Those of you who have checked out my "myspace" page will have no doubt read some of my blogs and figured out what a nutter I am. Obviously that is not the correct technical term but you get my drift.
Yes I have suffered with deppression for the past 20 years or so. It was only actually diagnosed about 3 years ago. I hit rock bottom and I hit it hard. I couldn't function as a member of society, I could not give eye contact, I even found it difficult to be round my own kids. I was in hell.
I got through all of this, sheer grit and determination and a lot of help from family, friends and Hartlepool M.I.N.D were pretty much what saved me. That and art.
If you ever go to MIND you will see a selection of paintings in their corridors. Look at the one of Jimi Hendrix smoking, on his chest, right hand side looking at it, that's were the little devil on my shoulder is painted over! I put him on the canvas and splogged paint all over him. This was the guy who told me I was worthless, talentless, unloveable. Why was I still here, I disgusted myself, why the hell would anyone else want me?
I should reiterate at this point, I am better now, he isn't there anymore, he's in that painting!
Art has been pretty much a way of life the last few years, it saved me, it helped me, it made me understand myself, accept myself even. Hell even like myself. Art is not just a picture on a wall, it's a living, breathing organic "thing".
Never underestimate Art!
This blog has been quite cathartic, I have enough distance now to talk about everything and it not get to me, only two or three people up until this point knew the location of my devil. Now you know and I am just fine with that.
These days I coast along quite nicely, I stop and smell the roses, look at the view, it might be "the human race" but I really don't mind if I come last!
Yes I know I talk twaddle.
Got a fair few commissions at the moment so I am quite happy.
Usually when someone wants me to paint something I want to paint everything but, at the moment that isn't the case, nothing is pushing its way into the queue.
I could do with selling a few more I have already painted as I am running out of space, hint hint!
