I sit here alone, staring at my wrist, wondering why something called a watch has a face and hands, but no eyes. How does it "watch"? And they call me crazy! Sure, they think I sit around drooling a lot. They just don't realize I use plenty of salt when eating slugs. What do they know?

     Oops! It's 10:05! I should have started home two days ago. Where does the time go? I could ask my watch, but it doesn't have a mouth either. Still, it manages to "tell" the time. Interesting.

     I start to pedal my bike and get a burn from the spinning tires.

     "Turn it over, stupid," I scold myself! "Now turn it around. That's it!"

After a minute I'm on my way. The air on my face feels good. The branches on my face sting, and the swarms of gnats I ride through are just disgusting. I pedal on.      I kick at a dog watering a fire hydrant and my shoe flies off. Small children instantly appear from the darkness and make off with it. I smile, knowing the gum I stepped in earlier will once again bring pleasure to someone.      Up ahead I see the lamplight that marks the entrance to my street. I'm almost home. I start to whistle a happy tune when a girl in a blue-checked dress sics her dog on me. It bares its fangs and hurtles toward me like a black missile homing in on the smell of my fear. I'm about to do something embarassing when winged monkees swoop down from the sky and snatch the dog and the girl. I sigh in relief and think, "I'm not in Kansas anymore."       Home! I steer into my yard and crash into a tree. There may be better ways to stop, but after years of practice and the brain damage it brings, well, I can't think of any. I look around and once again enjoy the warm feeling of being home. And, after bidding farewell to another day, I climb into an old refrigerator and pull the door snug behind me.