So I grew up in an Italian household. Sounds normal enough. But every culture and every family has little quirks that make them unique. Here are some silly little anecdotes from my childhood. Some make me laugh, some scarred me for life! Hopefully some of you reading them can relate.

The Missing Fish Eye!!!

Some people love Xmas time and the great dinners that usually occur during this festive holiday. Well, Xmas Eve sucked huge for me, because growing up Catholic meant one thing on Xmas Eve…..FISH!

Some Italian families enjoyed dishes of fried shrimp, or salmon, or some nice trout done in the oven. My Dad was a real picky eater. He thought most stuff like fried foods would make him sick or kill him. He also wasn’t adventurous. So I got to enjoy a whole fish dropped into a boiling pot of tomato sauce! Then this lovely, red, smelly goop was poured over pasta. Then the fish would be put on a plate….the same whole fish that went into the sauce….only one problem…..THE EYES WOULD BE MISSING!!! Where the &*^%*& did they go? I don’t even want to think about it. It freaked me out. Would I find a fish eyeball staring at me from the end of a rigatoni? Or did it melt, adding a nice helping of "eye juice" to the sauce?    F Me! Scarred me for life!

Shower? What shower?

We lived in a bungalow with a finished basement (what Italian didn’t?) We had a fully functional shower stall in the basement bathroom. I loved it. But after my Dad would come home from a hard day’s work, would he take a shower? No, of course not. He would proceed to wash every part of his body in the laundry room wash tub! Yep, stick one leg in….wash that…..stick the other leg in…..wash his face, his neck….his balls…..his ass…..all the while doing a contortionist act cuz the friggin thing was 3 feet off the ground! AND…he’d use that gross, giant yellow bar of soap that people use to scrub clothes with!! This stuff would take the balls off a rhino!! I guess he was years ahead of the whole exfoliating thing!

This is the same wash tub that at least once a year would be filled with cold water with a whole skinned rabbit soaking in it. It’s a miracle I didn’t become a serial killer!

Slippers

You HAD to wear slippers. Especially in the basement……or face getting "I RHEUMATISMI !!! (Rheumatism). Yes, these working class, off the boat immigrants were suddenly PHD’s and specialists. I wonder how many rheumatoid arthritis sufferers would have been cured by Zia Carmela’s knitted "tapini"!!!

Oh, and God forbid you washed your hair and went outside in the cold. INSTANT DEATH according to most Italian parents!

Sweating

Yes, I would get in shit for sweating! We’d go to these Italian weddings. You know the ones…..350 people that nobody knows. So all the kids would run around and be silly……as kids do. But man, if your parents saw you all hot and sweaty…." SIT DOWN, YOU’RE SWEATING!!!!" Gee, amazing how the body works….you get hot, you sweat, you cool off. I think sweating was second to masturbating on the list of things that were "bad for me".

These same weddings also saw the famous "arranciatta shirts". Yes, all the young boys would spill orange pop (arranciatta) on themselves. Guaranteed smack across the back of the head!!!

The Mallacchio!!!

Ah yes……the "evil eye". Some Italians (mostly Southern, go figure!) believed in this. If someone was envious of you or jealous or whatever…..they would "curse you". You’d get tired and feel ill, and you’d have to call someone who knew how to "break the spell" of the "mallocchio"!!!. Then you’d feel better. Sure, it’s bullshit. But once I felt like crap….very suddenly…after some friends came to see our new home. So I’m talking to my sister on the phone and mention it. Well, I guess she did her hocus pocus…..and SONUVABITCH I FELT BETTER!! I know….coincidence…..but hey……who knows!