Blueberry

1. Flying isn't dangerous.  Crashing is what's dangerous.

2. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

3. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude.  No one has ever collided with the sky.

4. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival.  Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival - and vice versa.

5. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.

6. Every takeoff is optional.  Every landing is mandatory. 

7. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger.  If you pull the stick back, they get smaller.  That is, unless you keep pulling the stick back - then they get bigger again.

8. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool.  When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others.  You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

11. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of takeoffs you've made.

12. Good judgment comes from experience.   Unfortunately, experience usually come from bad judgment.

1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) or RTFM (read the fucking manual) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for ("You don't know that? RTFM").

2. WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!

3. When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your "creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.

4. Software and files offered online are often "compressed" so that they won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word e-mail responses like "Thanks."

5. Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like "SexyHousewivesI," then see how many people download it. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-ons.

6. cc: all your e-mail to Al Gore (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so that he can keep track of what's happening on the Internet.

7. Join a discussion group and tie whatever's being discussed back to an unrelated central theme. For instance, if you're in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct others to ignore you.