Our grandparents lament that we have lost them and our parents try to fight the media to inculcate them in us. "They" are none other than the family values that traditional Asian families have been associated with. Singapore, however, can no longer be considered traditional as cosmopolitan trends take root, especially affecting the generations that came after the World War Two. The family scene in Singapore today seems rather dismal, judging from the older generation’s views of Generation Y as the mollycoddles, the reluctance of Generation X to procreate, the rising numbers of divorces according to Focus on the Family organization and the growing cases of children being brought up by maids in dual-income families. The importance of family values such as mutual respect seems to have been somewhat undermined in the eyes of the younger generation. This is a worrying issue that will be discussed in further detail.

Singaporeans have grown increasingly dependent on domestic help in the form of maids in recent years due to a multitude of reasons, such as the ever-hectic lifestyles of career-minded young parents. Many of the children with maids living in are left in the latter’s care most of the time because of their parents’ other responsibilities such as work. Hence, time with the parents is reduced and communication problems may result. After all, children will no doubt be less likely to confide their problems in a parent they see only during the weekends or just before they sleep. When the family does get together, some of these parents also speak to the maids in a brusque manner and treat them with prejudice, teaching the children that they can be rude and disrespectful to them too. For instance, maids may be given food of a poorer quality for meals. This starts the children off on a bad footing, teaching them the ill manners and bigotry that would be arduous to change later on in life if left unattended.

In addition, articles in the newspapers have pointed out repeatedly that children who have maids tending to their every whine and whim may become groomed like royalties and treat the maids like their humble subjects. For instance, they may make the maids carry heavy loads while they prance around empty-handed. Maids are also sometimes brought along for family outings. However, they may not be invited to join in their meals and laughter but tend to the children while sitting out of the discussions and meals awkwardly. Such increasingly common trends has given rise to a number of ways in which family values such as mutual respect and efficient communication between members of the household have been watered down if not totally eroded, as illustrated above.

However, having maids is not the problem; it is the parents setting a bad example. If the relationship between the employers and the maid is healthy, the children can, in fact, learn of different cultures from the maids who are often from less developed countries where family values are strictly abided by and believed in. These, the maids can impart to the children since they usually spend a large amount of time together. Nevertheless, maids can never be a substitute for the parents in the day-to-day upbringing and nurturing of a child. Therefore, a close relationship between parent and child of utmost importance and the parents’ long absences can lead to communication failure. It also leaves the children vulnerable to external influences such as the media.

Parental neglect leads children to look to their friends and the media for appropriate ways to behave and values to believe in. If no one is there to correct the impressionable youths while young, it will take a Herculean effort to change them later on in their lives. This could, when the children have grown up, lead to a generation with lowered values and morals. The evident erosion of family values in Singapore has been largely affected by the wide spectrum of media available to the youths such as popular songs.

At present, hard rock songs that spew profanity lavishly are the fad. Although mediums such as the radio are monitored and censored, the uncensored versions are easily accessible via the Internet or older friends who have the albums. The popularity of these albums sells the idea to the youths that it was okay to use profanity to express feelings or simply to emphasize one’s points. Sometimes, it also teaches the youths that it was okay to verbally chastise their parents with vulgarities. For instance, Enimen is an artiste whose albums are explicitly with a "Parental Guidance Advised" label due to the crude language in the lyrics but it does not stop any youth from purchasing them. In addition, in one song that was almost ubiquitous last year—Cleaning Out My Closet—he expressed contempt for his mother to such an extent that his mother sued him and won. While this shows that the court was not in favor of Enimen’s actions, the youths saw it in a different light. They focused more on the fact that his own mother sued him for money and that perhaps she really deserved the disrespect and disdain her son does not bother to hide. In fact, the lawsuit gave the song additional publicity and boosted its sales.

Given the numerous agents in the environment that are instilling the wrong values in today’s youth, someone in our society must be around to monitor and control them. Who might this be? The most common responses, I believe, will be the government or the schools. In fact, the government has been doing what it can to reverse the deterioration of today’s family values through campaigns and schools have been roped in to play their parts. Still, education for good manners and civility starts at home and schools serve only to reinforce what is taught at home. Little or no tolerance for vulgarity at home is so important because one’s personal perceptions of whether certain languages are admissible are closely linked to the environment in which one grew up so parents should monitor the language used around the house. However, parents can only do that if they have efficient communication channels with their children but this is hindered by the widespread usage of technology by youths.

A large portion of the younger population indulge in computer games and many are addicted to them, resulting in shortened attention spans. In addition, more time spent in front of the computer means less time spent interacting with people. The inability to focus for long and to express oneself explicitly inhibit their communicating efficiently with others. Such children also tend to prefer retreating to their computer chairs to spending some time with their family members. This is exacerbated if the child is an only child, as he would not have a peer in the family to relate to. Communication breakdowns may thus result between the parents and child and it would be detrimental to parent-child relationship.

Some may argue that online chatting has opened up the world to shy people who are unable to express themselves face to face, allowing others to know them better instead of being totally isolated. Hence, being a computer geek may not be bad as long as the parents address any pressing issues with their children and not shy away from them. However, people skills such as reading simple body language and responding to unexpected situations among others in real time still must be learnt in the real world, not through the cyberspace. Such skills, essential in today’s society, therefore must still inculcated, not by the government but by the family. For parents to do so, open communication lines are still crucial in the family.

A caring, loving and close-knitted family can keep in check the negative effects of the freedom that the media here enjoy. Awareness of the different facets of life is not necessarily bad but one must be selective when assimilating any of them into one’s own life. For instance, one may be fully aware of the numerous ways to insult another with words as well as gestures, in multiple languages, but one can control their use stringently after giving consideration to the implications and consequences. Hence, parents should encourage self-awareness, and ignorance should not be mistaken for innocence. Parents cannot and should not shield their children from what they will encounter sooner or later in life so it is best that youths are both made aware of the ills of the society. Why such behaviors or mindsets are not encouraged should thus be addressed early on in a child’s life.

The burden of educating the young, not just academically but socially as well seems to rest heavily on the shoulders of parents. Imparting family values to children is not an easy task but one should not enter parenthood expecting to let the maid or the in-laws bring the child up. Spending sufficient time with one’s offspring to ensure his proper education is a commitment one should be ready to fulfill. Parents in the past may have fulfilled this responsibility through fierce discipline successfully due to the strong hierarchical nature of families then but in today’s time and age, it would not be very sensible to do so. Youths are generally more capable of questioning authority now and so it would be the best if discipline and reasoning were balanced or rebellion might be the result. Children are the future of every country and if they were brought up without proper values, hopes for a gracious society would not be plausible.