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Quotable
the gift of the gab
Mother: *To father* Work out who's dropping the kids off at school tomorrow.
Father: *To sibling* Who's dropping you off tomorrow?
Sibling: *To me* Who's dropping us off at school tomorrow?
Me: *To Killy* Who's dropping us off at school tomorrow?
Killy: How the bloody hell should I know?
Me: *To sibling* He says you choose.
Sibling: *To father* You choose.
Father: *To mother* You choose.
Mother: ...I live in a madhouse.
Killy: *Pleasantly* The mental image you have selected is strongly undesired. Please hold as full system restart is initiated. We thank you for your patience.
Me: 'Our home is girt by sea'...our what is what?
Killy: Home is girt.
Me: Sounds dirty.
Killy: It's not.
Me: Girt. Who says girt?
Killy: Those people, obviously.
Me: Weirdos.
Killy: That's a bit harsh.
Me: Pfft.
Killy: Well, have you written an anthem?
Me: I have better things.
Killy: Like?
Me: ...your mum.
Killy: Oh, I'm crushed.
Me: Go brain! Be as stupid as you can be!
Killy: It hardly needs your permission, dear.
Killy: *Grumpily* Stop talking to yourself.
Me: ...
Killy: You're right. I'm sorry. I take that one back.
Me: *Practicing exercises that I have to do* Acknowledge, accept, dismiss. Acknowledge, accept, dismi- is that a hair in my toothpaste?
Killy: I think we've discovered the root of the problem.
Me: What, that I'm really too easily distracted for decent meditation?
Killy: ...I was angling for a lame pun about hair, but sure, we'll go with that.
Me: Go Killy! Defend my honour!
Killy: I'm not bloody Lassie.
Random Facts Sheet: One quarter of the bones in the human body are located in the feet.
Me: I guess that means the rest is in the hands, eh?
Killy: Did you just say that three-quarters of the human bones are in the hands?
Me: Uh.
Killy: And what is the rest made of, pray tell?
Me: ...really funky cartiledge?
Killy: What is wrong with you?
Me: Lobotomy is forever! D:
Later
Me: 'Lobotomy is forever'. Sounds like a war cry.
Killy: A protest.
Me: Against street-side lobotomies?
Killy: The lobotomists would argue that it's simply furthering a natural defense mechanism.
Me: Oh?
Killy: Mmm. When faced with the risk of being wrong, your average human will promptly lose a portion of their brain. All they would have to do is point to parliamentary debates for proof.
Me: *Bringing in washing*
Dog: *STREAKS PAST*
Me: Wow, he can run fast. I wish I could run like that.
Killy: You'd have to grow another two legs. *Almost wistful* I bet I could run like that.
Both: *Pause for a moment to imagine a race*
Me: Humans are quicker off the mark, you know.
Killy: And I'd be sure to remind you of that when I plowed into your back three seconds later.
Killy: Hey. Leave the snarkasm to me.
Me: [I'm] kind of torn between laughing to death and looking indignant.
Killy: In other words she sounds like an toad choking, but choking uncertainly.
Me: *Dips fingers in water from sink and holds them out to cat*
Cat: *Comes over to sniff*
Me: *Flicks water in cat's face* n_n
Killy: That was nasty.
Me: Yeah.
Killy: ...do it again.
Me: *Examining old pair of jeans* Hrmm, think I've put on weight since then.
Killy: Probably because you don't eat enough fru-
Me: Yeah yeah 'eat fruit', that's your flippin' motto, isn't it?
Killy: *Disgruntled* No.
Me: Oh? Then what is?
Killy: 'Eat fruit or die'.
Me: *Eyeballs essay* 98 words...hurray! Only 1402 to go!
Killy: And the stylistic analysis.
Me: And the stylistic analysis.
Killy: And type up the notes for English Lit.
Me: And type up the...goddammit, Killy.
Killy: *Snootily* I don't get paid enough to be cheerful.
Me: *Bored and strikes out across foreign university territory*
Killy: So...where are we going?
Me: Oh, you know. Across the campus. Out into the great unknown. All the way to...*slow grin*
Killy: No, don't, don't you da-
Me: THE END OF THE UNI-VERSE 8D
Killy: ...
Me: *Disowned* ):
[Back when Alex was a new headmate]
Me: *Mournfully* I just found out he doesn't even know our names. It's 'the girl' and 'whatever-the-hell the dog-thing'.
[Discussing Alex's less-than-pleasant past]
Me: I'm sorry.
Alex: It's not your fault.
Me: ...uh.
Both: *Awkward pause*
Indy: I think we've switched common sense.
Me: For...?
Killy: Stupidity.
Alex: Idiocy!
Indy: See, I have three things doing that >> This can't be good for our self confidence.
Killy: What self confidence?
Alex: You need self respect for that.
Me: SHUT UP.
Alex: *Leans on my back*
Me: Get off.
Alex: Nah.
Me: Get off.
Alex: No.
Killy: *Slowly pulls lips back to show teeth*
Alex: ...*gets off*
Me: Well you shouldn't eavesdrop.
Alex: I heard my name. I've come to decide it's a good idea to take a look when I hear my name. You're usually doing strange things when I hear my name.
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