The Redemption of the Noldor

by Cirdan

Part 5

Thirty years after the Feast of Reuniting, Finrod again visited the Falas. He'd been by many times since his first visit, but this time, he was drawn back to Cirdan's company because Ulmo had visited him in a dream. Ulmo had ordered him to create a retreat of hidden strength to be as a last defense against the forces of Morgoth. Turgon had been with Finrod when he'd received his vision from Ulmo, but Finrod had not even spoken to Turgon, his close friend and brother at heart, about Ulmo's command.

"I have heard the voice of your Lord of the Waters, and it is very great," Finrod said over dinner on the first night of his visit to the Falas. Finrod was testing Cirdan, of course. Cirdan had said that he was deep in the counsels of Ulmo. Finrod wanted to know just how much the Vala told the Elf.

"You've spoken with other Valar while dwelling in Valinor and have even heard the voice of Manwe," Cirdan said. "Was the voice of Ulmo so different?"

"Each Vala is different in majesty," Finrod said. Cirdan hadn't taken the bait but that didn't mean he didn't know. The Lord of the Falas was not a fish, and often, he cast his own lines out to catch Finrod when Finrod tried such games.

"Ulmo's voice is as deep as the depths of the ocean which he alone has seen," Cirdan said. "He was instructed most deeply by Iluvatar in music, and that is what you hear."

"You know such things despite never hearing the Ainulindale composed by Rumil?" Finrod asked. Cirdan nodded. "Then you are wise indeed."

"Only because I have conversed much with Ulmo and his vassals," Cirdan said. "Ulmo has told me that he will help the Noldor, and though this may seem to be against the will of his brethren, the Lords of the West, his aid to the Noldor is his place in the designs of Iluvatar."

Finrod did not know what to say in response. Of course he'd taken the advice of Ulmo to heart, but he hadn't realized that the Noldor's fate was so closely tied to Ulmo, for the Noldor were not lovers of water or shipwrights. Before, Ulmo had been the most distant Vala. He didn't dwell in Valinor like the other Valar. Even among the Teleri, Finrod had heard the names of Osse and Uinen spoken more than Ulmo.

"You haven't asked me what Ulmo said to me," Finrod said at last.

"The waters of the Sea, the lakes, the pools, and all waters of Arda resonate with the voice of Ulmo. You did not specifically say that Ulmo spoke to you directly, only that you had heard his voice. Besides, it is not for me to ask if you choose not to reveal your vision from him." Cirdan paused then warned, "But I cannot advise you or say what is in my heart if you do not confide such things in me. I am not free to provide unsolicited information that Ulmo or Osse have disclosed to me."

Finrod shook his head. "I've known you for years now and still I don't understand you."

Cirdan smiled. "I barely understand myself sometimes. Ulmo showed me a vision of my great task on Middle Earth, but like the vision that Iluvatar showed the Ainur, my knowledge of Ulmo's designs for me is incomplete."

"If the Lord of the Sea can safely confide in you, then surely I can as well," Finrod said. After the vision from Ulmo, Finrod had felt compelled to see Cirdan. If Cirdan would not or could not ask about the vision, then Finrod would volunteer the information. Besides, he was unfamiliar with Ulmo and wanted to know Cirdan's approach to Ulmo's advice. "Ulmo asked me to create a hidden place of strength."

Cirdan nodded. "His advice sounds prudent."

"That's all you have to say?" Finrod made no attempt to hide the hurt in his voice. "Lord Cirdan, I have cried on you and emptied my heart on your shoulder. Of the Moriquendi, you alone know the entirety of my shame and wrongdoings. I even rejected the love of my father to continue in the Rebellion, and yet I accused him of betraying the Noldor by turning his back on those who went forth to Middle Earth. All this I have told you, yet you would withhold your heart's words from me?"

Cirdan smiled wanly. "So from the beginning you intended to tell me of Ulmo's message to you and to seek my advice." As always, Cirdan's voice was calming and soothing. He wasn't even upset by Finrod's harsh words. Embarrassed by his outburst, Finrod looked away. "Come." Cirdan stood and led Finrod from the humble house. They left the fair town of Eglarest and came to the shores of Beleriand.

Cirdan's robes slipped off his shoulders, and he slid his pants off. He waded into the water but wasn't even knee-deep before he changed his mind and came back to land. He stripped off the rest of his clothes and stood naked on the beach with the sun lighting his long silver hair. He was going to swim, not just wade. Normally, Finrod enjoyed seeing the older Elf swim. Cirdan's body would cut through water like a dolphin, and even the younger Elves of the Falas could not match his speed and skill. His muscles were lean and built for endurance. His graceful movements in the water were as beautiful as the dances of Luthien on land. Finrod's heart always leapt with wonder and joy when he watched Cirdan swim or play in the water. But today, Finrod was not in the mood to pleasure his heart.

"Cirdan, I know that you are gifted with a foresight beyond even the women of the Noldor who have dwelt in Aman. Please share your thoughts with me. Or if you will not then I will be on my way."

"Wait a moment longer." Cirdan ran into the waters and dove in head first. Finrod waited for Cirdan to surface, but he didn't. Was he consulting with Ulmo? Minutes passed and still the Lord of the Falas did not surface. Finrod held his breath as long as he could, but he was eventually forced to take a breath. He did it again. And then again. Surely Cirdan couldn't have drowned. Another held breath went by. And another.

At last, Cirdan broke the surface of the water. He did not swim to the surface. Instead, he rose from the Sea as he walked along the bottom of the ocean. First, his head showed. His silver hair fanned out at the surface of the water. Then his shoulders and chest rose from the water. Moisture clung to Cirdan's skin like fresh dew on a frosty morning. His abdominal muscles were tight and hard. Cirdan's various swimming styles required him to make use of almost all his muscles. The Noldor, on the other hand, rarely did any activities that strenuously exercised the abdominal muscles. There were Noldor with strong arms from work in the smithies, and dancers were toned from the great range of movements required of them. But toned muscles and sculpted muscles were two different things. Cirdan was sculpted as beautifully as the Mindon Eldalieva in the square of Tirion. Slowly, Cirdan's legs also appeared above the surface of the water. He was very tall, and his legs were long, strong, and shapely though thin. He pushed his hair back, and water fell about his body like gentle rain on a spring morning He stopped his approach to the land when the water level was just below his knees.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting, my Prince," Cirdan said from where he stood in the water.

"Did you speak to Ulmo?" Finrod asked.

"No."

"Osse?"

"No." Cirdan laughed. The mirth shook his naked body and several drops of water that had been clinging to his skin became dislodged and led Finrod's gaze along the curves and crevices of Cirdan's body. "Do you think that the Lords of the Sea have nothing better to do than to wait for my summons? No, I was simply trying to better recall what I'd seen of Ulmo's vision. In Eglarest, the sound of the waves was still too soft."

Cirdan gestured for Finrod to join him in the water. When Finrod had stripped and joined him in the water, Cirdan led him deeper into the Sea, until the water level was just under their armpits. The ends of their golden and silver hair floated at the water's surface and mingled like the blended Light of the Two Trees in the space between them.

"You hesitate to found a Hidden Kingdom because you believe that you will not be able to explore and enjoy the vast lands of Middle Earth thereafter, but that is not true," Cirdan said. His bright eyes held Finrod's. "On that night when you received the message of Ulmo, Turgon was beside you on the banks of Sirion, and he received the same message. Thus, there will be two Hidden Kingdoms. Once Turgon establishes his, he will not allow anyone to leave until the last battle. As for your kingdom, its borders will be open but guarded like those of Doriath, with guard towers behind trees and Elves ever watchful of the entrance to the Hidden Kingdom. Once you've developed your kingdom and its protection, you will again be free to travel the width and breadth of Beleriand. Remember, the kingdom's location is secret, not its existence."

"Then you think I can disclose my intentions to found a place of hidden strength to others?" Finrod said.

"You must use discretion, but yes, share your plans with others. In this way, I believe you will find the secret region which will become your ever-guarded home."

"I have long admired the strength and majesty of Menegroth," Finrod admitted. "Its treasuries and armories and many-pillared halls of stone seem ideal."

"Do not be afraid to say as much to Thingol. A bit of flattery doesn't hurt, and Thingol benefits from the counsel of Melian the Maia. He may be able to find a deep and secret place to suit your needs."

"You spent so much time under the water for that?" Finrod teased.

Cirdan smiled. "And am still in the water to make sure I don't forget." Then Cirdan became serious. "There is much to the visions that I don't understand. Above all, I know my fate is tied to a great white ship that is unmistakably of my design and construction. The ship sails in the Sky rather than in the Sea, and in my visions, it passes through the Door of the Night. The fair white vessel is always the strongest component of my memory of the visions, yet I cannot even begin to fathom its meaning."

"Do you know anything more about my Fate?" Finrod asked.

Cirdan made a great show of concentrating. "I see a beautiful Elf of the Falathrim capturing your heart." He smiled. "No, I jest." Cirdan's face became serious again, as if he were fighting the great winds of the Sea. "I know that your Fate is tied to the sons of Feanor, and like them, an oath will bind you and drive you in spite of your better judgment, and in the end, it will betray you to your death. Remember that you are also subjected to the Doom of the Noldor, and even Manwe cannot remove the Curse of Mandos. Be careful for my sake as well as your own. If anything should happen to you, I will be slain from grief."

"You exaggerate." Finrod wondered as to the meaning of what Cirdan had said.

"I do not exaggerate, not by much. You undervalue yourself, though you do so almost imperceptibly." Cirdan submerged his head under the water and then resurfaced. He pulled Finrod towards the Sea. "Now let's swim."

"There is one other matter on my mind," Finrod said.

"Very well. The water will wait."

"I wish to erect a tower on the cape between Brithombar and Eglarest in honor of our friendship. You are always very good to me, Cirdan."

"Don't be ridiculous. With your assistance, Eglarest and Brithombar have again become beautiful towns. You've done much for me and my people."

"Then let me do more and raise an erection for you," Finrod said earnestly. "Of the Elves of Middle Earth, the Falathrim have most openly welcomed the Noldor. You can't imagine what that means to us. We've lived in the Light, but our hearts have darkened. Mingling with you has enriched and enlightened me. Let me raise a tower to watch the Sea in case Morgoth attacks from the west."

"The Lords of the Sea would warn me."

"Let me do this for you." Finrod assumed his most pleading expression.

Cirdan sighed. "You'll be building your Hidden Kingdom soon and should save your resources for that. But very well, since I cannot dissuade you."

Finrod smiled. "Thank you."

"No, again, it is I who must that you for your care of the Elves of the Falas," Cirdan said. "When I sail between the towns of Eglarest and Brithombar and see the tower that you have erected, I will think of you and your love. My people will always support the Noldor. You do not need to win our loyalty with towers and material gifts. Remember, my love for you is unconditional."

"Why do you say that now?" Finrod looked into Cirdan's bright eyes and knew he meant it. Cirdan had not spoken of such things for thirty years. Until Finrod heard Cirdan speak of love, Finrod hadn't realized that he'd wanted to talk to the older Elf about love again. Finrod's heart yearned for such conversation like the Sea-longing in the Falathrim. It was as if Cirdan's voice had been the horns of Ulmo those many years ago when they'd first spoken about their lady loves.

"Because you needed to hear it." Cirdan smiled like the rising sun upon the vast waters of the Sea. "Your concern has been addressed. Now the water can wait no longer." Cirdan leapt into the air, and the water falling from his body glimmered like jewels. He raised his arms above him and seemed to pose before Finrod, who had only to reached out to touch that glistening, naked body. Cirdan arched backward while midair and angled his entry into the water so that he wouldn't hit the ocean floor. He surfaced many paces away from Finrod. Cirdan beckoned to Finrod to join him. Finrod smiled and swam out to Cirdan. There would be other times to speak to Cirdan about love.