Tail Koopa Interview's
KAMMY interviews KAMMY
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello, all of you stupid people. Welcome to...
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Kammy: This is the first time I'll be interviewing an interviewee. Today I'm interviewing myself. Ludwig, is that cloning machine ready yet?
Ludwig: Almost, just five more minutes.
Lemmy: Why do you need a cloning machine?
Kammy: Because I want to make it more interesting by asking questions to a clone of myself.
Ludwig: Ready.
Kammy: I'll just cut one of my hairs. Here you go, Ludwig.
Ludwig: I'll put this in here. Press the start button and TADA! A clone of Kammy.
Kammy Clone: Hello, Kammy.
Kammy: Ok, let's get to this iInterview. Kammy, how do you feel about being called a hag all of the time?
Kammy Clone: Most of the time, I'm mad. I mean, I respect him for calling me that when he is pleased, but oh please. Hag? Lord Bowser is stupider than I thought. He could at least call me something nicer than hag.
Bowser: I heard that!
Kammy: Nobody cares.
Bowser: Grrr. *grumble*
Kammy: My next question, how old were you when you joined the Koopa Klan?
Kammy Clone: 10 years old.
Bowser: Liar!
Kammy: SHUT UP!
(A piano lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: Ok, Kammy. Here is my next question. What was your best subject when you were training to be a Magikoopa?
Kammy Clone: Summoning blocks.
Bowser: No surprise there.
Kammy: Here is my next question. In Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, how were you fooled so easily, thinking that poster was the real Princess Peach?
Kammy Clone: It's not my fault. Those Koopatrols told me that they'd spotted Princess Peach in Petalburg. So I reported to Bowser that Princess Peach was in Petalburg. But, it turned out that those Koopatrols were too stupid to tell whether it was a poster or the real person.
Koopatrol: Hey! We're not stupid!
Kammy: Oh yes you were. You're so stupid that you don't know how to spell cat.
Koopatrol: I can spell that. T-O-U.
Audience: ...
Lemmy: ...
Bowser: Stupid.
Kammy: Whatever. My last question. How come you were not there with Bowser when he was at the Glitz Pit?
Kammy Clone: That's because Bowser told me to keep searching for the Crystal Stars, and... my broom broke.
Bowser: And you failed to keep up with the Crystal Star.
Kammy: Oh be quiet. You won't even know where to start if I'm not around.
Bowser: Yeah I do.
Kammy: Where?
Bowser: Uh... At the dumpster.
Audience: ...
Kammy Clone: ?
Kammy: I'm stuck with a stupid loser.
Bowser: I'm not stupid.
Kammy: SHUT UP!
(Another piano lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: All right. It's time for audience question. You, Seat 234.
Wario: Do you like money?
Kammy Clone: I think so.
Wario: Too bad. You can't have my money.
Kammy Clone: ?
Kammy: ... O...k. You, seat 32.
Boo: How come your robe is different from other Magikoopas' robes?
Kammy Clone: I think those robes that other Magikoopas wear are not pretty. So I made my own robe and I think it's pretty.
Bowser: You're ugly anyway.
Kammy: SHUT UP FOR ONCE!
Bowser: Never!
(A heavier piano lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: You, seat 1439.
Bowser Jr: Do you have any relationship with Kam-
(Kamek whacks Bowser Jr. on the head with his wand. Bowser Jr. has amnesia.)
Bowser Jr: Who are you? Who am I? What is this place?
Kammy Clone: Yes, Kamek is my cousin.
Bowser: Look what you did to my son!
Bowser Jr: I have a daddad?
(A piano lands directly on Bowser's head, causing him to have amnesia too.)
Bowser: Hello? Who are you? Who am I? Are you my girlfriend?
Bowser Jr: I guess so.
(Bowser and Bowser Jr. start kissing right in front of the audience.)
Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
(Some of the people in the audience take pictures of Bowser and Bowser Jr. kissing each other.)
Kammy: That was weird. Well, since the audience is busy, I think the Interview is over.
Ludwig: Oh no, Kammy's clones are multiplying!
Many Kammy clones are appearing.
Kammy: Hey, let's attack Mario! Get Mario!
Baby Mario: WAAAAAH! Stop chasing me!
Kammy: Not that Mario, the older one.
Mario: Mamamia!
Kammy: Oh! By the way, end transmission
KAMMY interviews HAMMER BROTHER
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello. Welcome again to...
Lemmy: Lemmy's Inteview Show!
Kammy: Today I'm interviewing... I'm interviewing... I'm inteviewing... HEY! This list is blank! There isn't a name of the person I'm interviewing. Oh well. I'll just interview a random Koopa. Today I'm interviewing from the audience... HAMMER BROTHER!
Hammer Brother: Yeah!
Bowser: This is fixed!
Kammy: You again! How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?
Bowser: Endless.
Kammy: I'm ignoring you. Ok, let's get down to business. In that mini-game in Mario Party 7, how were the Hammer Brothers able to throw those huge hammers?
Hammer Brother: Oh, that wasn't us. Those were Sledge Brothers.
Bowser: BOOOOO! You stink! You can't even beat up all of the players in that mini-game!
Hammer Brother: You were bad at your mini-games, too.
Bowser: (ashamed) The truth hurts.
A random person in the audience: Oh my gosh! Bowser got beaten. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bowser: Nooo!
Kammy: Ok, my next question. How far can an average Hammer Brother throw a hammer at full power?
Hammer Brother: About 30 feet.
Bowser: It was lower than that!
Kammy: SHUT UP! Hammer Brother, can I borrow one of your hammers?
Hammer Brother: Sure.
(Bowser gets hit on the head by a hammer.)
Kammy: And that's what you get!
Bowser: It will take more than a measley hammer to bring me down!
(A piano lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: My next question, do Hammer Brothers get more pay than the other Brothers?
Hammer Brother: No. Fire Brothers get more pay because it's harder to master the fireball technique and spit fireballs, so they get more pay for their hard work.
Bowser: BOOOOOOOO! YOU ALL STINK! I SHOULDN'T PAY YOU ANYTHING AT ALL!
Kammy: Hey, there's a hotdog outside.
Bowser: WHERE?!
Kammy: It's on the other side of Plit.
Bowser: HOTDOG, HERE I COME!
(Bowser goes outside and runs his way to the other side of Plit.)
Hammer Brother: Stupid.
Kammy: My last question, where do Hammer Brothers keep endless hammers?
Hammer Brother: Well, our shells are different from other Koopas'. Our shells are like hammer factories that make hammers, so that's how we never run out of hammers.
Kammy: Interesting. All right. Audience questions. You, seat 3281.
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
Kammy: Ask a question.
Morton: Do you like wedding cake?
Kammy: I'm skipping you. Seat 2178.
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
Kammy: Wait! How did you get there so fast? Oh whatever. Seat 273.
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
Kammy: SHUT UP!
(A piano lands on Morton.)
Kammy: Seat 10.
Cackletta: Do you enjoy working with Bowser?
Hammer Brother: Well, I think that most of the time, I enjoy working with Bowser.
Kammy: You, seat 5667.
Goombella: What's happening to Bowser right now?
Kammy: Ask a question about the interviewee. But, I think that Bowser will find out that he was fooled.
On the other side of Plit...
Bowser: Hey, do you have a hotdog, or have you seen a hotdog?
Frost Piranha: We don't make or sell hotdog here. There's never a hotdog here.
Bowser: NOOOO! Wait a moment! I've been tricked! Oh well, time to get back to the Interview.
Back at the Interview...
Kammy: Anyway, seat 788.
Boo: Do you wish to be a playable character in another Mario game?
Hammer Brother: You bet I do. I was a playable character in Mario Superstar Baseball. If there is another Mario sports game or Mario Party game, I would like to be a playable character there.
Kammy: Seat 62.
Bowser: You lied to me!
Kammy: It's for a good reason for the world.
Bowser: No it's not!
Kammy: I DON'T CARE!
(A piano lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: Last question. Seat 5483923709084.
Magikoopa: How long does it take for a regular Koopa to become a Hammer Brother?
Hammer Brother: A regular Koopa can become Hammer Brothers by training. The training takes about five years. After the training is done and that Koopa succeeds, that Koopa is then declared a Hammer Brother.
Kammy: Ok, I believe that this Interview will come to a close. I'm your interviewer, Kammy.
Bowser: I'm stupid.
Audience: ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kammy: End transmission.
Battle with Lord Crump and Magnus Von Grapple
KAMMY interviews LORD CRUMP
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: This reeks. I can't find my broomstick anywhere. Oh well. Welcome to Lemmy's Interview Show.
Lemmy: Hey! I say when it's Lemmy's Interview Show!
Kammy: Fine.
Lemmy: Welcome to Lemmy's Interview Show!
Kammy: ...
Mario: It's-a me, Mario!
Kammy: HEY! THAT's MY BROOMSTICK! GIVE IT BACK, MARIO!
Mario: Okie-dokie.
(Mario is standing still.)
Kammy: Well?
Mario: I said no.
Kammy: But you said okie-dokie.
Mario: Which means no.
Audience: ...
Lemmy: Stupid moron.
Iggy: I agree.
Kammy: I'll get you after this Interview!
Toadette: Is the Interview starting yet?
Kammy: Sure. Today, I'll shall spin the wheel to pick the interviewee.
(The wheel is spinning and beginning to stop.)
Kammy: And the interviewee is... LORD CRUMP.
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh huh.
Fawful: I HAVE FURY!
Bowser: NO FAIR! Everyone have a better chance than me!
Kammy: Too bad!
Bowser: When will I be the interviewee?
Kammy: Next to never.
Bowser: You're fired!
Kammy: No I'm not!
Bowser: Yeah you are. Wait. What are we talking about again?
Kammy: ... Well let's just start this Interview already. Lord Crump, what are your stats?
Lord Crump: Well, when I first battled Mario, I had 5 HP, 1 Attack, and 0 Defense. When I battled Mario again at Keelhaul Key, I had 30 HP, 3 Attack, and 0 Defense, but when Mario was about to win and I had 0 HP, I drank a potion, and replenished my HP back to 30.
Kammy: Why were you weak when you first battled Mario?
Lord Crump: Let me think. Oh yeah. Before I first battled Mario, I was looking for a Crystal Star in Rogueport. I got run over by an angry mob. Then, when I was on the roof of a building, someone pushed me and I fell to the ground. I slipped on banana peels and fell into the water and got bitten by Nibbles. Next, somebody whacked me with a bat, and I was sent flying. I crashed in the west side of Rogueport. All of these events made me lose HP. Then I heard that sassy Goomba girl talking about Crystal Stars, so I called for troops and chased that Goomba. And that's when I first met Mario and battled him. But when I battled him, my HP had already dropped from 30 to 5.
Bowser: Could you repeat that?
(Everyone crashes to the floor because of what Bowser just said.)
Kammy: Ok. Next question. What happened after that explosion from that Superbobomb caused by Bowser?
Lord Crump: After that explosion, all of us and Bowser's army got blown into the sky and then we all fell down like rain. Bowser and his army just blasted off to another place. What kind of idiot is Bowser for stupidly breathing fire at that Superbobomb and making it explode?
Bowser: I'm not stupid, that was a mistake.
Kammy: A stupid mistake. Anybody but you could figure out not to make a Superbobomb explode.
Mario: CHEESE!
Kammy: Anyone but you and Mario. Lord Crump, what were you doing while Mario was looking for the fifth Crystal Star, and you were not around with people?
Lord Crump: I reported to the X-Nauts to prepare for our attack when Mario got the fifth Crystal Star, and I was jumping up and down, saying, "WEEEEE!"
Audience: ...
Bowser: Weird.
Lord Crump: What?! That's one of my hobbies.
Bowser: BRAHAHAHAHA! You're just like Kammy.
Kammy: Bowser, SHUT UP! I have a video clip of you. It's about you taking a bath with a you-know-what.
Bowser: NOO! Don't show that!
Kammy: Thought so. It's time for audience question. Seat 100.
X-Naut: Do you always laugh like this, dude?
Lord Crump: You mean this? Buh huh huh huh.
X-Naut: Yeah, dude. That.
Lord Crump: Nope. When I was young, I laughed like this. Hah wuh wuh wuh wuh.
Audience: ...
Bowser: That's a stupid laugh.
Kammy: Um... Seat 321.
Koopa: What is it like commanding the X-Naut army?
Lord Crump: It's like so cool. And it feels great. It seems like I can overthrow Grodus and be the new leader.
Grodus: You will perish for even thinking about that!
Bowser: X-Nauts are weak.
Kammy: Then how come you got beaten by a Goomba?
Bowser: NOOO! DON'T TELL THE AUDIENCE THAT!
Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Bowser Jr: How could you, Papa? *sob* WAAAAAAAH!
Kammy: Seat 7329.
Magikoopa: Do you want to be protected by those little things that form barriers, like those Grodus Xs, Mini Yuxs, or Mini Z-Yuxs?
Lord Crump: Yeah. I do. Grodus and those Yux have those things protecting them. No fair I don't get those things protecting me.
Grodus: You can't and never nill.
Bowser: Is the Interview over?
Kammy: NO! And for that, I'll play that video clip.
(The video clip shows the Bowser taking a bath while playing with his rubber duck).
Bowser: I love you, rubber ducky. It's me, Bowser. I like to wet my bed.
(The video finishes playing.)
Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ludwig: King Dad, I thought you said that you always act manly.
Bowser: This is a mistake. It's not real.
Audience: HAHAHAHAHA!
Bowser: My reputation's ruined.
Kamek: I can't believe I trained Bowser all my life, and he still acts like a kindergarten kid.
Kammy: You, seat 0.342738299.
Mario: Do you like cheese?
Lord Crump: No!
Mario: Of course you like cheese.
Lord Crump: No I don't.
Mario: Yes, you-a do.
Lord Crump: No I don't.
Mario: Yes, you-a do.
Kammy: We don't have time for this argument. The Interview is over. Mario, give me back my broomstick!
Mario: YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!
(Kammy can be seen in front of the audience, chasing Mario, who is riding a broomstick.)
Lemmy: I'll say it since Kammy is busy. End transmission.
KAMMY interviews THE SHADOW SIRENS
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hi, and welcome to...
Lemmy: Lemmy's Inter- MMMMPH. Huh, that's weird. Lemmy's Inter- MMMMPH. What's going on? Lemmy's Inter- MMMMMPH.
Kammy: I think a Magikoopa with a wand cast a forbidden spell that caused you to not say Lemmy's Interview Show.
Lemmy: NOOOO! Not that! Who could do such a thing?
Kammy: How should I know? No one has a wand.
(Kamek can be seen hiding his wand behind his back.)
Kammy: Oh well, let me do the honor. Welcome to...
Lemmy: LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!
Kammy: ... I thought the spell didn't allow you to say it.
Lemmy: Well, I guess that the spell over.
Kammy: Today is different because I'm interviewing three interviewees. I have three cards with a name each. And I'm going to say it like this is The Price is Right. Beldam, come on down!
Beldam: Mee hee hee hee.
(Beldam sits on the first interviewee chair.)
Kammy: Marilyn, come on down!
Marilyn: Guuuuuuuuuh.
(Marilyn sits on the second interviewee chair.)
Kammy: Vivian, come on down!
Vivian: Sweet, me and my sisters getting interviewed.
(Vivian sits on the third interviewee chair.)
Kammy: You are the three lucky contestants of...
Lemmy: Lemmy's Inter- MMMMMPH. No! Not again.
Kammy: Lemmy's Interview Show.
Bowser: CHEATER!
Kammy: SHUT UP!
Beldam: Ask a question already.
Kammy: What a hasty old witch you are. That reminds me. How old are each of your sisters?
Vivian: Well I...
Beldam: SHUT UP, VIVIAN! I am 50 years old. Marilyn is 40 years old, and Vivian is 30 years old.
Bowser: Liar! You're all extremely older than that!
Kammy: SHUT UP! If the Shadow Queen created you, how are you all so young?
Beldam: My queen created us-
Mario: CHEESE!
Beldam: -while-
Mario: CHEESE!
Beldam: -while-
Mario: CHEESE!
Beldam: SHUT UP! While she was sealed, stupid interviewer.
Kammy: Hey, I'm not stupid.
Beldam: Yes you are.
Kammy: No I'm not.
Mario: CHEESE!
Kammy and Beldam: SHUT UP, MARIO!
Beldam: Yes you are.
Kammy: No I'm not.
Beldam: Yes you are.
Kammy: No I'm not.
(This goes on for 30 minutes.)
Beldam: Yes you are.
Kammy: No I'm not.
Vivian: Can we stop this?
Beldam: SHUT UP, VIVIAN! That's it. Punishment for you.
Vivian: NOOOOO! I thought we were over that!
Beldam: Well you're wrong. And for that, another punishment.
Vivian: I'm always punished. It's not fair!
Kammy: Tell me, Beldam. Why do like to punish Vivian a lot?
Beldam: Because she's pretty to be punished and I'm older than her.
Kammy: What are all of your stats?
Beldam: When we first battled Mario, I had 9 HP, 0 Defense, and 1 Attack, except for my blizzard attack, which was 2. Marilyn had 12 HP, 0 Defense, 2 Attack. Vivian had 10 HP, 0 Defense, and 1 Attack.
Mario: YIPPEE! CHEESE!
Kammy, Beldam, and the audience: SHUT UP!
Beldam: When we battled Mario again at the Palace of Shadow, I had 30 HP, 0 Defense, and 5 Attack. Marilyn had 40 HP, 0 Defense, and 7 Attack. Doopliss had 40 HP, 0 Defense, and 6 Attack. Vivian was a traitor and she fought along with Mario. Vivian, for doing that, another horrible punishment.
Vivian: Can you excuse me for a second?
Kammy: Sure.
(Vivian can be seen backstage, banging her head with a hammer.)
Vivian: Ok, I'm done.
Kammy: Vivian, are you in love with Mario?
Vivian: Let me think...
Beldam: You'd better not.
Vivian: Yes, I'm in love with Mario.
Mario: CHEESE!
Kammy: Mario, did I call you?
Mario: KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME! KISS ME!
Kammy and Beldam: SHUT UP!
Beldam: Vivian, for doing and starting that, a world-class punishment.
Vivian: Quit punishing me.
Beldam: Going for two?
Vivian: No!
Beldam: You got two.
Vivian: NO! This is horror!
Kammy: Marilyn, why do you say "Guh" almost every time?
Marilyn: Guuuuuuuuuuh.
Beldam: That because she's really dumb.
Kammy: Is Marilyn always dumb?
Beldam: No. She was used to be a genius.
One third of the audience, especially Marilyn's fans: GASP!
Beldam: But somehow, a tree hit Marilyn's head, causing her to lose her smartness and become dumb.
Kammy: That could happen?
Beldam: It was a dumb tree, that makes you dumb.
Kammy: What did you and Vivian used to be?
Beldam: I used to be nice, never gave punishments, and was not bossy.
The second third of the audience, especially Beldam's fans: GASP!
Beldam: And Vivian used to be very ugly.
The last third of the audience, especially Vivian's fans: GASP!
Beldam: This is a picture of Vivian when she used to be very ugly.
(Warning! The picture cannot be shown to the reader. Only the audience sees it. The last third of the audience faints.)
Kammy: My last question. How come you're the weakest of the Shadow Sirens?
Beldam: I'm weak because I eat less and train physically less than my sisters. But my magic makes up for it.
Kammy: It's time for audience questions. You, seat 429.
Blooper: What kind of magic can you do?
Beldam: My magic includes poisoning my opponents, giving my opponents less chances to attack, giving my sisters or Doopliss more chances to attack, and increasing the size of one of my sisters or Doopliss, which raises their attack power.
Kammy: Seat 649.
Mario: I'm-a Mario!
Kammy: Seat 999.
Mario: CHEESE!
Kammy: SHUT UP! Seat 3002.
Cheep Cheep: How come Vivian can't burn Mario when you all first battled him?
Beldam: I been wondering about that. Vivian, how come you can't burn Mario?
Vivian: I didn't master my fire attacks when we first battled Mario. When I joined Mario, that's when I mastered them.
Beldam: Vivian, another punishment.
Vivian: *sob* WAAAAAAAAH!
Audience: GASP! SHE CAN CRY?!
Vivian: Yes, I can.
Cheep Cheep: Then how come Doopliss couldn't burn Mario when he copied Vivian?
Vivian: My fire attacks are hard to master. They have complicated steps that involves the mind and the hand.
Kammy: Last question. Seat 25.
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
Kammy: Wrong seat. Seat I LOVE YOU 545245.
Dolphin: What did you and Marilyn really do while Vivian was looking for the Superbobomb?
Beldam: We bought new hats, we drank some smoothies, and I was riding the little Merry-Go-Round, saying "I LOVE YOU ALL".
Audience: ...
Beldam: What?
Bowser: That is a little kid ride. And that's freaky.
Beldam: So? I don't care.
Kammy: And so that's all.
Mario: CHEESE!
Kammy: MARIO! SIT DOWN!
Mario: Okie-dokie.
(Mario sit down on something.)
Vivian: Mario, you're sitting on me.
Mario: Hey, the chair is talking to me!
Kammy: Security! Get Mario out of here!
Lemmy: You don't have security.
Kammy: I think I should get one by next Interview. See you next time on...
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show! Hey! I said it! YIPPEE!
Kammy: End transmission. Hey! We managed to get through this without much of Bowser's stupid things to say.
KAMMY interviews KAMEK
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello, and welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show
Kammy: Eyahahahaha!
Cackletta: Hey! You stole my laugh!
Fawful: You do the stealing of the Great Cackletta's and mine laughness! I HAVE FURY!
Kammy: Oh shut up! I'm just borrowing your laugh for this Interview.
Fawful: I HAVE FURY!
Kammy: Shut up!
Fawful: I HAVE FURY!
Kammy: Kamek! Get him out of here!
Lemmy: Kamek's your guard?
Kammy: Yes, and he's the the interviewee. Come on down.
Kamek: How dare you answer Bowser Jr's question wrong?
Kammy: What did I do?
Kamek: You lied to Bowser Jr in the first Interview that I'm your cousin. Well, that's wrong, because I'm your brother.
Audience: GASP!
Bowser Jr: WAAAAAH!
Kammy: Well, you're both my brother and my cousin.
Kamek: I guess that works.
Audience: GASP!
Bowser Jr: WAAAAAH!
Kammy: Will you all shut up?!
Audience: GASP!
Bowser Jr: WAAAAAH!
Bowser: WAAAAAAH!
Kamek: Lord Bowser, why are you crying?
Bowser: Because... I LOVE YOU!
Audience: ...
Kammy: Ewww.
Kamek: I prefer that you not love me.
Kammy: Kamek, do you think that Bowser's a great king of the Koopas?
Kamek: NO! He is defeated by Mario too many times.
Bowser: You got beat by Mario, too!
Kamek: Well, you lose more than I do!
Bowser: Exactly.
Audience: ...
Kammy: Kamek, do you like me or love me?
Kamek: NOO!
Kammy: WAAAAH! *sob* My heart's broken.
Kamek: Ok. I love you.
Kammy: And now my heart's filled with joy. Kamek, did you love learning to become a Magikoopa?
Kamek: Yes. Definitely.
Bowser: Geek. Dork.
Kamek: Hey! Ooh, when your father is somehow brought back to life, I'm going to tell him on you.
Bowser: Like that will ever happen.
Somewhere very far away...
Morton Koopa Sr: I'M BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE! HOORAY!
Back to the Interview...
Kammy: My next question. Before you became a Magikoopa, what was your favorite color?
Kamek: It was still blue.
Bowser: I have your baby pictures!
Kamek: Don't you dare show them to the audience.
Bowser: Like I care.
Kammy: BEEEEE QUUUIIEEET!!!
Waluigi: WAAAAAAAH!! I'M SCARED OF LOUD YELLING!
Audience: ...
Bowser: All right, I'll shut up... until the next question.
Kammy ... Grrr. Kamek, how do you feel about Lord Bowser?
Kamek: I'm very mad at him! It's always me to blame. I'm the one thinking of ideas, not Lord Bowser! He never thinks of anything, except Peach, his children, and meat. I HATE YOU!
Bowser: I hate you too.
Kammy: You said earlier that you love him.
Bowser: I hate him and I love him.
Audience: ...
Kammy: My last question. How did you feel when you were babysitting Bowser when he was a baby?
Kamek: Terrible! When he was a baby, he whined, cried, didn't listen to anything I said, and didn't pay attention to me when I was teaching him.
Bowser: That was when I was a baby.
Kamek: I know you're most embarrassing moment when you were a baby.
Bowser: No you don't!
Kamek; Yes I do.
Bowser: Please! I beg of you! Don't show it to the audience!
Kamek: Only if you don't show my baby pictures.
Bowser: Agree!
Kammy: All right. Time for audience questions. You, seat 21898383475837572385748572923284.
Kamek: My, that's an awful number.
Toady: Meanie. Why were we fired and replaced in the Koopa Klan?
Kamek: That was because you were all weak. You were weaker than Koopas and Goombas.
All Toadies: GASP! WAAAAAAAAH!
Bowser: Babies.
Kammy: ... Anyway, seat 485.
Bowser Jr: Why do all Magikoopas wear robes? The Koopas don't wear robes.
Kamek: Any Magikoopa can answer that. Since we are like witches and wizards, we wear robes just like them. And, they're magicproof, so we can't be hurt by our magic.
Bowser Jr: Papa, should I become a Magikoopa?
Bowser: No, Jr. They're weak!
Kammy: Like you.
Bowser: HEY!
Kammy: Seat 26.
Goombella: Why do you hate Yoshis?
Kamek: Because they ruined my plan and now Mario is defeating us. They saved Mario and Luigi when they were babies.
Mario: I'm-a Mario!
Kammy: Seat 60.
Mario: What happened while I was a baby?
Kamek: You probably don't wanna know.
Kammy: Well, that's all. See you next time on-
Lemmy: Hey, there's a tape. Let's play it.
Bowser: NOOOO!
(Lemmy plays the tape. The tape shows Baby Bowser wearing a tutu and dancing around like a ballerina while kissing a picture of his dolls.)
Audience: HAHAHAHA!
Iggy: Hey, what are these pictures?
Kamek: NOOOO!
(Iggy shows the pictures in front of everyone. The pictures show Kamek also wearing a tutu and dancing around like a ballerina while kissing a picture of his butt.)
Audience: HAHAHAHA!
Bowser and Kamek: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY LIFE'S RUINED!
Kammy: End transmission. HAHAHAHA!
KAMMY interviews SMORG
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello again and welcome to... welcome to... I said, WELCOME TO. Hey! Where's Lemmy?
Bowser: WEEEEEE!
Mario: CHEEEESE!
Waluigi: I'm scared of anything that has an E at the end!
Lemmy: Sorry I'm late. Someone made me faint while I was on my way to your Interview.
Kammy: Gasp! We have a mystery on our hand!
Audience: GASP!
Waluigi: WAAAH! I'm scared of mysteries!
Lemmy: ... O...k. But, should we get to the Interview first?
Kammy: Ok. While I'm trying to solve the mystery, let's interview Smorg.
Smorg: SMOOOOOOOORRRG!
Kammy: Huh?
Smorg: SMOOOOOOORRG!
Kammy: Kamek, do you have translator or something?
Kamek: No, but I can use my magic to make this creature speak English.
Kammy: You do that.
(Kamek zaps Smorg with a translating spell, so Smorg can now speak English.)
Kammy: Hi, Smorg.
Smorg: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Kammy: Ok... What were your stats in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door?
Smorg: WELL, my stats were 50 HP, 5 Attack, and 1 Defense. Mario or his partner couldn't damage me unless they destroyed my tentacles first. Each of my three tentacles had 4 HP. When my HP was low, my tentacles formed into a large tentacle that pinched both Mario and his partner. My large tentacle had 6 HP, 10 Attack, and 1 Defense. When my tentacles were destroyed, my defense dropped to 0.
Kammy: There is a question that everyone is concerned about. Why can't you speak English?
Smorg: Because although most of Mario's enemies go to learning school, others don't.
Kammy: Wait, do I go to learning school?
Kamek: Yes.
Kammy: Wait! I know who made Lemmy faint. It was... BOWSER!
Bowser: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO LEMMY!
Kammy: Yes you did. Where were you before my Interview?! HMMM. HMMM. HMMMMMMMM.
Bowser: Why would I do something bad to my favorite son?
Lemmy: Aww. King Dad, you're so kind.
Kammy: I thought your favorite son was Bowser Jr.
Lemmy: GASP!
Bowser: All right! I admit it! I did it!
Audience: GASP!
Lemmy: GASP! GASP!
Bowser: I admit it! I was gone at Baby Park!
(The audience crashes on the ground. Lemmy slaps his forehead.)
Lemmy: King Dad, that's not what we're talking about.
Bowser: Well, I'm going to Baby Park anyway.
(Bowser leaves for Baby Park.)
Smorg: Hey, who is that Koopa? She's hot.
Lemmy: Oh my DAD.
Audience: ...
Kammy: ... O...k. Smorg, how come you did not battle Mario in the Riverside Station or on the train as the little creatures?
Smorg: Because we are scared of battling when we're separated and are little creatures. When we reunite, we act like bullies. But we're very weak when we're separated.
Kammy: I never thought you were scared. When Mario get a good look at you, there were suddenly red Smorgs too. Explain that.
Smorg: There are two kinds of us. Red Smorgs are stronger than Black Smorgs. They are able to be called for reuniting.
Kammy: My last question. Are you responsible for making Lemmy faint?
Smorg: Nope.
Kammy: All right, time for audience questions. Seat 277.
Mario: Will you marry me?
Audience: ...
Kammy: ...
Smorg: Sorry, but the person I love is someone else.
Mario: I'm a Mario! WEEEEE! CHEESE! I'LL MARRY YOU, CHEESE!
Smorg: I think Mario's got issues.
Kammy: Ahem. Seat 28.
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!
Kammy: SHUT UP! You, seat 400.
Poison Pokey: Uhh... uhh...
Kammy: ASK A QUESTION ALREADY!
Poison Pokey: Do you wish to appear in another game?
Smorg: Yes, but I think Nintendo won't do it again. They say I'm not known much.
Poison Pokey: Hmmm.
Kammy: AH HA! YOU DID IT! YOU MADE LEMMY FAINT!
Poison Pokey: No I didn't.
Kammy: Kamek, get him out of here and into Lord Bowser's dungeon!
Kamek: You'll wish that you never made Lemmy faint.
Poison Pokey: BUT I DIDN'T! NOOOO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M GOING ON VACATION WITH MY WIFE! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Poison Pokey is sent to the dungeon.)
Kammy: Now that this mystery is solved, seat 2059.
Waluigi: WAAAAAAAH! I'M SCARED OF SEATS!
Kammy: Um... Seat 99.
Paragoomba: How did you get into that train, Excess Express? That train in
Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door?
Smorg: While the train was stuck in Riverside Station and the people were busy, we went to the back
room
of the train. The Smorgs in the control room were a distraction. They
did manage to get to the train on time, without getting spotted.
Kammy: Last seat. Seat 728457287582758923758927487589237589327583275875982375289327.
Spikey Goomba: Were you working for someone in Chapter 6?
Smorg: Yes, we were working for the Shadow Sirens.
Beldam: How dare you reveal one of our secrets?! You will get a punishment for that!
Smorg: SMOOOOOOOOOOORRRG!
Kamek: I guess that my spell wore off.
Kammy: Just in time. Because it's time to-
Lemmy: WAIT!
Kammy: What?
Lemmy: What's happening in Baby Park?
Kammy: I don't know.
Somewhere in Baby Park...
Bowser: Hi, Baby Mario and Baby Luigi! I LOVE YOU!
(Bowser is hugging and kissing Baby Mario and Baby Luigi.)
Back at the Interview...
Kammy: Well, I'm sure he's busy. Anyway, en-
Mario: WAIT!
Kammy: What?
Mario: I'm a birdie.
Kammy: EN-
Audience: WAIT!
Kammy: END TRANSMISSION!
KAMMY interviews THE SHADOW QUEEN
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello, and welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Balloons appear out of nowhere and land in the audience.
Lemmy: Surprise!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF BALLOONS!
Kammy: Why are you scared of something that can't even hurt a fly?
Waluigi: WAAAAAH! I'M SCARED OF FLIES!
Lemmy: I can see why no one likes you.
Waluigi: WAAAAH! I'M SCARED OF LIKING!
Lemmy: Whatever.
Waluigi: WAAAAH! I'M SCARED OF PEOPLE SAYING "WHATEVER"!
Kammy: But-
Waluigi: WAAAAH! I'M SCARED OF PEOPLE SAYING "BUT"!
Kammy: Kamek, get him out of here.
Waluigi: WAAH! I'M SCARED OF KAMEK!
Kamek: Go scare somebody else.
Kamek kicks Waluigi out of the Interview studio.
Kammy: As I was saying, the interviewee is...
Bowser: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for letting me be the interviewee.
Kammy: You're not!
(A piano lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: Today, I'm interviewing the queen of shadow and darkness. It's the one, the only...
Grodus: ME!
Kammy: Wrong, it's the Shadow Queen.
(The Shadow Queen does not show up. Instead, Peach walks up, while laughing evily, and sits on the interviewee chair.)
Daisy: Hey, Sis! You're not the interviewee!
Peach: Silence, weak mortal! Your power is nothing compared to mine!
Daisy: Are you ok?
Peach: You will be my slave after this Interview is over.
Daisy: Hey, Sis. Stop talking weird.
Peach: You dare command me?! You shall suffer an unfortunate fate.
Daisy: Sis, if you don't stop, I'll have to tell The King.
Peach: You shall suffer in this minute for testing me! Take this!
(A dark lightning bolt strikes Daisy, burning her dress.)
Daisy: HOTHOTHOT!
(Then darkness appears around Daisy, and many small shadow hands come out of the ground. The hands grab Daisy and pull her into the darkness.)
Daisy: NOOO! LUIGI, I LOVE YOU!
(Daisy is gone.)
Luigi: NOOO! DAISY! *sob* I LOVE YOU AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! WAAAAAAH!
Kammy: Guess I should have told her that the Shadow Queen is possessing Princess Peach.
Shadow Queen: She is being pulled to her worst unimaginable nightmare. She will suffer many of her worst.
Kammy: Shadow Queen, what were your stats?
Shadow Queen: My stat were quite
intimidating. When I possessed the princess, my stats were 150 HP, 7
Attack, and 0 Defense. When I was in my true form, my stats were 150
HP, 7 Attack, and 1 Defense. My two Dead Hands had 5 HP, 7 Attack, and
1 Defense. My many Dead Hands had 8 HP, 3 Attack, 0 Defense, and attack
multiple times. Only pure heart and light can harm me when I am in my
true form
.
Kammy: Shadow Queen, why are you very unfamiliar to Peach's body?
Shadow Queen: Although the princess is a fine vessel to possess, her body contains pure heart and light. Since I am a queen of pure darkness, it does not mix in with the pure heart and light, and it will take time for me to get used to this vessel.
Kammy: Hmmm. I never knew that Peach is a pure-hearted princess.
Shadow Queen: For now, I am growing a little used to the vessel.
Kammy: Why did you create the Shadow Sirens?
Shadow Queen: Since my spirit was sealed behind the ancient door, I am no harm to the people. I created the Shadow Sirens to help me unseal my tomb, and help summon me. They did their duty outstandingly well.
Kammy: Why is Beldam your favorite Shadow Siren?
Shadow Queen: Beldam had obeyed every command I have given her. She supported me. She worked diligently and has done her duty, for she is my trusted assistant. She will do anything to please me. She came up with a plan to free my spirit. So Beldam is my favorite and the most trustworthy.
Kammy: It's time for audience questions. You, seat 711.
Gloomtail: Why didn't you drain the audience and restore your HP when you battled Mario again?
Shadow Queen: I forget that I had that ability when I was trying to destroy this person and his partners. I was shocked when he and his partners could harm me.
Kammy: You, seat 83.
Dark Bones: What were you doing while you were sealed?
Shadow Queen: I was thinking how the future would be when it is in my hands. And, I was dancing like a ballerina, saying "LA LA LA"! I was also sucking my thumb.
Kammy: ...
Beldam: It's true.
Audience: HAHAHAHAHA!
Shadow Queen: SILENCE!!!
(The audience stops laughing, and they are scared. Except...)
Bowser: I love you.
Shadow Queen: ...
After 30 minutes...
Shadow Queen: I see. You will pick me up at 7PM and take me to the movie. I thank you.
Bowser: Any time, my love.
In Bowser's castle...
Clawdia: What? My Honey Is Loving Someone Else And Dumping Me sense is tingling. Oh no. I'M COMING, HONEY!
Back at the Interview...
Kammy: You, seat 593.
Mario: CHEESE!
Shadow Queen: YOU! You shall suffer!
Mario is dragged into the darkness.
Kammy: Well, that takes care of him for a while. You, seat 3000.
Shadow Koopa: Do you enjoy possessing Peach?
Shadow Queen: Yes. I love beauty, and she admires beauty. She is also a royal princess. So, she is quite enjoyable.
Phantom Ember: BOOOOOOOO!
Shadow Queen: You have driven me this far. Now, you will all perish!
(Many Dead Hands grab all of the audience, and drag them into the darkness, except for one.)
Bowser: I love you more.
(The doors open and Clawdia comes into the Interview, furious.)
Clawdia: HONEY! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO LOVE SOMEONE ELSE?!
Bowser: Uh oh.
(Clawdia drags Bowser outside the Interview.)
Bowser: NOOO! I WANNA LIVE!
Kammy: I wonder how Daisy and Mario are doing?
Shadow Queen: Terrible, I believe.
Somewhere in the underworld...
Daisy: NOO! I WILL NOT SAY "I LOVE PEACH!" AND MEAN IT! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Phantom Ember: You will eventually. Oooooooooooo.
Mario: NOO! I'M GETTING SMARTER! NOOOOOO! NO CHEESE?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Back at the studio...
Kammy: Oh well, end transmission.
KAMMY interviews HOOKTAIL, GLOOMTAIL, AND BONETAIL
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello again, and welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Waluigi: WAAAH! I'M SCARED OF PEOPLE SAYING "LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW"!
Lemmy: ...
Kammy: Today is a special day.
Lemmy: Why?
Waluigi: AAAAAA!!! NOOOOOOO!!! SPECIAL DAYS ARE DAYS WHEN PEOPLE SUFFER!!!
Audience: ...
Kammy: Because I'm interviewing Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Bonetail all in one Interview.
Lemmy: You mean... there will be three big dragons in this Interview?
Kammy: Yes.
(Lemmy faints.)
Waluigi: AAAAAAAAA!!! DEMONS OF MASSIVE POWER!!! AAAAAA!!!
Audience (except Mario): AAAAAAAAA!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
Mario: I'M-A MARIO! CHEESE!
Kammy: SIT DOWN NOW!!!
(The audience sits down immediately, though still scared.)
Kammy: Thank you.
(Lemmy regains conciousness.)
Lemmy: Is this Interview over?
Kammy: No, we didn't even start it.
Bowser: What is a dragon?
Kammy: ...
Lemmy: ...
Audience: ...
Everyone on Plit: ...
Kammy: So when are they coming?
Kamek: They should be here any moment now.
After an hour...
Audience: Zzz...
Kamek: Any second now...
After 1,789,278,508,787,432,723,854,320 seconds...
Audience: Zzz...
Kamek: Any-
Kammy: WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG?!
(Waluigi wakes up.)
Waluigi: AAAAAAAA!!! I'M SCARED OF STARTLING AND YELLING!!! AAAAAA!!! I'M SCARED OF SLEEPING!!!
Kamek: Ok, I have no idea where those dragons are.
(Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Bonetail come crashing through the studio walls.)
Lemmy: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
(Lemmy faints. The audience wakes up and sees the dragons.)
Audience (except Mario and Bowser): AAAAAAAAA!!!
(The audience except Mario and Bowser faints.)
Kammy: Ah yes. Welcome.
Hooktail: Yay! We're being interviewed.
Kammy: Well since you dragons are too big for the interviewee chairs, you'll just sit on the interviewee floor.
(Hooktail sits near Kammy. Bonetail sits near the fainted audience. Gloomtail sits near Lemmy, who is still fainted.)
Mario: I'm-a Mario!
Gloomtail: How dare you be mean to my sister?!
(Gloomtail crushes Mario with his foot.)
Kammy: Hahaha! Take that, Mario! Ahem. Gloomtail, why are so protective when it comes to Hooktail?
Gloomtail: Because. I'm a big brother and that's what big brothers do.
Kammy: I know there's more to that.
Gloomtail: All right, I love my sister very much.
Kammy: Awww.
Hooktail: Awwww. That's sweet, Big Brother.
Gloomtail: Yeah yeah. Don't get too carried away with that.
Bonetail: Awww.
Kammy: What?! Bonetail can speak English?
Bonetail: Yes I can.
Kammy: Then answer this question. Why didn't you speak English in the Pit of 100 Trails when Mario faced you?
Bonetail: That's because Nintendo wanted to make it more interesting. Since that place was so spooky and dark, and seem to live there, they want me to look like I don't know the outside world, so they want me to not speak English.
Kammy: Interesting. What were each of your stats?
Hooktail: Mine was 20 HP, 5 Attack, and 1 Defense. My weakness is...*gulp* crickets or their sounds. When I heard them, my Attack dropped to 2.
Gloomtail: Mine was 80 HP, 8 Attack, and 2 Defense. I have no weakness.
Bonetail: Mine was 200 HP, 9 Attack, and 2 Defense. I also have no weakness.
Kammy: Hmmm. Bonetail, it seems that you're stronger than the Shadow Queen.
Bonetail: Yes.
Kammy: Then why didn't you betray her before, knowing that you're stronger than the Shadow Queen?
Bonetail: Because she's a nice owner, and I like her.
Kammy: Then how come she placed you in the last level of the Pit of 100 Trails?
Bonetail: She thought that I would betray her, but I will never do that. She still communicates with me.
Kammy: How?
Bonetail: Her spirit is connected to the last level.
Kammy: Oh. Gloomtail, how come your fire breath can poison people?
Gloomtail: Because I have really bad breath. And my bad fire breath is toxic to anyone.
Kammy: Bonetail, how come your fire breath can put people to sleep?
Bonetail: I ate the items in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door that puts people to sleep. I think they're called Sleepy Sheep.
Kammy: Hooktail, why are you scared of crickets?
Hooktail: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT CRICKETS!!!
(Hooktail's scream wakes the audience and Lemmy up. Lemmy sees Gloomtail sitting right next to him.)
Gloomtail: Hey, what's up?
Lemmy: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(Lemmy faints. The audience looks around and sees Bonetail and Hooktail.)
Bonetail: Hello.
Audience: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Mario: CHEESE! Are you-a big-a toasters?
Gloomtail and Bonetail: ...
(The audience except Mario and Bowser faints.)
Kammy: Uh... Hooktail, even though you don't like to answer that question, why are scared of crickets?
Hooktail: *sob* Well... When I was a baby... I... met a cricket and... that cricket... called for more crickets and they... they... attacked me. All I could hear... was... cricket sounds... and I had... really bad booboos. Then, I kept having nightmares... about... crickets. And I was... scared ever since.
(Hooktail stops crying after a few minutes.)
Gloomtail: Sister, someday, you will face your fears.
Kammy: Unlike Waluigi. Gloomtail and Bonetail, how come you're not afraid of crickets?
Gloomtail: Well first off, female dragons are more timid than male dragons.
Bonetail: And, we faced our fear by crushing crickets, and that felt good that time.
Kammy: I see. Hooktail, where did you find the first Crystal Star?
Hooktail: When I was looking for Koopas to eat, I found that Star on the bridge in my castle. I thought it was tasty, so I ate it.
Kammy: That explains why the part of the bridge broke. Bonetail, how were you able to restore your own HP without eating or something?
Bonetail: The Shadow Queen gave me the ability to heal myself by magic.
Kammy: Hooktail, how come your HP was low?
Hooktail: Because I'm the youngest, and remember, I have mental trouble about *gulp* crickets. And, I was a child for dragons' age.
Kammy: Gloomtail, how were you the only one able to use the Megabreath?
Gloomtail: I practice my fire breath a lot. I was getting so good at fire breaths, that I decided to make special moves out of them.
Kammy: Then, how come Hooktail doesn't know any fancy moves?
Hooktail: I was too young to learn special moves, and I was busy eating Koopas.
Kammy: It's time to for audience question. Er... sort of. Well the only seat other than Mario I can call is seat 8.
Bowser: What is a dragon?
Hooktail: ...
Gloomtail: ...
Bonetail: ...
Kammy: Not again. Can you ask a different question?
Bowser: Uh... Is Bonetail protective when it comes to Gloomtail or Hooktail?
Bonetail: I am, but I wouldn't know if anything happens to my siblings because I was in the Pit of 100 Trials.
Kammy: Is there another question?
Kamek: I got a question.
Kammy: What is it?
Kamek: Bonetail, what did you look like when you were not all bones?
Bonetail: I looked like my siblings, only the color was very pink.
Kammy: ...
Kamek: ...
Kammy: Well, it's time to end this Interview.
(The audience and Lemmy regain conciousness.)
Waluigi: WAAAH! I thought I had a dream. AAAAAA! I'M SCARED OF DREAMS!
Lemmy: Man, I thought I saw a dragon from close up.
(Lemmy and the audience see the dragons.)
Lemmy and the audience: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Mario: CHEESE!
(Lemmy and the audience, including Mario, faint.)
Bowser: Hooktail's hot.
Bonetail: ...
Gloomtail: ...
Hooktail: Uh... Thanks?
Kammy: Let's just end this Interview. End transmission.
KAMMY interviews WHITE, RED, GREEN, AND BLUE MAGIKOOPAS
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello... and we are now looking for a place to Interview.
Lemmy: You know. We wouldn't be out looking for a place to interview people if you hadn't interviewed all three dragons in the last Interview.
Kammy: Well, interviewing one dragon is like, BORING, so I invited three.
Lemmy: WHAT?! They all broke the studio's walls. They scared me and the audience. And while the workers are repairing it, we have to go somewhere else to interview. You call that NOT BORING?!
Kammy: Yes.
Lemmy: ...
Kammy: Hey, how about this large flower field?
Lemmy: Hey, there's a sign over there. What's it say?
Kammy: (reading) Warning! 100 percent chance of a meteor striking on this area. (not reading) Wonder what that means? Oh well, let's pick this spot.
Lemmy: Uh... sure... (I have a bad feeling about this area...)
Kammy: Ok, let's interview. Hey, where is everyone?
Lemmy: You didn't take them with you.
Kammy: Oh. Kamek, can you bring the audience and the interviewees here?
Kamek: Sure.
(Kamek runs off to bring the audience and the interviewees.)
Lemmy: Wait a minute! You're interviewing more than one person again?
Kammy: Yes. But I won't tell you who I interviewing until I say the interviewees' names.
Lemmy: (scared) O...k. (I hope it's not more big monsters).
(After several minutes, Kammy and Lemmy see a plane. They also see Kamek pushing the people out of the plane.)
Kammy: Hey, here they come.
Lemmy: You did remember to tell Kamek to give people parachutes, did you?
Kammy: Uh... Oops.
Lemmy: Oh boy.
In the sky...
Larry: Hey, where are our parachutes?
Iggy: ACK! WE DON'T HAVE PARACHUTES!
Audience: NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Waluigi: NOOOOOOOO!!! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!! I'M SCARED OF CRASHING!!! I'M SCARED OF PARACHUTES!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Mario: Look! There's a birdie. Hello, birdie. I'm-a Mario. CHEESE!
Audience: ...
(Back on the ground. Kammy and Lemmy hear lots of screams, particularly from Waluigi.)
Kammy: Wendy, are you recording this?
Wendy: Yep. I'm recording every second of watching the waterfall.
Kammy: ACK! THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RECORDING! MOVE THE CAMERA TO THE AUDIENCE IN THE SKY AND RECORD IT!
Wendy: Grrrr. All right.
(Wendy is now recording the scene.)
Wendy: Hey, this is actually funny.
Lemmy: Do you have the slightest idea where the audience's going to land?
Kammy: Nope, but let's see the choices. They could either land on the flower field, the lake, the area filled with trees, or a lava pit filled with hungry Lava Piranhas.
Lemmy: Oh boy. I think I know where this is going.
Back in the sky...
Waluigi: AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I'M SCARED OF THE SKY!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Morton: WEEEEEEEEEEEEDDIIIIIIIIIINNNG CAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!
Bowser: KAAMMYY!!! YOU ^$&%^@#$*!!!
Mario: I'm-a Mario.
Audience: ...
Fawful: We are the seeming to the landing of the pit of lavaness filled with Lava Piranhas.
Audience: AAAAAAAA!!!
(The Magikoopas uses their broomsticks to land safely. Fawful floats with his headgear and lands safely. Everyone else in the audience able to fly are too scared to know that they can fly, so the audience lands in the lava pit filled with Lava Piranhas. The audience jumps back out of the lava pit and into the flower field with their butts on fire and somewhat chewed.)
Audience (except Mario): HOTHOTHOTHOT!
Mario: I'm-a Mario.
Fawful: Don't be the worryness. Your buttness of fireness will be the distinguished of my MUSTARD OF DOOM.
(Fawful shoots mustard at everyone's butts, putting out the fire on their butts.)
Cackletta: Uh... Fawful. It's great that you put out the fire, but now our butts are covered with mustard.
Fawful: O Great Cackletta, I am the sorryness.
Kammy: Well, seems that you're all ready for our next Interview. Welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Kammy: Today, I'm interviewing... RED, WHITE, GREEN, AND BLUE MAGIKOOPAS!
Lemmy: Phew.
(The Red, White, Green, and Blue Magikoopas sit on their interviewee chairs.)
Kammy: Hello, Magikoopas.
Magikoopas: Hello.
Bowser: KAMMY! HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL KAMEK TO GIVE US PARACHUTES?!
Kammy: Look, either deal with it, or get thrown to the lava pit again.
Bowser: Okay, I'll shut up. ($%^&*%^@#$@#$!)
Iggy: Wait. Why can't you just interview a Magikoopa? Clearly all those different kinds of Magikoopa can just count as one Magikoopa.
Kammy: But the more, the merrier.
Magikoopas: Yeah, we're the interviewee! Take that, Bowser!
Bowser: I HATE YOU, MAGIKOOPAS!
Kammy: So Magikoopas. What kind of magic can you do? Of course, I know the answers all of my questions, but the audience needs to know.
Mario: CHEESE!
Kammy: Except Mario.
Red Magikoopa: I can increase my or my partners' Attack or Defense.
White Magikoopa: I can restore my or my partners' HP.
Green Magikoopa: I can make myself or my partners invisible or electrified.
Glue Magikoopa: I can do all magic that the Green, White, and Red Magikoopas do.
Kammy: You do realizes that your name is Glue Magikoopa, do you?
Glue Magikoopa: Oops, silly me and my magic.
(Glue Magikoopa uses his magic to turn his name back to Blue Magikoopa.)
Kammy: White Magikoopa, what is the deal with Yellow Magikoopas in Mario Superstar Baseball?
White Magikoopa: Nintendo thinks that our color, white, is boring. So since they saw red, green, and blue, they decided to choose Magikoopas who dress in yellow, namely Yellow Magikoopas.
Kammy: Green Magikoopa. In Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door, you ride on a broomstick, but no other Magikoopas except me do. Explain that.
Green Magikoopa: Well, they think that since Red and White Magikoopas think Green Magikoopas' magic is better than theirs, we must be stronger and ride on broomsticks.
Kammy: Why don't Blue Magikoopas ride on broomsticks in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door?
Red Magikoopa: Because Lord Bowser said so.
Kammy: Stupid Bowser.
Bowser: WHAT?! WHY YOU-
Kammy: SHUT UP!
(A plane lands on Bowser.)
Lemmy: Wait. Why planes this time?
Kammy: Because we ran out of pianos. And planes are the only heavy things left to drop. Which one of you is Kamek's most favorite Magikoopas, his least favorite Magikoopas, and between that?
Blue Magikoopa: Well, Blue Magikoopas are Kamek's most favorite.
Red Magikoopa: Then Red Magikoopas.
Green Magikoopa: Then Green Magikoopas.
White Magikoopa: Last are White Magikoopas.
Kammy: Why do all Magikoopas wear glasses?
Red Magikoopa: Sometimes, magic we use can blind our eyes. And, Magikoopas are supposed to look smart. So that's why we wear glasses.
Bowser: You all are dorks!
(Another plane lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: Why don't Magikoopas wear contact lens?
Green Magikoopa: If we wear contact lens, then Kamek will be mad, and we won't look smart.
Kammy: Why are Magikoopas chosen to wear different robes? I mean, like, why red, or blue, or green, or white?
White Magikoopa: The Magikoopa gods wear robes with those colors. Every Magikoopa god is best in one or more abilities. Magikoopas who are best in the abilities that a god was best at will wear their robes the same as the color of the robe that the god wears.
Kammy: What are your stats in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door?
Blue Magikoopa: All of the Magikoopas' stats are 7 HP, 4 Attack, and 0 Defense.
Kammy: All right, it's time for audience questions. You, seat 55.
Yellow Magikoopa: How come we're not interviewed?
Kammy: Because Red, White, Green, and Blue Magikoopas are the only Magikoopas that I like. The rest of you stink.
Yellow Magikoopa: I HATE YOU!
(A plane lands on Yellow Magikoopa.)
Kammy: Seat 182.
Bowser Jr: How come in Mario Superstar Baseball, all Magikoopas run slowly?
Green Magikoopa: Because Magikoopas are not meant to run fast. And the magic we are possessed with will not allow us to run quickly.
Kammy: Seat 73.
Wendy: How come Koopas have 1 Defense or more, but Magikoopas have 0 Defense?
White Magikoopa: Because the shell only gets in our way, so we wear lighter shells.
Kammy: Seat 800.
Roy: You guys are weak. What's up with that?
Red Magikoopa: Our training doesn't involve physical fitness.
Kammy: Seat 122.
Boomerang Brother: Are you guys able to contact the spirit world, or places like that?
Blue Magikoopa: Yes.
Kammy: Seat 144.
Waluigi: WAAAAAH! I'M SCARED OF MAGIC! WAAAH! I'M SCARED OF UGLY KOOPAS WEARING ROBES! WARIO SAID THEY'RE UGLY! WAAAAH! I'M SCARED!
Kammy: WHAT?!
All Magikoopas (including ones in the audience): WHAT?!
Wario: You and your big mouth.
Waluigi: WAAAAH! I'M SCARED OF BIG MOUTHS!
(All the Magikoopas attack Wario and Waluigi. After the wrath, Wario and Waluigi are in the hospital.)
Kammy: Seat 34.
Paratroopa: How were you all able to make copies of yourselves?
Green Magikoopa: It's part of our training.
Kammy: Well that's all. I still wonder why the sign said 100 percent chance of a meteor striking on this area?
(A meteor crashes into the flower field. Everyone is covered in ashes.)
Lemmy: That's why.
Kammy: Oh. Well, end transmission.
Paper Mario 2 Chapter Three Boss
KAMMY interviews MACHO GRUBBA
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hi! Welcome back to my now repaired studio, and welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Bowser: Will you stop saying that? It's getting annoying.
Lemmy: GASP!
Kammy: Don't you be mean to Lemmy.
Bowser: Some day I will take your place.
Kammy: Shut your mouth, moron, or else.
Bowser: Or else what?
(A plane lands on Bowser.)
Lemmy: Aren't you worried that you have to pay for using planes?
Kammy: Don't worry. I have it all taken care of.
In Wario's room...
Wario: Wahaha. Let's see how much money I got now.
Computer: You have to pay 1,000 coins for dropping planes.
Wario: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOO!!!
Computer: You have to pay 500 coins for dropping another plane.
Wario: WHO'S DOING THIS?! WHY I OUGHTA-
Computer: All of your coins are now stolen.
Wario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Back at the Interview...
Kammy: Anyway, today I'm interviewing the macho man who is fulled of muscle, it's-
Bowser: Finally, I'm the interviewee.
Kammy: Nope.
Bowser: But I'm like a macho Koopa who's full of muscle.
Kammy: Well it's not you.
Bowser: NOOOO! CURSE YOU @$#%^{^#$*}*!
(Another plane lands on Bowser.)
Kammy: It's MACHO GRUBBA!
Bowser: You mean that stupid, weak, fat guy who fought Mario in the Glitz Pit?
Macho Grubba: WHO CALLED ME STUPID, WEAK, AND FAT?! BOWSER?! I'LL CRUSH YOU!
Bowser: Uh oh.
(Macho Grubba crushes Bowser with his fists.)
Kammy: All right. Macho Grubba, exactly how did you vanish Prince Mush in Glitz Pit?
Macho Grubba: I used the Crystal Star's power to suck Prince Mush into the Crystal Star.
Kammy: What happened to you after Mario defeated you and got the third Crystal Star?
Macho Grubba: Jolene kicked me out of Glitzville. I was looking for shelter. I happened to came across a casino. I gambled, and got really rich. So I bought another Glitz Pit that Jolene doesn't know about, and invited fighters there.
Kammy: How are you still macho?
Macho Grubba: I used the Crystal Star's power for so long, that its power is now within me.
Kammy: What's with the sunglasses?
Macho Grubba: These are cool, so I wear them.
Kammy: *sigh* Why do interviewees who wear sunglasses keep saying that sunglasses make them look cool?
Lemmy: I don't know.
Kammy: Are you a Koopa?
Macho Grubba: How do you know?
Kammy: Uh, you're wearing a shell on your back like all other Koopas do.
Macho Grubba: Back in my past, I met a talking frog who decided to test his experiment on someone. He saw me, so he tested it on me. The experiment made me turn half-Koopa.
Kammy: And who is that frog?
Macho Grubba: I don't know.
(Wart can be seen wearing a bandana to cover his face.)
Kammy: It's time for audience questions. You, seat 614.
Boomerang Brother: What are your stats?
Macho Grubba: My stats are 60 HP, 4 Attack, and 0 Defense.
Kammy: Seat 33.
Iggy: If you are to fight in your weak form, what are your stats?
Macho Grubba: No one, not even Nintendo, has showed this before. If I'm in my regular form, my stats are 20 HP, 2 Attack, and 0 Defense.
Bowser: WEAK!
(Macho Grubba crushes Bowser with his fists.)
Kammy: Seat 710.
Rawk Hawk: Feel the RAAWWK!
Kammy: Seat 888.
Shady Koopa: Why did you pick Jolene as manager or whatever?
Macho Grubba: She is eager, and I think she looks hot.
Jolene: Eww. Get away.
Kammy: Well that's all we have today, so-
(Wario barges in.)
Wario: WHO STOLE MY COINS?!
Kammy: Uh... Bowser!
Bowser: What?! No fair!
Wario: COME BACK HERE WITH MY MONEY!!!
Bowser: I don't have no money!
Wario: GET BACK HERE!!!
(Wario is chasing Bowser.)
Kammy: Well that's all, so end transmission.
KAMMY interviews GRODUS
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello, and welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Kammy: From now on, things will get special.
Waluigi: WAAAAAAAH!!! NOT SPECIAL AGAIN!!! I'M SCARED OF SPECIALS!!!
Magikoopa: Oh no! She's gonna invite more big people!
Audience: AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Kammy: Calm down, you people. I'm just inviting characters from Mobius.
Kamek: Which one?
Kammy: Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Dr. Eggman, and Rouge.
Bowser: Man, that doctor looks so stupid, and ugly.
Dr. Eggman: You dare called the ultimate genius stupid and ugly?!
Bowser: That's right.
(One of Eggman's giant robot crushes Bowser.)
Dr. Eggman: Never test the power of geniuses.
Kammy: Where are those two robots henchmens of yours?
Dr. Eggman: That is absolutely none of your business.
In Eggman's base...
Tall Yellow Robot: No fair! Dr. Eggman gets to be in the audience of an Interview.
Short Purple Robot: I want to be in an Interview, too.
Back at the Interview...
Kammy: Today I'm interviewing Grodus.
Grodus: All rise for me, the greatest robot ever invented.
Dr. Eggman: What is this?
Grodus: I hate you.
Dr. Eggman: Hmph.
Kammy: That was awkward. So Grodus, do you mind when X-Nauts called you Sir Dude, or something?
X-Nauts: WE ARE THE X-NAUTS!
Grodus: Sometimes.
Kammy: How did you meet the Shadow Sirens in the first place?
Grodus: I overheard them talking about the Shadow Queen and the Crystal Stars, so I forced them to work with me, which they gladly did. They USED me!
Beldam: Mee hee hee hee. You got fooled big time.
Grodus: You will pay for this.
X-Naut: Ok, dude. I'll give you a penny, Sir Dude.
Grodus: ...
Mario: I'm-a Mario! CHEESE! YIPPEE!
Sonic: What's up with that guy?
Kammy: Mental issues.
Kamek: Don't ask Mario.
Tail: What's wrong with you?
Mario: I'AAKGGAHSGVAMKAKMMEWAAHGAGJKFDKAJFKAJFKGHAJLAMACAEITOIUFA!!! YIPPEE!!! YIPPEE!!! I'M-A MARIO!!! A TALKING-A FOX!!! CHEESE!!! WEEEEEEEEE!!!
Dr. Eggman: No imbecile can be stupider than that plumber.
Kammy: Grodus, what are your stats?
Grodus: 50 HP, 7 Attack, and 1 Defense. The Grodus Xs increases my defense by 1 for each one. When I have four, I'm invincible. My Grodus Xs have 3 HP, 4 Attack, and 0 Defense each.
Kammy: Why do you have low HP compared to the bosses in Chapter 8 in PM2?
Grodus: Some parts of my robotic body are weaker than others, which gives me lower HP. And my creator is to lazy to add more HP.
Grodus's Creator: Hey! It's better than having 49 HP!
Grodus: And you're too lazy to add more.
X-Nauts: WE ARE THE X-NAUTS!
Kammy: It's time for audience questions. Seat 10.
Dr. Eggman: Join me in my army, so I can dominate the world and build a new Eggman Empire.
Grodus: Never!
Kammy: Seat 59.
Morton: WEDDING CAKE!!!
Knuckles: Something's wrong with that ugly creature.
Kammy: No. He's always like that.
Morton: That's right and I like the delicious, scrumptious, very good, tasty, suculent, best, great, nice, wonderful, excellent wedding cake there is in the world of cakes and my name in which the King of the Koopa King Dad who is Lord Bowser who rules Dark Land gave me that name in which I like the fire, sunlight, and heat of the my wonderful, marvelous, and great Desert Land which is a desert and...
Sonic and Roy: Somebody shut him up.
(Amy whacks Morton's head with her hammer, making Morton unconcious.)
Kammy: Better. Now seat 9201.
Elite X Naut: Why did you decide for TEC to be created?
Grodus: I need a super advanced computer that is capable of controlling some parts of the base and is as smart as I am.
TEC: I love Princess Peach.
Amy: Just like I love Sonic.
Knuckles: You're a computer. You can't love.
TEC: I love Princess Peach.
Knuckles: ...
X-Nauts: WE ARE THE X-NAUTS!
Kammy: Seat 233.
Lord Crump: How did you get your body back after being defeated by the Shadow Queen?
Grodus: You and the X-Nauts built me a body that is the same as my old one, stupid head.
Lord Crump: Oh.
Kammy: And we're finished so let's-
Rouge: Hey, boys.
(Rouge kisses Mario and Bowser. About half of the audience throws up.)
Sonic: That's just sick.
Rouge: Hey, call me.
Mario: Mamamia!
Bowser: I'm in love.
Kammy: This is just plain sick. End transmission.
BOWSER interviews X-NAUT
By Tail Koopa
Bowser: Hi, and welcome to my evil-
Tails: Hey, where's Kammy?
Bowser: That old hag's busy. She said that she and one of her friends are eating in a restaurant.
Tails: Okay.
(In a restaurant. Kammy is having lunch with... A TEAPOT? And they seem to be talking to each other.)
Kammy: So, what do you want to order?
Teapot: ...
Kammy: Yes, I like that, too.
Waiter: Are you ready for your order? Wait! I thought you were having lunch with somebody.
Kammy: I am. Say hello to my friend, Teapot.
Waiter: Right... Hello (Weird).
Kammy: I can read your mind, you know.
Waiter: Blast you!
Teapot: ...
Back at the Interview...
Bowser: Now welcome to my awesome, Bowser's Interview-
Lemmy: HEY!
Bowser: I mean, Lemmy's-
Lemmy: HEY!
Bowser: Grrrrr. Welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Bowser: I'm interviewing the weak, little, stupid X-Naut.
X-Nauts: WE ARE THE X-NAUTS!
Bowser: Why am I interviewing this guy again?
Kamek: You said that you will take Kammy's place for the next Interview.
Bowser: CURSE YOU, KAMMY!!! FOR MAKING ME INTERVIEW A WEAK PERSON!!!
Kamek: Calm down, or else you'll blow up Kammy's studio, and we might end up getting our butts on fire like last time the studio was torn down.
Bowser: YOU'RE LUCKY THAT YOUR BUTT DIDN'T EVEN LAND IN A LAVA PIT FILLED WITH THOSE PIRANHAS!!!
X-Naut: Uh, dude. Can I be interviewed now, dude?
Bowser: Yeah yeah. Sure. Let's get this Interview over with.
X-Nauts: WE ARE THE X-NAUTS!
Eggman: SHUT UP so I can work on my evil plan to destroy Sonic.
Bowser: Uh, let me look through the list. WHAT?! KAAAAMMMYYY!!!
(Kammy's studio collapses.)
Kamek: You... and your BIG mouth.
X-Nauts: WE ARE THE X-NAUTS!
Bowser: SHUT UP!!!
Grodus: You don't command my army.
Bowser: ... You, why are you weak?
Grodus: Me?!
Bowser: NO! NOT YOU! THAT INTERVIEWEE!
X-Naut: Our training doesn't involve much lifting weights or physical education, uh, dude.
Bowser: Why do a lot of X-Nauts keep saying "dude".
X-Naut: Lord Crump told us to. He said that saying that makes us cool.
Lord Crump: Oh yeah, I rock.
Bowser: YOU STINK!
Lord Crump: I do?
(Lord Crump sniffs his armpits.)
Lord Crump: I don't smell anything.
(Bowser is banging his head at the Kammy's chair like a woodpecker. Lemmy can be seen snickering.)
Bowser: Remind me to kill Kammy after this.
Everyone at the Interview: NO!
Bowser: Uh... What's with that stupid outfit?
Lemmy: Are you sure that Kammy put that?
Bowser: Yeah, but I'm exaggerating it a little.
Lemmy: Oh.
X-Naut: This outfit shows that, dude, we are the lowest ranked X-Nauts, dude. And dude, Lord Crump made it, dude.
Lord Crump: Oh yeah, vote for me as leader for X-Nauts.
Grodus: In your dreams, Lord Crump.
Dr. Eggman: I will someday force you to join my army.
Grodus: Never!
Bowser: What do X-Nauts look like inside?
X-Naut: Uh...
Lord Crump: AAAH!!! COVER YOUR EARS AND RUN LIKE GIRLS!!!
(Lord Crump is covering his ears and running like a girl.)
X-Naut: Some of us are actually hot ladies.
Grodus: GAAAAAAAACK!!!
X-Naut: Some of us look like the inside-out of our body.
(Almost all of the audience throws up.)
Lemmy: Ewww.
X-Naut: Some of us are old men with butts attached on our faces.
(Half of the audience faints.)
X-Naut: Some of us are icky, slimy-
Bowser: Ok, I think we hear enough!
Sonic: Said you right, turtle.
Bowser: Thank- HEY! Well, it's time for audience question. Seat 467.
Ludwig: Hey, X-Nauts! Do you want to know my IQ? It's almost the same as Dr. Eggman's.
Dr. Eggman: Gasp! Join me, and we will conquer the world.
Ludwig: Sure, why not?
Bowser: SON!
Ludwig: What? Not like it matters.
Bowser: ...
Sonic: Looks like there's another butt to kick.
Bowser: Seat 943.
Mario: CHEESE!
Amy: Him again?
Bowser: Yeah. He's real hard to get rid of. Seat 999.
Luigi: Why are there only regular X-Nauts in the Great Tree?
X-Naut: Elite X-Nauts, uh dude, are guarding the base, while, dude, X-Naut PhDs are working on Z-Yux, dude.
Bowser: Uh, seat 200. The one with two tails.
Tails: Who do you like working with better? Lord Crump or Grodus?
X-Naut: Definitely Lord Crump, dude.
Grodus: That's it! You're all fired!
X-Naut: You can't, dude, I mean, Sir Dude. You, Sir Dude, and all of us signed the contract, dude, remember?
Grodus: Drat.
X-Nauts: WE ARE THE X-NAUTS!
Bowser: Looks like there's only time for one last question. Seat 8.
Dr. Eggman: How long is the X-Nauts' training?
X-Naut: Uh, dude, it's about three years, dude.
Bowser: All right, time to end transmission.
Somewhere in Eggman's base...
Tall Yellow Robot: Have any luck?
Short Purple Robot: Nope.
Eggman's Messenger: I have a message from Dr. Eggman.
(The video shows Dr. Eggman.)
Dr. Eggman (video): Let me introduce you to the newest member. Ludwig Von Koopa.
Ludwig: Greetings.
Dr. Eggman: And hear this.
Morton (video): I like wedding cake, because they're good, tasty, scrumptious, delicious, great, wonderful, suculent, excellent cakes ever and my name is the Morton Koopa, who is the great ruler of Desert Land, who is the son of King Dad, also known as King Bowser, who is the ruler of Dark Land, and I am the talkative, prattle, constant talking, non-stop Koopaling who likes to talk, talk, talk-
Tall Yellow Robot: AAAAH! MAKE IT STOP!
Short Purple Robot: STOP!
(The message blows up.)
Eggman's Messenger: Ha ha ha!
In the restaurant...
Kammy: This is the best meal ever, don't you think?
Teapot: ...
Kammy: Well, time to go back to my studio.
(Kammy walks out. After ten minutes, a scream is heard.)
Kammy: BOWSER!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY STUDIO?!
KAMMY AND SONIC interviews CORTEZ
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: BOWSER! How dare you destroy my studio?!
(Kammy slaps Bowser on the face.)
Bowser: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Kammy: You are such a baby.
Bowser: Take that back!
Kammy: Or else what?
Bowser: I'll give you the biggest scare of your life!
Kammy: And too bad, because you just stepped into the Anti-Bowser Trapfloor.
(Bowser falls through the floor and into the pit.)
Bowser: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Bowser disappears.)
Kammy: That will take care of him for a while.
Bowser Jr: PAPA!!! I'M COMING WITH YOU!!!
(Bowser Jr jumps into the trapfloor and falls in the pit.)
Kammy: That's stupid.
Lemmy: Kammy, where are you going to interview now?
Kammy: I know the perfect place.
In Pirate's Grotto...
Lemmy: This is your idea of a place?
Kammy: Yep.
Waluigi: AAAAAAAAAH!!! GHOST!!! I'M SCARED OF GHOST!!! SPIRITS FROM BEYOND!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Audience: AAAAAAAAH!!!
Sonic: What's up with that firehead?
Ember: I'm not a firehead!
Kamek: Technically, you are.
Ember: I hate you all!
Kammy: Now on our way to Cortez's Black Skull.
(They come into places with water.)
Sonic: (nervous) Let's get out of here!
Knuckles: You just want to go because you're afraid of water.
(They reach the Black Skull.)
Kammy: Cortez, come out!
(A mini whirlwind appears and then Cortez appears.)
Cortez: Oooooooooo. Wait, pirates don't say that. What weak mortal dared to summon me?
Kammy: Uh, me. And we're here for the Interview.
Cortez: Oh yeah.
Kammy: So welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Kammy: I'm interviewing Cortez with the help of someone else.
Lemmy and Kamek: Who?
Kammy: Sonic!
(Sonic dashes into an interviewer chair.)
Kammy: Cortez, what's your stat?
Cortez: 20 HP, 4 Attack, and 1 Defense. I have three forms. I healed my HP in my last form.
Sonic: If you're dead, how come you're not in Heaven?
Cortez: I made a deal with the master in Heaven. I need to protect my treasure, you know.
In Heaven...
Master of Heaven: Man. He gave up all of his clothes, a magic lamp, 500 coins, 1,000 tons of suculent food, and makeup just to get back to Plit.
Kammy: Why does your pirate ship, the Black Skull, needs that red gem in order to sail?
Cortez: My pirate ship was granted with power from spirits, so I need a mystical source that is related to magic in order to sail.
Flavio: That gem has mystical powers? Flavio should have kept it! Flavio hates you!
(Cortez slashes his swords at Flavio.)
Flavio: ... Flavio... feel... pain...
Sonic: How are you able to command all those firehead armies?
Cortez: First of all, they are called Embers. And they are actually my crew members' spirits.
Sonic: Let's kick it up with questions from audience.
Kammy: Seat 78.
Knuckles: (scared) Gh...gho...ghost.
Kammy: He's not even a ghost! He's a spirit!
Knuckles: Gh...ghost.
Sonic: Yo, Tails. Ask your question.
Tails: What is that gem that is inside your body in your second form, and why do you take extra damage when Mario or his partners attack that?
Cortez: That's my heart. And hearts are usually vulnerable.
Kammy: Seat 99.
Lava Bubble: What is it like being immortal?
Cortez: Well, at first, it was boring. Then Mario and his friends came and defeated me, and I agreed to help them. So far, it's kinda fun. Then Bobbery and I sailed together. So, I like being immortal.
Sonic: Last one.
Kammy: Seat 100.
Professor Frankly: Why did you keep the Crystal Star when you said that you didn't want it?
Cortez: Well it's better than nothing, but I still hate it. I saw that this star doesn't look valuable, and Mario and his friends seemed to need it, so I gave it to them. It's a good thing, too.
Kammy: Well this Interview is over.
Kamek: Kammy, do you know how to get out of here?
Kammy: Oops.
Waluigi: AAAAAAAA!!! WE'RE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!! I'M SCARED OF STUCKING AND ETERNITIES!!!
Lemmy: Now how are we going to get out?
Cortez: I will carry you to the surface.
Waluigi: WAAAAAH!!! I'M SCARED OF GETTING OUT!!!
Audience: ...
(Everyone at the Interview gets to the surface.)
Kammy: Thank you, Cortez.
Cortez: My pleasure.
(A mini whirlwind appears and then Cortez disappears.)
Sonic: Great to be out on the surface!
Metal Sonic: Sonic, I will destroy you now.
Sonic: I don't think so.
(Sonic and Metal Sonic dash past Kammy at supersonic speed. Kammy is fine, except...)
Kammy: AAAAAAAH!!! WHERE'S MY CLOTHES?! COME BACK HERE WITH MY CLOTHES!!!
(Kammy somehow dashes towared Sonic and Metal Sonic at supersonic speed.)
Amy: Sonic, get back here!
(Amy runs toward Sonic, Kammy, and Metal Sonic.)
Tails: Sonic, wait for me!
(Tails runs toward Sonic, Kammy, Metal Sonic, and Amy.)
Sonic: Can't catch me!
Metal Sonic: I will destroy you.
Kammy: COME BACK HERE WITH MY CLOTHES!!!
Amy: Sonic, get back here!
Tails: Sonic, wait up!
Lemmy: I'll say it. End transmission.
Back in the pit...
Bowser: I'll raise you 20 coins.
Bowser Jr: I'll raise 30 coins, Papa.
Bowser: Brahaha! Three kings.
Bowser Jr: Three aces.
Bowser: Darn.
Bowser Jr: Papa, when will Kammy let us out?
KAMMY AND DR. EGGMAN interview DOOPLISS
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hello and welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show! This never gets old.
Kammy: My studio is still under repair, but Dr. Eggman did me a favor. We're now in the Egg Balloon.
Dr. Eggman: I need to get back to my secret base anyway to see how my robots are doing.
Sonic: Secret base, huh?
Kamek: Why would it be called a secret base, when they will find out?
Dr. Eggman: Curses!
Waluigi: AAAAAAAAH!!! I'M SCARED OF BALLOONS!!! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS!!!
In the Egg Balloon's control room...
Tall Yellow Robot: Still not fair.
Purple Short Robot: You can say that again.
Back outside at the Egg Balloon...
Lemmy: Wow, your base looks cool.
Dr. Eggman: Thank you. This is done by me, the ultimate genius.
(Eggman is playing the Eggman song.)
Sonic: Yeah yeah. We heard that like a million times.
Kammy: And now, the interviewee is... DOOPLISS.
Doopliss: Hey, Slick.
Waluigi: AAAAAAA!!! GHOST IN A BEDSHEET!!!
(Knuckles can be seen being scared and nervous.)
Tails: Um, Knuckles. Are you ok?
Knuckles: (nervous) Yeah...
Doopliss: You can cut the pretend stuff. We already know that you're afraid of ghosts.
Kammy: So Doopliss. What is it like mimicing people and stealing their bodies and names?
Doopliss: Cool! I mean like wow, Mario can really jump high, Slick. And fooling people's heads off.
Dr. Eggman: Hmm. This creature can be quite useful for my domination.
Tails: Don't think about it, Eggman.
Dr. Eggman: Why is a bedsheet covering you?
Doopliss: It's fun. And I like covering myself with a sheet. I'm actually invisible, except my two red eyes. If I don't wear it, I won't see myself and no one will be feared by me. And it's my most prized possession.
20 minutes later...
Doopliss: ...And the bedsheet was passed by generation to generation. My bedsheet shows me that I'm a Dupighost of a new kind.
(Everyone except Mario and Kammy is asleep.)
Mario: I'm-a Mario.
Doopliss: Wow. Now to do my pranks.
Kammy: Sure, go ahead.
(Doopliss pulls pranks on Dr. Eggman.)
Mario: A TOASTER! A TOASTER!
(Everyone wakes up.)
Knuckles: GHOST... Oh, it's just you.
Sonic: Yo, Eggman. What's with the new looks?
Dr. Eggman: What are you talking about?
(Everyone, including Dr. Eggman sees him wearing a tutu, high heels, makeups, and a pink mustache, and not wearing any pants.
Rouge: Hey. When did you get around to the girl's side, Doctor?
Dr. Eggman: CURSES!!! I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, SONIC!!!
Sonic: It wasn't me.
Doopliss: Yeah, Slick. I did it.
Dr. Eggman: I'LL GET YOU!!!
(Dr. Eggman changes back to his regular clothes.)
Kammy: *giggle* Doopliss, what do you use your magic for other than turning the citizens of Twilight Town into pigs, stealing people's bodies and names, and mimicing people?
Doopliss: Turning myself into a giant, slimy monster and scaring the people, Slick. I also turn the Boos in my Creepy Steeple into clowns.
Boos: You were mean.
Dr. Eggman: All right, prankster. Why and where did you get that party hat?
Doopliss: Well, Slick. During my ME time, I sent invitation to my friends. We had a party and we were like going wild. One of my friends gave me his favorite party hat to keep. He said he got it from his birthday party.
Dr. Eggman: Let's get this over with. Audience question. Seat 700.
Swooper: Why do you have that parrot?
Doopliss: I was lonely at times, so I bought a parrot to keep me occupied, Slick.
Kammy: Seat 74.
Dark Boo: Why did that parrot keep talking about your name?
Doopliss: That parrot can't help it but keep talking 'bout me when he is by himself. I knew I shouldn't have told him my name.
Doopliss' Parrot: You name is Doopliss. I'm lonely.
Doopliss: You!
Doopliss' Parrot: Time to fly away.
(Doopliss' parrot flies away.)
Dr. Eggman: Seat 22.
Vivian: Which of my sisters do you hate the least?
Doopliss: What sister?
Vivian: Ahem. Which Shadow Siren do you hate the least?
Doopliss: Marilyn.
Kammy: Seat 6.
Iggy: Why do you say "slick" a lot?
Doopliss: What do you mean, Slick?
Iggy: See, you're saying it again.
Doopliss: Oh, Slick. That. Well, Slick. I like saying that, and it makes me one of a kind, Slick. I learned it from my dad. And I kept saying it a lot, so I got used to saying it, Slick.
Dr. Eggman: We're about to reach my base. Let's hurry up. Last question. Seat 93.
Rouge: Where did you find that Crystal Star?
Doopliss: I found it on top of my Steeple while I was outside, Slick.
Kammy: Well, this is over. End- what are you doing?!
Doopliss: Look at me, Slick. I'm Sonic. Man, I can run really fast.
Sonic: Stop copying me, you big sheet freak.
Beldam: Actually, it's freak-in-a-sheet.
Tall Yellow Robot: We're here, Dr. Eggman.
Purple Short Robot: Now, can we be in the next Interview?
Dr. Eggman: Who is piloting the Egg Balloon?
Tall Yellow Robot: Uh... oops.
(The Egg Balloon is speeding toward the base at high speed.)
Dr. Eggman: YOU IMBECILES!!!
Everyone: AAAAAH!!! WE'RE ABOUT TO CRASH!!! HELP!!!
Waluigi: AAAAAAAA!!! I'M SCARED OF CRASHING!!!
Bowser: STUPID DOCTOR!!!
Dr. Eggman: HOW DARE YOU?!
Mario: I'm-a Mario.
Everyone: ...
(The Egg Balloon crashes unto the base and there is an explosion. Everyone is covered in ashes.)
Dr. Eggman: Curses!
Kammy: Just end transmission.
KAMMY AND LEMMY interview X-NAUT PHD AND ELITE X-NAUT
By Tail Koopa
Kammy: Hi. The studio is still under repair. We are now inside the ARK.
Lemmy: Ok, this is getting weird. Why are you picking places that relates to Sonic stuff?
Kammy: Because I want to.
Lemmy: ...
Kammy: And I invited another character. Shadow the Hedgehog.
Lemmy: Is there any more you want to invite?
Kammy: Well, I do want to invite Santa Claus.
Lemmy: ...
Waluigi: WAAAAAH!!! I'M SCARED OF SANTA CLAUS!!!
Lemmy: ...
Kammy: Hi, Shadow.
(Shadow just looks away instead of returning the greeting.)
Waluigi: WAAAAAAH!!! HEDGEHOGS ARE SCARY!!!
Kammy: Yep. That's Shadow all right. Now let's start. Hi, and welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Kammy: Today, Lemmy and I are interviewing the higher levels of the X-Naut army, X-Naut PhD and Elite X-Naut.
X-Naut PhD: At last. I will be recongnized as a genius.
Dr. Eggman: Join me.
X-Naut PhD: Sure.
Shadow: I don't think so, Doctor.
Elite X-Naut: Why won't you let me join?
Dr. Eggman: Because you're stupid.
Elite X-Naut: ...
Kammy: Elite X-Naut and X-Naut PhD, what are your stats?
X-Naut PhD: 9 HP, 4 Attack, 0 Defense.
Elite X-Naut PhD: 10 HP, 5 Attack, 1 Defense.
Lemmy: It seems that Elite X-Nauts and X-Naut PhDs don't say "dude", or don't say it a lot. Explain that.
X-Naut PhD: Unlike X-Nauts, we think that saying "dude" almost all the time is stupid. We are not part of the army that Lord Crump controls.
Lord Crump: I wish you were.
Elite X-Naut: I'll think I'll join with Lord Crump.
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh huh huh huh!
Sonic: What's with that weird laugh?
Lord Crump: What?! You hate it? WAAAAAAH!!!
(Lord Crump is seen running around, crying like a baby.)
Kammy: Why do X-Naut PhDs throw chemicals at people instead of ramming them like other X-Nauts do?
X-Naut PhD: We discovered that throwing chemicals will not be countered back at us by Superguard. The chemicals have effects, so why ram when we can affect them?
Lemmy: What do Elite X-Nauts and X-Naut PhDs do while taking breaks?
X-Naut PhD: We enjoy collecting moon rocks.
Bowser: Nerd!
Dr. Eggman: Genius!
Kammy: SHUT UP!
(Pianos lands on Bowser and Dr. Eggman.)
Elite X-Naut: We try to get dates with female X-Nauts.
Wendy: Boys...
Grodus: There will be no kissing in my base.
Lord Crump: Um... Hello? Don't you remember that contract? You signed it.
Grodus: You all got lucky for now.
Kammy: What will happen if an X-Naut, including higher level ones, slacks off?
Elite X-Naut: That X-Naut will have a conference with Grodus or Lord Crump, and they will be likely to get a warning, then punishment. And if they keep slacking off, they will eventually get fired.
Lemmy: Why were there secret passwords and guides in the base that helped Mario?
Elite X-Naut: Some lazy, stupid X-Naut wrote that stuff just in case that that one forgot, but that X-Naut then forgot those things in the rooms.
Kammy: How long is Elite X-Naut training?
Elite X-Naut: Three years.
Lemmy: How long is X-Naut PhD training?
X-Naut PhD: Three years and five months.
Kammy: Why does training takes longer for X-Naut PhDs?
X-Naut PhD: Training involves more learning of science, computers, technology, math, and more.
Lemmy: In PM2, why weren't there Elite X-Nauts on the path Bowser took to Rawk Hawk's secret lair?
Elite-X Naut: We were guarding the base. Grodus thinks that his base needs better protection and we are the strongest X-Nauts so we have to guard the base.
Kammy: Audience time. Seat 47.
Dr. Eggman: Why do all X-Nauts seem to wear glasses?
X-Naut PhD: Grodus said that wearing glasses is part of the uniform and we need to wear it or else violate the dress code.
Lemmy: Seat 900.
Wart: How do you creat more Yux?
X-Naut PhD: First, we gather DNA from Yux to create more Yux. Then we mix the water with the correct chemicals and form energy for Yux. We place the DNA and mix it with life supporting energy and moon rocks. We wait for several days, and then they are ready.
Kammy: Seat 61.
Tails: What happens when you mix the wrong chemicals?
X-Naut PhD: There will likely be an explosion that will affect our bodies. However, the effects are temporarily. But there is a slight chance that we would die. But we are highly intelligent X-Nauts.
Lemmy: Seat 9.
Luigi: What does Elite X-Naut training involve?
Elite X-Naut: Lifting weights, physical fitness, basics of technology, science, math, basics of chemicals' effects, and other stuff like that.
Kammy: Seat 60.
Ludwig: What are the reasons that Elite X-Nauts are Grodus's favorite underlings?
Elite X-Naut: We are stronger and better security.
Lemmy: Seat 143.
Amy: I don't know why I'm asking this, but what have all of you been doing since PM2?
Elite X-Naut: Lord Crump was taking over the base, and we have lots of parties. WOOHOO!
X-Naut PhD: We go to clubs that involve smartness and we invent things for Lord Crump.
Kammy: Ok, this-
Toad: Ooh. What's that liquid-like thing?
Shadow: Stop. That's an Artificial Chaos.
(The Artificial Chaos violently attacks Toad with its arms.)
Kammy: Too late.
Toad: ^&##$@*%.
Mario: CHEESE!
(Mario thought that the Artificial Chaos is cheese, so he runs after it. He is absorbed into the creature's liquid body.)
Mario: I'm-a Mario.
Amy: This is totally embarassing.
Lemmy and Kammy: End transmission.
Tanooki Koopa Interviews
TANOOKI KOOPA interviews BABY LUIGI
Tanooki Koopa: Hello and welcome to MY interview show. You might be wondering but I have started my own show.
half of the audience: yay!
other Half: Boo!
Tanooki Koopa: I will interview Baby Luigi today.
Baby Luigi: Yay!
Tanooki Koopa: What did you do during Yoshi's Island. Where u trapped that sack all the time?
Baby Luigi: I tried to get out becuz I knew BM was going to save me but I just couldn't.
Tanooki Koopa: Why do you do that pose in M&L: PiT?
Baby Luigi: Nintendo based after Luigi. So I was relieved the battle was over.
Tanooki koopa: I feel like audience questions. seat 56.
Red Troopa: how do you feel about being in Yoshi's Island DS?
Baby Luigi: I basically have the same role.
Tanooki Koopa: Seat 239.
Hyperactive Koopa: OHWHYOHWHYDIDYOUCRYEVERYTIMETHEREWASAPROBLEM?
Baby Luigi: I only did that in mario and Luigi PiT. I was a lot younger back then but I did cry alot.
Tanooki Koopa: Seat MYSLEF. How come you can talk if you're a baby?
Baby Luigi: I went to a speech teacher.
Tanooki Koopa: That is the end of my 1st interview. Seeya all later?
The curtain closes and everyone claps.
Ludwig Von: You used my stud-
END TRANSMISSION
YI Cave
TANOOKI KOOPA interveiws SHY GUY
Tanooki Koopa:Hello an welcome to my own interveiw show!(again)I sent my partner on a little vacation.
------------------------------------------------- ---------------
Flash back
Lemmy Jr.:LET ME OUT OF THIS BOX!!!
Tanooki Koopa:See you in two weeks after your trip to Alaska!*laughs*
------------------------------------------------- ---------------
Tanooki Koopa:Good times.Well back to the show to the show.Today I'm interveiwing Shy Guy.
Shy Guy:*blushes*
Tanooki Koopa:Why do you work at a shop and find time to blast Mario?
Shy Guy:That's easy after work we buy cannons to blast Mario with.
Tanooki Koopa:Why are you savages in M&L and M&L PiT?
Shy Guy:We needed something to eat and the only thing to eat was Yoshis and Yoshis taste like brocoli.(bleck)
Tanooki Koopa:I think I'll move on to seats questions now.Seat 631.
King Boo:What's under that mask of yours?
Shy Guy:None of your pickels!
King Boo:It's None of my beeswax you mean.
Shy Guy:Yes it is none of your concern.
Tannoki Koopa:Seat 996.
Koopa:How do you turn in to Fat Guy?
Shy Guy:You go to the Shy Guy all you can eat banquet.
Lemmy Jr. :*walks in*You forgot to put on a stamp.*smirks*
*Tanooki Koopa and LemmyJr. fight*
End transmission
Shade interviews
RedNinjaDryBones
interviews
BoomerangeBro.
RedNinjaDryBones:Welcome to Dark interviews.Today I will interview BoomerangeBro.
Audience:Yeah!!!!!!!!!!
*BoomerangBro. walks on stage and takes a seat*
RedNinjaDryBones:First question Boom-
Wario:MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RedNinjaDryBones:SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Wario jumps on stage and trys to kill me*
RedNinjaDryBones:Security!!!!!!!!!!
*Yoob eats Wario*
RedNinjaDryBones:Has I was saying.First question BoomerangBro.Why Did you choose a boomerange for your wepon?
BoomerangBro.:I thought it would be easier to get rid of Mario with a wepon wich attacks pepole 2 times.
RedNinjaDryBones:What do you do besides throw your boomerang?
BoomerangBro.:I just hang out with my friends HammerBro.,FireBro.,and AmazingFlyingHammerBro.
RedNinjaDryBones:Why do you wear gray gear?
BoomerangBro.:I want to wear something that maches my boomerange.
RedNinjaDryBones:Time to move onto audience questions.Seat number 9.
HammerBro.:How far have you thrown a boomerang?
BoomerangBro.:200 miles.
RedNinjaDryBones:Your lieing aren't you.
BoomerangBro.:Ya its really 45 miles.
RedNinjaDryBones:Well thats still a bit impressive.Seat 55.
Goomba:Why did you cange your look from SuperStarSaga?
BoomerangeBro.:I became stronger and Bowser gave me a new boomerang.
RedNinjaDryBones:Seat 4.
Luigi:Where are we?
RedNinjaDryBones:Noki Bay.Seat 29.
Toad:Whats your favorite food?
BoomerangeBro.:Pizza.
RedNinjaDryBones:Mmmmmmmmmmmm.....Pizza
Fishing Boo:Um...we're live.
RedNinjaDryBones:Oh sorry.Raise your hand if you still have a question.
*Fishing Boo is the olny one who raises his hand*
RedNinjaDryBones:Whats your question?
Fishing Boo:Why are there less BoomerangBro.s than before?
BoomerangBro.:Bowser stopped making boomeranges.
RedNinjaDryBones:Thats all the time we have.Thanks for coming BoomerangBro.
Meanwhile in the bathroom....
splash!!!!
Yoob:That was the biggest poop I ever did,time to flush the toilet.
Wario:Wait don't flu-
SSSSSHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shade and Lizalfos interviews Roy Koopa
Shade wlecome to another episode of Dark Interviews.
audience:Where is DNDB?
Shade:I am DNDB.
audience:!!!???
Wario: (inside his mind)So thats why I couldn't find that punk who flushed me.
Shade: (read Wario's mind)Wow.I didn't know you could think.
Wario:GGGRRR*jumps on stage again*
Shade:*summons Lizalfos to beat Wario up*(Lizalfos is a lizard warrior)
*wario is seen lying unconcions*
Shade:Today me and Lizalfos will interview*looks at a card*Roy Koopa.
audience:*cricket chirping*
*Roy walks on stage*
Roy:Hey,Where's my applause?
*Fishing Boo holds up a card saying "Boo!!"*
*the audience throws rotten fruit at Roy*
Roy:I'm going to-
Shade:*pushes a button and a cage falls on roy*
Shade:First question.Why are you a bully?
Roy:Everyone keeps on calling me a moron.
Lizalfos:What color is your shell?*roy's shell is obviously pink*
Roy:Green.
audience:*laughs very hardly*
Shade:Are you color blind?
Roy:No.
Lizalfos:Then lets see,shall we*takes out a color blind test*
Lizalfos:What color is this?*holds up pink*
Roy:Green.
Lizalfos:What about this 1?*holds up red*
Roy:Purple.
Lizalfos:And what about this 1?*holds up a picture of pie*
Roy:*said proudly*Blue.
audience:*laughs so hard the windows shatter*
Roy: 
What's so funny?
*Roy is seen standing on Wario's back*
Wario:mmpphh mmmm umph
Roy:Oh.
Shade:Can we please get bck to the interview.
Lizalfos:Okay.
Shade:How did you clime the walls in super mario world?
Roy:I focused my chakra at the bottom of my feet.
Lizalfos:If you could use chakra,why didn't you use special jutsus to destroy mario?
Roy:Uhhh...whats a jutsu?
Shade:How pathetic is this guy?Anyway time for audience questions.
Lizalfos:Seat 9.
Random Goomba:You are a true man(to Roy)
Roy:uuuhhhh.....
Shade:Seat ugly f**
Waluigi:You're stepping on my brother!!!!
Roy:
Deal with it.
Waluigi:WWWAAAAHHHH!!!!
Lizalfos:Time for the last question because me and Shade need to go make Bowser stronger.
Shade:*punches Lizalfos*
Lizalfos:yyyeeeeoooowwww.What was that for?
Shade:Mario,Peach,or Toad could be watching.
meanwhile at the mushroom kingdom...
*mario is the olny 1 watching*
Mario:uuuuhhhhh.......who is Bowser?
back at the studio
Shade:Okay seat.... huh that seat is empty!?
*a boo appears in the seat*
Shade:Okay,Boo in seat 37 ask a question.
Boo:Why do you where sunglasses?
Roy:My eyes are sensitive.
*a bowl of food and water falls in the cage Wario and Roy are in*
Shade:Okay thats all the time we have see use next time on Dark Interviews.
Roy and Wario:What!?Are we going to stay here all weak!?
Lizalfos:yep.
Roy and Wario:We hate you.
Shde and Lizalfos:Thank you.
Shade interview yoshi
by: Shade
Shade:Welcome to another episode of dark interviews.
Wario
and Roy Koopa(still in the cage):Where have you been,its been 2 months
since your last interview.We were rotting away in here.
Shade:Okay,you can leave*pushes a button and a cannon shoots both of them to my dungen*
Shade:Today I will interview Yoshi.
Audience:*loud applause sounds*
*yoshi walks up on stage*
Yoshi:Thank you.
Shade:First
question.In Yoshi's story,a nest of yoshi eggs and 2 eggs that were
lost weren't effected by the spell.Why weren't they effected?
Yoshi:Bowser
thought that the Yoshies didn't lay eggs for a while,so he used a spell
that effected the yoshies that were grown up.
Shade:How did you now that?
Yoshi:I know it because,I study history a lot.
Shade:Why did the yoshies in Super mario sunshine change there skin color when they eat fruit?
Yoshi:When
a younge yoshi eats fruit it skin will change until it finds it's
favorite fruit its skin will always change from eating fruit.
meanwhile in my dungen...
Lizalfos:Lunch time*throws rotten gruel into Wario and Roy's cage*eat up.
Roy:maybe we can excape by using this...
Wario:maybe...
Roy:*pours the gruel on the cage bars*
*the bars melt*
*roy and wario try to sneak out*
Lizalfos:*catches both of them and forces them to were womens close*
back at the studio....
Shade:Why couldn't the yoshies in super mario sunshine swim?
Yoshi:Bowser Jr.'s paint brush spilled goop on the eggs and the yoshies got turned into goop yoshies.
Shade:Time for audience questions.Seat ugly sh**
Waluigi:WWWAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER??????!!!!!!
Shade:I sent him to my dungen where he will be forced to were womens close.And same will soon happen to you.
Waluigi:WWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-
Shade:*pushes a button and a cannon launches Waluigi to my dungen*
Shade:Seat 3.14
Ludwig:How are you able to flutter through the air?
Yoshi:Are legs are strong enough to keep us in the air for a short time.
Shade:Seat I'm too lazy to care.
Fuzzy:*extreamly hyper*Whats your favorite food besides fruit?
Yoshi:Hot Dogs.
Shade:Seat I like pie.
Boo:Whats your favorite smell besides the smell of fruit?
Yoshi:The smell of pizza.
Shade:Thats all the time we have.See you next time.*I leave the studio*
mean while at my castel....
*Wario,Waluigi,and Roy are dancing in womens close*
Shade and Lizalfos:*laugh extremly loud*
Roy Koopa interviews Ludwig von Koopa
by Shade
back stage....
Shade:Roy Koopa I will let you go on 1 condition.
Roy:What is it?
Shade:You do today's interview and enroll in my army,So just sign this contract*holds out a contract*
Roy:What do I get out of it?
Shade:Money,demon powers,and laser eye surgery.
Roy:You've got a deal!!*signs the contract*
*Roy walks on stage*
Random Koopa in the audience: Didn't Shade blast you to his dungen?
Roy:Yes,but now I'm back-
Koopa:To be beat up again.
Roy: >
No.I am going to interview today because Shade had to go somewhere.
*Roy looks at a card*
Roy:Today I will interview my bro. Ludwig.
*Ludwig walks onto the stage and takes his seat*
Roy:So whats it like being the first koopaling wich can breath fire?
Ludwig:Pretty good,I get more respect around people.
Roy:Speaking of people,some people think you are Bowser Jr.,is that true?
Ludwig:No
its not true.Bowser Junior is our brother,whoever started that rumor is
a moron.I have studied about the body's growth system and it is
impossible for hair to change to a completly diffrent color.
Roy:That was a mouthful,you almost sounded like Morton.
Ludwig:Just get on with the next question.
Roy:Okay.What did you use to make Mecha Bowser?
Ludwig:Thats classified.
Roy:Ooooookkkaaayyyyy......time for audience questions.Seat Shadow.
Random Dark Boo:How do you get your hair in that Bethoven stly?
Ludwig:I just don't brush my hair.
Roy:Seat D_mon.Shade!!!???You said you had to go somewhere.
Shade:I did,I had to come here to watch the show.
Roy:Okay,whats your question?
Shade:Wich one of Bethoven's symphonies is your favorite?
Ludwig:Bethoven's 9th Symphony.
Roy:Seat 33.
Wendy O. Koopa:What did you do with that ring you borowed from me 2 years ago?
*Ludwig runs out of the studio*
Wendy O. Koopa:Grrrrr.When I get my hands on him he's going to pay.
Roy:Okay thats all the time we have,see you next time on Dark interviews.
Dooplisselle Koopa Interviews
DOOPLISSELLE KOOPA interviews DOOPLISS
By: Dooplisselle Koopa
Dooplisselle Koopa: Welcome to Lemmy’s interviews.
Audience: BOOO!!! HISS!!!
Dooplisselle: today I interview… interview… interview… hey! There’s no name on here! Aw well. I’ll just pick someone from the audience. I pick…
(Doopliss is in the audience. He is holding a sign above him and it says: “PLEASE DON’T PICK ME!!!!”)
Dooplisselle: I pick… Doopliss!
Doopliss: …I hate you.
(He comes on-stage.)
Dooplisselle: Welcome, please take a seat.
Doopliss: I can’t sit! I’m a ghost!
Dooplisselle: float then. What’s under that sheet?
Doopliss: A ghost, duh.
Dooplisselle: ooh… Why do you wear a party hat?
Doopliss: I like to party. What? You don’t like it, Ms. Fashion Police?
Dooplisselle: Hey! I’m not Ms. Fashion Police!
(Doopliss turns into Dooplisselle.)
Doopliss (Dooplisselle): Hello, people! I’m Ms. FASHION POLICE!!
(The entire audience laughs.)
Dooplisselle (Purple shadow): stop that!!!
Doopliss (Dooplisselle): fine, Ms. Fashion police.
Dooplisselle (purple shadow): Grr…!
(Doopliss goes back to himself.)
Dooplisselle: okay. Why does your room have a lot of stuff?
Doopliss: I told you, it’s a party room and I like to party!
Dooplisselle: Why-
Mario: CHEESE!
Dooplisselle: -Why-
Mario: CHEESE!
Dooplisselle: -Why-
Mario: CHEESE!
Dooplisselle: -Why-
Mario: CHEESE!
Dooplisselle: Security!
Lemmy: you don’t have any!
Dooplisselle: Goombelle!
(She doesn’t show up.)
Dooplisselle: fine, then. DYoshi!
(She doesn’t show up.)
Dooplisselle: …O_o they do that… (Note to self: DYoshi is my security. tell her that…)
Doopliss: will you continue with my interview?
Dooplisselle: of course. Why do you have a lot of fans?
Doopliss: I dunno. People just cheer when I say “Slick” Or turn into somebody.
Dooplisselle: Then why haven’t you said “Slick” this whole interview?
Doopliss: Force of habit, Slick.
Dooplisselle: …Next question: how do you turn into people?
Doopliss: I just pretend I’m on a merry-go-round, screaming: “I love you all!”
Plit: …
Dooplisselle: that’s a little kid’s ride. And that’s freaky.
Doopliss: Like I should care!
Dooplisselle: …uh… O… K… (He sounds as weird as Fawful.)
Doopliss: I heard that!
Dooplisselle: I didn’t even say it!
Doopliss: say what?
Dooplisselle: Say: “He sounds as weird as Fawful” to myself!
Doopliss: Hey!
Dooplisselle: Man, you’re pretty sneaky.
Bowser: FREAK-IN-A-SHEET!
Dooplisselle: I have a hotdog.
Bowser: WHERE!?
Dooplisselle: it’s on the other side of Plit.
Bowser: Hotdog, here I come!
(He runs to the other side of Plit.)
Doopliss: stupid. And I’ll tell his dad for calling me that.
Dooplisselle: he’s dead.
Meanwhile…
Morton Koopa Sr.: I HAVE COME BACK TO LIFE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Back in the studio…
Dooplisselle: which of Mario’s partners do you like best?
Doopliss: Goombella. Her Multi-bonk was helpful and she was the first partner I used.
Goombella: I hate you!
Dooplisselle: least favorite?
Doopliss: Vivian. She and Mario defeated me together and her part I took gave me Tons of punishments. And I say “Tons” with a capital “T”!
Dooplisselle: Audience questions! Seat CHEEZE!!
Mario: Cheese! Why-a did you-a turn-a into me?
Doopliss: It was for the better good. Besides, I like pulling pranks!
Dooplisselle: Seat SMARTYPANTBUTIDON’THAVEPANTS!
Ludwig: what is your favorite food?
Doopliss: as a ghost, I don’t need food. But I enjoy cake with jam on it.
Dooplisselle: (Eww…)
Morton: Weddingcake with toe jam on it?
Dooplisselle: …
Doopliss: What?!
Dooplisselle: that’s disgusting. Seat CALLINGFROMTHEOTHERSIDEOFPLIT!!
Bowser: (Yelling) you tricked me!
Dooplisselle: it was for the better good. Now ask a question!
Bowser: Fine! Do you have a girlfriend?
Doopliss: (Nervously) uhh… I don’t know what you’re talking about, Slick…
Bowser: DO YOU?!
Doopliss: Fine! Her name’s Dooplina. Happy?!
Dooplisselle: no.
Doopliss: Why?
Dooplisselle: ‘Cause I love you more.
Dooplina: samurai fight to the death!
Dooplisselle: hoo-wa!!
Dooplina: heeeee…!
(They get into a sissy fight.)
Doopliss: continue with my interview!
Dooplina: sis!
Dooplisselle: freak!
Dooplina: You’re a %$@#%!!!
Dooplisselle: Fawful-lover!
Existence: GASP!!!
Dooplina: erm… I can’t fight with you!
(She jumps out a window.)
Dooplisselle: does she notice that she jumped from a 100 story building?
Doopliss: Dooplina!! No!!! Aw well. I’ll start dating the shadow queen.
Dooplisselle: >: ( Seat ???
Luigi: Why was Mario a Purple shadow when you copied him?
Doopliss: ‘Cause I stole his body, duh!
Dooplisselle: Seat RANDOM.
Random Goomba: Is it possible to take a letter out of the alphabet?
Doopliss: no. I was breaking the laws of physics.
Physics police: GASP!!!
(Dooplisselle shoots them.)
Dooplisselle: Seat ANNOYING.
Susan: Why do you have a Parrot that says your name?
Doopliss: because I always feel lonely. And I punished him for telling Mario my name.
Parrot: Your name is Doopliss!
Doopliss: Why you?!
(The parrot flies away.)
Dooplisselle: and now to…
Cackletta: Doopliss is hot.
Dooplisselle: …
Splattered Dooplina: …
DYoshi: …
Goombelle: …
Fawful: …
Peach: …
The Shadow Queen: …
Bill Gates: …
Random old dude: …
Lemmy’s land: …
The rest of Plit: …
Earth: …
The rest of existence: …
30 minutes later…
Doopliss: Very well. I shall pick you up at 7: 30 pm.
Dooplisselle: Excuse me for a sec’.
(Dooplisselle runs out. When she comes back in, she is covered with dark green spots.)
Dooplisselle: I’m good! Doopliss, do you want to be part of my interviewing team?
Doopliss: sure.
Dooplisselle: and finally, END TRANSMISION!!!!
Hoohoo Mountain
DOOPLISSELLE KOOPA interviews GOOMBA
By Dooplisselle Koopa
Dooplisselle Koopa: … Okay, I'm bored.
(Lemmy walks in.)
Lemmy: You. Get new interviewing team. Or else.
Dooplisselle: Who?
Lemmy: You will earn more.
Dooplisselle: Ok. Who am I interviewing?
Lemmy: What am I, your information booth? You're interviewing a Goomba.
Dooplisselle: Nice. GALOOKAJOOKAZOOKAJOOB!!! Start transmission!
(That somehow worked and she is transformed into the studio.)
Dooplisselle: Welcome, people, to Lemmy's Interviews!
(Lots of people throw stuff at Dooplisselle.)
Dooplisselle: Look, that's not cool. So stop it. Today I interview a Goomba.
½ of the Audience: WE ARE GOOMBAS!!!
Dooplisselle: Uhh…
(Dooplisselle shoots that half of the audience except one.)
Goomba: You're interviewing me?
Dooplisselle: Yes. Question one: WHAT ARE YOU?!
Goomba: I'm a rotted, mutated Mushroom. Lord Bowser found some of us and we became his minions.
Dooplisselle: But some of the Goombas helped Mario.
Goomba: Those are female Goombas that didn't want to help, or left him in the past.
Dooplisselle: So only the males helped?
Goomba: Nope. Some girls helped. Very few, though. Like 2 or 3.
Dooplisselle: But Goombario wasn't a female!
Goomba: Die!
Dooplisselle: … Question two: Are you a female, a male that left Bowser, a male that serves Bowser, or a female that serves Bowser?
Goomba: Why else would you think I was calling Bowser "Lord Bowser"?
Dooplisselle: Good point. Question three: What's your name?
Goomba: I thought you wouldn't ask personal questions anymore.
Dooplisselle: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!
Goomba: Fine. My name is Goombelle. I'm one of the very few females that worked for Bowser.
Dooplisselle: Uh… Question four: Do you have any relationship to Goombella or Goombario?
Goombelle: Yes. They are my cousins.
Dooplisselle: Question five: What is your rank in Bowser's army?
Goombelle: Underlings of underlings. That's the lowest rank! Right next to Koopas.
Dooplisselle: Question six: Do Goombas get any power when they touch a Fire Flower, Starman, Mushroom, etc?
Goombelle: Yes, they do.
Dooplisselle: Audience questions! Seat NEESHEETEEP!!!
DYoshi: NEE-
Dooplisselle: THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR NONSENSE! YOU'RE PART OF MY INTERVIEWING TEAM!!!
DYoshi: Whatever.
Dooplisselle: Seat CHEESE!
Mario: CHEESE!
Goombelle: Die!
Dooplisselle: Seat I'MCOOL.
Boshi: Hi, yo. I'm cool.
Dooplisselle: That's nice. Seat WEDDINGCAKE!
Morton: WEDDING CAKE! Do you like wedding cake?
Goombelle: No.
Morton: HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE WEDDING CAKE?!
Dooplisselle: Shaddap! Seat YOSHISARECOOL!!!
Kyle Koopa: I LOVE YOSHIS!
Dooplisselle: … Seat ???.
Luigi: In Superstar Baseball, how did you hold the bat when you don't have arms?
Goombelle: We have psychic powers.
Luigi: Then why didn't you use your psychic powers to attack Mario?
Goombelle: Y'know… I never thought of that…
(Goombelle starts crying pathetically.)
Dooplisselle: Seat COINSANDMONEY!!!
Popple: Do you have a catchphrase?
Goombelle: Shaddap!!!
Dooplisselle: … And finally, seat I'MLOUDANDANNOYING!!!
Wendy: Do Goombas have treasure?
Goombelle: Yes. All Goomba families have lots of precious jewels and gold coins.
(Goombelle shows them all of her treasure.)
Popple, Wario, Ms. Mowz, Bandits, Croco, Wendy, Susan, and Bill Gates: O_O Look at all that money…
Dooplisselle: DYoshi! Goombelle! You both are part of my interviewing team!
DYoshi and Goombelle: …
Did you like this submission?
Dooplisselle: No!
Plit: …
Interviews by zz1666
LORD CRUMP interviews JONATHAN JOHNNY JONES
By: zz1666Lord Crump: Welcome dogs, I’m going to interview my number one homie G skittles biscuit, Jonathan Johnny Jones! He’s a shark pirate, dog!
Audience: …
Lord Crump: Yo, what happened to the audience?
JOHNNY: I thought there was supposed to be a full house.
X-Naut: Nobody bought tickets.
Lord Crump: Yo dude, that’s not cool!
JOHNNY: You’re not cool!
Lord Crump: I want an audience in ten minutes dog!
Ten minutes later…
Lord Crump: Yes, a full house dude!
He doesn’t realize all the people are cardboard, with X-Nauts hiding in the audience talking for them.
Lord Crump: Let’s start this over, welcome dogs, I’m going to interview my number one homie G skittles biscuit, Jonathan Johnny Jones!
Audience (Really X-Nauts): Yeah, woo, alright!
Lord Crump: Much better, dude.
Just then, Lemmy walks in.
Lord Crump: Yo it’s Lemmy, my number one homie G skittles biscuit!
JOHNNY: I thought I was your number one homie G skittles biscuit?
Lord Crump: Uh, so Lemmy, what brings you here dog?
Lemmy: I was going to see a movie, but I saw a sign saying: LORD CRUMP interviews JONATHAN JOHNNY JONES. I had no clue who he was, so as the leader of Lemmy’s Land, I have to know who everyone is.
JOHNNY: Ha-ha, Lemmy has no clue you exist, Crump!
Lemmy: Actually I knew Crump because he fought in the sports hall and was a three week champion.
JOHNNY: I fought in season one!
Lemmy: Did you win?
JOHNNY: Uh, no.
Lemmy: Who did you loose to?
JOHNNY: Mack, that stupid pogo stick with eyes.
Lemmy: When I asked Roy about the match he said it was pathetic, the fish wouldn’t do anything. He just stood there looking pathetically weak.
JOHNNY: Who did you think it was?
Lemmy: I thought it was Rip-Van Fish, since he does nothing but sleep.
JOHNNY: …
Lemmy: Just start this interview!
Lord Crump: Ok, so dude, how did you choose the spear as your weapon, dog?
JOHNNY: I don’t know, I guess when I met the bandanas I felt I would need a weapon, because I thought I might need it since I’m a pirate, so I landed on an island, and found this weapon, so I kept it.
Lord Crump: Have you ever considered switching, dog?
JOHNNY: After Mario beat me, I thought I may be weak and tried using a hammer, but I really didn’t like it that much.
Lord Crump: Interesting, dog. So, do you ever think you’ll become a pirate again, dude?
JOHNNY: To be honest I still think I got time left on me, if only I could the bandanas, or a crew like them I would set sail again.
Lord Crump: What if the X-Nauts would go with you, dog?
JOHNNY: Nah, you guys seem more like gangsta’s than pirates.
Lord Crump: Yo dude, I fell a little insulted, but complimented that I’m a gangsta, dog. So, did you find a lot of treasure as a pirate, dude?
JOHNNY: Yes, a good amount.
Lord Crump: What was your favorite find, dude?
JOHNNY: The piece or the star rod, but that stupid Mario wouldn’t let me keep it.
Lord Crump: I hate Mario too, dog.
JOHNNY: Exactly, who likes him?
Lord Crump: I don’t know dog.
JOHNNY: You’re supposed to know everything!
Lord Crump: Yo dude, no need to get mad.
JOHNNY: I’m not!
Lord Crump: Don’t worry audience, I’m a professional physiatrist. So JOHNNY, take a deep breath, and then let it out. Feel any better, man?
JOHNNY: Yes, yes I do, I feel completely calmed down.
Lord Crump: Good, let’s continue dude. Who is your favorite person, dog?
JOHNNY: The Bandanas because all my pirate life they were my loyal crew members.
Lord Crump: Of course dude.
Just then zz1666 walks in.
Lord Crump: zz, my number one homie G skittles biscuit, what brings you here?
Lemmy and JOHNNY: I thought I was your number one homie G skittles biscuit!?
Lord Crump: Uh, so zz, what brings you here dog?
zz: I wanted to know who Jonathan Johnny Jones is.
Lord Crump: Ha, no one knows who you are man!
JOHNNY: Oh come on!
Lord Crump: Dude, to be honest I had no clue who you were when I was interviewing you. A couple of minutes before the interview started, I researched you, man.
JOHNNY: I feel neglected! That’s it; I’m suing Lemmy and zz1666!
Lemmy: Sue? But I don’t have a lawyer!
JOHNNY: Too bad, a want a lawyer!
X-Naut: I used to be a lawyer.
JOHNNY: Good enough, you’re on my side! Now, how do I sue the pants off Lemmy?
Lemmy: I’m not wearing pants!
JOHNNY: Go buy a pair or I’ll sue you for that too!
Lemmy zooms out of there, and comes back with a pair of pants on.
JOHNNY: Much better, now let’s get the suing started!
Lord Crump: Yo, what about the interview dog?
JOHNNY: That can wait.
Lord Crump: Yo, but the audience man.
JOHNNY: Yeah about, the audience people are cardboard cutouts by the X-Nauts.
Lord Crump: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
In a vicious rage, Lord Crump storms into the audience, chucking every cardboard cutout out the window into the dumpster.
zz: Hey, I’m not cardboard!
Lord Crump: Whichever X-Naut is making him talk will get a beating, dog.
Lord Crump chucks zz out the window.
JOHNNY: Yes, this lawsuit form is filled out, your dead Lemmy!
Lemmy: I found a lawyer too, Ludwig.
Ludwig: Vee shall vin and get millions of coins!
Lord Crump: Yo dude’s, I’ll be the judge!
X-Nauts: We’ll be the jury!
Lord Crump: Yo dogs, I declare the case of Jonathan Johnny Jones vs. Lemmy and zz1666 open!
Ludwig: I object, the judge can’t be a gangsta!
JOHNNY: More like gangsta……….wannabe!
Lord Crump gives JOHNNY the stink eye.
JOHNNY: …………not!
Lord Crump: Good, X-Naut, present your evidence!
Ludwig: Good, keep it up.
X-Naut: Lemmy has been neglecting JOHNNY, as he has practically no role of even a part of anything in Lemmy’s Land.
Lord Crump: Defense, present your evidence.
Ludwig: Vee put him in season one at the sports hall.
Lord Crump: Has the jury reached a verdict?
Lemmy: But this case just started!
Lord Crump: This was a stupid case, and we still have to finish the interview man.
Jury: We find these defendants even!
Lord Crump: Case closed, back to the interview, dudes!
The crew reassembles the room.
Lord Crump: Ok, now the audience can ask questions, audience.
JOHNNY: Look out into the audience, what do you see?
Lord Crump: I see seven X-Nauts, Lemmy, a cardboard Yoshi head (I’ll punish the X-Nauts later), and Ludwig, dog. Wait, this isn’t an audience, I want a real one in ten minutes, dude!
X-Nauts: how we supposed to do that?
Lord Crump: Kidnap some people and tie them to the seats, man.
In a different room…
X-Nauts: This is a hold up, work with us and it will go quicker!
Mario: Mamamia!
Luigi: Not these wannabes again!
Yoshi: Yoshi hungry!
Wario: Quiet, I think I heard a quarter drop at the entrance, it’s all mine losers!
Waluigi: Ahhhh, scary people came to kidnap us, ahhhh!
Toad: @*&$@#*^#!
Peach: Toad I command you to kill these men!
Daisy: Wake up, pa!
The King: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
At the interview room…
Lord Crump: Perfect, since you guys are stuck here; ask some questions about Jonathan Johnny Jones, dogs!
The King: Do you play golf!?
JOHNNY: Yes, but I’m not that good.
Luigi: I got a question, how long till we can leave?
Lord Crump: Just two more questions, dog.
Toad: Do you hate Peach?
Peach: You’re soooooo dead!
JOHNNY: YES!
Peach: You’re dead too.
Luigi: Can we go now?
JOHNNY: Yes, I mean, hey wait, no, no, no!
Lord Crump: This interview is now over dogs! By the way JOHNNY, you might want to run, man.
JOHNNY: Why?
Lord Crump: Look behind you, man!
Peach: So, you hate me. Then answer to my laser!
JOHNNY: Run!
Toad: Wait, I got one last thing to say! All of you wondering why I get tortured by Peach, here’s some advice. Whatever you do, don’t drop out of college and ask a guy in a suit for a job, or you’ll end up like me!
Lord Crump: Dude, you just dissed yourself!
Toad: @#$&*&^%@*%@%*@*#&@$^&*^*$^%@^#*@^#*$*@^*&#^&^@$%$@*$$@^**@#^$*&!
Lord Crump: Interview over, for real dude!
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