A Gun To Your Head

So it's been nearly a year since i updated.

I added a couple new videos in the 'My Videos' section.

I added some new avatars in the 'My Avatars' section.

I fixed the broken links and put the 'Friends' and 'Band Stuff' underconstruction. I don't have the time to mess with it right now.

I will be back on here in a few days to finish up the site.

-Jennitron 5000

It's an ongoing struggle. I feel as if i am trying to claw myself out of a wall of ice. Yes... A wall of ice... a big one that never melts.

It really sucks, i've been down all day, and all night, and all my life really.

Somedays its okay... others it is too the point where i cant bear it anymore and just hide under my covers, listen to VNV Nation and cry. Suicidal thoughts are still crossing my mind, i don't know why it has to hurt so bad. I don't let anyone know how it feels, if i do they would only recommend professional help. I don't need professional help, i need love.

Somebody save me from this hell.

- J-TRON 5000 V.1

I feel that i need to vent, even though i know nobody reads this ever, aside from a select few. Anyhow...

I have never in my life felt so alone, I don't have anyone. I am 18 and i've never had a relationship, no wait i had one that lasted 2 months. Other then that i've been alone. I can't figure out why! I've never done anything to push people away. I know i am not skinny, or pretty, or in any way even slightly attractive, but why can't i have someone?? What have i done so bad in my life that i should have to be alone, i'm sick of going to bed knowing i have no one, i'm sick of waking up knowing theres no point in continuing through the day, i'm sick of going to work and doing everything in toys and then have William take all the credit. Which brings me to the topic of him being a worthless sack of shit, apparently he has 4 girls hes been lying too, me being 1 of those girls. I really had hoped for the best, he promised me everything, I really thought i found him. Now only to find out it was all a huge painful lie, a joke, a cruel sick plan just to hurt me and 3 other wonderful ladies who really fell in love with him. We had no idea of what was going on, and now i honestly dont know what to do. I want to find someone, but what can i do?? Nobody wants me.. I am sure of that...

I knew it was coming, it was only a matter of time before i hit depression again.

I can't keep living like this.

Someone love me please.

Added 3 new videos, funny ones might i add.

Some pics of me.

and ya, thats all.

It's about time! I am nearly 18! I really am excited but depressed at the same time.

As for site updates, i just added new avatars and some nice slideshows of my friends and family.

Home you will check it out and sign the guestbook.

Thanks!

- J-Tron 5000

Look how long this site has been up, and look how long i've let it go... I should be asshamed, well here i go with another edit.

Maybe this time i will keep it together.

Added 3 new poems, a new link in Band stuff about a fucking awesome band Down For Five, and some neat Napoleon Dynamite avatars.

Hey guys! I finally came back, No i didn't forget about you guys.. it has just been horrible for me latly. I was in Laureate for a few weeks its a Looney Bin for those of you who dont know. I broke up with Josh like right after the last update.. so nothing has been going well. I had a horrible encounter with the Ouija Board! So thus the non-updatingness of the website... Anyway, I have changed everything as you can tell. I Changed the colors of the site from red to blue. I put a new background. I took away a few pages and changed them.. i finaly got my livejournal up and running, Theres a link but its friends only. I added a lot of pictures of me to the About me section, I added lots of new avatars, i really majorly fixed the Poems section. It was a disaster.. but now its all organized and i added like 9 new poems.. Go through there and see what you can find. I hope you enjoy the new updates! REMEMBER SIGN THE GUESTBOOK!

Xx-Jenni-xX

Yea, It's been a long time i know.. but i've been quite busy... Anyway i never figured that anyone cared to come here anyway.. cause of course its not on any search engine.. just a few of my good friends come here.. regulars.. PLZ SIGN THE GUESTBOOK.. Today i'm updating a few things i put a lot of new poems in the poems section.. put some new pictures in the band stuff page... Updated the shit page.. with pictures of my new rat.. edited the about me section.. added some new pics of myself.. and etc.. anyway go see what is new ohhh yea and the deadjournal has been updated too... 

Hey guys, i got a bunch of shit done... I put some of the pictures on the band stuff, and i put like a couple weeks worth of poems i wrote a while back... and i put alot of cool avatars that i thought u people might like...I put some more pics of me on about me! page... And i'm still doing alot.. bye the way for now my DeadJournal is down so dont worry if i dont post there for awhile... Thanks guys... START SIGNING THE GUESTBOOK!!!!

Xx-Jenni-xX

I'm really sorry i havent been on here in a long time... was at school.. then i started getting sick... so i havent really had time... i didnt update anything just yet... but this sunday i will add a few more Poems and a couple more things.. i will fix up the Band stuff page cause its been under condtruction for like weeks... and then i have to move all my current pictures to Imageshack.com cause freeimageupload.com is being an extreme bitch.. so well i gotta go.. Peace

Xx-Jenni-xX

I updated some more shit today, put a shitload of blinkies, and i've got millions more where those come from, went to update my blurty(DeadJournal) its not really an authentic deadjournal cause mine got suspended, but what the fuck ever go read it. and i added a Guestbook so plz leave comments. I know tht my image hosting site runs outta bandwidth sometimes so. occasionaly the blinkies or pics may have stupid little X's on them but dont worry they come back again. I just am not going to pay to host my pcitures, especialy when people hardly ever come here anyway! so go look the shit!

Yea.. I updated a little.. put a few more pictures in the "shit" section.. and im currently working on getting all my blinkies uploaded so i can add them.. tht should be the only part thts going to take awhile... And i will fix up the "Adoptions" i will probley change the name so look for it! and im going to add a guestbook as soon as i get around to it! it will take me awhile and seeing as im going back to school in like a week.. it may take longer.. just add this page into ur favorites and then check back here everyonce and while!

Xx-Jenni-xX