If you have any encounters with Flying Onions, please feel free to submit them. Email us: the_flying_onion@hotmail.com and if your encounter is posted on our site, you get...NOTHING! Hahahahaha!!!

(Please read on, encounters below.)

One day, I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when a frog jumped out of a bush. It started talking. "Hello," it said, "My name is Darian and if you kiss me, I will turn into a handsome prince!"  Now I don't really like sleazy guys, or in this case, sleazy creatures, so I kept on walking. Then, all of a sudden, Harry Potter appeared, being chased by what looked like a black cloak. He approached me, and started asking for my help. "You have to save me, Lord Voldemort is after me!" He said, gasping. "You have a wand, help yourself why don't you!" I snapped. Voldemort came to us. "Harry..." he said, pulling a strap-on dildo out of his robes, '" I'm not finished with you yet..." By now, I was getting kind of freaked out, I had seen Harry Potter, Lord Voldemort and a talking frog all in the space of ten minutes. It was then that I saw it. I had left my watch at home, and was looking up at the sun, trying to tell the time, and there it was....A FLYING F***ING ONION!!! I couldn't believe my eyes, and it scared me sooooo much, I sprinted all the way back home, and to this day, I have never seen another Flying Onion.  

Submitted by Caz

It was another ordinary day. I was walking home from school shooting birds with a straw and spitballs. So far, I had hit four sparrows, two seagulls, one blackbird, and a budgie. I was hoping to feed them to my brother. He is small and slimey, eats fish and goes "precioussssss" at odd intervals. I'm experimenting on what foods he eat. So far I had fed him cats, eggs, rocks and snails (I was sued by Mr Munroe for the snails). Now I would try birds.
Suddenly, I heard a whirring of wings. I looked up and saw several shapes flying out of a tree. I aimed my spitballs and fired three times. Two of the shapes fell from the sky. I hurried over and found I had shot down a pair of flying onions! Amazing! I put them in a jar and began walking home. As I walked, I was attacked by a flock of flying onions. I couldn't see anything because my eyes were watering so much. Luckily, I saw a girl called Caz walking past. She was staring at Harry Potter, Voldemort and Darian. I decided not to get involved, instead yelling "SHE'S the one! SHE STOLE YOUR ONIONS!" and the flying onions left off attacking me.
I ran home and found the flying onions had sprouted baby flying onions. Since then I have become the world's most successful breeder of flying onions. I feed them to my brother. For more information, contact the flying onion website, where we may soon have a page on the hunting and preparing of flying onions.
  -   SCC, Author of "Frying Flying Onions" and "Winged Onions in Woks: A Cookbook"

Submitted by Miss Sophia Cameron-Christie