Dreama Childes’ Just A Thought……
More Scribbles
Lately many people around me have been noting that I seem like a very upbeat and positive person. It's not news to me but it seems to them a breath of fresh air in a sense. I'm quite comfortable with that. They wonder though, how I can stay so positive all the time. Well, I'm not. They aren't around during the nights that I cry myself to sleep worrying how I'm going to pay my bills this month or next. They don't see the loneliness that comes with being single most of my adult life and the effect it has on me emotionally and mentally. They don't know the kinds of things that go through my mind at times or the strength of faith it takes sometimes for me to make it through an average day. They get to see someone who comes into work smiling at the thought of being around people even when they are not in such good spirits. They don't know that I wake up each morning telling myself that any negative thing that happened yesterday was yesterday's business and that it's a new day with new possibilities. They don't understand that it takes a lot of work on my part to be and stay so positive with all that life can throw at me. It's a concious choice that I make to keep going and hold my head up. It all started some time ago. I can't really tell you when, but I basically just woke up in a sense. I realized some things about life. Not just life, but my own life and life in general combined. I realized that bad things happen to everyone. Not just good people and not just bad people. I realized that bad things have happened in my life and I survived them all to this point. I understood then, that looking back on my life from time to time wasn't a bad thing. I learned how to look at the bad times that had passed and learn from them without letting them bring me down again. How did I manage to do this? I made a concious choice to find what I could of those bad times that was good. One thing I found that all those bad times had in common was that when they finally passed, even though they seemed like they never would, good always followed close behind. I understood that I appreciated the good times much more having come through the bad. I found sometimes that some of those bad times may not have felt so good but they had reason and in the long run of my life they were for the best. It's easy to see the bad times and dwell on them. It's even easier to wake up every day dreading what could happen. I learned from all that looking back that anytime you want to find something negative you most certianly can if you just take a peak, but finding the positive takes a conscious choice of saying I want to be happy. I want to be more positive, more upbeat, and have more smiles and laughter in my days than tears and heartache and aggravation. These negative things are already there just waiting for a place to happen. I want those positive things hiding in the back row to come to the forefront of my life and show me how things can be with them. I want to be happy. I want to feel worthy and smile and know that bad times pass and that good times lie ahead. I make a choice every day to try to find the good things in all of life and enjoy them because I understand that they, like the bad times, only last so long. I want to feel good things more often so I work at it each and every day. Every day, no matter how bad things seem to get, I wake up saying to myself that it's a brand new day. Time to start over again. If I have unfinished business from the day before I try to take care of that first as much as I can and then I move on to what ever lies ahead. I tell myself before I do anything that I've been through tough times and survived them. I remind myself that no matter how bad it gets today, this too shall pass and I will be ok. I remember a lifetime of tears and heartache and know that I am much happier without them. I don't deny myself the opportunity to break down and release any negative feelings if I feel the need to, but I do it and get it overwith so that I can move on to better feelings because I want to smile today and tomarrow and the next day and the next. I tell myself that I am worthy of being happy. I am worthy of feeling loved by friends and family. I am worthy of not being mistreated and feeling the negative impact of misplaced aggression. I am worthy of good things in my life. I tell myself that I am worthy. It wasn't too long after I started doing things like this, that I started believing them. For the first time in my life I felt worthy to myself. I felt like I held some amount of value in this world. It was one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt. Then something knocked me off my high horse and showed me how small I really was. Hey, I never said doing this could get rid of all the negativity in the world, but it can make it easier to deal with. I live in a reality where bad things come along, sometimes more often than good. I figured out something through it all though. I had pulled myself up once before. I could do it again. I hated the pit of darkness and despair and I didn't want to be there again, let alone stay there. So I started remembering that positive feeling again and the facts of what I had learned about the negative not lasting and good times following and I began again to feel self worth. It's a concious choice on my part to stay happy and upbeat as much as I can. It's work. It's worth it to me because I am worth it. I am worth it because I say so. No one else has to see it. I don't mind, but I do see a lot of people wishing they knew my secret. All I can tell you is that it's no secret how to be happy in such a dismal world. It's a choice. It's a choice you make yourself to be happy when there seems to be nothing and no one around to make you that way. I choose to be happy when things are bad. I choose to be ecstatic when things are good. I choose it because it is my choice. No one can choose it for me. I hope you all learn how to choose to be happy or successful or anything that you really want to be in your life. I choose all the time.
Dreama Childe©June 2008
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