Sony had been making Playstations for over 1000 years. In 1995, they made the first Playstation, in the year 2000, Playstation 2 was made, in 2006, they made Ps3, and so on and so forth untill Ps16. At this point, they realised Ps17 isn't a very good name, as the number is too big. So they used words instead of numbers.
And in the year 2998, the PsS was born. This is the Playstation that was still going strong in 3003, untill of course, the arrival of the PsD was born. Graphics had entered the ninth-dimension, and so the look of life began to mimic the games ( such as Tomb Raider X, starring Lara Croft's great great great x 34 nephew, Gara Hoat ). With power like that, it's gonna cost alot, even though they're not going to last very long. The price? $1000.
This was a wee bit out of Fry's price range. At times like these, he wished he hadn't revealed his secret PIN number to Mom's three sons. 1077 was the PIN number. Not that you need to know that, but he insisted I put it down here.
It was June the 21st,the longest day of the year, and the start of Summer. Though he treated it as a normal day. He donned on his clothes, woke up Bender and went to work. There, he met Leela, the love of his life ( of course, she didn't know this ).
"Hiya, Leela."
"Hello, Fry" She replied. " Got any ideas on how to earn some extra money yet?"
" I'm going to ask for a pay rise."
"What?" Leela exclaimed, " Your going to risk your job just so you can buy that hunk-o-junk?"
" If that what it takes," Fry said. "And it's not junk!"
"Please, stop bickering!" Said a voice they knew belonged to the Proffeser. " I have good news!"
"Uh-oh" Said Bender. "I don't like the sound of that!"
" You'll be making a delivery to Vergon 3, a planet that's a little more devolped than that Vergon 6 that imploded three years ago." The Proffesser explained.
"What are we..." Leela started, but the Proffeser yelled "Just go, dammit, just go!"
The delivery wasn't a normal delivery. They just landed on Vergon Three, threw the package to the thingimijig waiting ouside and went straight back, No death, no hold-ups, no 'crew-member-accidently-becoming-ruler-of-planet' situations, just a calm flight.
When they returned, the sat down, Bender with a beer and Fry with a can of Slurm, and switched on the T.V. They moaned as soon as it was switched on, as the credits for All My Circuits was rolling.
"Dammit!" Leela said. "They said todays episode had a great ending!"
"Oh well, at least we haven't missed the ads!" Bender said.
"Are you always stuck in a stuffy old house with a stupid Playstation S?" The female voice on the T.V asked. " Cos if you are, then you should get a PLAYSTATION D!!! Now you can sit in a stuffy old house with a console worth having!" Then it showed footage of all the games, like Monster Truck Wrestling, Death Factory 4 and President Evil Veruca.
Fry turned to ask Leela whether she was convinced that the PsD wasn't a piece of junk, but she wasn't there.
"Where the hell did Leela go?" Bender asked. They then heard Leela's hovercar. They looked outside to see Leela zooming off to the Mall.
"I think she's being convinced." Said Fry.
**************************************
Sure enough, Leela came back clutching a PsD. Her hair was a mess and she looked worn out - probably the crowds. She was aslo holding a copy of 2000 AD: The stupid ages. Fry saw this. Fry did not approve. Nevertheless, he helped Leela put the stuff down, and led her to her seat. Leela smiled and said-
" You really wanna go on it, don't you?"
"I sure do!" Said Fry.
"Well, I suppose if you set it up..." Leela started, but Fry had started to plug the PsD into the T.V - how he could even put a plug into a socket was a mystery to Leela.
"Yeah, yeah!" Fry said once he had finished.
" I was about to say that if you set it up, you could have a turn after me!" She said with a cheeky smile. She turned it on and started playing.
A message came up on the screen - 'YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER A STUPID ERA. DO WISH TO CONTINUE? PRESS X TO DO SO. PRESS ?.'
She pressed X.
'YOU HAVE PRESSED X. WELCOME TO THE YEAR 2000. PREPARE TO ENTER!"
Then, without warning, the T.V became larger and larger, untill it hit the walls and the roof. It then turned green and swirly - it looked like a portal.
"What the hell is going on?" Bender asked.
"Don't ask me?" Leela replied.
"YOU WILL NOW ENTER...THE STUPID AGES! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
And suddenly, Leela was sucked into the portal.
"Leela!!!"
"Nooo!"
As she was being sucked into the portal, she said-
"Listen to my final words... I am seriously regretting buying this game."
And then she was gone. But not as gone as Fry and Bender thought...
She appeared on the T.V screen - she had been sucked into the game! But this wasn't any old game - it had been taken back to the year 2000...
"Oh my god..." Said Bender.
She was in the world of 128 bit.
"What the hell..." said Leela, "This dimension looks so... old fasioned!"
"Cool!" Fry said, "Just like the graphics on my Dreamcast!"
"What's a Dreamcast?" Bender asked.
"It was the first 128 bit console made!" Fry replied.
"WHAT!!??" Leela exclaimed, "128 bits! Oh dear God!!! I'm stuck in the era of dumbass graphics!"
"How are you gonna get outta this one, meatbag?" Bender asked Leela, sniggering.
"How the hell am I supposed to know?" Leela yelled. "I guess someone's gonna have to play me out... if that makes sense..."
"Sure it does!" Bender said, "I'd do it, but the dorky graphics put me off. Damn those 20th century assholes!"
"Hey, don't diss the 20th century!" Fry snapped.
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender snapped back.
"FRY! BENDER!" Leela yelled, making both of them jump. "A little help here would be very helpful indeed!"
"Well, I could play you out, seeing as I'm the master..." Fry said with a cocky look on his face. "After all, I did whup your butt at Death Factory III." And with this, he picked up the manual and started to read. "You can't start a game without looking at what you have to do first..."
Leela had the feeling that it was going to be a long time before she was free from this game. It was true, Fry had defeated them at Death Factory III, but then, he had got Leela while she had her mind on Alkazar, someone who she thought was a Cyclops. Otherwise, she most probably would've got Fry instead. She waited for about 15 minutes before Fry put down the manual and said - "Alright, leela, I'm gonna bust you outta there!"
And all of a sudden, Leela started walking forward, though not of her own free will. This made her feel kinda sick - but she had to get outta here.
"O.K..." She heard Fry mumble, "Oh, hell, there's over 50 levels!"
"How many more levels?" Leela asked.
"There's 51 levels in total!" Fry gasped, "OHMiGOSH!"
"There's only one way to do this quickly!" Bender said.
"Let me guess..." Fry said.
"Cheat!" Fry and Bender said in unison.
So they left for the mall, leaving Leela standing there, alone in a 128 bit game.
They looked in GAME, no luck. They looked in EBR. No luck. Hell, they looked in every shop they could think of, and no walkthrough. As they began their long walk home, cursing, they spotted a grubby looking corner shop. They hadn't spotted it before. They went in for a look.
The shop looked pretty beat up. There were alot of strange items and posters around - the only thing that really interested Fry was the porno calender at the back of the shop. At the counter was Sal, a lazy fat guy who loves smoking - he was smoking a cigar.
"O.K, let's look for that guide." Fry said. "Bender... Bender, where are you?"
Bender was at the other side of the shop, looking in a book, 'How to operate on a robot', which had tons of circuit diagrams... and Bender saw this as porno. Fry called him over and they started to look around. After about 10 minutes, Bender found it.
"Well Done, Bender!" Fry said, "I wonder why it's only in this shop, though..." He rummaged around in his pocket, searching for his wallet. All he felt was candy wrappers. "Ah, hell... I don't have my wallet!"
Bender looked both ways, then gave Fry back his wallet. "Sorry." he mumbled.
"I've really gotta get a zip for my pockets." Fry said. Unfortunatly, it seemed that Bender had spent all the money on beer, porno and ingrediants for his various (and awful) dinners. The guide cost $12.45.
"Now what are we gonna do?" Fry asked.
"Well... you know what I do when I don't have enough money to get something...?" Bender whispered, "Or when I can't be assed?"
"I know perfectly well..." Fry replied.
"Then take the guide, hide it, and just walk out." Bender said in a low tone. "And don't look back..."
************************************************
Leela wasn't a patient person. She had been waiting three hours for the guys to get back. The worst thing was, she couldn't move of her own free will. Her hopes went up when she saw the Proffesser walk past, but when he reached for the controller, he looked down at himself and muttered "But I am already in my pyjamas." and fell asleep.
Then, Fry and Bender ran in.
"Why did it take you so long?" Leela asked.
"No questions..." Fry gasped, "Let's get this over with!"
But as he picked up the controller, there were knocks on the door.
"ATTENTiON SHOPLiFTERS! COME OUT WiTH YOUR HANDS UP! WE HAVE YOU PARTiALLY SURROUNDED!"
"I've heard that before..." said Fry.
"We're boned!" Bender mumbled.
There was more bangs on the door.
"Open up!" the cops shouted.
"Oh God..." Leela said, "You didn't steal that book, did you?"
"No!" Fry replied quickly.
Leela gave him a piercing look.
"It was him!" Fry said, pointing an accusing finger at Bender, who was flicking through the guide.
"I know a way outta this!" Bender said, "Fry, press L1 and R2 at the same time!"
"Will that get Leela out?" Fry asked.
"Not exactly, but we'll get away from those cops!" Bender replied.
So Fry, guessing he had no choice, pressed the buttons. Then, the T.V turned into a portal again - and started sucking Fry and Bender in.
Soon, Fry and Bender found themselves right next to Leela.
"Oh, great, now who's gonna control us?" Leela asked, obviously getting really annoyed.
"We don't need controlling!" Fry said. He jumped, he ran around then jumped again. "We can control ourselves now!"
"O.K... so what do we do know?" Bender asked.
"Err..." Fry didn't know. It didn't look like Bender brought the guide, so it looked like they had to figure it out themselves. He looked around. This place looked familiar...
"I know this place!" Fry exclaimed, "It's from a game on my old Dreamcast! This is from Soldier Of Fortune!"
"What the hell is Soldier Of Fortune?" Leela asked.
"It was as shooting game back in the 20th Century." Fry explained. "It was the goriest one there was!"
"Well, if it's a shooting game, where are the guns?" Bender asked.
"Uh... good point." Fry said. "Well, in most shooting games, you had to find the guns yourself!"
"What?" Bender said, "We have to find them ourselves?"
"Come on," Leela said, wielding a weapon, "Just find one. I've got one already."
"We can see that." Fry said.
Then, suddenly, a swarm of enemies burst through the doors.
"Quick!" Leela shouted, "You find a weapon, I'll deal with these losers!"
"Aye, aye cap'n!" Fry said. So they left Leela to deal with the 'losers'. She seemed to handle them pretty well. She took advantage of her martial arts skills as well as the gun. She didn't seem to fond of the gun - it wasn't a laser gun, after all.
Fry was right - this was gory! A shot to the head, and their head blew up. A shot to the leg, their leg came off, a shot to the nads... well, she wasn't sure what happened there. But they looked like Micheal Barrymore telling a bad joke.
Bender found an ordinary pistol - not to his standards, but hey, he could still take a life with it. He started to fire widly at the soldiers, as Fry looked for a weapon of his own.
But soon, Leela's gun ran out of ammo. Not that she thought it was the worst thing in the world - she did know Martial Arts. So she ran up to the soldiers and took seven down in one kick.
At long last, all the soldiers were dead, leaving behind one hell of a bloody mess on the floor and on the walls. Plus, all over Leela.
"Hell! Blood is hell to get outta this top!" She complained.
"And they call that Artificial Intelligence?" Bender said.
A blue screen popped down from the ceiling. In green writing, it said...
'RESULTS FOR LEVEL ONE
LEELA: HEAD SHOTS: 34
ARM/LEG SHOTS: 13
STOMACH SHOTS: 18
NETHER REGiONS: 12
TOTAL KiLLS: 77
KiCKASS GiRL ("Alright!!!" said Leela)
BENDER: HEAD SHOTS: 2
ARM/LEG SHOTS: 9
STOMACH SHOTS: 1
NETHER REGiONS SHOTS: 16 ("16 shots right in the hard drive!!!" Bender said)
TOTAL KiLLS: 28
NUETUR - ATOR
FRY: HEAD SHOTS: 0
ARM/LEG SHOTS: 0
STOMACH SHOTS; 0
NETHER REGiONS: 0
TOTAL KiLLS: AiN'T THAT TOTALLY OBVIOUS? =)
LOSER
LEELA WiNS!!!!
"Dang!" Fry said, "Always the loser."
"No wonder you didn't find a gun!" Leela said, looking at the bottom of the scoreboard. "This ays there were only two guns!"
"No fair!" Fry exclaimed, "I can't do Martial Arts or Judo or whatever, and I'm not made of metal!"
"Come on meatbag, we've still got another 50 levels to go!" Bender said.
So, again, a portal appeared, sucking all three of them in.
****************************************
"Excuse me?" Smitty said, "Don't fall asleep. You've still got questions to ask. Sir?"
"Awhua?" The Profeser asked lazily.
"Where are they?"
"Who?"
"The shoplifters!"
The two Peace Officers, URL and Smitty had broken into the office. They planned to bombard the Proffeser with questions about the shoplifters whereabouts, exact looks, habits, records and the like. At the minute, they were still trying to ask about their whereabouts without him falling asleep.
"What shoplifters?" the Professer asked, "Who are you? GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPETY!!!"
"We'll only leave with the criminals, baby." URL replied.
Just then, Hermes entered. "Excuse me, what is going on here?"
"We're lookin for a robot and some red - headed b*****d." Smitty replied.
"You mean Fry and Bender?" Hermes said.
"Yeah, whatever their names are." URL said. "Baby."
"Well, I don't know where dey are!" Hermes said, eyeing the T.V.
"Then you dead beats are under arrest!" URL said.
"Dere dey are!" Hermes said, pointing at the T.V.
"What the hell..." Smitty said.
**************************************
"O.K... now I definatly know this place!" Fry said, "This is Outworld!"
Vacant expressions from Bender and Leela.
"This is Mortal Kombat!"
"Don't you mean Mortal Kooperation?" Leela replied.
"No! That's from the future." Fry said, "Mortal Kombat was a fighting game. The goriest one there was!"
"Another gory game?" Bender said.
"That's why this is rated Mature!" Leela said.
"They still do the Mature rating?" Fry said.
"Yup." Leela answered, "Even after about 670 - odd years, they still do the same rating systems. WhipperSnappers, GreasyTeens, YoungAdults, ProperAldults, Elderly and Dead."
"Huh?" Fry said, "Elderly? What kind of rating...OOOOF!!!"
Fry fell to the floor with a club beside him. Looks like somebody threw it at him.
"FRY!" Leela yelled, running up to him, "Are you alright?"
No reply. She looked closer. Big bump and all messed up. His hair was turning even more red - so was the floor around him. And the floor around them...
Leela checked his pulse and sighed with relief. "He's just knocked out."
"Then what's with all the red stuff?" Bender asked, "Look's like wine... mmm. Let me try some..."
"HA! You're all dead meat!" some deep voice growled, "One down... two to go..."
"Come on then!!!" Leela yelled, charging at him. She had a good thing going, but he dissapeared. Leela kicked thin air.
"If you wish to pass this area, then you'll have to win..." the mystery guy started. He then showed himself to be some guy with a skeleton helmet that stretched down to his mouth and spikes on his shoulders, "... THE TOURNAMENT!!!"
"Tornament? What tournament?" Leela asked.
"MORTAL KOMBAT!" The Guy yelled.
"I take it as a fighting tournament." Leela said.
"Exactly!" The Guy replied, "And you must enter!"
"Alright then..." Leela said, "Bring 'em on!"
"As you wish..." The Guy said, "But let me explain first. You must fight ten Kombatants in succession. If you win against nine of them, you shall face the champion... ME! Shao Kahn, Ruler of Outworld! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"O.K!" Leela and Bender agreed, "Bring on the chumps!"
Then, a door behind them opened, and out came some chinese guy with a weird hairdo and bandana.
"Liu Kang!" Shoa Kahn shouted.
Liu Kang moved towards Leela.
"Come on then," he said, "I shall win Mortal Kombat!" ( That sentence has been edited =] )
"O.K!" Leela said. With that, she jumped into the air and kicked him in the face. Hard. Kang went flying.
He got up. His nose was bleeding badly - it looked like he had a broken nose. He ran towards Leela. She took a swing at him, but he ducked and kicked her in the back. Leela went down, then started kicking him in the shins. After a while, she kicked his ankles, sending him to the floor. She got up and started kicking his head in. She stood back while he got up. When he got to his feet, he looked dizzy - he wasn't doing anything...
Shao Kahn got up. "Finish him." he said.
Leela planned a normal kick to the nads - but when she got to the nads, her foot went right through him, splitting him in half, spreading even more blood onto her clothes.
"Jonny cage!" Shao Kahn yelled, and a blonde guy ( obviously Jonny Cage ) came running torwards her. Before she knew what was happening, he kicked her hard, and she bashed against the wall. He went up to her, ready to attack - but she kicked him where the sun-don't-shine ( ;] ). He groaned, clutching his nads. She punched him in the windpipe, kicked his nads again ( just for good measure? ) and headbutted him. Like Kang, he got up, dizzy, not doing anything.
"Finish him!"
Leela decided to punch this guy in the windpipe again ( very Lara Croft ). But again, it wasn't just a simple punch. Her fist went right into his chest.
'Eeww..." Leela thought, 'Oh, might as well...'
So she rummaged around for a bit, and then she ripped out his heart and held it above her head.
Shoa Kahn looked satisfied.
"Leela!" Bender saud, "Lemme do this one, I've always wanted to kill a human in a really horrible manner!"
"O.K, I've already had enough of this..." Leela agreed. Bender walked into the arena while Leela went to check up on Fry, who was still unconsious.
"Cyrax!"
And in came a yellow robot.
"What?" Bender exclaimed, "No human?"
Cyrax stood still. Bender ran over to Cyrax, but a claw came out of him, picked up Bender and started bashing Bender against the wall.
**********************************************
Fry walked into the room, rubbing his head. He saw a woman with a back to him.
"Good afternoon, Sir." She said.
Fry thought she had a great body from what he saw. Hey, his girlfriend cheated on him...
She then turned around. Fry flinched. She had only one eye. Maybe not... but maybe so. Soon enough, Fry wouldn't mind if she had only one eye. But it was off putting at the minute."
"Name?" She asked.
"Uh.. Fry!"
"I'm Leela. Now It's New years Eve, so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get outta here."
"Can I ask you a question?"
"As long as it's not about my eye." She said, glaring.
"Uh..."
"Is it about my eye?"
"Sorta..."
Leela sighed. "Just ask the question!"
"What's with the eye?"
"I'm an alien, alright? Now let's drop the subject."
"Cool! An alien. Has your race taken over the earth?"
"No, I just work here." She replied.
Then the place went all blurry and dissapeared........
*************************************
Leela looked down at Fry - he was waking up.
"Fry, are you alright?" Leela asked.
"Wait, is that blimp accurate?" He said.
"What?"
"My God! A million years!"
"Fry, what's..."
"You know, I guess I should be, but actually I'm glad!" Fry said, "I had nothing to live for..." Leela whacked him, knocking him out again.
Bender had just started to get the hang of the fight. He now had the upper hand. He had bust one of Cyrax's eyes and had worn out his hard drive with kicks. Cyrax then did the same thing as the other fighters - he became dizzy.
"Finish Him!" Shao Kahn yelled.
Bender reached into Cyrax's arm. He grabbed hold of his circuits [ pervert ;) ] and tore them out along with his data files, his chips and his bolts. Oil and grease spurted everywhere.
"Arrrgh!" Cyrax shouted, "All my circuits! I'm missing all my circuits..." Then exploded.
"Hang on a second..." Bender said, "I'm missing All My Circuits too! Dammit, let's get outta here!"
"You can't! You must fight!" Shao Kahn yelled.
So they fought one loser after the other. Shao Kahn shouted "Finish Him!" at the end of every fight, and Leela or bender would decapitate or mangle their opponent horribly. This was the only fun part.
So after Leela had won 5 fights and Bender 4 fights, Shao Kahn climbed down from the stands.
"Now... YOU DiE!" He yelled ( he sure does like yelling ).
Shao Kahn then grabbed Leela and punched her face ( Goro - style ). Leela went flying into the wall. Bender extended his arm, pulled off Shao Kahns helmet and stabbe him with it ( the skeletons teeth ). This still didn't stop him. He kicked Leela in the stomach. After a bit of wincing, she kicked him in the nads ( jeez, I seem to really like writing about nad kicking. Nads, nads NADS!!! ). While she was doing that, Bender came up and started kicking the other end.
"I'm kicking your ass! Kicking your ass, Skintube!" Bender said. He then got a beer bottle out of his compartment, drained it and smashed it over Shao Kahns head. He then used it to stab Kahn in the back over and over again. He drained another bottle and gave it to Leela. She did the same, except she started stabbing his face. After a while, she stopped stabbing his face ( uh-oh ), held up the bottle ( here it comes ) and stabbed him iN THE NADS ( thank you, and goodnight. ).
"You're never gonna impregnant a girl NOW!" She said.
"Finish Him!" Bender yelled. An with that, they both grabbed him, started to run in opposite directins until he split in half!
Then, a scoreboard came down again. Fry woke up. On the scoreboard it said...
LEELA: WiNS: 6
FLAWLESS ViCTORiES: 1
FATALiTIES: 6
KOOL!
BENDER: WiNS: 5
FLAWLESS ViCTORiES: 3
FATALiTIES: 5
KOOLBOT
FRY: WiNS:0
FLAWLESS ViCTORiES: 0
FATALiTiES: 0
UNKOOL LOSER
"That's great!" Fry said.
"What?" Bender said, "What's so great about being a loser, loser?"
"What's the little guys name?" Fry asked.
"Of course!" Leela said, "I know what's going on! This is the stuff he said when he first came to the 20th century! Watch..."
"I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance, and this time, I'm not gonna be a total loser." He said. Then, he jumped to his feet and asked, "What's that?"
"Your permanent career assignment!" Leela replied.
"Delivery boy?" Fry said, horrified, "NO! Not again!"
She looked around. She noticed a screen - and on it was the office! The two cops were satring at them. the Professer was sleeping and Hermes was talking to them. Leela ran up to the screen and bashed it.
"Hermes!" She yelled.
"Leela!" He exclaimed, "What in Legoland are you doin' in dere?"
"Never mind!" She yelled, "Just look in the book!"
"No way, lady," URL said, "This book belongs to Sal's Small Shoppe. Baby."
"Look, you can have the book if you let Hermes look something up so we can get outta here!!!" Leela shouted ( This sentence was also edited ;] ).
"Alright, easy lady." Smitty said, handing Hermes the book.
"O.K, now, what do I look up?" Hermes asked.
"On page 60, there's a list of cheats!" Leela said, "Go to the one that says 'WARP TO LAST LEVEL' and press the buttons it tells you to!"
"Yes, mam." Hermes looked down the page. "Aha! let's see now... X, UP, X, O, Triangle, DOWN. Dere you go. But I should warn you about dis level..."
But they weren't on screen any more.
It was totally dark. They was no sound or movement, apart from Bender scratching his shiny metal ass, thinking - 'Here's another level for Fry to be rubbish at!!!"
"WELCOME TO THE LAST LEVEL OF THE STUPiD AGES!" a deep voice from above said, making them all jump, "YOU HAVE BRAVED 128 BiT. YOU HAVE BRAVED 64 BiT. YOU HAVE BRAVED 32 AND 16 BiT. NOW, iT IS 1993. TiME FOR...
8 BiT GRAPHICS!"
Suddenly, they found themselves in a black-and-white area with thousands of platforms. Everything was poorly animated. And worst of all - they were 2-D!
"Oh my God!"
"Oh your God!"
"Please, anything else!"
"BRAVE THiS!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HA!" the voice laughed, "HA."
Enemies appeared on some of the platforms.
"I guess we'd better get up to the top!" Leela said. Of course, they didn't hear her say this - they read the subtitles underneath.
Fry didn't seem to have a problem. He jumped up to the platforms with ease, defeating most enemies wih one kick. By the time Leela and Bender made it to the third platform, Fry was on the 12th platform. They couldn't kill any of the enemies, as Fry had already killed the ones that were there. Both of them were petrified.
On the subtitles it said -
LEELA: 8 B - B - BiT? BLACK AN - AN - AN... WHiTE?
BENDER: DOES NOT COMPUTE, DOES NOT COMPUTE...
FRY: BUT i DON'T LiKE BEEN A DELIVERY BOY!
LEELA: SH - SH -SHUT UP FRY.
Fry was on the 78th platform when the lame music was replaced by even lamer music. Fry thought this game was suitable for even a one year old - Leela thought this was too horrific for a 17 year old. The enemies grew a bit harder every platform, but not by much. Leela and Bender was on the 36th platform when Fry was on the 94th platform. So he thought a cheat to himself to transport them up here. 'UP, A, B, UP', then Leela and Bender crashed through the platform.
LEELA: THANKS FRY... APART FROM THE CHRASHiNG. MY HEAD HURTS.
So they both followed Fry up to the 100th platform. When they reached it, there were three medical drinks. Leela gave Bender one ( BENDER: DAMN, NO ALCOHOL! ), took one herself then held out one to Fry.
FRY: KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!
Fry ran off.
LEELA: HOLD STILL DAMMiT! i DON'T HAVE GOOD DEPTH PERCEPTION.
Fry ran to the end of the platform, but couldn't go any further. Leela forced the drink down his throat.
FRY: WHOA. HEY! i CAN SAY WHATEVER i WANT NOW! HA HA HA!
Then, a massive blob came up from behind. It was the most poorly animated thing yet!
Leela checked her wrist thingy ( sorry, but I still don't know what it's called! =] ) to see where Fry was - he was on platform 23.
BENDER: DOUBLE OUCH.
Then, the blob knocked Bender off the platform too. Leela used the wrist thing and saw that he landed on platform 76.
LEELA: i GUESS THAT'S TRiPLE OUCH.
Leela dodged the blobs next attack. The animation and Artificial Intelligence was scary, but nevertheless, she started pounding it, hoping to get the weak spot. Eventually, she found it. It was right...in...the... FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU KNOW WHERE!!!! So she started kicking the blobs YOU KNOW WHAT!!!, dodging whatever attack he tried on her.
After what seemed like an eternity, the blob finally exploded, leaving behind one hell of a sticky green mess.
Then, the place turned totally black again. The scoreboard popped down again. This time it said -
LEELA: KiLLS: 1/102
TiME TAKEN TO GET TO TOP: 8'34
iNVOLVMENT WiTH BOSS: 100%
BOSSY ( "Oh, ha ha. Lame 20th century humour." Leela said )
BENDER:
LOST iN ACTiON
KiLLS: 0/102
TiME TAKEN TO GET TO TOP: 8'41
iNVOLVMENT WiTH BOSS: 0%
BORE-BOT
FRY:
KiLLED iN ACTiON
KiLLS: 101/102
TiME TAKEN TO GET TO TOP: 6'23
iNVOLMENT WITH BOSS: 0%
COOL - HOLiO!
"Killed in action?" Leela said to herself, "Fry... dead?"
"WELL DONE! YOU HAVE COMPLETED 2000AD: THE STUPiD AGES. YOU WiLL NOW BE TRANSPORTED BACK TO THE OFFiCE. i'M SUPPOSED TO GiVE YOU MONEY, BUT i'M NOT GONNA, 'COS YOU'RE A CHEATiNG B****! OR, iN OTHER, NiCER WORDS, YOU CHEATED. OH, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE RED - HAiRED DUDE AND THE ROBO BOY, THEY ARE iN THE OFFiCE NOW. OH, BY THE WAY, iS THAT GUY A NATURAL RED - HEAD OR NOT? UH... NEVER MIND.
"THANKS FOR PLAYING!"
And so Leela was thrown out of the T.V and crashed into Fry.
"Oh... hi Leela!" He said, pulling her to her feet.
"Thanks..." She said, "The Peace losers gone?"
"Yeah," Fry replied, "So, what did the scoreboard say about us?"
"It said I was... a Boss - Kicker, it said Bender was a Bore-Bot..."
"Hey, bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender said. Nibbler was behind him, looking hungry.
"I didn't say it, the scoreboard did. And fry..."
"Yes, yes?" He asked hopefully. Leela thought that if she told him his score, then he'd never shut up. So...
"Loser." Leela said.
Fry stared. Leela half expected him to yell, 'ALRiGHT! I'm a loser!', but instead, he moaned. He moaned and he moaned.
'Great,' Leela thought, 'Now he's never gonna shut up about that, either!'
Nibbler was still looking hungry. He sniffed around for food. When Bender laughed at Fry, Nibbler turned his attention to Benders ass. That ass.... all shiny looking... no dents. The ass looked good enough to attack!
"You're a loser, meatball!" Bender said to Fry, "You thought you were beter than me, but you can bite my shiny metal AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
He started to run about. Nibbler had stuck his teeth in Benders ass. He wasn't letting go, he just kept biting and biting.
"See this bullet?" Jack asked, showing Steve a bright green bullet.
"I see it," Steve replied, "It's so bright, you couldn't miss it. Plus, you've got it right up in my face."
"Stop trying to be funny." Jack snapped, "You made better jokes as a baby."
"So what makes it different from other bullets, apart from the colour?" Steve asked.
"Well, it doesn't kill anyone instantly, no matter how many bullets you put through them. They will die after about two days. The pain will build up and up and up, until their heart explodes. In addition to the pain, they will vomit every now and then, will feel a constant headache, and be paralized."
"So they can't end the pain by suicide?"
"No."
"Ouch! Have you tried it on anyone, or anything?"
"Well, I was planning to try it on a one Zapp Brannigan, but my lawyer was really p***ing me off the other day, so I let him have the honour."
"Honour?"
"He was the first person in the world to be shot by one of these babies."
"Ain't bullets a bit 19th century? This is the 31st century."
"I'm aware of what century it is, Steve!" Jack snapped, "But a bullet stays in whoever you shot, a laser just goes right through 'em."
"Ah, no use there then." Steve said.
There was a pause. Jack walked along to his chair. He beckoned Steve over.
"But there is one very important thing with this gun, something you must always keep in mind." Jack whispered, "There is one person in this universe - the most important man in the whole universe. If he weren't here, we'd all be dead. Shooting him with this will turn him into... something... after the two days. He will kill anyone in his path. Anyone. Even the people he loves. Not that he'll know what he's doing. But he'll stay this way as long as he lives. He won't rest until he destroys everyone and everything."
"Whoa..." said Steve, "Who is the lucky immortal, then?"
"O.K, first of all, he won't be lucky. All the stuff that I said you would experience through the two days after being shot will last until he dies. He's better off just dying." Jack replied, "And second of all, no-one knows who he is. That's why you gotta be careful who you shoot."
He gave Steve the gun and a key.
"Lock up the gun in locker 14." Jack said, "And don't let anyone get hold of it. For all we know, you could the most important guy in the universe."
Steve turned for the door, but didn't walk towards it. He had the gun in his possesion. He turned around.
BANG.
Jack was on the floor, bleeding like mad. Steve had just shot him. Jack felt pain shoot all through his body. He forced himself from throwing up. Steve came up to him and stamped on his windpipe.
"Planning on using it on me, eh?" He said before walking out the door and running out the building.
I
The Planet Express Delivery Ship was hurtling through space, headed for MS 5, a planet with the highest population in it's galaxy. They were delivering a crate of pesticide - the town they were delivering it to was infested at the minute.
When they reached the planet, Phillip. J Fry put the crate on the hover dolly and met Leela and Bender outside the door.
"Aren't we gonna need a suit of some sort?" Fry asked, "All those bugs are gonna be a nightmare."
"I wouldn't have thought so," Leela replied, "Put this Inso Repel on. It'll keep insects of all kinds away from you."
Four minutes later, they were on their way to the town inn.
"This pesticide should last 'em a few months." Leela said.
"Yeah, then we'll have to deliver another load." Bender moaned.
"Well, hopefully we'll be on our vacation." Fry said.
"Don't get your hopes up," said Leela, "Vacations at Planet Express are rare."
"So are the bonuses!" Bender said, "I know! Let's quit!"
"Na, I can't be assed." Fry said.
They entered the inn. It was infested with insects of all sorts. It seemed empty until the manager came downstairs. He was wearing some sort of suit.
"Thank you, kids." he said, taking the crate, pulling out some pesticide and spraying it everywhere, "Now I'll finally get some customers. Damn insects have been scarin' 'em all off."
After the form signing and more useless chat, they headed back to Earth. Or that's where they were heading, but Leela noticed that they were out of fuel. They stopped at a planet about 13, 000 miles away from Earth ( that's not too far away, considering the ships speed ) to refill.
"Bender," Leela said, "Before every mission *, I ask you to refill the tank, and when I point out you didn't you say..."
"Quit whinin', skinbag," Bender snapped, "I'll do it when we get back."
They all went over to the station. But all the fuel tanks were empty.
Leela, feeling really annoyed, went over to the owner of the station ( Sal ).
"Yo." he said.
"When are you gonna get those fuel tanks re - filled?" Leela asked.
"I called in the guy who does it, cos' I wanted it done today," Sal explained, "But he ain't doin' nuttin' till tommorow."
"Why can't you do it?" Leela asked.
"I'd do it if I could be assed," Sal replied, "But do I look like I can be assed to you?"
Leela sighed and walked outside.
"So, I guess we'll be stayin' over night?" Fry said. Leela nodded.
"Where's Bender?" She asked.
"I dunno." Fry replied, "I think he headed over there." He pointed at a robot porno theatre -
CALLiNG ALL MANBOTS!
HEAVY METAL XXX
HERE!!!
GET LUCKY TONIGHT!
HOOKBOTS HERE 2NiGHT ONLY!!!
"Good ol' Bender." Fry said, "Cigars, drinks and pornography."
**************************************
Bender was always at the NNY Robot Porno Theatre. He loved the place. There was just one flaw - no Hookbots. But this Porno Theatre had Hookbots. This might be the night he scores. Again.
There was free cigars, free drinks, robo-nudity for $1. Nothing here that he hasn't seen at the NNY Porno Theatre.
After what seemed like hours, the moment he'd been waiting for came...
"Hello, you sexy ion!" a hookbot said as she came up to Bender, "Lookin' for a good time?"
"Yeah, yeah, enough with the chat, you need my input!" Bender said quickly, dragging her away.
*****************************************
"O.K, fuel tanks are been re - filled at seven tommorow morning." Leela told Fry.
"Damn..." Fry said, "I hope Bender knows his way back..."
"Of course he will," Leela reasurred him, "Goodnight. I'm off."
"Yeah, me too. If I can remember where my quarters are." Fry replied.
"Well, I'll give you one clue," Leela said, "iT iS NOT iN MY UNDERPANTS DRAWER!!!"
II
Bender woke up next to the Hookbot - obviously they'd been at it all night and shut down when the morning started.
Bender tried to sneak out - because Hookbots main purpose is to exchange money for a good plug - in - socket. This means that Bender would have to pay if she woke up. As he passed the door...
The Hookbot immediatly woke up, extended an arm and grabbed Bender.
"Money." She demanded, "Now."
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender snapped. And with that, he yanked her arm out of it's socket and jumped out the window.
*******************************************
Leela woke at 8.30 AM and collected the fuel and came back. Fry had woken up at 8.34 AM, went to the front of the ship and fell asleep on one of the chairs.
Leela came in and pushed him off his chair, in an attempt to wake him up. No luck. She yelled. No luck. She kicked him. Luck! Fry woke.
"Got the fuel?" He groaned.
"Yep." Leela replied.
"Ready to go?"
"No. Bender isn't back yet."
"Oh... he's probably just got laid."
"Yeh. Typical of him."
"Hey! Talk of the devil!" Fry said. Bender walked in.
"Filled the tank?" Bender said quickly, "Then let's GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!!"
"Trouble in bed?" Leela asked.
"None of your buissness, just get me outta here!"
************************************
The Planet Express ship hurtled towards Earth, the Hookbot Express in hot pursuit ( mega - hot pursuit in Benders case ).
Fry had taken control of the ships laser. He was very good with the laser - he had blown up one of the Omicronian's ships when they attacked for the first time since Fry had thawed out.
Leela was flying left and right, right and left, back and forth, dodging all the lasers the Hookbot crew sent towards them. A few hit them, but they didn't inflict any major damage. Fry was inflicting damage on the Hookbots too, but that din't inflict major damge.
Suddenly, they started turning right. They kept on rotating and rotating.
"Fry, what the hell happened?" Leela yelled.
"They've shot the left engine!" Fry yelled back.
"DAMMiT!!! Bender, contact the Prof... no, contact Cubert! Ask him how to fix to engine - and do what he says!"
"Bite my..."
"JUST GO, GODDAMMiT!!!"
"Leela! Leela!"
"Fry!"
"I've just got 'em in AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHOOOORRR!" Bangs and crashes... somethings happened, thought Leela. She put the ship on Auto Pilot and went up to check.
Fry had been knocked off his chair. Leela checked his pulse - he was still alive. He was just out cold. She took over the laser. It looked like Fry had shot one of their engines - they were going around in circles aswell. She took her chance and shot the front of the ship. The laser went through the window and hit the Cap-Hookbot. The ship went KA - BLAMO!!!
"Yahoo!" Leela cheered.
She went back down to the controls and switched the Auto Pilot off. Bender had fixed the problem. He took Nibbler out of his quaters. It seemed that he hid their main fuel supplier so they would have to stay overnight, meaning Bender could go get it on with a Hookbot.
"Yep," He said, "Everything went fine, thanks to good ol' Bender here."
III
"So, what happened?" Hermes asked, "You were very late!"
They were back at the office. Fry had regained consiousness, and had just refused to have a gas bladder implant from Dr. Zoidberg.
"We ran outta fuel and had to stay at some planet." Leela replied.
"I remember what happened the last time I ran outta fuel." Amy said, chancing a quick glance at Fry.
"Oh, and Bender got laid by a Hookbot." Fry said, avoiding Amys eye. He wasn't intrested in Amy, he was only interested in Leela. Not that she was interested in him, though.
They all gasped.
"What's wrong? It's not the first time!" Leela said, "I'm suprised he hasn't run outta volts by now."
"Sweet Zombie Jesus, don'y you know?" The Professer asked.
Fry, Leela and Bender shook their heads.
"Some Hookbots carry virus's," The Professer explained, "I'll need to use the F-Ray to check. Put on your goggles!"
They all got their goggles while the Professer put on his Radioactive suit. He pointed the F-Ray at Bender. They saw a liquid building up inside him - or, it looked like liquid.
"Oh my God...!" Hermes exclaimed, "What is dat?"
"It's a virus." The Professer sighed, putting away the F-Ray.
"Can we get rid of it?" asked Amy.
"Yes, there is." The professer said, "We'll have to get a floppy disk from Depho 7, the Robot - Hospital planet kind of thing."
"O.K..." Leela said, "How long will it take to get there?"
"Well, going non-stop in our ship will take, what..." The Professer replied, "... a few weeks, maybe?"
"Damn..." Fry said.
"Well...." Leela sighed, "We'll have to go. Come on, Fry." She looked back. "Are you coming, Bender?"
"Might as well..." Bender replied.
"No, you fool!" The Professer yelled, "You must stay here! We'll have to prevent any major incidents until they return with the disk." He turned to Fry and Leela, "The disk is labeled 'Hookbot trouble Vol 2'. Get that, then come straight back.
"Hermes here will be your main mission contact. He will give you information as it comes. If you need any help, call him."
"Thanks, Professer." Leela said. She and Fry headed towards the ship, but Bender started moaning. He started making weird noises.
"Bender, what's wrong?" Fry asked.
Bender kept moaning. His eyes were turning blue. Suddenly, he started to hover. All the lights went out. Electric volts started surrounding him.
"What the hell..."
His eyes grew larger and larger, until one of them shattered. The other one grew larger still, but didn't shatter. His arm fell out of its socket. One of his legs fell apart. He yelled in what was obviously pain, which was weird, as robots don't usually feel pain. His compartment door fell off before he finally fell to the floor.
Everyone gathered around him.
"Sweet Zombie Jesus!" The Professer exclaimed, "He's almost shut down completly!"
"Is he..." Fry started, but The Professer hit him.
"Just go get that file dammit!" He yelled. They ran to the ship and took off, making sure Nibbler was on board. They could only hope that Bender would survive for another few weeks. The chances were slim.
IV
"Well, at least we don't have to put up with his cooking." Fry pointed out.
"Yeah, I suppose." Leela replied.
They had been zooming across space for six hours. They weren't even one half of a quater the way yet. It was gonna be a long, long, incredibly long journey.
Leela yawned. "I'm bushed..."
Fry sniggered.
"What?"
"That's a term we used in the 20th Century. It means that George Bush
did ya." He replied.
"I'm going to bed." She said, switching to Auto Pilot.
"Yeah, I think I will too." Fry said.
***********************************************
"Kif, I thought I told you to get me a Scotch On The Rocks!" Zapp yelled, "Now get one!"
Kif went to get one. He was sick and tired of being Zapps assistant, but he was forced to do it. He had tried to get away and live with his girlfriend, Amy Wong, but he was always caught. Zapp loved bossing Kif around. With Kif around, he didn't have to get himself a drink, type out his own text, hell, he didn't even have to shave his own armpits.
"Aha!" He exclaimed, "The Planet Express ship! The captain? Miss Leela, yes. I'd better get on my lucky pants..."
*************************************************
Fry was tossing and turning in his sleep.
"Fry! Fry!"
Toss, turn, toss, turn...
"Abandon the mission, or something terrible will happen!"
Turn, toss, toss, turn...
"All hell will break loose!"
Turn, toss, turn, toss, toss, turn...
"FRY! LiSTEN TO ME! You... must... abandon ... the ... mission..."
Fry woke up. He sat up straight, breathing hard.
'Abandon the mission?' He thought to himself, 'All hell will break loose?'
'ATTENTiON ALL CREW MEMBERS. ATTENTiON ALL CREW MEMBERS. NOW BOARDiNG NiMBUS SHiP."
"WHAT!!??" Leela yelled, running to the controls. They were in the Nimbus hanger.
"DAMN YOU!" She yelled.
"What did I do?" Fry asked.
"Not, you, this Auto Pilot!" She replied, "You b*****d! That's the last time I let you ride!"
"FiNE. i WON'T LET YOU OFF."
"You dumb b*****d!"
They walked into the hanger. There was Zapp Brannigan, standing next to Kif.
"Well, well, well," he said, "The lady Leela?"
She had to think of something.
"Looks like you're here overnight!" He whispered.
"Forget it, you pig." She snapped, "I've got a boyfriend already, thank you!"
"Who?" He asked, "Ditch him and come with me!"
She pulled Fry over [ you could see that coming ; ) ].
"Ah!" Zapp said, "You're married now, I presume?"
"Uh..." Last time Leela used Fry as a way to get rid of Zapp, she said he was her fiancee.
"Yeah!" she replied.
"So... Mrs. Leela Fry..." Zapp said.
"Yes..."
"Well, I guess I should get you a double bed then?"
"No, that won't be nes..."
"KiF! Put a double bed in room 453." Zapp ordered. ""You may go straight there." He walked away, following Kif.
"Married?" Fry whispered.
"No crazy ideas this time round!" She snapped. "We'll seperate the bed and make sure there are no cameras around. He'll want to watch any naughty ideas he think we might have planned."
************************************************
"MARRiED!!?" Zapp yelled, "MARRiED! LEELA iS MY GiRL!!!"
Zapp was in a foul mood. He punched kif every now and then to help, but it didn't work.
"My girl is married to a loser!!!" Zapp moaned.
"What's your plan, Sir?" Kif asked.
"Hmmm.... I've got a plan...."
"What is it!?"
"None of your buisness!!!" Zapp snapped. He eyed his locker. He opened it, and reached for a bright green object.
Leela was seperating the bed while Fry watched T.V. The bed was easy to seperate with the help of her laser pistol. As soon as she was finished, she went to sleep. Fry didn't go to sleep until a few hours later.
Fry was tossing and turning in his sleep again.
"ABANDON MiSSiON......... iT'S NOT TOO LATE!"
More tossing.
"YOU'RE STiLL iN DANGER!"
More turning.
"FRY! FRY!!! FRY....."
He woke up. He looked around. Leela was already awake and dressed.
"Come on, Fry!" She said, "Something's going on. Get dressed. We need to get to the ship and convince the Auto Pilot to let us go."
Fry did what he was told. He heard screams and shout. There were gun shots. Gun shots? But this is the 31st Century - surely bullets were outta here already?
Leela and Fry ran out. They were going the short way - but it was closed up. They tried the long way- closed up. So they had to take the longest way.
They came across a deserted room. It was filled to the ceiling with metal cubes - why they were there was anyones guess.
Fry heard the voice again.
"TURN BACK, FRY... TURN BACK...."
"Uh... Leela..." Fry mumbled, "Can we go back?"
"No... it's this way... " Leela replied.
Boomp. Boomp. Boomp.
"Someone's here..." Fry said.
"Don't worry..." Leela muttered.
Boomp. Boomp. Clang... Boomp.
Leela got into her Martial Arts stance.
Boomp. Boomp. Boomp. CLiCK. Boomp. Boomp.
"TURN BACK FRY! GET AWAY FROM HERE..."
Boomp. Boomp. Clang. CLiCK. Boomp.
"FRYYYYYYY............."
BANG!!!
"AAAAARRGHH!!!"
"Fry!"
Fry fell to the floor, blood pouring fom his gut. Leela knelt down beside him.
"Fry?"
She checked his pulse... he was still alive... but he looked like he's dead. He was pale.
"It's just you and me now, Leela."
Leela turned around. A man with blonde hair came from behind the boxes. He was wearing bright green jeans, a bright green vestand dark green gloves.
"My name is Steve." He said quietly, "I was sent to help you, but I do not do what people say.So I came to do te exact opposite."
"You b*****d..." Leela said angrily.
"Indeed. I feel most agrieved to have had to have done what I just did. And I'm about to feel even more agrieved..."
Leela went in to punch him, but he grabbed her fist. She tried with her left fist, but he grabbed that fist too. He then punched in the stomach a few times, then let go of her fists and punched her in the face, knocking her down. He aimed the gun at her - she noticed through her bruised eye that it was green. It wasn't a laser, either. She kicked it out of his hand. It went flying behing the cubes. He climbed up to get it. When he was out of sight, Leela hid behind a pillar. She watched Fry - he was twitching and moaning. Blood was still been splattered over the walls.
Steve peered from behind the cubes. All he saw was Fry. Leela creeped up from behind and punched him off the cubes. He hit the floor hard. Leela jumped down, hoping to land on his head - but she missed and sprained her ankle. He got up and ran off. Leela got her gun and shot the cubes at the top of the pillars. Some of the cubes fell down and almost crushed Steve.
"You can try," Steve yelled, "But you won't succeed, you b****!"
Leela heard Fry moaning in the backround.
"Doesn't look good for him, does it?" Steve said.
"Doesn't look very promising for you either!!!" Leela shot back. She loaded her gun and shot him in the arm.
"Arrgh, you ..." he yelled.
She ran over to him and kicked him in the stomach.
He started to run off. Leela tried a few shots at him, but she missed. He quickly turned around and shot Fry in the leg. Leela ran towards him to see if he was OK. His pulse was still going. She turned around, but Steve had already gone.
Leela stared at Fry. He can't have been shot with a regular bullet... he was bleeding like mad, and there was some sort of ooze where he was shot.
"Fry?"
"Uh... huh? What's going on..."
"You've just been shot with some sort of bullet..."
"What do you... mean... some sort of b - bullet?"
"It hasn't killed you yet..."
"Have I missed some... thing h - here?" Fry croaked, looking green, "Am I dying?"
"I don't know..." Leela replied, "I..." Leela stared. Frys eyes had gone white.
"What?" Fry said.
"Uh..."
"I'm dying, aren't I? I knew it... these voices in my head were trying to tell me..." Fry muttered.
Leela rang Hermes.
"Hermes?"
"Yah, dis is Hermes." Hermes replied, "What is wrong?"
"It's Fry... he's been shot..." Leela explained, "He's all green and... and... he's speaking alien."
"What in Bubbaland..." Hermes said, obviously shocked, "What kind of gun was he shot wit'?"
"It wasn't a laser. It was a bullet gun."
"Bullets?"
"Yeah... and the gun was green."
Hermes gasped. "Green? Oh my God!!!"
"What's wrong?" Leela asked.
"I've heard of dis gun..." Hermes replied, "Da bullets cause sickness, pain, paralisis..."
"O.K, O.K, enough of the suffering stages, what do we do?" Leela interrupted.
"Well, we'll rent a ship and pick him up," Hermes answered, "Hopefully, we'll be able to keep him alive. But while we're doin' dat, you'll have to find da cure."
"Cure?"
"Yah. It's da planet Zerad 1, the cure is called 'TRYiS'. It's a sort of drug dat can cure mostly anyt'ing. You'll have to be very quick wit' dese medicines, both of your friends are counting on you."
"Oh, thanks for that."
"Just leave, we'll get dere to get Fry as soon as we can."
"O.K..." Leela said, hanging up. She looked down at Fry.
"Don't worry, Fry... the crew are coming for you soon." She said. Then she got up and ran to the ship.
Fry just lay there, listening to the voices in his head.
"i TOLD YOU, FRY... NOW THEY ARE ALL iN DANGER..."
V
Leela ran into the control area.
"O.K, listen," she said to the Auto Pilot, "If you don't let me go, I'll blast you!" She pulled out her gun, "I'm serious!"
"AAH, BUT iF YOU BLAST ME i'LL MAKE THE SHiP BLOW!"
Leela thought about it. This was possible. "Just let me get outta here."
"WHERE iS THE RED HEAD DUDE?"
"He's injured," Leela replied, "The rest of the crew are getting him soon."
"HA HA HA."
"Shut up."
"WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE HiM TO THE BUiLDiNG?"
"Becuase I have to find a cure for his problem."
"AH, RiGHT. i'LL LET YOU GET OUT, BUT ONLY BECUASE HE iS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FiLL iN FOR BENDER WHEN HE'S AWAY."
"Fill in?"
"DRiNKiNG CONTEST. i ALWAYS WiN. HE'S A LOSER."
Leela grabbed hold of the controls and took off.
*******************************************
"Sir!" Kif yelled, "Sir, we've got a casualty in the Storage area."
"Uh huh," Zapp replied, "I've heard."
"What happened to him Sir?"
"Kif, it is you who is to tell me!"
"I thought you knew it all, Sir."
"Uh..., well, all I know is that he was shot." Zapp stammered.
Kif noticed that Zapp had a bandage around his arm.
"Sir, what happened to your arm?" Kif asked.
Zapp ignored him. "Who was shot?"
"Uh... Miss Leela's husband, Mr. Fry." Kif answered.
"What the hell?" Zapp exclaimed.
"What shall I do with him Sir?" Kif asked.
"Dump him in the Brig."
"Yes Sir."
*******************************************
It was only Leela on the Planet Express Ship. Well, there was the Auto Pilot, but she didn't really talk to him.
"WHY THE LONG FACE LEE?"
She didn't reply.
"WHAT DiD i DO KNOW?"
She didn't reply.
"YOU'RE A B****. YOU SUCK. i'D RATHER STiCK MY HARD DRIVE IN A MiNCiNG MACHiNE THAN HANG AROUND YOU."
Still nothing.
"WE ARE LOW ON FUEL. WE ARE ON A CRASH COURSE. WE ARE ABOUT TO BOARD TO THE NiMBUS STARSHiP."
Leela remained silent.
"NiBBLER IN STEPPING iNTO THE ENGiNES."
"Oh no!!!" Leela yelled, running to the engines. Halfway there, she realised that he was just trying to get her to do something. She went back. "Don't do that."
HA HA, i THOUGHT iT WAS PRETTY ENTERTAiNiNG."
Shut up." Leela snapped.
They went another few hours in silence. Then, Leela heard a deep voice...
"Leela - you must stay away from Earth!"
"Very funny, bozo." Leela replied, looking up at the Auto Pilots camera.
"iT WASN'T ME, iT WAS NiBBLER."
"Very funny." She repeated. She turned around. Nibbler was asleep. She turned away.
"Stay away from Earth. Something terrible is about to happen..."
"Will you shut up!" Leela snapped at the Auto Pilot.
"iT AiNT ME, i SWEAR!"
"My ass it isn't you!"
"MY TAiLPiPE iT iS ME"
"My ass it isn't is isn't you!"
"WHAT?"
"Stop bickering and listen! If you go back to Earth, you will be in great danger!!!"
"Shut up, I'm talking!" Leela said in unision with the Auto Pilot. They stopped. They looked at Nibbler.
"A - HA."
"What the..." Leela exclaimed, "Did you... say something?"
"Sure," Nibbler said, "I've talked to you before, but you don't remember."
"You have? I don't?" Leela asked.
"Yeah, yeah." Nibbler said, dropping the tense, thoughtful tone, "You have a fag or someit'? Cuz I'm a bit stressed at the minute."
"HERE YOU GO..." said the Auto Pilot, and a packet of cigars dropped onto Nibblers head, "THEY ARE BENDERS BUT HE WON'T MiND iF i DON'T TELL HiM."
"Thanks." Nibbler took one big puff and finished it ( Pinnochio style ). He flicked it into space. "Alright, this is gonna take a lot of explainin'. I'd sit down if I were you."
So Leela sat down. She stared at Nibbler for a bit. He stared at her. Leela broke the silence.
"So... what?" Leela asked.
"O.K." Nibbler replied, "Please try to keep up with me."
VI
"First, let me tell you more about this gun. It was made with bullets becuase a bullet stays in a victim, whereas a laser will just go through 'em. The bullet causes... what Hermes said to you! Paralisis, sickness and the like. After two days, you will die. It's worse than death by Suicide Booth on the Slow And Horrible setting. The gun was a... a small project at first. The creator is a guy named Jack. He was about to use it on Zapp Brannigan, but his laywer started to annoy him and so Jack used it on him instead. It worked. He showed it to a man named Steve..."
"Steve!?" Leela exclaimed, "He's..."
"Please!" Nibbler interrupted, "Any proper info on Steve hasn't been discovered yet. We no not of his backround and stuff. Anyway, Steve seemed angry about the fact Jack was meaning to use it on Zapp Brannigan, so once he had the gun in his possession, he shot Jack.
"But Jack told Steve something he paid no heed to - Jack told him that shooting the one most important person in the world would turn them into some sort of creature, that will bring hell on Earth - literally."
"THE MOST iMPORTANT PERSON iN THE UNiVERSE?" the Auto Pilot said, "NO SUCH PERSON."
"Oh, really?" Nibbler said with a eybrow raised, "Believe me, there is such a person."
"THERE iS NO SUCH..."
"Listen to me you f***in' half wit!!!" Nibbler yelled, losing all cutieness that he ever had, "Alright. You see, if this guy never came to this time, we wouldn't be here. I was alive in the 20th Century, and as soon as I got the news about this guy, I decided to bring him to this - one thousand years later. But how, I wondered? Then I realised that he worked for Pannuchi's Pizza at the time. So I made a call. Told them to deliver a pizza to the Cryogenic labs. He came - and when he found out that the name of the person he was delivering to was a prank name. He got fed up and sat down. I pushed him into the tube while he was off his guard."
"HEY, THAT SOUNDS LiKE THE RED HEAD." the Auto Pilot said.
"That Humpty Dumpty fell." Leela said.
"You think?" Nibbler asked, "Well, you see, Fry has been telling you about the Brain Spawn. None of you believed him - but it's true. I had erased your memories so that you wouldn't recall what happened. The Brain Spawn had turned you all stupid - execpt for Fry. He saved the world, but none of you know it. If he wasn't frozen, the Brain Spawn would still be here - that's why he's so important."
"Fry is the most important guy in the world?" Leela said, shocked, "But why hasn't he said so?"
"Not even he knows. Surely you must have worked that out Lola - "
"Leela."
"Whatever. Anyway, do not return to Earth! I've had enough of saving your naive asses!!! Fry has been shot, so that means he will turn into a creature and lash out at everything.
"Earth is doomed." Nibbler said somenly, closing his eyes and lowering his head.
VII
"Come on, just buy da damn ting for jah sakes!" Hermes snapped.
"That old busted joint?" the Professer replied, "That couldn't possibly get to Fry in time!"
"Yeah, and that thing will cramp my style!" Amy said.
"AMY!!! Fry's life is in danger, mon!" Hermes exclaimed, "And you're worried aboud yo style?"
Amy sniffed. "But I look so pretty..."
"Zoidberg, buy dis ting!" Hermes yelled.
Zoidberg started to cry - but stopped abruptly. "Why is it always me who pays, you b*****d!"
"Bring it on, ya filty crab!!!" Hermes said, making a 'Come to Papa' gesture.
Zoidberg jumped at Hermes, knocking him to the ground. He tried to claw Hermes's head off, but Hermes punched him in the face, so he only got a scratch. He got up and kicked Zoidberg in the golads ( that is where our windpipe is ). Zoidberg groaned, then tried the same on Hermes, but he was a human, therefore he was hit in the wndpipe, not the nads. But it seemed a good place to hit. Hermes flew into the side of one of the ships. Zoidberg went up to him and cut Hermes's shoulder.
Suddenly, a gush of wind blew them both to the ground. They looked up - the Professer and Amy had already bought the ship and was zooming off at full speed.
"They left wit' out us!" Hermes exclaimed.
"When the old human comes back, I will rip out his dorsel fin!!!" Zoidberg yelled.
**********************************************
Kif was in the Storage room. He was ordered to drag Fry out of the room - but he wasn't there. All he saw was puddles of blood and puke. He was about to call Zapp and tell him that the body was missing, when somebody - or, most probably, something, said something...
"
ZAPP MUST PAY... ZAPP MUST PAY..."
Kiff understood him. After all, he was an alien himself.
"
LEAD ME TO ZAPP... OR YOU WiLL REPLACE HiM..." The voice said again.
Kiff was getting ready to run, but the doors closed.
"
KiF THE KROKER... YOU WiLL REPLACE ZAPP... YOU WiLL REPLACE HiM NOW...."
************************************************
Leela had landed on a small planet named Untya 4. Nibbler had refused to 'unload' any fuel until they refused to go back ( the Auto Pilot could easily fly down to Earth itself and be destroyed ).
"No... we have to go for both cures..." Leela said.
"Are you simple?" Nibbler asked, "What's the point, exactly?"
"We can find the cure before Fry does all that!!!"
"No, you can't! Fry will go nuts day after next!!! It might be possible to find Benders cure, but not to get Frys cure or to get back!" Nibbler snapped.
"YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT THERE iS NOTHiNG WE CAN DO?" the Auto Pilot asked.
"Nope." Nibbler said, sipping from a beer.
"Well..." said Leela, "I suppose we could save Bender, if we go down and take him to the Robot planet thingy..."
"No! We can't take the risk..." Nibbler started, but Leela had had enough. She grabbed Leela and threw him in her quarters.
"You get in there and you shut up!" Leela ordered.
Leela filled the ship with fuel, bought a few spare tubs and headed towards Earth.
*********************************************
"I thought Leela said he was here..." Amy said.
"He has been here, woman, look at the mess!" the Professer replied.
The Professer and Amy had boarded the Nimbus to pick up Fry, but he wasn't here. It looked like he had dragged himself away - there were trails of blood everywhere. Amy followed the trails, but Fry wasn't there.
"Where the hell is he?" the Professer asked.
"How am I supposed to know exactly?" Amy snapped.
As they were arguring, Amy glanced out the window. There was the Planet Express ship coming towards them.
The Auto Pilot had no idea why she wanted to go into the Nimbus ship, so...
"WHY ARE WE GOiNG iN THERE?"
"I wanna see whether they've got Fry or not."
But instead of landing in the hager, she crashed through all the walls blocking the way to the Storage room. When she was just outside the Storage room, she jumped out and ran inside.
She was shockd to see Amy and the Professer there.
"Leela!" Amy exclaimed, "We came to pick Fry up and he wasn't here!"
"What!?" Leela shouted, "Well... where is he?" She didn't know why she asked, she knew the answer.
"We dunno." the Professer said, proving Leela right, "But who cares? Let's go, dammit!"
"No..." Leela replied, "We need to find him..." She thought for a minute, "Zapp's probably thrown him in the brig... come on..."
They all ran towards the brig. They were close ... but were stopped by Zapp Brannigan.
"Well well well... Mrs Fry." He said slyly, "I'm afraid to say that Mr Fry has been killed."
"Get out of my way you b*****d..." Leela snapped, trying to push him aside.
"With Mr Fry out of the way, maybe you'd like to..."
"Out of my way you pig!!!" Leela yelled, slapping him. Then she noticed his arm... abndaged. Suspicion grew. Zapp was obviously jealous when she told him Fry was her husband. A few hours later, Fry is shot by 'Steve'. She breaks his arm - and now Zapp appears with a bandaged arm, looking glad that Fry was gone ( or that's what he thought ). Plus, 'Steve' had shot Jack when he said that he was going to use the gun on Zapp.
"Is something wrong, Leela?" Zapp asked. Instead of replying, she kicked him in the nads and ran past him. She went into the brig.
Amy stayed behind. "Where's Kif?" She asked Zapp.
"I don't know," Zapp whimpered, "I told him to get rid of Fry's body, but he hasn't come back."
Amy started to get worried. Suddenly, Leela ran out of the brig.
"He isn't there." Leela sighed, "Where is he?" She asked, turning to Zapp.
"I honestly don't..." he started. He didn't finish, because a strange voice was echoing through the halls - in the same language Fry was speaking after he was shot.
"
YOU ARE ALL DOOMED..." the voice said, "YOU WiLL ALL DiE..."
"What the hell..."
"Sweet Zombie Jesus, what is that?"
"Kif, is that you?"
"
PREPARE TO BE DECENTERGRATED" the voice muttered. Then, screens dropped down all around them. The ships voice said,
"ATTENTiON CREW MEMBERS - COUNTDOWN TO SELF - DESTRUCTiON HAS STARTED. ABANDON SHiP iMMEADiATLY."
They all started running to the ship. Leela let Zapp in reluctantly, even though she still wasn't sure whether it was him who shot Fry or not.
"SELF DESTRUCTiON iN 5..."
"Quick, get us outta here!" Zapp yelled.
"WHAT iS GOiNG ON?" The Auto pilot asked.
"...4...."
"Nothing, just let us out..." Leela replied.
"...3..."
"WHY?"
"Do it now you robo b*****d!!!" Leela yelled.
"...2..."
"O.K, O.K, LETS GO..." the Auto Pilot yelled. They zoomed into the distance.
A second later ... BOOOOOOOM!!! The Nimbus starship had exploded.
"My Nimbus!!!" Zapp yelled.
"My Kif!!!" Amy yelled.
They hurtled towards Earth.
VIII
THE NEXT DAY, THE PLANET EXPRESS OFFiCE
They dumped Bender into the ship.
"If we can't rescue Fry, we might as well rescue Bender..." Leela said.
This time, Hermes and Zoidberg came with them.
"Hopefully we can get Bender ova to da planet in time!" Hermes said.
Suddenly, the windows smashed. The T.V fell off it's stand and shattered the screen. The sky started to look darker.
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