ello loves.
hi, i'm remy, & this is my blog (online diary, whatever you wanna call it), where I write whatever I feel, whenever I feel it. It's fairly new, since Sep. 6th, 2006. Enjoy. ♥
Navigation
__& Site
__& You
__& Archives
__& /////////
__& ////////
__& ///////
The Girl
Remy 16 years young. loves God. loves her family && friends. sagittarius. writing. drawing. painting. designing. singing. DANCING. romance movies. carnivals. snow. chocolate. strawberries. doodling. 60s films. dandelions. lead singers. guitars. sitars. india. mascara. hindi. insomnia. tea & coffee. watching the sun rise. running. swimming. mountains. broadway. musicals. photography. falling in love. Zayed Khan. Television. House. CNN. journalism. more?
Contact
email: fdhelp_info@yahoo.com>
Stuffs
♥ Chem Project
♥ Spanish II Project
♥ Study for Finals
This Moment
Time: 1:47 pm
Wearing: Partnership Walk 2007 Tee, comfy blue runner pants
Hair: low messy bun thing
Watching: VH1 -
Listening: 99 Times - Kate Voegele

Reading: nada :( yeah, yeah I need to be reading something LOL
Weather: sunny as the summer sun
Thinking: HAPPPPY...need to be doing those todo list things...packing...europe...music on the mind? lol
Wishing: nothing much, just to get stuff done :] (same as before)
Feeling: awake, content, and motivated, baby! (oh how I don't change much, xD)
Linkies
Jill [♥] Char [♥] Elizabeth [♥] Jenny [♥] Barbara [♥] Ciel [♥]
Layout & Credits
Images from HQ Heaven

Layout design by Angelcakez Production
Thanks to Imageshack for hosting the images.
Icons in 'The Girl' credit to Really Iconz Wow
6.22.09
I'm in Europe right now (Italy to be precise). I KNOW. I can't believe it either. :D

6.10.09
Paramore - That's What You Get
FMLLLLL. ujdslfjsd.
Why do I feel like I'm forgotten? Why do I feel like the more I love...the more I care, the more they slip farther away? How can there be more tension when you're trying so hard to be the best you can be, the more you try to love, to consider, to be there for them. To step out of my walls is the hardest thing ever, and it's painful and I wonder if its worth it. I know it is, but I guess I'm so fragile and I'm just going to have to get used to feeling pain, like all the time. Maybe I'll feel it so much that I'll just get numbed and I won't feel it anymore.
Maybe I have to learn to LET GO. To know that as long as that person is happy, content, has wellbeing, I should be happy as ever for them. :) I guess no one really knows what I feel for them. Whatever, I need to stop feeling so much.
And now I've REALLY lost touch with reality. I'm still stuck in my little world. But maybe I choose to live in my own world because I'm too scared of the real world. Maybe the real world is too boring, too lifeless. Maybe I make up my own world to get by. Whatever it is, I've seriously locked the doors and thrown away the keys. Half of me wants to freaking open the doors and run away and into the arms of those who need me the most, or wish I wasn't this way. And half of me wants to be happy and content in my colorful, dreamy world. It's funny.

Okaaaay, I need to DO something. I'm a bum. A dreamer. I dream for a living. WOOOW, i'm seriously taking that quiz's results like REALLY seriously. LOL. anyway
Love always,
Reshma <3
6.8.09
Kate Voegele - 99 Times.

Hello again! Oh my how the days go by so fast?
I need coffee..
xDD
Okay, I'm officially addicted.
Okay, PROMISE, after this last song, I'll go do that running thing...maybe grab a *light* coffee and do those to-do list things, PROMISE. :)

Peace. Love. Happiness
<3 Reshma
5.28.09
Lose Yourself - Eminem.
BLAHHHHHHHH.
FML.
shiiiiizzzz.
Me and my stubbornness. Oh, yeahhh. There's a lotta things I gotta change. There's always somewhere to start right? I'm sick of no sleep. Omygosh I'm thankful for summer for that.
Goal: Wake up at 6 every morning of summer - sleep decent hours every night
I need some motivation for that :/
Hmm...college...doing SOMETHING with my life....using my mind to its potential...making something of myself. Yeppers :)

Areas of improvement:
1. FOCUS.
2. Self Confidence
3. Time management
3. Ability to take risks

Long road ahead of me, but this isn't the time for a break. xDDD


Speaking of motivation:


My one, my only <3
xDDDD that's definitely motivation right there :)
Yeah I'm kinda tired of saying that word now lmaooo

Anyway, laters.

<333 Reshma :)
5.23.09
Jai Ho - Pussycat Dolls Version
Hellllooooo! :)
xD
"No there is nothing that can stop us." - Jai Ho <3
I am SOOOO excited for summer....no joke. Sure, it'll be hella busy, but I like busyness, just as long I don't get overrun and burned out too quickly >.> That tends to happen a lot...:( Eh, but just gotta be careful right?
I'm thankful for all the amazing things that turned up this year...Asian Explosion...INTERNSHIP (I still can't really believe this one) :) I thank God for these moments and just hope I can make the most of what I've been given. I had a great year and I'll keep the moments in my heart always. ♥
xDD A little corny, but it's the truth :)
Okie dokie, I have a lot to go get done, so I'll be on my way then? :]
<3 Reshma
4.28.09
Bi Rain - Rainism
Hahahaha. I love this song. I love Rain. Rainismmmmm :] hahaha. The video is absolutely weird, but the song's kind of addicting. Like, enough to listen to a couple of times.

UGHHHHHHHHH.
How will I fare this summer? So today we randomnly didn't have school because of flooding, but I BARELY got anything done. Lovely. Oyyyyyyyy :/
Okay, gotta get my head in gear? Lol. Really though, I have to plan and then STICK to my plan.

Later. <3
4.18.09
Boa - Eat You Up

Okay, so yesterday was just amazing. I'm still in the afterglow of it right now. ^^ I think it turned out better than I expected...except for the fact that I couldn't tell if the audience could even hear me at some points...the mics were kinda weird that way. Sure, there were little problems and glitches but overally I'm proud :) It was honestly, in my opinion, one of those really memorable high school moments-something to be proud of and inspired by. Maybe it was because we had a lot of support, but either way, I'm happy. I'm pretty sure Michelle is gonna have a list of everything she noted-she's just like that lol, BUT I won't let that take away from the fact that it STILL turned out better than I expected.
And I feel so INSPIRED! :) I've gotten over that sulky bum stage for the moment and I feel that no matter what gets in the way, I'll have to work towards SOMETHING. Life's hard, no doubt, but I guess we just have to work harder? For now it's just prepping for tests and finishing off the year strong.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Plans
-Study, study, study for the Internship Exam and just do my best :)
-APs! Work towards those everyday-the clock really is ticking now...
-Plan for college; make the most of this summer <3

♥ Reshma

4.9.09
Everything - Michael Buble
This'll be an extra short blog thing; but, I've learned to let some things go. & I'm proud of myself. I've learned to be more positive, because in the end, when it's all said and done, what was the point of being upset or unsatisfied anyway, especially if it's not going to help anything? :/ Idk.
I've gotten back to the swing of at least attempting homework (now hopefully I can move on to the finishing stage haha).
More Later. <3
:]
3.20.09
Wow. The world is so big. Technology more advanced than I can possibly conceive in my mind. Innovation taken to a level that it's crazy. The internet is unbelievably powerful and connecting the world and it's people like never before. Yet even as we are so connected, we're in even more tension with one another, and even smaller parts of such an advanced age. It's so much and so overwhelming. It's like I want to take it all in and know everything and experience everything and just DO MORE! AH! It's so amazing! And then, at the same time, I ask myself...well, the earth's been around for QUITE a while...so are we supposed to be this advanced by now anyway? Or should we be even more advanced? WOW.
I'm just amazed right now. It's mindblowing. Phenomenal. Inspiring. Us.
;)
3.19.09
Time: 12:39 am
Listening: Why I Like You - SJ
I don't understand. I'm so AYEOHAH right now. Like, if my thoughts could be suppressed into a single word, that's what it would sound like. Sometimes being so right brained really sucks. Like, FUCK, sometimes I just wish I could stop caring so much, stop FEELING so fucking much. Stop thinking and thinking about feeling and emotion and love and crap. Like, be logical for once. But NOOO, no, logic can never come before any emotion for me. And I can't even take my own advice. I can't listen to myself. I get so lost sometimes. I keep falling into another world. Who knows where that world exists? I can never be in one place at once. I'm always lost in my own thoughts. I'm always dreaming. Like, it's so gaaaaay. I appreciate that I'm creative but sometimes even the smallest things have meaning and feeling and color in them for me. I realize now that I probably view the world very differently. Okay, so like everyone views the world differently. And I wish I could DO stuff instead of just think of it in my imaginary world. No joke. So like, all I'm good for is for people letting out their feelings to me. Nothing more. I can't be fun...well sometimes. And people I guess get the feeling, or heck, even feel obliged to just let out on me. Like, I wanna have fun sometimes too. I wanna be here, right here, right now. I want them to feel some obligation to at least have fun or something. But apparently I give people the vibe to WANT to be depressive around me, to WANT to tell me their problems. I'm cool with that. I can sit there and handle it. Because I know how to FEEL. I guess. EH. IDK. It's that time of the month, too. So, you know.

And I'm so LOST and FALLING and STUPID. I think I'm all in "love" but I know for sure as ever I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I thought I became more mature. Maybe I'm bored. Bored and stupid enough to think I'm "falling in love". Wait, I'm falling for someone I honestly barely know. Someone I've never met in person. And I don't even know what the wise thing to do is. To keep doing it-to gain some sort of happiness out of it? Or just reject it altogether to save myself some time and my future? I think I know the answer but my feelings and hormones sure ain't gonna listen. And I'm not going to lie-it feels good. It's comforting. Something to go "back to" when everything else just about falls apart. But too much of a "good" thing is bad. And I can already feel it-it's not wise for me to be this obsessive over it and to get "too" into it. UGHHHHHH. Maybe if I just met him once, things could change. But things so far aren't going the way I'd want them to go. And for now it seems like it would happen only in the distant future.

Is love real? Or is it an obsession over something that gives us emotions? Is it smart to listen to the part of the brain that says its totally fine to give everything up, to just go and be with that person that gives you endorphins everytime you're together? Is being human worth it? Is being human the best thing to do? What is the best thing? Love makes us do completely unrational, unbeneficial things. But it's also what ignites passion, good cause, makes us somehow coexist with one another. Makes the world go round? Love is confusing. Love is a drug. Love is an illness. Love can be an illusion. Love is unconditional. Love is magical. Love gives us happiness like no other. Love ignites good. Love is human. But it's also, in my belief, the one thing human that can truly cause good. Well, I don't even know. Loving the wrong things is definitely possible. Love is the closest thing on earth to heaven. It builds the stairsteps to heaven.

I'm still stuck in my little train of thought thing. ::Sigh:: I'm serious, I'm scared. Like sometimes I get into these crazy thought sessions where I just think and think and think about stuff and then soon I'm lost in my thoughts, drowning in some faraway place. Some sort of abstract place.

Sometimes I just want to be shallow. To just accept things at face value. To believe that maybe there isn't any hidden meaning. To think logically. To accept things and MOVE ON. Moving on. Man that's hard for me. Yep. I'm a dreamer. But when will I wake up?

3.18.09
Haha, so I didn't finish my last post...lol. Time is flying faster than ever, but I sort of by now expected that. And STILL, I'm perfectly content with wasting it. Okay, so I guess fear is necessary sometimes to get myself on my butt working. Hmm...english...TOTC test...okay...I think that's enough to scare me a bit. OMGG I've been addicted to some songs this week:

Playlist:
1. Boa - I Did It For Love
2. Thinking of You - Katy Perry
3. Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack (don't know singer, sry!) - Latika's Theme
4. Super Junior - Sorry, Sorry

Okay so like Boa is a flipping beast now...she's an amazing dancer, decent (but definitely addicting) singer, GORGEOUS and creative, even if she's britney-esque. And I LOOOVE her new song. AND she's featured in Forever 21. Beast.

The video for Thinking of You is sooo sweet and really depressing at the same time. Funny how a whole storyline is shown in like, 3 minutes. The dude from Kyle XY is like, HOTTIEEEEE. Haha. Really sweet song, something you can relate to.

Latika's Theme is beautiful. Makes you want to cry the first time you hear it. <3<3
SJ!!!! Is back!!! YAY! :) AGH Shiwon, Kibum, & of course the 11 others :D Hotness + awesome dance moves + catchy beat = <3
3.13.09
SPRING BREAKKKK IS HEREEEE!!!! :D
Whew, there's a lot coming up, but plenty of exciting things too :D And this gives me a good week to catch up and possibly even *gasp* get ahead (whoa! been a long time since that happened!) Ah, this is great. A week, but sooo much coming up it's crazy, but Y
3.13.09
Hello.
BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. So, right now, I am:
Stressed
Sad
Unstablish?
Usually I have a low self confidence, but I'm having one of those fucking emo days. Where, nothing is gonna cheer me up for a while. Yes, I realize my low self confidence is a problem. But how am I supposed to overcome it, when sometimes I really hate myself? I mean, faking it or trying to read those "Improve Your Self Esteem" blogs doesn't seem to be working. Then again, I can't expect myself to just change overnight. This is going to take some time. Just as it took me some time to get this way (low self confidence/esteem).

So, today is the day I begin afresh. I've said stuff this before, but from this point forward I'm making a consistent effort to change my line of thought. To love myself. To stop feeling trapped. To stop believing that I am any less. To laugh, to love, to sing, to dance, to express myself without holding myself back. Without the fear of what will happen next. To break free.
But, I'm thinking of this and slowly, gradually doing this. Trying to put a smile on my face. Trying to see the light at the end of my dark tunnel, or at least imagining its there for now. Part of me knows its there, but the other part refuses to believe it. I'm taking baby steps now. Laughing, feeling not happy but mostly "content". Standing up straight, holding my head high, even though half of me is terrified as I do this. It still wants to sink down, to avoid the world. I shake as I take my steps, but I'm strong, I know it. I fight my fears, my worries, my hate and negativity. It's hard when your biggest enemy is yourself.
But I know I can do this. I just need time, love, and hope.
<3
3.7.09
Helllooo, diary! :) Long time no talk, ey? Eh, I'm sure you don't mind. I know it's always a one-way street anyway, right? Haha :)
But I've missed writing and maybe if I type it out I can keep myself in check. It seemed to be working last time.
::sigh:: LIFE. Is so, weird? Frustrating? Driving me up the wall? Confusing? Gah, I don't know anymore. And it's like, everything is so perfect right now. I REALLY shouldn't complain. But even super freakishly blessed people like me find some reason or the other to complain and worry about what they don't have or what's even remotely "wrong" with them.
I keep learning new things every day. And that's something I suppose should be good but I wished I knew these things earlier. Like, really. I feel like that kid who, when everyone is done laughing at an insane joke, goes, "OHH! HAHAHAH!" in the silence. Lmao. :/
And...the future is scary to me at times. But I realize that we DO have the power to control our lives. Not totally, but I mean, what we do does affect us later and to some extent we can make things work for us with planning, diligence, perseverence, thought and motivation. And a good attitude. And probably a bunch of other things but those are the main points, I guess. Okay. I'm going to have to crush that self doubt and believe in that. And believe in MYSELF. And freaking live my life. Instead of worrying about it. :]
5.31.08
Extra short blog today, lol, but I PROMISE to come back as soon as possible to write out all my fluttery words and moments from this year hehe...:]

I feel relieved, yet still anxious right now. I need motivation, as usual, and I think I'm panicked out enough to actually get work done. My huge problem is that I'll start my work, but I drag it on and on and just procrastinate in between and I end up getting slim to none done. Not today! Come on, *please*, I need to get stuff done today. Ayayay...:[ lol ::sigh::

Last weekend was REALLY fun though, and I enjoyed all the moments I shared with my family and friends. Mall & cupcake factory (and the view near it was GORGEOUS!) with the family, family friends' house for a birthday surprise, CCE day and doing a play (plus all the practice!), which was pretty fun, getting together with a friend to do a project (which ended up being pretty cool), and a barbeque for memorial day were some of the highlights. Wow, as a I look back, I see why I don't get hw done on weekends :[ haha...nah, I do, but its all rushed at the last minute lol

Hmm...Jay Chou's always an inspiration. I'll listen to him, or maybe Vanessa Carlton and then HIT THE BOOKS FOR BIO. Whoo :] LOL, okay I'm saying LOL waaay too much.

Hope to blog better soon.

Much love <3

5.17.08
I added all my old blogs to the "Archives" section on the right to keep this page a little less full. WHEWW. Let's see, I've been procrastinating today by cleaning, but hey, at least that's getting done, right? Okay, okay, I admit, I need to get to it. My eyes hurt. :[

Hmm, list:
-Finish the enormous stack of papers to be organized and filed -1.5 hrs
-Read/Study for Human Body Exam - 5 hrs
-Figure out the hard chapter on circles - 3 hrs
-Get a volunteer picture in - 30 min
-Fill out HOSA forms - 20 min
-Clean my room - 1-2 hrs
-Pay lib dues! :O - 5 min.
Study for Bible quiz - 1-2 hrs
-Get some sleep! :] - at least 7?

So...minus the sleep I should be done at around 12 or 1 tonight. Not bad, plus it leaves me with the sleep. YAY. :]

Oh, and I have to unplug the computer. GASP. I admit, I'm addicted to it. And the only way I won't get on is if I don't have the choice to. So yeah.

I really really really wanna finish 'East' before Monday. It's pretty good. I just have to finish it. Don't know when, maybe tommorow?

La di da...okay then, I'm on my way.

<3


Affiliation/Contact


If you would like to affiliate, you can drop an email to fdhelp_info@yahoo.com.
I'll except most blogs/personal sites, fansites, etc. as long as you're appropriate.
Xangas are also excepted.
♥