YOU'RE PROBABLY A HILLBILLY IF
You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the drive-in theater.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low flying planes.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
You have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
The primary color of your car is bondo.
Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
Your home has more miles on it than a car.
You've ever been arrested for loitering.
The home shopping operator recognizes your voice.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
Your car's brake lights are covered with red tape.
Your mother has been in a cuss fight with the school principal.
You think a subdivision is a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You've ever been in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Your wife's hairdo attracts bees and has been caught in a ceiling fan.
The diploma on the wall is from the "Trucking Institute."
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Directions to your house include, "Turn off the paved road."
Your dog and wallet are both on chains.
You think your license plate is personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
You just bought an eight track tape player for you vehicle.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in your front yard.
Your porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than your car.
You amaze people when you flip out your false teeth.
Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
You think mud wrestling should be an olympic sport.
You list your parole officer as a reference.
There are more fish on your walls than pictures.
You can name everyone you graduated with.
You know what 4-H is.
Friday nights consists of standing in line for the one screen
theater to see a movie that came out six months ago.
You have senior skip day in high school.
You know all the vets carrying the flags in the parade.
The mini-mall has more stores than your home town.
You don't give directions by steet names or house numbers.
You call lunch dinner and dinner is supper.
You think a lobster is a crawfish on steroids.
You think Ground Hog Day is as important as Thanksgiving.
You name the four seasons as onion, mayo, mustard, and ketchup.
Your description of gourmet includes "deep fried."
Your Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after
saying, "Hey, ya'll watch this!"
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars in line behind a tractor.
You measure distance in minutes.
You refer to shopping carts as buggies.
You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
You refer to a carbonated soft drink as "pop."
Your house still has the wide load sign on the back.
You think possum is the other white meat.
Your hunting dog had its puppies in the living room and no one noticed.
You think the last words to "The Star Spangled Banner"
are "Gentlemen, start your engines" or either "Play ball."
You use the "pull my finger" trick to impress your girlfriend.
You think dual air bags refer to your wife and her mother.
You bring back more from the trash dump than you took to the dump.
You've ever used a toilet brush for a back scratcher.
You believe that beef jerky and "moon pies" are
among the major food groups.
You stare at an orange juice container because it says "Concentrate."
You think in order to have a bubble bath you must first eat beans.
You ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than a cat.
The local thrift store refuses to accept your mattress donation.
You think a quarter horse is the coin operated ride in front of stores.
You have a complete set of bowls that all say "Whipped Topping" on the side.
You have a can of pest spray on the kitchen table.
You return from the garbage dump with more than you took.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
E-I-E-I-O is how you spell farm.
You hit every deer you see with your truck and not by accident.
