How You Can Help
Living 24/7 with a child with alcohol damage gives a perspective that most will never see. My children can be very sweet, funny, and a delight to be around. That is only one side of the coin. My children can also be false, strong-willed, manipulative, and a challenge to raise. Though they appear and sound 'normal', often they are just mimicking what they have seen/heard before. Because I see the behaviour on a daily basis, I can better interpret the motives/reasonings behind it. I am not being overly strict or controlling. I really do see when their behaviour is misleading to you. Please accept my explanation and try not to judge. I really do want what is best for them, and sometimes that means denying them things that their behaviour would otherwise entitle them to. That is why I am writing this site. My children's voices must be heard, but in truth, not their interpretation of it.
Please read about FASD behaviours on my site, as well as others. Please do the research before forming conclusions.
God bless you;
Jenn
The Basics of Fetal Alcohol
It was just over a year ago when we adopted three children into our home. Curious and active, it was a very fun time. Soon after placement, we began to see that some things just weren't 'right' with our children.
Our 7 year old, for instance, would push a baby's car back and forth around the driveway for hours. He could speak well, but the words he was saying often didn't fit the context. It was like he was just repeating something he had heard in the past. There was nothing behind his words. He also rarely understood what was being said, and had a tendency towards meltdowns over very tiny things.
Our 3 year old, with the big blue eyes and beautiful smile, was prone to rages. It was difficult to find a trigger, and often after hours of kicking and screaming, she would pull her clothes apart thread by thread. She seemed intelligent, but when it came to her behaviour, she was unable to access that intelligence for her better good.
Our 1 year old was delayed and quite tiny. She was 20 months old before she began walking. She was still in 12 month clothes past her 2nd birthday - though she ate well.
In October, 2006, it was confirmed that our children had fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. We came home and researched whatever we could find on the subject, and now I would like to speak to others about this 'invisible illness'.
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Fetal Alcohol Effects) is caused when a woman drinks during pregnancy. Often the damage is done before a woman even knows she has conceived.
There is no safe amount of alcohol during pregnancy. The damage done is dependant on several factors - the mother, the child, the pregnancy, environmental factors and more.
The facial features that make up the diagnosis for fetal alcohol syndrome are caused by alcohol consumption in the fifth week of gestation. A diagnosis of fetal alcohol syndrome as opposed to spectrum disorder or effects does not mean that the child is any less affected.
The majority of children who were affected by prenatal exposure to alcohol have mental disabilities. The biggest challenge in this is that their intelligence is not always low. Many of these children have an average or above intelligence - so to all the world, they appear 'normal'. The trouble is that they do not often have access to the intelligence that they do have.
These people are often unable to think in terms of abstracts (yesterday, tomorrow, money, time, possessions, consequences, cause and effect...) They can be quite rigid, as they are unable to think of a 'plan b', and it is therefore very stressful for them to deal with change.
There are two major areas of the brain that can be affected by prenatal alcohol exposure:
1)The cerebral cortex. Basically speaking, the human brain has two areas of thought. One side deals with rules and prior experience, the other deals with ideas and creativity. With the alcohol affected child, both sides work, only they can't communicate to each other because the cerebral cortex is damaged. So, they are able to come up with ideas, but, being unable to match these up to prior experience and rules, they will follow through as if it is the first time trying it. They are able to tell you the rules, but are unable to apply these to their behaviour or choices.
2) The frontal lobes. These process the environment, filtering out stimulants that are unnecessary, and allowing to pass all things important. It is also the place where actions are delayed in order to make a choice. So the environment either comes at them full force (because they can't filter things out) - called hypersensitivity; or they are hardly aware of their environment at all - called hyposensitivity. For each of these dysfunctions, the children will behave in seemingly strange ways in order to bring their environmental sensations to a middle ground. They can also be very impulsive children for 2 reasons a) they are unable to match up to prior experience to see why they shouldn't do something and b) their frontal lobe has damaged their 'slow down and think first' cells.
These are just the beginnings of what alcohol damage can do.
The damage is physical, and life long.
As these children grow up, the gaps widen between them and their peers. Socially/Emotionally, they are stunted to about half their age - with a maximum growth potential of approximately that of an immature 10 year old child. This is even when they are adults.
The lack of understanding (often caused by the invisibility of this damage) can cause a whole host of secondary disabilities and behaviours.
They are shunned by their peers because these children are unable to understand social cues (other peoples emotions, social rules, personal boundaries, game rules... and the list goes on.)
Parents, teachers, law enforcers, and other adults become frustrated with them because despite their intelligence, they are unable to learn many things. Academics are very hard on them, abstract concepts are often impossible to understand. They need to be told over and over the rules - they need much more consistency, and much more patience than the average child - and they still may not get it. They are often told 'if you try harder', 'you are not trying hard enough', 'you are just being lazy', 'you are stupid', 'why must I tell you this again'... but these children and adults are trying. They often are giving it there best, but they just can't meet the expectations that are set for them.
3)Because they are unable to understand abstract concepts, such as possession, personal boundaries, social rules, etc. they are often the ones ending up in jail, repeatedly.
They are rarely able to understand time and money in a way that they are able to hold jobs, keep appointments, pay their rent or other bills. These are the homeless on the streets. It is not a choice. They need external help to budget, meet their budgets, pay their bills, get to their appointments, get to work, do their work, return from work, follow social rules, stay out of trouble, and even meet the basic needs of life (eating on time, sleeping, personal hygiene.)
Due to their impulsive nature, trusting nature, stay in the moment nature, lack of consequence and cause and effect awareness, lack of boundaries, sensory nature, loneliness... they are often very vulnerable to those who would use them.
The saying is, "The boys get locked up; the girls get knocked up."
Less than 10% of people affected by alcohol will be able to hold a job and live independently.
Less than 10% will be able to raise their own children. Most will at some point have their children taken away from them and put into foster care or raised by other family members.
Remember, they rarely pass the emotional level of an immature 10 year old. Would you expect a 10 year old child to be able to live as an adult? It is often impossible, and yet expected of the majority of them.
So the next time you hear of someone going to jail, stealing, lying, having their children taken away, being evicted from yet another home, selling their bodies on the streets, addicted to drugs, addicted to alcohol, high school drop outs... don't think "why", think "I wonder if..."
I do not claim to be an expert, but we are living and learning with our children every day.
There is no safe level of alcohol during pregnancy. Could you be pregnant now?
Focal Cortical Dysplasia
What it is is an abnormality in the tissues in a portion of the brain. For our daughter, this occurs in the section of her brain where visual processing takes place. Rather than ribbon like tissues, hers are thickened and broken up.
Focal Cortical Dysplasia has been linked to high numbers of epileptic cases. If she has epilepsy, the seizures would take place in this area of her brain.
It has also been linked to autism and severe learning delays.
Often the autism and/or learning delays are triggered into existance after the seizures begin. Of course many learning delays will already be there as a result of the abnormality in the brain, but the seizures may cause regression in cognitive and speech development.
It may sound difficult to hear that our daughter is likely to develop autism, but it doesn't come as a shock to us.
There are many different levels of functioning in autism. The high to moderate range may include or be similar to such things as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and fetal alcohol spectrum disorder.
As we already knew that all three of our adopted children have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, and appear to have attachment issues, social issues, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorders, the autism label does not scare us - and really isn't much more to learn.
It has been found that children with autism can reach a higher level of functioning with a diet free of dairy, gluten, sugar, food dyes, preservatives, and high in vitamins. We have already found that Isaac especially is higher functioning without sugar, food dyes or preservatives and so have limited this in all our children's diets. Angel and I are already dairy free due to protein intollerances, so removing gluten and adding vitamins isn't as big a step as it could have been.
As for epilepsy, my younger brother has had epilepsy since I was young. I am not uncomfortable with seizures, I understand how to deal with them and where they come from.
As for the learning disorders, we have known she would have them because they are also caused by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. That their birth mom drank alcohol and did cocain during her entire pregnancies, we never felt we would excape the learning disorders - we are just seeking to understand where the disorders will affect them most; what can be worked around; and what must be accepted.
That her focal cortical dysplasia is in the section of her brain that the messages are passed through from her eyes to her brain does add a different dimension of struggle that we weren't expecting. You see, the children already have central auditory processing disorder - meaning they are able to hear, but cannot process the information in a way that they can understand what is being said. So often, we might as well be speaking different languages. It is hard to pick up on because they are great at mimic. They sound like they are talking and communicating well, but there is nothing behind it. They often don't even remember whether they said something, or someone else did.
So with our 8 year old, we use some sign, as well as draw pictures when we really want him to understand. With autistic children, this is often what needs to be done as well. But with our 2 year old, she isn't likely to understand what she is seeing either. So far signs have worked, but it appears that the pictures may not.
Our 4 year old can't process visually well, but is able to better process auditorilly than the other two - so if we talk to her like perhaps a two year old, she is able to follow the directions or somewhat understand what is being said.
This doesn't happen to be a blow to us. It is naive to adopt from the ministry of children and families and expect normal healthy children. It may happen, but it is rare. We adopted because we felt we had the room, love, faith, and ability to give these children something they weren't likely to get anywhere else. We feel sad for our children, and do what we can to help them overcome very difficult pasts; but unlike biological parents, there is no guilt here. We didn't cause this. The kids didn't cause this, and having known their birth mom, I am able to look at her life and know that she did the absolute best she could. I feel no ill towards her, I know she struggled too, and gave them a better life than she had - despite how grim the outlook looks for our children.
I am absolutely grounded on the belief that if God wanted us to raise healthy, normal children, he would have allowed our pregnancies to carry to term. But we wouldn't have adopted then. I am convinced these chldren were meant for us. We love them as our own because they are. God formed them and allowed their growth, and therefore I have no thought that they shouldn't be here.
They are here, exactly as they are, exactly as we were meant to receive them. We are learning much from this. They are stretching us and teaching us, and causing us to grow. What else could be asked out of parenthood and life?
And if in the future God allows us to carry our pregnancies to term, or adopt again, I will know that is right for us and be thankful still.
God is good.
Blessings;
Jennifer Henderson
Staci and Tati's Story
Demonstration Experiment
Hello, I was sent this e-mail for a demonstration about the effects of alcohol on the growing brain. We don't have any alcohol to try it, but you might want to.
EGG DEMO
In each clear glass used, break gently one egg, discard shell
Add the contents of an airline bottle or top up with beer
Observe action on egg over the hour, the day etc.
Now, after a day of being "alcohol sopped" get the SOS pads out, because it is literally cooked to the
glass.
I want to expand to a "fly" in the glass (so far no fly has volunteered) and in another a bit of hamburg
(shows what cooking with alcohol does) and then a glass with a whole egg, which of course has to be
broken when removed to observe effect. Like looking over the newborn!
When I do a demo I write the type of alcohol beverage (rum, vodka, whiskey etc) on the glass and the
percentage of alcohol.
I have yet to use Everclear which is 98% proof and too expensive to buy by the bottle for such a little
amount required, and I dare not have alcohol in the house.
I shy away from beverages that are coloured as you can't really see what happens.
I also place the little empty bottle beside the appropriate glass.
I also explain, especially to young ones "Yes you see people drinking regularly, but you cannot see the
damage internally, and yes, the body works hard to do repairs, but this is a visual that will show you
what is happening. And like the egg, your brain, ovum sperm and the fetus areNOT reparable"!!!!!
Only had one alcoholic girl that desired to drink it, egg notwhithstanding!!!
However, my current endeavour now is along these lines:
Alcoholic beverages are the only product consumed by humans that is not governed by the Food and Drug
Act.
De-alcoholized beer is governed by this Act and must bear a list of nutritional values (course it is
all zeros) except iron
which is claimed to be 2% (have no idea how that fits into daily requirements).
No mention is made of its ethanol content as it is less than .05
However, even that should be cited with a skull and cross bones beside it!!!
If by some strange logic, it is not to be under the Food section, then perhaps it would come under
the Drug section, requiring it to be prescribed and accompanied by a list of possible and/or dangerous
side effects including FASD
Again with the skull and crossbones beside the ingredient "ethanol"
The government would be wise to make this move now as it is only a matter of time before a Class Action
Law suit is launched against the Brewers and the Government.
We have seen this type of action with Thalidomide; with Residential Schools; with lead poisoning - it
would be wise to take action now before these innocent victims rise up.
If it is argued that ethanol aclohol does not fit under the Food and Drug Act, then I suggest it be
under the "Dangerous Goods Act" or the "Pesticide Act"
Ethanol is now being marketed as a vehicle fuel - 85% ethanol - clean burning, uses farm crop
materials. Breweries can easily be converted (preventing loss of income to them which is more
consideration than they have shown to any of their victims)
It is touted to be an excellent and inexpensive (compared with gas anyway) fuel. The only by-product
is a little water
If our cars run on it, then :
WHY ARE WE DRINKING IT AND DAMAGING OUR INNOCENT CHILDREN EVEN BEFORE BIRTH!!!!!