Know Thy Self

There are three “stepping stones” in life.

As children, we start out as dependent. We can not live, without the total care and reliance on others. With time, we move into our next step of personal growth…independence. The final step of this process would be called, interdependent, which we will cover later. Lets go back now, and take a closer look at just what “personal independence”, may look like.

Independence would have the focus on the word “I”. Not, to be taken as an act of selfishness. But, used here, it would mean: I can do it; I am responsible; I am self-reliant; I can choose for myself and also, be completely responsible for that choice.

• Independent people will usually start their statements with the word “I”; and have the statement in reference to themselves. As dependent, has the focus on the word “you”…. what you need from others; what you want from others. All the power is dependent on the actions of others. Other people are in total control of your happiness; income; thoughts; and freedoms. -Dependent people will usually have statements in reference to others: “You”

Independence, has the focus on the word “I”. The “power and ability to answer” those same questions and needs….start to come from…within yourself. What a freeing feeling! To know and understand, how you can “do and get” these things for yourself. No longer are you at the mercy of others. A great sense of pride is felt, when you reach this area of growth, in your life. Stress is reduced; you may even feel a little lighter; find yourself smiling more often because….Now, you are free from dependency on others.

1. We start out, in life, as a dependent: complete reliance on others, to meet, our personal emotional and physical need/wants of happiness; contentment; income; and welfare.

2. Then, we move to the next step of independence: the ability, to meet and answer, our personal needs/wants, through our own efforts.

3. The last stage, in development, would be interdependence: combining two independent sources, for an even greater goal.

As healthy as, an independent person may become, with themselves; they can only reach so far, in the realms of satisfaction. Once this plateau is reached, although the view is beautiful and very freeing…they may want to share this, with someone other than, just themselves.

We all, have personal needs/wants that cannot be satisfied by looking only to ourselves. As we do live in a planet with many interesting, insightful people; who may also, enjoy our company. We  long for relationships. Two independent parties may find…the wanting of a family; spouse; partnership; friendship. This relationship will be based on mutual sharing of: the resources; the time; the energy. Due to both persons, wanting the experience. This differs greatly, from a co-dependent relationship, with someone. A co-dependent view would be having each person taking…from the other, what they personally lack. Relationship is sought after, to cover and/or fix, a personal issue of: love; acceptance; security; validity or self-worth. The actions would become based, on the expectancy of the other person, not from…free will.

• Interdependency is focused on sharing the experience …Co-dependency is focused on taking what we lack.

Now, that we understand what the three “personal growth stages” are, and also, the difference between a “interdependent relationship” and a “co-dependent” one. We may find ourselves reaching out for a healthier future, in our relations, with others and ourselves.

There have been so many questions of Co-dependency lately. I thought that now would be a good time to cover this subject, in it's entirety. Dependency can happen with just about anything. It expands beyond the relationships that we may have with others. Dependency can enter into a person's view of money, power or even, personal possessions. It can be described as, placing our worth (or) sense of self-satisfaction, in…an "out-side source."

Based on how well or unwell, this thing is doing; it effects the majority of that person. Drawing-in, from another source, what is wanted or needed. Hence the thought, of co-dependency being viewed, as a taking-relationship. Completely relying on, another person (or) thing, to give us, our sense of worth (or) self-satisfaction. (Having it, responsible for, our own personal issues.)

• Dependency, in relationships, has an agenda that goes beyond the typical universal need for love and affection that we all possess. The agenda: would be "seeking out" that relationship, to fix, an existing problem.

Sure, we all want to be loved and we all want to be accepted, by others. This is human nature and very natural. The difference between a healthy relationship and an unhealthy relationship, would be…thinking that it, would solve, any pre-existing problems at all. Healthy relationships are based on a shared experience. They both want it. They both enjoy it. They both offer something to it. They would both have their own personal issues addressed (or) covered, with themselves.

Yes, we all help out one-another, based on, wanting too because we care. But, when we start to do this, based only on the need (or) demand, of the other…that's the difference. And it is huge!