THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED TO ANYONE IN PARTICULAR BTW. It's just how I currently feel and sometimes its not coherent at times, well most of the time.

School today is such a drag. (I take that back, school is a drag everyday!) I went there thinking and hoping that at least like a handful of people in my group would be willing and enthu enough to go to Sea Regetta with me, and get dunked and all, but no. Although the principle let us off at 1030, meaning I only had to endure 2 periods of Econs which for the first time I felt was really useful, and one irritating GP lesson. I haven't really had a proper orientation and now it was even legal to go to the beach yet I don't know, no one wanted to go. Yeah, I don't blame you guys.

All of a sudden I felt lost again like the entire feeling of post-1st-three-months had sunk in again. Beebs, VK, you'd know how I feel right. I hope you all would. Really. I haven't seen you guys in ages. And for that split second I wanted to just call you all and just hug you all and go high with you all at the beach, but then I realised you all have school. Its only with you all that I get really high and siao, only YOU ALL understand how I feel. Like I only sincerely feel the closest to you girls and only do I feel comfortable enough to share how I feel with you all. I don't want VJC days anymore. I want St. Margs days back. I REALLY DO. I dread school now. Now that Ashley is gone the only person who I expected to participate in these sort of events is missing already. I should move on and become an introvert, stay in the library and do tutorials my entire damn year, that is if i promote.

I always thought I was an optimist but I realise that when it comes to friendship I always view things from the negative perspective. Maybe that's cos I had bad nightmares of friendships in primary school and yeah, was a serious loner. But I really really treasure friends alot and similarly I hoped that well, we established a friendship close enough that maybe sometimes we should give in to one another. I don't know. I'm a sore loser lah. Maybe I just don't fit in at all. With the intellectual, the clever and the go-home-mug-and-tell-you-they-never-study sorta people. I don't trust already. If you all are reading this whatever.

I need a talk with anyone from ity fast )): only you all manage to brighten up my day as much as Jay Chou ): Maybe what I have with you all is just superficial closeness, like what I was telling jj yesterday. Maybe. As in I feel so because throughout the entire holiday, we can go without speaking to each other for 2 months. I think that's not what friends should be. Even people who I'm not close to came to wish me all the best and asked me to work hard. How about you. JUST THINK. Come to think about it I haven't felt this way for quite some time. Well, you broke the record.

I never particularly warmed up to anyone in my class other than Ashley and Caiping I guess. I never had a heart-to-heart talk to anyone other than you two in the class. Its superficial closeness, as I mentioned earlier. FRIENDS are such an important aspect in my life, I'm sure ity would understand so badly, tx too. It's like I'm not someone who is independant, not someone who can go to the toilet herself, not someone who can survive 5 periods in the library studying without anyone to keep me company. Sure, I'm not asking you to pon lessons and stay with me in the library but, at least when we're free to go act like a friend. URGH. I don't know. Maybe its once again lets-all-make-use-of-Eunice-cos-she's-so-gullible. i find myself deleting so many things after typing them cos I don't want you all to misunderstand.

Although we did go to the beach, but we just walked for a while.. pretty boring if you didn't bring your pe-kit along. And to think both of you said that you would go if you had yr pe gear, fact is I offered to buy them for you. It's like buying fun. I really really wished for myself to have a sense of belonging in VJ, like how I had for SA, but since I didn't exactly participate in O2'05, I didn't develop any. Thus I feel like attending part of this new orientation would be helpful in developing my sense of belonging in the school, just like I had for St Margs. DAMN IT LAH.

God remove this sense of uncertainty from me, and make me a happy and cheerful again. Unless You are planning to tell me that these friends aren't worth me getting upset over, then let something happen to show me the way.