, we spoke to each other, and listened. It ended up in a real conversation, and fell asleep. We talked about everything that kept us busy for the last 5 years and also about the past. Not about the fights, arguments and the divorce, but about the good stuff. How we used to make breakfast, and go back to bed to eat it over there. I found out that he hasn’t been dating anyone… maybe there is a chance… just a small one… ah, I’ll just wait and see what the future will bring me =)

The End