We have been going through a tremendous battle with the MCFD (Ministry of Child and Family Development) over false accusations made by a certain family member, believed by our social worker, and pulled out of our 9yo son (who has fetal alcohol and attachment issues.) We are looking for help and support where ever we can get it. This week we are planning on getting a lawyer, and going to the media.Although there are some children who need the protection of the government, there are many more who are taken against their best interests. I wonder how many children are needlessly traumatised by government interventions that immediately remove children under suspect of mistreatment. Many children are in good homes, and are then removed with little to no evidence supporting any challenges in the home at all. Others have parents that are trying so hard to make it - and perhaps what they need to raise their children is the support of society, when in reality they get condemnation and fear.What I know is that most children love their parents, and most parents love their children and are doing the best they can. A change ought to be made where parents and children are not afraid to ask for help. Where parents are not afraid their children will be taken from them should they be challenged with the difficult task of raising their children.The heartache of removal lasts a lifetime. I know this by looking into the eyes of my 9yo son while he cries for the birth mother who was torn away from him; and the heartache and fear imposed by the ministry when they told him it was going to happen again.We have been told this may take weeks or months before the ministry even gets back to us to resolve this issue - and even then they have the final say. Even if they find, as I am certain they will, that our children were not abused in our home, they still have the power to remove our children permanently based entirely on the fact that our adoption finalization papers were not sent to the courts (which was due to the negligence of our social worker.)Meanwhile, the special needs of our children grow as another trauma is added, and accentuated by the time they are being kept away.Please read our story. We are not alone in this, it is happening all over the country as we speak.To: Whomever this may concern Re: MCFD removal of our children I am writing in order to gain help, perspective, and guidance in how to work with the ministry regarding the removal of our three adopted children, and the challenges we faced with our social workers up until that point. At this point, the child protection worker has been told that she is not allowed to interview/investigate us. W. (finished and on stress leave as of a couple of days ago) and B. are unwilling to tell us anything (only, "I wanted you to know that after 9yo’s disclosure that I had to call child protection. I just wanted to let you know that." Which I understand, but she got that false disclosure due to the way she talked with him.) It is coming up to two weeks, and nothing has been done. They won’t allow contact. They won’t allow the interview. No one is telling us what is going on. We feel this is incredibly wrong. They seem to believe that because we weren’t finalized, we aren’t counted as parents to our children. However, when has the paperwork ever made a difference in what the children feel? To our kids, they were told they would stay here forever. We are their parents. They are our children. This paperwork should have been in a year ago, but due to negligence on the part of the ministry that was lost. How does that make a difference in the level of trauma or the "best interests of the children" or the "least interference possible?" So the kids are kept in care longer. We are not allowed to be spoken to. We have no rights as parents (meaning the children’s rights to our family are also removed.) All because of paperwork? This is also to warn the ministry about a family member of ours, who was the one to call and make a complaint against our parenting. This was entirely out of malicious intent, and she has mentioned several times in the past couple of years about families that she had called the ministry on. Knowing that her phone call for us was not about our parenting, but about our disagreement with her opinions, I feel quite certain that other families have been destroyed by her intense, vindictive nature as well. I would ask that it be looked into so that more families are not hurt by her. My husband and I had a sibling group of three placed in our home for adoption on July 13, 2006. (Age 7 years, 3 years, and 14 months at placement.) In August of 2007, the paperwork had been completed, and the interview with our then 8yo son had been finished. Everything was ready to move on to finalization. In November, 2007, our social worker had informed us that all of those forms had been misplaced, and that she didn’t feel ready to move forward to finalization anyway. In a meeting with W. and her Team Leader, B. at the end of January, B. confirmed that it was she who had misplaced those papers. Apparently they felt that because I was saddened over hearing the news of the birth of our children’s baby brother (and my inability to find a way to adopt him as well) they also didn’t think we were ready to have the adoption of our own three children finalized. What they said was that they wanted to be able to help us. What we experienced was that since W. took over for our first social worker, C.A., she appeared to be working against us (and the children’s best interests) in all that was done. With W. as our social worker, we were suddenly listed as ‘foster parents’. She said that it wasn’t her fault that the professionals were putting us down as fp’s when she knew we were the adoptive parents. However, this never happened when C.A. was our worker. With W. as our worker, all paperwork went to her first, and we would only get a copy when she remembered to give it to us. With C.A., everything came to us first. With W. (and we don’t know for sure that it was she who lost it, but it didn’t look good) a lot of our youngest daughter’s records got lost - many for blood work and tests that she had done as a result of her health problems. Nothing in any department was ever lost when C.A. was our worker. With W., when I went to any doctor, specialist, etc. seeking help or opinions, she would hear about it - and her response was never one that matched our expectations. For instance, when I first met her I had been diagnosed with depression (a result of a child I had cared for since the age of 2 dying of leukemia at the age of 6) she looked at me like I had a disease and shouldn’t be raising children. When our then 8yo son had strong behavioural challenges after our last visit with this family member who called (wetting his bed, messing his pants, putting feces into his vent and clothes pockets, stealing, lying, and more) and I asked her for help, she appeared to believe it was our fault that he was doing this, and that it was a constant behaviour. It lasted 2 weeks before we were able to calm him down again, but in November, our sw was still phoning people up saying that we couldn’t deal with 8yo’s severe behaviour. She also used this as a reason for withholding our finalization. When our son had his assessment in February through IHCAN (Interior Health Children’s Assessment Network) W. came along for the parental interview (though she had spent maybe an hour total with our son up until this point) and seemed to be undercutting everything I said. "Oh, but many children can’t remember to brush their teeth." "Oh, what do you mean he doesn’t speak well one on one - he always seemed quite focused to me" (I was trying to explain that although he appeared to know what he was talking about, much of what he said was in fact untrue - though he believed it. He will say either whatever comes into his head, what he thinks someone else wants to hear, or what he thinks will get him what he wants. Fortunately, in his testing, the professionals found the same.) The point is, she wouldn’t let me speak about what I had observed in our son during his assessment when the professionals were trying to gain perspective on what was observed from day to day. At this point, our 8 year old had been in our home for 19 months, and being homeschooled was with me nearly 24/7. She had seen him for about an hour and seemed to believe she knew more. When after two years of trying to find an alternate way to help my 5yo daughter through her very severe rages, which had been ongoing since before placement in her foster home before 12 months of age (I had tried dietary changes, low key environment, less clutter, structured schedule, etc. and all had improved her behaviours - but we noticed that what we were dealing with was set off by an underlying mood. As she has grown, the rages are less frequent, but the moods last for a longer period of time – ie. Days or weeks rather than one day) We went to the doctor, who called Sunny Hill for advice, and our social worker was contacted. She appeared upset that we went to the doctor about this, and concerned that we should not be able to care for our children (very much untrue.) What she did was set up that we should see a behavioural consultant - even though what we are dealing with is the mood and not the behaviour. We were looking for a doctor’s opinion, and instead were cut out again. In one of her last appointments before taking stress leave, W. came to our home to re-do our now 9yo’s finalization interview for his adoption. She stomped into our home looking determined to find something wrong. She went into our son’s room and closed the door. 45 minutes later, she stomped out and said she needed to make a phone call. I found our 9yo son rocking back and forth on his bed crying. He said, "I didn’t want to, but she made me say it. She made me say you hit me, and 12yo hit me. I told her that I annoyed him first, but she said she didn’t care. She said she is going to take me out of my home and find me another family. She said I would never come back here, and she didn’t care what you said. Why does this keep happening to me? Why does she want to find me another family when this is the right family for me? I don’t want to go. She wanted to take me out for lunch, but I wouldn’t go." They came and took all three of our children shortly after (except our 12yo birth son.)W. said that 9yo had told her that I hit him around, and he fell into walls, etc. We are NOT abusive people, and I am pretty positive that we can prove that. 9yo did have bruises, we didn’t see them as apparently they were on his side and hip or something. We didn’t cause them, and I am pretty sure that we can prove that as well. There are several incidences that would have led up to such a false disclosure on the part of our 9yo. 1) He heard the argument that we had with my sister in law over the weekend before removal. 2) It would have reminded him of all he has been told about living in his birth home, and being removed. 3) He was coming up to the anniversary of the longest he had ever stayed in a home, and was anxious that he would have to move again. 4) For the first time since those two weeks last summer, he was ‘wetting’ again. He would say wetting his bed, but he wet his bed, his clothes, the floor, his closet, his towel - this was not an accident, but rather a response to all of these other things on his mind. 5) I was frustrated at his ‘wetting’ and told him that at 9 he shouldn’t be doing that. He needed to find another way to tell me he was upset about something. While he was standing, I spanked him. It was quite light, and only with my hand, but just to let him know what he did was not acceptable. I then told him to sit on his bed (after getting changed, and I had already taken his wet sheet and mattress protector off of his bed) and I left the room as I was too angry at my sister in law for causing so many challenges (not fully realizing how much further she was about to go) and too disappointed that he regressed in such a way after he had been so well behaved for so long to deal with him. I realize that within ministry rules spanking is not allowed. I also realize that in Canadian Law, that discipline was nowhere near physical abuse. This is not our common disciplinary practice. He has been spanked lightly 3 times since his placement. Once when he took a craft book from my little daycare boy who died of leukemia - and coloured all over it just before I was supposed to return it to the boy’s grandmother. The second time when he hit his sister hard after she had told me that he ‘helped’ dress her in a sweater (due to sexual inappropriateness, I reminded him that he was not allowed to help his sisters get dressed ever. He hit her, and I said that she needed to be able to tell me these things so I could keep her safe. Again I spanked him, lightly, but enough to let him know he couldn’t do that again.) This was the third time. As this sister in law, as well as that spanking are both tied in my mind to the removal of our children - and the subsequent trauma on all seven of us (including my mother, who lives with us several months of the year in order to provide respite) this is not a method I would use again on any of the children. However, the disruption, the trauma, the loss, the emotional challenges that this removal will cause on the children (especially since the older 2 already had quite severe attachment injuries) is far worse on them than the minor spanking that he got. This result is not in the best interests of our children. 6) W. came in looking for a reason to take the children, and by 9yo’s words "made him say" it. 9yo is a people pleaser. He will say what he thinks is wanted. Once he has said/thought/heard it, he will believe it as fact, despite all evidence to the contrary. He will hold to that falsehood because in his mind it becomes true. Here are my main defenses against physical abuse allegations: 1) prior to moving into our home, 9yo was said to be highly aggressive towards other people. This was said both in school and in foster care, and is on his assessment done pre-placement. Since moving into our home, 9yo has only displayed one episode of aggression. That was in the aforementioned episode with his sister. 2) My husband and I are non confrontational, non aggressive people, who are not prone to anger management issues. Even now I am not so much angry, as determined to get my children back home where they belong, and to ensure that the attachment wounds that they have opened in all three of them are not aggravated and made worse by time away. We have many, many friends and family members who will attest to this. 3) Although 9yo had some bruising, this is not unusual after the active weekend/week he had. If he knew where it came from, he would have pointed it out before W.’s visit. As it was, we never heard about it until after she had examined him in his room. Then he pointed to each and said, "this is what I got when..." It is 9yo’s way to say everything that comes to his mind. Had he been bruised by one of us, he would have said it many times over in those two days before W. came in. He never said a thing about them. 4) As 9yo (and 5yo as well) scream when they get tiny scratches, hair brushed, itchy tags, etc. But can fall hard and not say a thing, it is understandable that he had bruises that he didn’t know where came from. For instance, not quite a week before the children were removed, he had been riding on his roller blades on our driveway. My husband was out, the rest of us (including Nana) were outside in the front yard. 9yo fell hard coming down the driveway, against our fence (post and wire). I watched him waiting for him to cry. He sat for a few seconds, apparently stunned, then got up. He laughed and said, ‘that didn’t hurt." and went back to skating. He had quite a scratch on his arm, but appeared not to notice it. He likely got bruises, but as he is always fully clothed around us, we wouldn’t have noticed. He also spent the weekend camping at my husband’s families lake property (hence the reason we ended up there the same time as this very difficult relative) He was biking, and hiking, and boating, and swimming, and playing, and walking, and climbing, and more. Kids get bruises. We didn’t cause them. When we defended ourselves against this accusation, both W. and B. moved on to "other issues." A week before their removal, we had a terrific team meeting with 2 dieticians, our FASD Key Worker, our Occupational Therapist, our Adoption Resource Worker, our children’s previous foster ‘grandma’, W., and on the phone our social worker from Sunny Hill. We also had in hand nutritional recommendations from our children’s pediatrician. We felt all was going well, and W. set up the appointment for 9yo’s finalization interview (take 2.) Here are the issues that they have mentioned against us, as well as our defense on each: 9yo and 3yo are not gaining weight/ are losing weight. All they talked about was food. These children are hungry. We do not feel confident you are meeting their nutritional needs. 1) The children were focused on food long before we had them, which is why they needed a schedule. All three are huge eaters, and we fed them quite a lot in their 3 meals and 2 snacks daily. The dieticians counted their calories, and felt they were getting enough. They suggested going fully gluten free (as opposed to just wheat free) and adding more fats, while being tested for mal-absorption and reactive hypoglycemia. 2) They were removed from our home at lunch time. They are very particular about eating on time. 3) When leaving, 9yo was concerned that the new home wouldn’t know his rules. He said, "I don’t want to have sugar or wheat and be bad. (He has reactions to both, which were being looked into by the dieticians) Don’t worry, mom, I will tell them all the rules." Hence him listing what he couldn’t eat, and his sisters following suit. That is what they do. 4) In February (9yo) and May (3yo) our children were weighed and measured, and we were told they were growing fine. In May I added 14% fat sour cream to most of their meals, as well as yogurt (fat free due to sugar content in yogurt with fat) 3yo had been off dairy most of her life, as she had some sort of dietary intolerance to it. 9yo and 5yo had been off since about January, as I noticed it lowered anxiety and helped with attention/behaviour once they had been off a while. As they appeared to tolerate sour cream and yogurt, I added these back in. When we returned from our trip to Ontario (May 6 - July 22) we were told 3yo was losing weight, and had lab papers to have more blood tests done (as dieticians checked their dietary record and found their caloric intake was fine for their ages.) When the children were removed, they found the same with 9yo (or at least that is what W. suggested) I believe dairy might have been the culprit, but didn’t have more chance to investigate. However, we did have pediatricians and dieticians involved. **5yo on same dietary restrictions was growing fine.** Although we do allow parents the option of homeschooling their children, we expect parents to decide what is in the best interests of the child. We shouldn’t have had to tell you that you were required to put 9yo into public school. 1) 9yo was in the public school for Kindergarten and grade 1. Socially, he was described as ‘seeming alone and hard done by most of the time’. According to his teacher, although he did say most of the kids were his best friends, none of them were real relationships and many of the children wouldn’t play with him. Academically, at the end of grade 1 he was unable to read more than 5 words. He didn’t know the sounds of the letters. He couldn’t add or subtract. He couldn’t spell. He tried to hide behind the answers of others (‘that’s what I was going to say.") In his psycho educational assessment, he scored below the 7th percentile at a 5 year 10 month age level. He was 7 years 3 months at the time. We planned to homeschool, and had him do a diagnostic test to place him. He was below grade 1 level - didn’t even make the charts. The public school was moving him to grade 2. Behaviourally, he was suspended in Kindergarten and grade 1. He was very disorganized and impulsive, as well as aggressive. 2) At home he completed grades 1-3 with A’s in the past two years at an average of 30-45 minutes spent on academics each weekday. He can read, add, subtract, measure, multiply, and comprehend at a grade 3 level. He feels proud of his accomplishments, and so do we. 3) Behaviourally, we only had the one afore mentioned episode of aggression. Most of the time he was calm and organized, and got things done. When he couldn’t, we moved on to easier activities or gave him the day off. Rather than setting him back, this gave him time to re-group and succeed. Impulsiveness was not an issue as he was learning one on one. 4) Socially it seemed there was no benefit to the school system, as he was not making real friendships there. His social outlets will be listed below under the next concern. You had agreed to keep the children in social situations, but we have heard that you haven’t been to church in quite a while. 1) We were in Ontario for nearly 3 months. During this time, we spent a lot of time visiting with family (including children). It is true that we didn’t get to church often there. My children have attachment issues, and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving them with strangers. We brought them to my brother in law’s church in Ottawa one weekend while we were there. 2) When we got home, we went to our church the first weekend. Our 5yo went into her room, as there were people who knew her well there. Our 3yo screamed and clung to me, so I brought her into the sanctuary with me. Our 9yo looked very disorganized, so I asked him to stay with me that week until I could speak with his teachers (if they didn’t know him well, we could have ended up with some troubles, especially with the summer program running.) The next weekend we were camping with family. The next weekend our 5yo went into this big rage before church, so I decided to stay home with her. The children decided to stay home with me. We had ‘church’ here complete with music, stories, and crafts - and then 5yo went into another rage. The following weekend we went camping again (with the relative who called in the ‘complaint’.) And then the kids were gone. 3) 9yo and 5yo were both signed up for a 3 hour weekly art class with homeschooling for the fall to spring. All four of our children were to be in swimming lessons (which we haven’t now been able to register for because they were taken, and we don’t know when we’ll get them back.) 5yo was going into gymnastics (and very excited.) 9yo was going to take skating lessons. 3yo was going to take music or dance lessons. On top of that, all three are in Sunday School weekly (during the school year, and much of the summer usually), and the school agers are in youth group weekly during the school year. We had been told that this was sufficient, but now they are saying it isn’t good enough. We do not feel you are utilizing the advice of professionals or services in your area. 1) Our sister in law would have used this as her defense, so we know where it came from. She has a master’s in teaching, and used that degree to disqualify everything I knew about my children (despite the fact that my information came from doctors, teachers, parents, therapists, psychologists, and more - she refused to believe that I, who wasn’t a teacher but just an Early Childhood Educator, could understand what was really needed in my children’s lives - hence the challenge to our parenting.) 2) It is true that we had trouble going up to our social worker when we needed advice for our children, or following the advice that we gave. This was not due to a disrespect for professionals but because we felt she wasn’t hearing us, and was working against us. Still we tried to get along with her. 3) At first we did have some troubles accepting the dieticians advice. This was because a) I had asked for them to come to help us know how to meet the nutritional needs of our kids. b) Because there was no ‘scientific evidence’ to support the correlation between refined sugar and behaviour, they dismissed it and told us we needed to add it back into our children’s diets. (We had concrete evidence that our children responded negatively to this.) c) They told us that if our 3yo’s blood test didn’t come back as positive for celiac, we had to add wheat back into her diet - despite the fact that she got diarrhea from it and was doubled over in pain. It didn’t appear to be helpful advice. 4) At the next visit with the dieticians, they suggested that our children might have reactive hypoglycemia - the reaction to sugar would cause behaviours identical to the ones we had been describing for the past 2 years as our reasons to keep refined sugars out of our children’s diets. They also suggested that since their diets were well within the caloric needs of the children, they might have mal-absorption issues, and that we should try removing all gluten from their diets to see if they gain weight. This we did, but we didn’t have time to see results as a week later our children were removed. 5) We feel that we had the support of our FASD Key Worker, our Adoption Resource Worker, our Pediatrician, our children’s doctor, our occupational therapist, our dieticians, our infant development specialist (3yo just recently graduated out of her program), our audiologist, our children’s previous foster family, our family (with the exception of this one relative) and our church family - as well as our doctors, neurologists, social workers, etc. at Children’s Hospital and Sunny Hill. We also especially had the support of our first social worker, C.A. We worked well with all of these, and really tried with W. and B., but B. supports W. completely and W. appeared to be working against us from the beginning. You are not birth parents, and the children are still under the guardianship of the ministry. 1) This is true, but nonetheless we are their parents, and they are our children. The paperwork (which should have been completed a year ago) does nothing to diminish that relationship or the trauma involved for all of us in tearing our family apart. 2) Our children have grown tremendously under our care. They still have some challenges, but they were growing. Removing them will not only halt that growth, but has already damaged it, and likely moved it into regression. 3) ‘the best interests of the children." This is a long one. In our care, the children never missed an appointment. 3yo had already missed important tests in less than a week after removal. The children have big assessments coming up (3 and 5yo) the week of the 8th to 12th of September. Being in care will not give the professionals an accurate view of who the children are, or what they have been doing over the past couple of years. The disruption itself will cause huge issues and losses within the children. I believe that we, the parents should be taking our children to those assessments. 3) Continued. Our children (9yo and 5yo) have huge attachment injuries from their pasts, and the multiple caregivers that they have had (both good and bad). Our 9yo has been through this so many times that he has a hard time trusting in stability, adults, parents, social workers, etc. He says, "Why does this keep happening to me?" He was told he was coming here to stay. Now he is moved again. Do you think he will open his heart again? Nothing we did was worth the damage this separation will do to him. 3) Continued. In care, we have already seen our 5yo (most severe attachment injuries) with a person we know is not her foster parent, but a friend of her foster parent that she hasn’t seen in 2 years. It has taken us nearly two years to teach the children not to run up to strangers, and to come to us for what they need (rather than people they don’t know or don’t know well.) Their foster parents are decent people, but strongly believe in delegating responsibility. They very often had several different people looking after the children even daily. It is hard for them to attach when they are always handed off to another person. I have stayed home with them for 2 years to teach them that I was here to stay, and that it was okay to attach. It has been a long, hard journey, but they have been making good progress. Now they are once more being sent out with strangers (to them) and being taught that that is the way to get their needs met. I want my children to have roots, and then expand those roots to include others. Instead they are learning to be drifting tumbleweeds, never having to attach to anyone. 3) Continued again. Our 3yo was fully attached to us on the day she was removed. In 2 years and 6 weeks, she had never been away from me for one night. She didn’t remember ever living in a home before this one. Whenever she was upset, she came to me for comfort. When she needed something, she came to me. She very much enjoyed the company of others, but always returned for comfort to me and my husband. She was also very attached to my 12yo son, our children’s brother through adoption, but nevertheless their brother. One day, she saw 9yo crying, and mommy crying, and then someone came and took her in their car - and now she has been away from me for nearly 2 weeks. How is that in her best interests? The only discipline she ever got was a time out (right beside me) and even that was rare, because she is a very sensitive girl. If she knew I was upset at something she did, she would break down in tears. Then I would comfort her, and she would start laughing and singing and dancing, and making us laugh. That was our relationship with 3yo. There was never a reason to remove her, and now she may end up with attachment injuries too. The longer she is out, the worse it will get for her. On top of that, she is quite fragile in her health (severe cocaine use in birth mother’s pregnancy, and high likelihood of strong alcohol use as well), and we have been the ones looking out for her these past two years. No one knows like we do what to watch for in her. In her best interests, she should have been back home by now. 4) Least disruptive measure – I understand that with what our social worker got from our family member, as well as the ‘disclosure’ that she got from our son, there was no option but to have him removed. However there have been several things that have happened that were more disruptive than necessary. a) 9yo was told that he would never come home and that they would find him another family, and that they wouldn’t listen to us, his parents. Such things should not have been said at that time. An investigation hadn’t even been made, and neither had a plan of care. Yet the social worker told him in no uncertain terms that nothing could be done to amend this, and we had no place to fight for him. b) This is not being handled in a timely manner. It has been nearly 2 weeks, and the child protection worker has not been allowed to talk with us yet. c) 5yo has severe attachment issues which have been aggravated by her unnecessary delay in getting back home; as well as being thrown back into multi-caregiver care during a time of crisis. She is also a child with a high likelihood of mood and anxiety disorders, and her entire life has been thrown up in the air. Should she be long in returning to our home, the damage may be great. Should she be permanently removed, the damage may be irreparable. d) 3yo, who is 100% attached to us, and has never even been spanked, has been moved out of her comfort zone, and is not even getting the care that she requires (missed appointment) and for her sake should have been returned to us much sooner. As you can see, this is taking far too long to be within the best interests of the children or using the least disruptive measures. I hope you will back our family as we come up to battle to have our children returned to us right away. Please think of our children as you consider supporting us in moving this process ahead to make a good and fair decision on behalf of our family. Here are parts of the child protection law, taken from http://www.qp.gov.bc.ca/statreg/stat/C/96046_01.htmThat we feel are not being met in our case against the Ministry of Children and Family. if, with available support services, a family can provide a safe and nurturing environment for a child, support services should be provided If the challenge to our parenting is against the spanking, we (though knowing this would never be an issue again) are willing to attend classes/supports in order to better manage the behaviour of our children. All other "issues" have been addressed, and we are willing to work with reasonable professionals to meet these concerns. decisions relating to children should be made and implemented in a timely manner As mentioned above, time is now of the issue. The children have now been out of our care for 12 days (13 by the time most of you return from the long weekend to get this letter) and the social workers are still not allowing the child protection worker to interview us. In one week, we are supposed to take the children to Vancouver for their Sunny Hill assessments. This cannot be done well with a substitute caregiver. Meanwhile, our children’s attachment issues grow, and where there was no issue, there is now likely to be one. families and children should be informed of the services available to them and encouraged to participate in decisions that affect them; The social workers will not inform us of this process or what we are able to do with this. They have told the child protection worker that she, too, is not allowed to tell us anything. Meanwhile, nothing is being done to resolve this matter. Best interests of child This was mentioned above in detail. the importance of continuity in the child's care; The social workers have stated that because the finalization papers were not in, we are not an important consideration in the lives of our children, though they have lived with us for 25 months. They do not see us as the children’s parents, or our 12yo son as their brother, though the children believed this was so (as that was what the Social Workers told them before placement and encouraged us to say after.) Above that, the care in the children’s foster home is much different than their care in our home. For children who need structure, who need to know what is coming next, who have trouble attaching... this continuity is even more important than ever. the quality of the relationship the child has with a parent or other person and the effect of maintaining that relationship It took two years of intensive parenting to bring our children to a place where they nearly believed they would stay here forever. They believed we were here for them, and were coming to us for their needs. For children with such special needs as our 9yo and 5yo, this is huge progress, as their previous foster mother of 26 months would agree. For our 3yo, there was absolutely no question as to the extent of her attachment to us and our family. the effect on the child if there is delay in making a decision This is tremendous, and mentioned above. It is very important that this be dealt with right away, and that no more delays will come in returning the children to our home. Sincerely; Jennifer and Bill Henderson 4821 14th Street NE Salmon Arm, BC V1E 3P3 (250)804-0226
Well, it has been a long and busy winter. Let's see... what has happened?
Although we had been told our adoption was finalized, it really wasn't. Our social worker won't let go, and it is really annoying me now. She isn't helping to be there, but she thinks she is and so she stays.
Our 2 (almost 3)yo has been in and out of hospital for testing. She had another MRI, a spinal tap, lots of blood tests (and still more to go) EEG's, and many visits with bio-chemical disease and neurology. She also had her assessments at Sunny Hill. We have been back and forth from Vancouver every month since October - I am finally getting used to it, and learning to get around. Next visit, though, I am driving (we've flown or taken the greyhound every time so far, except when dh drives.) We'll see how that goes, but as we are planning to drive all the way to Ontario in May, I thought I could use the practice of a distance drive.
Anyway, 2yo daughter has been diagnosed with Static Encephalopathy (Fetal Alcohol) with microcephaly (head size below the 5th percentile) and abnormalities of the corpus collosum (she has known brain damage which was shown on the MRI's - one called focal cortical dysplasia in the area where most learning skills and visual processing take place, so it is a given that she will have numerous learning disabilities; and the other to her cerebellum, caused by the seizures set off by the flu virus last fall. Because of her cerebular damage, her gross motor (large movement) skills are now at the 16 month mark. They were at 24-30 last summer.) Complicated by a seizure disorder set off by a virus, and regressions which are persistant in the motor skills. At risk for nutritional failure to thrive (she is only just 24 pounds fully clothed with boots on at 35 months old) due to her multiple dietary limitations, and her chronic diarrhea. Well, I guess it could be worse. She is re-gaining her language and most of her cognitive abilities, and since switching from her seizure medicine with sugar and food dyes to one (specially ordered because they don't sell it in Canada) that is in capsule form that we can sprinkle on her food, she is back to her funny, happy self.
9yo (just had a birthday) was also diagnosed static encephalopathy. They couldn't measure his IQ because he was so scattered in every area, but with God's blessings, and our homeschool program, he has been able to manage to make it to grade 3 level work this term! For his adaptive functioning (ability to be flexible and work within his environment) and executive functioning (ability to problem solve, understand his environment, work and live in an age appropriate independant capacity, etc.) as well as life skills (social, emotional development, play skills, etc.) he is at a 5yo level with 2nd percentile (meaning that if he were in a group of 5 year olds, he would be able to do as well as 2 of them, and 98 of them would be able to do more.) Not 2 years ago, however, he was at a 2nd percentile even for his cognitive/academic skills at a 5 year old level or less (some at 2-3 years). He has gained a lot in a short period of time. However, due to the nature of his brain damage, he is incapable of understanding anything abstract, so once schoolwork becomes abstract in any degree, he will reach his academic plateau. I am satisfied, though, as many people with FASD never comprehend or can do math work at a grade 3 level. If he never moves forward, he has already passed my expectations for him - and if he does, I will know it is by God's grace, and His guidance in the education of my son.
We just got unofficial news that our adoption is finalized!!!! One of our specialists talked to our social worker and got the news. It took a while - 16 months from placement, but it's finally done.
2yo is slightly improving in that she isn't haven't many episodes of seizures at this time, so the medicine must be doing something. On the other hand, she has now begun 'rambling' conversations that make no sense (much like we experience from 8yo and 4yo, but until last week 2yo almost always talked about something... sigh.) She is also confused about her food likes/dislikes (again, much like 8yo and 4yo, but not 2yo)... again, sigh.
Late this afternoon, I got a call from the bedbooking department at children's hospital in Vancouver. It appears someone booked Angel to be admitted tomorrow morning and forgot to tell us. Being a 6-10 hour drive (and not having a vehicle b/c my husband has to work tomorrow - not to mention that I have never driven to or in Vancouver - and no place to stay made this impossible.) The thing is, it is urgent that Angel get tested. I am concerned that b/c we had to cancel (no option since they forgot to tell us we were supposed to go) Angel will be bumped lower on the waiting list for these things. We have been waiting 2 weeks for this phone call - but we were supposed to have at least 2 days notice so we could make plans to get there. It isn't like it is downtown or anything, we are quite far away from Vancouver. I am hoping the neurologist will call me back in the morning.
4yo has been terrible. There is nothing else to say, she has stressed me out as far as I can go. I don't even know what began it, sometimes it is such a suttle thing. We had 2 workers come to visit us on Tuesday of last week. Possibly that did her in, she can't handle visitors at the best of times, but there were two. Wednesday began the worst of it. She broke her crib rail climbing out and in at naptime. She got into many things, and even began stealing (until then it was just 8yo we had stealing things.) She raged, and screamed, and was defiant over the smallest of things. She spent 2 days in her crib because everytime I took her out, she screamed and yelled and refused to cooperate.
On Saturday, we gathered up the kids to take them to the petting zoo/farm, and didn't even get out of the driveway. 4yo was refusing to let me do her up in the carseat, and crying, and showing defiant behaviour. I took her out of the car and put her in the crib. 11yo decided if I wan't going, neither was he. Dh took 8yo and 2yo. The rest of us stayed home.
The social worker and adoption resource worker both feel 4yo should be in supported child care -- this is mainly due to the severity of stresses I have experienced this fall with the news of their baby brother (which our social worker knows still strongly saddens me) and the behaviours of 8yo and 4yo, and the illness of 2yo - plus the fact that she WON'T be left; or that if I do leave her at all for any reason, she starts showing psychotic behaviour (very scary) so I choose not to leave her at all. They feel it won't improve unless I make her take responsibility for these transitions - yeah right! They should try raising her. I told them that IF she was to go into supported child care (one on one worker to teach her how to play, socialize, behave, etc. along with other caregivers and children in a group daycare setting) it would have to be full time M-F, 9-5. 4yo can't see beyond today, and is extremely anxious to the point of paranoia. Unless it was full time, she couldn't settle, and I would end up with much worse behaviour - rages, panic, anxiety, repetitive questions "my going to daycare now? My going to daycare after little sleep? My going to daycare after snack?..." Because I said that, they are now under the impression that I want her in daycare, when this is not the case at all. I won't just put her anywhere. I have to see huge benefits to outweight the cost of 'sending her away' when I never did that to any of my other children. Even 11yo and 8yo are still at home being homeschooled.
8yo is doing slightly better. I am impressed with his academic/cognitive progress. He is passing anywhere I ever saw him going. Being homeschooled, you would hardly be able to tell that he is borderline intelligence - he tends to get an average of 88-94% in each subject, and the work is equal to that learned in the school system. I do still have to watch him constantly. He is very sneaky and not at all trustworthy, and that can be very exhausting. He wants to do good, he just can't most of the time. He has an attitude that gets to me, but it is often caused by his own sense of failure. If it is hard, he doesn't want to try, and so will pretend he can't. I must be really sure, though, as his intelligence and understanding are very inconsistant from moment to moment, and what he is able to do well one moment he may really be unable to do the next. The alarm on his door, and empty room as well as empty bathroom have really lessoned my load and made things easier. If he can't get away with it, he gives up trying for a while.
8yo's assessment begins on Friday. I am hoping for full diagnosis this time so that we are able to get help for him.
11yo's doing really well on school work this year!!! I am very pleased with his progress there. He has a brilliant mind, but a lack of motivation. Stubburn like a donkey he is near impossible to move if he is not willing.
