Cold As It Gets
Author: enigmaticblue
Rating: PG-15
Archive: If you already have my stuff, otherwise just ask.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story. Need I say more?
Summary: Set in a very AU world after the BtVS S6 episode Grave and the Ats
S4 episode, Orpheus. Spike never shows up in Sunnydale, Faith sticks
around in
"To the end of the earth, I search for your face, for the one who laid all of our beauty to waste. Threw our hope into hell and our children to the fire. I am the one who crawled through the wire. There's a million sad stories on the side of the road. Strange how we all just got used to the blood. Millions of stories that will never be told, silent and froze in the mud. I know a cold as cold as it gets. I know a darkness that's darker than coal. A wind that blows as cold as it gets. Blew out the light of my soul…I know a cold as cold as it gets. I fight a war I may never see won. I live only to see you live to regret everything that you've done." ~Patty Griffin, "Cold As It Gets"
Chapter 1
Fred knew a little something about being crazy, which was part of the reason she'd volunteered for this job. The other part was that she was pretty much the only one with the energy. Ever since Cordy-
She sighed. She didn't blame the others for seizing any kind of distraction they could. Wesley had Faith, Angel and Connor had each other, and Fred had-well, she supposed she had Spike now, although mostly by default. No one else had the emotional energy to deal with him.
In another time and place, Fred might have had Gunn, but he wasn't around much these days. Actually, she hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks. They didn't really have many jobs, and now Faith was supplying the muscle most of the time. Gunn was spending his time with Gwen, and Fred had a pretty good idea what he was doing with her.
It didn't matter. They weren't together anymore. She had thought that maybe she and Wesley-but that one desperate kiss had been as far as it went. Wesley had buried Lilah and taken up his Watcher duties with Faith, leaving very little room for anything else.
Angel was still mourning Cordelia, months later, as was Connor. In some odd way, Fred supposed that their shared grief had built a bridge between them the way nothing else could have, although they still had a long way to go.
All this left Fred feeling like a fifth wheel, however.
Watching over Spike allowed her to feel useful again, like
she hadn't made a mistake by staying. Fred knew that she could have gone back
to
She watched the vampire sleep, so quiet, so still, and murmured, "Handsome man saved me."
Fred wondered if it was to be her destiny to forever be saved by souled vampires. They had been out on a job, clearing a nest of vampires. Wesley had been using his contacts from the previous summer and fall to drum up business for them. Everyone wanted to stay busy, but Angel didn't have the energy or the inclination to advertise their services, and he seemed content to allow Wesley to take over that side of the business.
Something about having to kill Cordelia had changed Angel's attitude towards Wesley. Fred wasn't exactly sure what had changed, but it was enough to ease the tension between them so that they could work together again.
Even though Fred had known her presence was unnecessary-she certainly didn't qualify as muscle-she had wanted to accompany the rest of the gang. She'd been doing just fine for herself until one of the vampires had managed to get her off into a corner, away from the others who had been too caught up in the fight to pay much attention to her.
Fred touched the bandage on her neck, knowing that it had been a close thing. If Spike hadn't shown up…
He'd come out of nowhere, dusting the vampire who had bitten her and shielding her from the rest of the fight.
She hadn't recognized him, of course. That had been Angel, who had looked ready to dust Spike immediately upon identification. The bigger vampire had met Spike's eyes, and Spike had said quietly, "You have the spark." Then he'd started muttering about girls and saving them and not being on time.
Fred didn't know what he was talking about, but Angel had seemed to understand. "We'll take him with us," he'd declared. So they had, and when it appeared as though they were simply going to leave Spike to his own devices in one of the empty rooms, Fred had volunteered to look after him.
She'd wanted a job, and she owed him.
"You're still here."
His voice startled her out of her thoughts, and Fred stared into Spike's blue eyes. He seemed lucid for the moment, and she wondered how long that would last. Did he have a cave that he'd retreated into, as she had? Would he stabilize as time went on, or would he always inhabit a world of his own?
"Yeah. I thought I'd sit with you." She gave him a hesitant smile. "How are you feeling?"
He frowned slightly, unmoving still. "I saved you?"
"That's right." Fred wondered what was going on behind his eyes. "You were right in the nick of time."
Pushing himself up to sit on the edge of the bed, he stared down at his hands. "They look clean enough," he muttered.
Fred wrinkled her nose. "Not really." When Spike's head came up, his expression almost fearful, she shook her head. "Oh! I don't mean there's anything wrong with you. Not anything that a little soap and water wouldn't fix anyway. You could shower, and I'll see if I can find some clothes for you. Maybe some of Connor's will fit, although he doesn't have much. Of course, I'll have to find some other stuff. Soap and shampoo. Maybe a razor. Angel might have one. I can ask."
Her rambling was stopped by his finger on her lips. "Where am I?"
"The Hyperion," Fred replied. When that explanation didn't clear up his confusion, she added, "It's Angel's hotel. Well, our base of operations."
Spike frowned. "In
Fred beamed at him in approval. "That's right!" She watched as he digested that information, apparently turning it over in his mind.
"How'd I get here?"
"We drove mostly," Fred replied, wondering if he didn't remember the trip from the vampire-infested warehouse to the hotel. Wesley and Faith had left together, and Connor had disappeared as soon as the fighting was over. They'd put Spike in the back of Angel's convertible and driven back to the hotel.
It was probably a good thing that there hadn't been any others riding in the vehicle, and that they'd had the top down. Spike had obviously not gotten cleaned up in a while, and he looked-scruffy, Fred decided. Very scruffy.
"Why?"
"Why'd we drive or why are you here?"
"Why'm I here?" A faint smile touched his lips.
"Angel said to bring you. He said you had a soul now." Fred waited for Spike to confirm Angel's observation, but when he remained silent, she asked, "Was he right?"
"It burns," he murmured. "But not worse than the dreams. It's so hard to tell, you know?" Spike looked at her, his eyes begging for her understanding. "Between what's past and future. I never understood before. I tried to cut it out, but I couldn't."
Fred's gaze was drawn to his hand, rubbing anxiously at his chest. He shifted the black button-down shirt slightly, and she could see the livid cuts on his pale skin. "You're hurt."
He glanced down disinterestedly, as though it didn't matter, as though he hadn't noticed it before. "That's not where it hurts," Spike replied cryptically.
She didn't know what to do. Fred was fairly certain that Spike needed to get cleaned up, and that he needed to eat, but he didn't seem to be in a hurry to do either. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Spike, you have to eat."
He raised an eyebrow, appearing amused. "Alright."
It really was that easy.
~~~~~
Fred had never been the sort of girl who bossed people around. She was just goofy ol' Fred who walked with heroes. Except for the time she was in Pylea, Fred had mostly done what she was told with nary a sign of rebellion.
Spike, however, needed someone to order him around, and no one else cared enough to do it. So she told him to shower and get into the clean clothing that she found for him. Fred supposed that they were both lucky he and Connor were about the same size and that Connor had done laundry sometime in the recent past.
Not that Connor changed his clothing all that often. Being raised in a hell dimension seemed to cause personal hygiene to be regarded as optional. Connor was improving in that department, but Fred didn't feel qualified to talk to him about it, not after hitting him with a taser, anyway.
Although, she still felt it had served Connor right for locking Angel up and sending him to the bottom of the ocean for months.
Spike followed her directions docilely enough, however, and Fred herded him down to the kitchen to eat. She'd expected Angel to stay in his room, where he could generally be found unless Connor was in the hotel, or they had a job that needed to be done. It was probably better that the two vampires be kept apart for the time being. Fred had heard a few stories about the animosity that lay between them.
She had checked to be sure that Angel was in his room before she took Spike downstairs to the kitchen. Angel seemed to know why she was there. "Is he awake?"
"I'm going to get him something to eat," Fred replied. "Do you want anything? I could bring it up for you."
Cordelia had been the one to get Angel going again after he lost Connor. Fred knew she was a poor substitute.
Angel shook his head. His back was to the door, and he didn't bother turning to look at her. "I'll come down in a while."
Fred stood uncertainly in the doorway, listening for the sound of water to shut off in Spike's room. "Okay."
"Fred." She paused, waiting for him to speak. "Thanks."
The way he said it, Fred knew it had taken Angel an effort just to get that much out. "Sure."
So now she sat in the big kitchen of the hotel that no one ever used, watching Spike gulp down pigs' blood ravenously. "You musta been hungry," she observed.
He looked odd, really, dressed in a pair of Connor's blue jeans and a long-sleeved green t-shirt. Younger and older at the same time. "I forgot to eat," he replied simply.
"That's no good," Fred replied, trying to sound stern. "You have to eat, to keep up your strength. I know I go a little crazy whenever I'm real hungry. I was always hungry in Pylea, and I went a little crazy there, you know. Although, that could have been because it was a hell dimension, too. It's hard to say. Were you in a hell dimension?"
Spike tipped his head to one side, regarding her with a sort of puzzled bemusement. "Don't think so. It was okay for a while. I was okay." He shrugged. "Then I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. Kept getting there too late."
"Getting where?"
"Saving them."
Fred raised her eyebrows, trying to decipher what he meant. "Saving who?"
"Them. People. You."
"Me?" Fred's fingers strayed to her neck of their own accord. "You arrived just in time."
Spike shook his head. "Not then. I-" He froze, clutching his head and whimpering.
Fred wasn't quite sure what to do. She reached for him, but he drew back abruptly. "Spike-"
"What did he do to you?"
She turned to see Angel standing in the doorway, his face like a thundercloud. "Angel, he didn't do anything."
"Did he hurt you?" Angel demanded. "What happened?"
"We were just talking," Fred said quickly, not knowing why Angel would think that Spike had tried to harm her. "Spike?" She watched as he clutched his head, rocking back and forth.
"It's going to kill them," Spike said.
Fred watched as Angel's hands clenched into fists. "Who?"
"Monster," Spike muttered. "I'm a monster. I'm never on time. They'll cane me for sure this time. Too soon. It's too soon."
Spike leapt up, heading for the door, and Fred turned to Angel. "What just happened?"
Angel's face was grim-not that that was a huge change. He always looked grim these days. "It's the visions."
"The visions?" Fred's eyes widened as the light dawned. "Like Cordelia's?"
Angel laughed, but the sound had no humor in it. "It looks like the Powers That Be have decided that my link to them is going to be Spike."
Fred shook her head. "But I thought that Cordelia got her visions from someone else when he kissed her. That's what she said."
"That's how she got the visions," Angel replied, and Fred noticed that he still had trouble saying Cordelia's name. "Doyle's just started one day." He shook his head and started after Spike, Fred staying on his heels.
She wondered what this would do to Angel, if he would regard this as another betrayal by the Powers. He was a Champion, and he'd already given so much, but they were apparently not done with him yet.
Spike was already gone by the time they got into the lobby, and Angel grabbed a sword from the weapons cabinet, heading for the back door and the car. After a moment's hesitation, Fred followed.
Angel didn't say anything to her when she climbed into the passenger seat of the car. "Do you think we should call Wesley and Faith?"
"I can handle it."
"Okay." Fred slumped in the seat, hanging onto the door as Angel took a corner just a little too fast. She could see Spike's lean figure loping down the sidewalk in the light of the streetlamps.
Angel pulled up next to him. "Spike. Get in."
The other vampire didn't even glance over, and Angel cursed, parking the car next to the curb and growling a warning for Fred to stay in the car. She wasn't sure that she should, even though she didn't think she would be able to do anything if they decided to start fighting.
Fred watched anxiously as Angel pulled Spike to a stop with sheer physical force. She couldn't make out what he said, but Spike seemed to listen since he followed Angel back to the car. "Where are we going?"
Spike frowned, obviously struggling to make sense of his vision. "Straight, then…" He trailed off.
"Tell me when to turn," Angel ordered.
Fred felt like an interloper, with the tension between the
two vampires as thick as the air on a hot
She wished she was capable of holding them all together the way Cordy had, but that wasn't her gift. There was no one who loved her as they had loved Cordelia.
Fred kept a tight grip on the "oh, shit" handle
as Angel took the corners too quickly in response to Spike's last-minute
directions. She wondered how Spike knew where to go, if the directions had been
left in his scattered brain, or if he knew
"There," he finally said, pointing at an old, run-down store. "The bleeding has already started."
Angel had barely stopped the car when Spike leaped out, and Angel gave Fred a hard look. "Stay here."
Fred knew better than to argue when Angel looked at her like that, and so she stayed put and watched as the two vampires disappear into the building. It wasn't the safest part of town, so she stayed alert, clutching her crossbow and keeping an eye out for trouble.
There seemed something vaguely wrong with letting Spike and Angel go in by themselves, and together. Angel and Wesley were always talking about having backup, and Fred wondered if they were mainly just talking about other people.
Or maybe they were just talking about her.
What was she doing here? They didn't need her, not really. There was nothing keeping her here, no emergency other than the usual day-to-day demon hunting. Fred leaned her forehead on her arm, considering her options. She couldn't go back home, not really. Her parents had rented out her room, and it wasn't hers anymore. She didn't have much in the way of savings. Possibly, if she found a physics program, they might take her, but it wouldn't be at UCLA, not where Professor Seidell had taught.
She couldn't go back there; too many memories.
Fred remembered the look on Wesley's face when he'd dropped her off, remembered how it had felt to sit in his living room as he went over her options. She hadn't loved him, but she could have. Their friendship was dead, the possibility of anything more gone.
There was nothing for her here.
"Fred."
Angel's voice called her out of her thoughts, and she looked up. "Yeah?" Fred hoped that no sign of her melancholy thoughts showed on her face.
"Do you think you could look after Spike?"
Fred looked past her boss to Spike. He appeared to be a little more lucid, but there was a lostness in his eyes that Fred knew well. She knew all about getting lost in the dark.
"Sure," she replied, striving for cheerfulness. "I don't mind."
Angel nodded shortly. "If he has another vision, you're to find me or one of the others. Don't go off on your own." He turned to look at Spike. "Got it?"
"Not deaf," Spike muttered, sounding like a sullen boy. "Don't need anyone looking out for me."
"Fine. Then make sure nothing happens to Fred. Can you manage that?"
Spike glanced up, meeting Fred's eyes, and she thought he was measuring her carefully. "I can manage."
"Fine. As long as you stay out of my way."
Fred was a little taken aback by Angel's harsh tones, and she gave Spike a questioning look, thinking that he might have done something to anger the other vampire. Spike just quirked an eyebrow, giving her a faint half smile in reply. "Don't want to see your ugly mug more 'n I have to anyway."
Spike climbed into the back seat of the convertible, and Fred looked back over her shoulder surreptitiously. Now that no one was looking at him, Spike's eyes were closed and his head was resting on the back of the seat. Weariness had etched lines on his face, and Fred's brow furrowed.
Maybe, just maybe, there was something left for her here.