MAJOR VICTORY
BEWARE! SPOILERS AHEAD!
[As the interview begins, Major Victory seems disappointed that I'm not dressed as a superhero too. To be fair, I kind of promised him I would earlier in the day, but I had hoped that he'd forget. As a gesture, he gives me his cape, which drapes gracefully over the back of the chair I'm on. I've never felt more powerful.]SCI FI: An easy one to start with: could you describe your powers for us?
MAJOR VICTORY: I can jump 375 yards in the air. I can manipulate sound. But my kryptonite is that I'm lactose intolerant, which actually helps with the jumping, because if I have a little milk I can get to about 380, 385, straight in the air. So, it's not so bad.
SCI FI: There's always a silver lining.
MAJOR VICTORY: Yes, there's always a give and take.
SCI FI: I watched the whole show the last couple of days.
MAJOR VICTORY: You did? What did you think?
SCI FI: Intense, especially when you watch it all at once. It's a very emotional show.
MAJOR VICTORY: It's very intense. Let me tell you a funny story. Feedback, that guy is very intense. He comes up to me one time and says "Major Victory, I'm having a dream at night," he's freaking out, and he comes up to me and goes "I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam..." I grab Feedback and go, "Man, you're two tents!" [Laughter] Just a little story I wanted to tell you.
SCI FI: I'm glad you shared. Now, to get back to my serious question, it's a very emotional show, a very intense show. I watched it all in one go, so I got hit by a lot of emotions at once. As time went on the group dwindled, and there's a lot of people leaving quite regularly. The serious question that's been on my mind for a while... is it my imagination, or does Lemuria's neckline just get a little bit lower every episode?
MAJOR VICTORY: I think she planned that. The first time they made the costume it was kind of low, yes, but then there was a little bit of 'help'.
[We both make complicated gestures to indicate the varying neckline of the lovely Lemuria's outfit, which eagle-eyed viewers will see changing from episode to episode]MAJOR VICTORY: They did give me a little muscle costume but it got too hot so I had to take it off. I used to have fingers; I took them off too. [he holds up his fingerless red gloves to illustrate the point]
SCI FI: I spotted that.
MAJOR VICTORY: Yeah, my dexterity wasn't too good. [He mimes trying to grab hold of something slippery] "Can I help you? Can I help you?" I can't even grip somebody; that's not good.
SCI FI: And an important lesson learnt from Feedback, who had quite a bit of trouble picking up a penny in one episode.
MAJOR VICTORY: Yeah, "I'm sorry everyone else is getting mugged, beaten up, stabbed and shot in the face - I'm having trouble with a penny."
SCI FI: Every penny saved is a penny earned, though.
MAJOR VICTORY: That's true.
SCI FI: In your superhero career so far, what would you say is your major victory?
MAJOR VICTORY: My major victory would be reconnecting with my daughter. She and I have a great bond right now. We've grown closer. She's going to come and visit me this summer. She's going to be 18 in a month. So, yes, reconnecting with her has been the biggest victory, I think, this whole show has provided me.
SCI FI: As Stan Lee mentions in the show, superheroes are often defined by the villains in their lives, their nemesis. Do you have a nemesis? Is the Dark Enforcer still lurking? Are you still looking over your shoulder?
MAJOR VICTORY: The Dark Enforcer wasn't my original arch nemesis. My arch nemesis was Dr Toxic.
SCI FI: Doc Tox!
MAJOR VICTORY: Doc Tox, yeah. He would do everything from putting a little milk in my tea, stuff like that. You can't do that, especially if I'm going to have to fly; I'm just sitting here getting gassy. That's not going to save anybody.
SCI FI: He's twisted. Do you still keep in touch with the other heroes in the show?
MAJOR VICTORY: I am great friends with Fat Momma and Feedback. I was supposed to visit them this weekend, but I'm here in England, so it's a trade off. Fat Momma and I talk about three times a week, and Feedback and I about once or twice a week.
SCI FI: You were obviously a close little group.
MAJOR VICTORY: Us three, Feedback, Fat Momma and myself were really close. It wasn't fake on the show or anything like that; it was a real closeness.
SCI FI: Any of the others at all?
MAJOR VICTORY: Not so much.
SCI FI: What about at conventions, and similar events?
MAJOR VICTORY: Let's see, Nitro G a little bit in New York. We did a couple of things in New York, so I was able to see him and do a couple of things with him.
SCI FI: I think he had a lot of potential.
MAJOR VICTORY: He did. He was a great comic book fan.
SCI FI: It's a shame he went out so early.
[A nice cup of tea arrives for Major Victory - at first, it's cow milk, so we need to get hold of some soy milk for him. I suspect Doc Tox might be in the building, responsible for this attempt on the Major's life/small intestine but resolve to investigate further before alarming anyone.]SCI FI: There were a lot of antics that went on camera, a lot of crazy things happened...
MAJOR VICTORY: They missed a lot.
SCI FI: What kind of stuff did we not see?
MAJOR VICTORY: Well, there was one thing that they did not show called Superhero Trivia, or Superhero Jeopardy, as I like to call it. I thought one of the good questions, and I actually helped Fat Momma, was "True or false, you get six months to nine months in prison if you eat nuts on a bus in Philadelphia". I piped in and I said "I don't know about that, but I'm pretty sure you get five to ten if you play with them." [Laughter] So, that never made it. Isn't that crazy?
SCI FI: That sounds pretty good actually. Do you have a sidekick? Would you like one?
MAJOR VICTORY: You know, I don't have a sidekick.
SCI FI: I'm thinking of calling myself Minor Victory; I can jump about three yards.
MAJOR VICTORY: How about Runner Up?
SCI FI: I could just be like you, only a little bit less powerful, mop up after you.
MAJOR VICTORY: Because I mess up a lot. That's good. Would you have a cape?
SCI FI: I wouldn't want your cape, because you've got to have it for your jumping and all that. I could work on the costume.
MAJOR VICTORY: Definitely spandex.
SCI FI: There's potential there; my people will talk to your people. What was your favourite cartoon show or toy, growing up?
MAJOR VICTORY: GI Joe. I played with a lot of GI Joes. I used to dress up a lot as Batman as a kid, with my sister. And then I moved away. I did that in San Francisco, more acceptable. Moved to a smaller town, not so acceptable; that's when Batman stopped. He wasn't cool in a small town.
SCI FI: Now, have you ever seen a ghost, or maybe a UFO?
MAJOR VICTORY: I saw Ghost back in the '80s. Patrick Swayze, right?
SCI FI: [Laughs] I think you saw the ghost of his career.
MAJOR VICTORY: I've never seen a ghost, but I'm open to the idea.
SCI FI: That opens up interesting possibilities, if a ghost had you...
MAJOR VICTORY: By the balls, by the throat.
SCI FI: Grab him by the ghostly nuts.
MAJOR VICTORY: Yeah. [Laughs]
SCI FI: You never know, it might be their weakness! What do you wish you had invented, and why?
MAJOR VICTORY: If I could invent anything it would be electricity.
SCI FI: Wow, you're aiming high.
MAJOR VICTORY: Can you imagine inventing electricity? Nobody knows what it really is. I invented that!
SCI FI: Would you rename it?
MAJOR VICTORY: Yeah.
SCI FI: What would it be called?
MAJOR VICTORY: Major Victory's... Stuff.
SCI FI: Imagine getting in early and patenting it.
MAJOR VICTORY: Well, you can charge people for it, but also help them out. If they really need a lot more electricity, have more electricity.
SCI FI: I like your ambition. What is your favourite TV show right now?
MAJOR VICTORY: This is not even being created right now, but Friends. Even watching the re-runs, it's one of those shows you can watch over and over. You can't watch a re-run of Desperate Housewives.
SCI FI: Friends are always there for you. [Major Victory sings the theme tune] Have you been watching Heroes at all?
MAJOR VICTORY: I've watched a little bit, and I've done a couple of conventions with some of the Heroes characters, which is nice; they're nice kids. Hayden...
SCI FI: It's the show whose cast is full of people whose names are impossible to pronounce.
MAJOR VICTORY: Yes. Hayden what?
SCI FI: Panettiere, which always sounds to me like a delicious Italian cheesecake or something.
[At this point a bottle of water arrives for my refreshment, which is lovely, but the nice lady has some trouble cracking it open. She naturally gives it to Major Victory, everyone's hero, for help.]SCI FI: Man, how embarrassing would it be if you couldn't open that, while being recorded and everything?
[His dignity at stake, he opens bottle, and makes sure to lean into the microphone]MAJOR VICTORY: I did it!
SCI FI: That's the first time I've ever had a drink poured for me by a superhero.
MAJOR VICTORY: No problem.
SCI FI: One of my dreams; I can tick that off the list now. Done. Swimming with dolphins next. What would you like to be reincarnated as?
MAJOR VICTORY: Let's see. Probably something that can fly and then poop on people.
SCI FI: London's got enough pigeons already.
MAJOR VICTORY: I'm thinking an eagle.
SCI FI: Go for the birds of prey. They know they're cool.
MAJOR VICTORY: Just swoop down.
SCI FI: Shadows just fleeting around.
MAJOR VICTORY: Just looking around.
SCI FI: The terror of bunnies everywhere.
MAJOR VICTORY: Yeah. Something like that.
SCI FI: That would be pretty cool. Now, what's the strangest thing you've ever signed?
MAJOR VICTORY: The strangest thing I've ever signed? I would guess it would be a mammary gland.
SCI FI: I've heard of those.
MAJOR VICTORY: Someone's boob.
SCI FI: We asked the same question of Stan Lee, and he gave a very similar answer.
MAJOR VICTORY: Someone's boob?
SCI FI: He didn't actually say that.
MAJOR VICTORY: He and I have got a lot in common.
SCI FI: He didn't really say it quite so straightforward as that; he was a bit more avuncular. It was more on the lines of "A part of a lady's anatomy." Maybe it was the same girl? Left and right?
MAJOR VICTORY: There was one girl who let her boobs out for Stan Lee in the show. She liked to go topless everywhere.
SCI FI: Did you meet her?
MAJOR VICTORY: Yeah.
SCI FI: Got her number?
MAJOR VICTORY: She's on MySpace.
SCI FI: Nice. Who is the most famous person you've ever met?
MAJOR VICTORY: Tom Cruise, before he was really Tom Cruise. My cousin was filming a movie, Taps, and Tom was in that in a smaller part. Tom came out and said "Hi, I'm Timothy Hutton." He's a big joker.
SCI FI: This is asking for trouble; but... what's your favourite joke?
MAJOR VICTORY: My favourite joke, okay.
SCI FI: You only get one.
MAJOR VICTORY: I got it, believe me. It's kind of visual though. What did the one chicken say to the other chicken who crossed the road?
SCI FI: I don't know.
MAJOR VICTORY: [Major Victory gets up from the sofa, and gets into character. Arms flapping, he looks left and right, then across the road to his chicken friend. Alarmed, he squawks "Ba-KACK! Ba-KACK!" while waving his poultry pal back away from the deadly traffic. You had to be there, really.]
SCI FI: I will do everything in my power to describe that. I've got another set of questions. These are quick fire; these are instinctive, top of the head questions.
SCI FI: You ready?
MAJOR VICTORY: Sure.
SCI FI: Superman or Spider-Man?
MAJOR VICTORY: Spider-Man.
SCI FI: Mulder or Scully?
MAJOR VICTORY: Scully.
SCI FI: Hallowe'en or Christmas?
MAJOR VICTORY: Hallowe'en.
SCI FI: Princess Leia, in the gold bikini, or Barbarella?
MAJOR VICTORY: Ooh... Barbarella.
SCI FI: Night in or night out?
MAJOR VICTORY: Night in.
SCI FI: Spaceship or castle?
MAJOR VICTORY: Spaceship.
SCI FI: Book or film?
MAJOR VICTORY: Film.
SCI FI: Kirk or Spock?
MAJOR VICTORY: [Laughing] Kirk.
SCI FI: Country or western?
MAJOR VICTORY: [This completely throws him] I don't like either of those!
SCI FI: Ninjas or pirates?
MAJOR VICTORY: Ninjas.
SCI FI: Clowns, scary or funny?
MAJOR VICTORY: Scary.
SCI FI: "B" movie or blue movie?
MAJOR VICTORY: Blue.
SCI FI: Blonde or brunette?
MAJOR VICTORY: Blonde.
SCI FI: Steven King or Steven Spielberg?
MAJOR VICTORY: Steven King.
SCI FI: JK Rowling or JRR Tolkien?
MAJOR VICTORY: JRR Tolkien.
SCI FI: Antique or brand new?
MAJOR VICTORY: Antique.
SCI FI: Old Star Wars or new Star Wars?
MAJOR VICTORY: New Star Wars.
SCI FI: Controversial. Fact or fiction?
MAJOR VICTORY: Fact.
SCI FI: That was the quick fire round. Are you okay?
MAJOR VICTORY: Yeah.
SCI FI: It's quite draining.
MAJOR VICTORY: [Still alarmed] Country or western!
SCI FI: We like to make you think at SCI FI.
MAJOR VICTORY: That made me pause.
SCI FI: I would like to tell you that you are the inaugural quick fire interviewee.
MAJOR VICTORY: Is everybody going to do those?
SCI FI: We are going to do these a lot. We're going to get a pool of people in there to compare, to see how people do under these conditions.
MAJOR VICTORY: Can I throw one in there for someone else?
SCI FI: Yes.
MAJOR VICTORY: Superhero or supervillain.
SCI FI: That's good.
MAJOR VICTORY: Do you know what they did? The producer asked me if I wanted to be a supervillain, and I said no.
SCI FI: No criticism at all, but I think the eventual supervillain of the show was not all that hard to spot from the crowd.
MAJOR VICTORY: I think the cool thing about it was that they threw in a super villain. The new year they're going to have to make it more of a twist.
SCI FI: Do you have any scoop or ideas what is going to happen next season?
MAJOR VICTORY: [Laughs] The only thing I could say is that I saw them standing outside a comic book store.
SCI FI: So, you saw all the guys there?
MAJOR VICTORY: And ladies. I was travelling in Los Angeles, and I saw them all standing outside a comic book store.
SCI FI: Did it make you want to get the costume on and run up?
MAJOR VICTORY: I wanted to wave and go "Hey, hey, remember me?"
SCI FI: Have you been keeping up with the new show? Have you been involved?
MAJOR VICTORY: I have been involved, yes. I did the interview process with some of the people.
SCI FI: I didn't know that.
MAJOR VICTORY: Yes, they flew me out to San Francisco, and I did the one in LA, and New York. I went to the New York ComiCon and interviewed the people that were going to do the show. I got to interview Stan too.
SCI FI: He's an amazing man.
MAJOR VICTORY: He really is.
SCI FI: I think we're pretty much done.
MAJOR VICTORY: I want my cape back.
SCI FI: I've just gotten used to it.
MAJOR VICTORY: You have to get one. I like your questions, by the way, because usually you get the same ones.
SCI FI: At SCI FI we like to be a bit more offbeat. I hate asking questions I know you've heard a million times before. Time to shut off the dictaphone.
MAJOR VICTORY: Can I say goodbye?
SCI FI: Please do.
MAJOR VICTORY: [Picks up the dictaphone, and speaks earnestly into it.] Goodbye. It's been interesting doing this, and I'll sign off. Oh, and the battery is low. Bye.
[As I reluctantly hand the cape back, I comment that I'm hardly going to try to steal it from a superhero, especially one who was brave enough to massage dangerous criminals in the show. The Major and I ponder on this new crimefighting technique - massaging criminals so they feel too relaxed to commit any crimes - but that's a story for another time...]STAN LEE INTERVIEW
SCI FI: Hello Stan! We're really looking forward to seeing how people react to the broadcast of Who Want To Be A Superhero this bank holiday weekend (May 5-7). What's your strongest memory of making the show?
Stan Lee: The fact that I didn't know it would be such hard work. I thought I'd just get in there and read my lines and get out, but it is so involved and complicated, and really so much fun, that I find I spent hours on the set, and the memory is just looking at all those characters, all those heroes with their costumes, and wondering what they're going to next. It's really very exciting.
SCI FI: So which was the craziest audition from season one?
SL: From season one? There was a girl who faced me, and she was wearing a little low-cut halter, and they were all auditioning, one after another. When it came to be her turn, I was totally surprised, because she removed her halter, and there she was, half naked in front of me. Unfortunately, she wasn't one of those who was chosen. [laughs]
One fellow, he was inside of a bubble. I never quite understood what his power was. There was another one who danced around and said that his butt was his greatest weapon, because everybody looked at it when he danced. I mean, you couldn't believe how many ridiculous ones there were, but we finally ended up with some really good ones.
SCI FI: We won't give away the winner of series one, but is there any news when their movie and the comic book will be released?
SL: Yes, I think the comic book will be released in about a month or so. It's already finished, and we want to release it when the second series begins, and I'm not quite sure when that'll be. It may be in two months, I have to check on that.
SCI FI: People often say there's nothing new under the sun, that every idea has already been thought of. Would you agree?
SL: In a sense, yes. All that we can do is do variations on ideas that other people have had. The reason is that there are only so many stories you can tell, and they were told years ago by the ancient Greeks and everybody else. So all we can do is find ways to embellish them and make them look fresh and new.
SCI FI: Most people are unlucky enough to only get one really good idea in their life. You have come up with thousands and thousands of ideas, and you're still going! Do you think that's really fair for the rest of us?
SL: [laughs] Well, that's a question I've never been asked before. Yes, I think so. You know, a lot of the ideas I come up with I reject, I don't even use them, because I don't think they're all that good. So I only average one out of a few that I try to forge ahead with, and ideas are really easy, you know. So much depends on the execution of the idea. I've had a lot of people come to me and say, do you think this is a good idea, or that's a good idea? And any one of them might have been, depending on how they were done, how they were handled, or written. And very often I've had things that seemed ridiculous, that were submitted to me, but the right writer got behind it and did a version of it, and it turned out to be great. So the execution is really as important as the idea itself.
SCI FI: So why did you set up POW (Purveyors of Wonder)?
SL: Well, everything that I did was owned my Marvel, because I was really an employee for hire all those years. And I felt I'd like to own some of my own things, and do things my own way. I still am involved with Marvel, I still love this company, I love the people there, and we're all very friendly. But I'm having fun doing my own thing now.
SCI FI So could you tell us a bit about your current projects with POW?
SL: Well, we have a number. You know that's a frustrating question, because unfortunately I'm not supposed to mention some of the things, because... for instance, we have a few movies that are being developed, but as you can imagine, the movie studio wants to be the one to make the announcement when the time comes. We have a number of TV series that are in the works. We do have something I can talk about. We have a couple of DVDs. One is called Mosaic, it's about a young female heroine, with a superpower. Another is called Condor. It's about a young Hispanic superhero, and I thought it was time we had a really good Hispanic hero. Those are both in animated form, by the way. We have another animated DVD that we're working on starring Ringo Starr. I told him that I thought it was time that I made him famous. [laughs] So this is really a very funny and deep DVD. He plays himself, there's a lot of music, a lot of wild adventure, and a tremendous amount of comedy. We'll be starting to animate that soon. It'll probably be out the end of this year, or the beginning of next.
SCI FI: You recently had a cameo in our show Heroes. How did that come about? And what do you think of the show?
SL: Oh, I think the show is wonderful. I was someplace where a number of the producers of the show were, and we started talking. One of the writer-producers is a friend of mine, and we were just kidding around, and he said, "You've done all those other cameos, how would you like to do a cameo on our show?" Well, I'm a real ham, I said, "Oh man, that would be great!" So the next thing I knew, I was a bus driver on the show. I was hoping that I'd be a lead character. That sort of disappointed me a little, I only had a few words to say, but maybe they'll make up for it in the next series.
SCI FI: So if you could be a lead character in Heroes, what superpower would you have liked to have had?
SL: Oh, golly, any one of them. Maybe immortality wouldn't be bad.
SCI FI: Nice. Do you think the future of comics is online rather than the traditional print?
SL: Right now there are so many different ways to get your entertainment. Of course you can go online, you can go to a movie, watch TV, you can read a book. You'll be able to see shows on your cell phone pretty soon. And I think they're all valid methods of being entertained, and it just depends what you're doing at the moment. I don't think that books or magazines will ever totally go out of fashion. It's just a case of, there's room for everybody, and it depends on the individual taste, and the mood of the moment.
SCI FI: Who is the most famous person you've ever met, and what's the strangest thing that someone's ever asked you to sign?
SL: Oh, girls very often ask me to sign different parts of their anatomy, which gets a little embarrassing. But the most famous person I met was probably President Reagan, and I must tell you, we were at a dinner, and I was sitting with him, and you have to make conversation, obviously, and I couldn't imagine what... This was right after he was president, he was now a civilian. I couldn't imagine what you say to an ex-president, especially such a great one. So I finally said, "Mr. President, you must be so relieved to have the cares of the world off your shoulders, and not to have all those responsibilities any more." And I'll never forget, he looked at me with the enthusiasm of a young boy. His eyes were wide, and he said, "No, I loved being President." And the way he said it, you know: "I loved being President". That lingers in my memory.
SCI FI: Stan, thank you very much for your time, It was an absolute pleasure to meet you, sir. Goodbye.
