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Eric Steps In
Tooting and Mitcham organiser Eric Ninja has overruled the signing of Robbie Earle after the former management team snapped up the ex-Jamaican international without current manager Rory Grant's consent. A Tooting and Mitcham arbitration decided that players signed by a third party were not welcome at his 6-a-side league and ruled in favour of the ginger one.
After two years of waiting, Robbie finally signed for the Terriers in a deal estimated to be worth a bottle of lucozade and a mars bar per game including bonuses, a deal which upset Rory who was unprepared to pick up the wage tab after current caretaker manager Aaron whitehead leaves.
Above: Robbie Earle vowed to "strike down" current manager Rory following this outrage.
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Earle of Croydon
Robbie Earle has finally agreed a deal which will see the former Wimbledon star join the Terriers after years of negotiation.
The news has not pleased all players however, as manager and ginja ninja Rory Grant hit out at the clubs aquisition without his consent.
"I am the manager now and my decision has been overruled" claimed the Ginger one "When I am back in charge, the players I pick will play. I go on holiday and come back to find my squad infiltrated with Robbie fucking Earle".
Earle will make his debut in the Division 3 opener next week.
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Earache
Ear Perforations Set To Rise As Whitehead Returns
The former Terriers goalkeeper/manager Aaron Whitehead admits the current results have been “embarrassing” will not continue upon his return to the team in January. One doctor claimed that “Ear damage within a 1-mile radius around Tooting and Mitcham will increase approxinmately” unless the Terriers buck up their ideas.
Despite relegation the Terriers have been on the wrong end of spankings as manager Rob Spiers appears to have completely lost the Terriers lead.
One player admitted; “Spiers don’t have a fucking clue!”
Daniel van der Molen made his return to the Terriers side as they were on the wrong end of a 6-0 battering on Monday. |
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Croydon Terriers: 1
Banstead: 2
It was the final curtain drawn on the Terriers as… oh who cares I don’t even run the team anymore |
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Banstead Preview
Aaron Whitehead will play his last ever game as Croydon Terriers manager before completing his switch to Winchester United against Banstead Casuals on Monday night.
The goalkeeper will be making his 100th appearance for the club in the 8th season for the club, since forming in 2004 and taking the team from division 4 to the top flight. However recent seasons have not been so successful, as the Terriers fell out of the top division and fell into mid-table mediocrity.
Rob Spiers takes over as manager, a decision which has seen an all time high on refunds for season tickets.
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Van Der Out
Daniel Van Der Molen has completed his transfer to Winchester United following a defeat at the hands of Soccer Town.
Daniel netted twice in his five appearances, both on his debut.
Above: Daniel will be remembered for his brace on his debut, but not much else |
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Terrier-able Run
Croydon Terriers: 1 Inter Mitcham: 7
Croydon Terriers: 4 Chase Athletic: 4
Croydon Terriers: 0 Soccer Town: 1
The Croydon Terriers continued their 3-match winless run with a poor performance against Soccer Town which would be Daniel Van Der Molens last ever game for the club.
Following a depleted squad at Inter Mitcham where the Terriers had to draft in 4 emergency loans, the team went on to play with just 5 men and hold out a draw against Chase Athletic. However Croydon were made to rue miss easy chances in the first half against Soccer Town as they were put to the sword with a fine strike with just 5 minutes to go. |
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"Kangol" delighted with winner
Manager Aaron and goal hero Dan have patched up their difference and
made best of friends following the wonder-strike match-winner from
"Kangol".
Tensions were rising after remarks made about Daniels brother Matt
after allegations he fraudulantly invested thousands of pounds into
ferret racing in the corperate scandal which rocked the finance world
(http:\\news.bbc.co.uk/matt-brand-ferret-scandal).
However everything worked out ok in the end. However if you have seen
Matt (pictured in previous articles) please phone crimestoppers now, or
visit www.crimestoppers.com/matt-brand-ferret-scandal
Above: Dan Brand expresses his delight at winning the game AND winning back a friendship
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Rory of Pain
Scans have revealed that joint top-scorer Rory “Ginja Ninja” will be out for up to three weeks.
He injured himself celebrating Dan Brands last minute winner against Rangers and will play no part in the clash with Soccer Town this Monday.
Above: The management team have been quick to deny that Rory's lay off is anything to do with his alleged attacks on Ross Kemp |
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Cash-back?
Cashel Bolster has vowed to return to the Terriers team after a bust up with the management team.
Bolster was left furious after Croydon were beaten on the last game of the previous season by Rangers 3-2, and has not featured so far in the lineups. However his agent Dan Van Der Molen has claimed that the striker wants to return.
“We recently spoke and all he could talk about was Kev and the Croydon Terriers” claimed the Dutch maestro.
Meanwhile DVD has confirmed his exit from the Terriers is impending as he plans to join Whitehead’s new Winchester United side in October. |
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Croydon Brand Rangers
Croydon Terriers: 5
Rangers: 4
Daniel Brand sealed the points with a stunning last minute effort from the half way line in a close encounter of the football kind.
Ginja Ninja grabbed an early goal from a tight angle for Croydon, but former Palace man Gareth Williams (to be confirmed, it’s either him or his twin) got an equaliser. Amin made his mark on the game grabbing goal number 2 before new captain Mike Sinton took his stunning strike well into the top corner for a 3-1 lead. But some defensive confusion with exit-bound keeper Whitehead and former captain Rob Spiers lead to a easy tap in for Rangers.
Williams made it 3-3 with a sublime finish from a tight angle seconds into the second half, but Amin completed his fine comeback with a great goal twisting up defenders and slotting home.
It was a night of ups and downs for keeper Aaron Whitehead, after some good saves, allowed a direct shot to wrong foot him just to his right. Kolinko style.
However it was Dan “the man who can” Brand who saved everyone’s blushes with probably goal of the season.
Above: Matthew Brand, brother of goal-hero Dan, understandably overjoyed with his brothers achievement |
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Michael Lines Up For Managerial Position
Croydon Terriers centre back Michael Sinton has emerged as a new
favourite to take over as manager pending the exit of current boss
Aaron.
Michael has cemented his place in the team despite linking himself with
Division One poachers Mags 7, and after a commanding display in the
Terriers XI 4-1 friendly loss to Wandsworth, has been named the
favourite candidate to take the hotseat.
However club-captain Robert Spiers has also made a U-turn decision and
decided to stay on, making himself another possible head coach.
Above: Michael on a disastrous run
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Dutch calls to "Go Out In Style"
Imported midfielder Daniel Van Der Molen has insisted he wants nothing
less than 1st place in the last ever season of the Croydon Terriers.
"We have to go out with a bang, grab another trophy, return to the glory days of 2004"
"Although I wasn't playing then, i saw the pictures, I watched the
news. I maybe wasn't there, but I often dream I was. Maybe now its time
to wake up and make that dream come true once more"
Above: DVD has not quite got over last seasons disappointments yet
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Terriers to Fold
Club captain Robert Spiers issued a statement:
"Following the tragic annoucement that this will be Aaron Whitehead's last
season in charge of the Terriers, the team have decided to liquidate at
the end of the season."
"As much as I'd love to play on, playing in the Terriers without Whitehead would be as comfortable as sleeping with my brother"
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Godbold Rejects Move
James "God" Godbold has turned down a switch back to his former club.
Negotiations were thrashed out for hours but the former defender
decided it best not to return to the club where he made his name as a
sturdy centre back.
Godbold insisted the move was not motivated by money, but by health worries:
"I don't want to come back with all these expectations on my shoulders.
I had a great time at the Terriers previously. I'd rather remember
those times than the torrid ones they are going through now with that
useless tit Dan Brand at the back."
"I have enough worries right now, and playing alongside him will probably give me an aneurysm"
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Terriers Defeated on Last Game
Croydon Terriers: 2
Wandsworth: 3
The Terriers rounded up a relatively poor season with a fight against runners up Wandsworth.
The games only real talking point was Cash Bolsters decision to quit
the Terriers following a bust up with the management at Croydon
Above: Bolster and Whitehead scuffle over alleged remarks about Theo Walcott
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Big Whitehead Out For Season
"Uncle" Tony Whitehead has been ruled out for the rest of the season.
Nothing more to say. I'm too upset.
Tenacious Tony Gets Stuck In |
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Terriers Leashed
Croydon Terriers: 2
Rangers: 3
Another season, another bitter disappointment on the front of the
Croydon Terriers as they suffered defeat at the hands of third placed
Rangers 3 goals to 2.
The days of beating AFC Fulham 5-4, winning against Hurricane on the
last game of the season 5-3, clinching a win vs Deans Blinds after
being 3-0 down at half time and the 13-3 stonking of Chameleon seem
long gone along with the once full of passion Terriers. Many blame this
on the departure of Defender James Godbold, whom of which it is
believed manager Aaron is desperately attempting to bring back to the
club.
Meanwhile ever-present striker Cashel Bolster, who has just one goal
this season, has admitted it may be time for him to give someone else a
chance and has suggested he may end his season early.
Above: Unconsolible Aaron rues his sides missed chances for promotion
Above: A return for James Godbold may seem some passion reinstalled
Above: Cashel beginning to show wear and tear
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Spiers Blasts Aar-ogance
TERRIERS CAPTAIN ROBERT SPIERS has lashed out at his goalkeeper Aaron Whitehead for his big-headed remarks as of late.
"He has been shit for about 7 seasons, and he has about 3 semi decent
games and he lavishes himself with praise and self worship?"
"If only his performances were as big as his ego"
Terriers captain Robert Spiers probably made these remarks in light
that he has been stripped of his captaincy and nowerdays struggles to
even get himself in the first team.
"He probably pays to play, in all honesty" claimed an unnamed favourite.
Above: Daniel Brand. Not saying it was him who said Rob was useless or anything.
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Whitehead Declares "Must Win Monday"
Croydon Terriers vs Rangers preview
Croydon have been dealt with a massive blow - Daniel Van Der Molen has
not recovered from depression following Holland's dramatic exit from
the World Cup, and will play no part of tonights clash.
However the good news - Aaron Whitehead has overcome a hand injury and
will continue to create a sanctuary around his net. The Terriers
'keeper has been in outstanding form this season, with left winger
Daniel Brand claiming it is the best he has ever seen from Wiley
Whitehead.
"Uncle" Tony continues to be OK on the fitness front, whilst Amin could
be handed the captains armband for tonight as he leads the line up
front.
Above: A dip in form is over-due for Super Stopper Aaron Whitehead
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Markus in Banstead Switch?
Terriers reserve Goalkeeper Markus has been in talks with a switch to Banstead, it was rumoured yesterday.
Croydon have played both their games against Banstead and are keen to
help them out in their player crisis against their rivals, and have
offered Markus and possibly Michael Sinton in a loan deal.
Above: Markus has become a cult hero at Croydon
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Terriers Lead Throw Away
Croydon Terriers: 2
Eastfields: 2
A 2-0 lead was wasted by a terrible second half performance as the Terriers were put to the sword in a close encounter.
The first half seemed extremely comfortable for Whitehead's men,
passing the ball around confidently and defending valiantly. But after
Croydon scored their second, defending became illegal and the
magnificant goalkeeper was called into play, producing the performance
of his Terriers career.
Before the game Amin had critisised the lateness of Whiteheads
trans-formation from 2-2-1 to 1-3-1 after the affect was felt in
Croydons destruction of Banstead. Again tonight it proved to be a
impressive formula, but after the game Whitehead blasted his sides
"Sexy Football" obsession.
The ref was once again critisised for a terrible show, failing to give
Croydon THREE clear cut penalties as Amin prooved too much of a handful
for Eastfields to contain. He was slid down whilst one on one with the
keeper, but the ref seemed coy with his cards and kept them in his
pocket.
It now leaves Croydon in a very difficult position in regards to
promotion, lying in 4th place making their clash against Rangers a
vital one.
Above: The Terriers lead has gone missing
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Terriers Take On Eastfields
In the build up to what has been described as "Game of the Season",
in-form 3rd place Croydon Terriers will take on 2nd place Eastfields in
a crunch match that could decide who is promoted this season.
An earlier clash this season saw Eastfields edge it 3-2, however the
Terriers have been gifted news that Dutch Dan is back in action, with
"Uncle" Tony back in the heart of defence. Whitehead is likely to name
an unchanged formation from the side that whalloped Banstead 5-1,
whilst Eastfields have come off the back of a shock 4-0 defeat to
Rangers.
Above: Midfield maestro Daniel Van Der Molen (DVD) was massively disappointed not to make the Banstead game
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"Amin Too Greedy" Claims Bolster
Cashel Bolster has launched a scathing attack on fellow striker Amin
following last weeks match, blaming his lack of goals on the forwards
ability to pass. The fleet-footed finisher blasted; "He is too selfish,
he does not play as a team player and is costing me goals."
"If i were upfront with Michael, i would have got double figures by now".
Players have been quick defend the top scorer who has over 60 goals to
his name, with captain Rob Spiers laughing off claims Amin would be
dropped in favour of Cashman. Cashel's praise for Michael Whitehead
backfired in style as the 16 year old centre forward vowed to take his
place in the team alongside Amin, claiming the bald headed one is an
integral part of the squad.
Rumours now have started amassing that Cashel will break off and form
his own team, taking Daniel Van Der Molen with him, whilst also being
linked with ex-terrier stopper James Godbold, Peter Crouch addict Kenny
Benson and "Slam" Duncan Garrett.
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Godbold: "I Won't Rule Out Return"
It was meant to be a message of congratulations from former
goalkeeper/defender James Godbold following the Terriers fine victory
over Banstead, but instead it has fuelled a mass media frezy regarding
the possible comeback of one of Croydon Terriers most capped players.
Above: Godbold racked up many appearances and was a favourite amonst players.
"It was a great result for the Terriers, I'm really chuffed" claimed
the ex-stopper. "Can they go on and get a trophy? For sure."
"Sometimes i do" (wear the Terriers shirt) "I run around my bedroom and
celebrate infront of thousands of imaginary fans. Maybe one day i'd
like to pull on that Terriers jersey one last time for real. Who can
say? Certainly stranger things have happened. Cashel got 7 goals the
other week."
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Michael Linked With Sevens
Libby Schutz Reports
New signing Michael looks almost certain to join Division One table
toppers Magnificiant Seven in a move which has shocked and clearly
disturbed players and fans alike.
Since joining from Trimmers Trotters on a free, Michael has been a cult
hero as a sweeper striker, nabbing one against his former suitors
earlier this season. However Eric let slip that the Ljungberg lookalike
could be on his way out. Stay tuned for developments on this shocking
report.
Above: A appreciation society set up by Markus aims to persuade the bald one not to leave.
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Amin-t Victory
Croydon Terriers: 5
Banstead: 1
A sensational result to reverse that of earlier this season from a
merely effecient performance gave the Terriers some hope of clinching
promotion following a superb Amin hattrick, following on from a long
range effort from young Argentinian striker Mikael Whitehead and a
fantastic off-the-post finish from captain Robert Spiers.
Sicktone Tony Whitehead made a return whilst Aaron Whitehead kept a
rarely troubled goal, with a penalty which he conceeded the only
effort on target in the first half to leave it 2-1. The second half
started well for Banstead who piled the pressure on, but just couldn't
put the ball on target. The Banstead keeper had came out to allow their
legendary manager a stint in goal, but showed his class with a string
of superb stops.
Although Banstead hadn't played badly they didn't do enough infront of
goal as Croydon defended and attacked in good units. This report
was a bit too serious compared to usual, so here's a stupid animation
of Robin Van Persie to detract us back to our usual style of journalism.
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Tony Back?
Tony Whitehead has made a surprise recovery and has been passed fit for
the clash ahead of Banstead Casuals on Monday. This leaves a selection
headache for the manager as the team have two players too many.
Above: Tony Whitehead's return from injury has come a long way
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Croydon Confident Ahead of Banstead Clash
Terriers captain Robert Spiers has said there is no excuse for failure
to beat Banstead - even if erractic defender Daniel Brand makes the
squad. Spiers has been angry at Brand ever since he was pipped to
player of the season by the mini maestro, but both players have failed
to stand up to the stunning success of shot-stopper Aaron Whitehead,
who is yet to suffer defeat since April whilst playing for the Terriers.
Daniel Van Der Molen is expected to make a return to the team, whilst
there are rumours long term absentee Tony Whitehead will come back into
the side, with fiery son Michael to follow.
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Soccer Stopped
Croydon Terriers: 2
Soccer Town: 1
An outstanding comeback from Aaron Whitehead gave the Croydon Terriers
some hope of promotion after emulating a brick wall in an astonishing
performance.
Above: Whitehead blocks another one-on-one
Both keepers were worked hard and had to be on hand but it was Soccer
Town who nicked the lead after some confusion at the back between the
two dans allowed Town a chance to slot home a rebounded save from
Whitehead. The Terriers stole two goals in speedy fashion, which
ensured a stalemate form there on with both keepers refusing to be
beaten.
Amin and Cashel slotted home the goals to give the Croydon Terriers their win.
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Terriers Gifted Whitehead Return
The Croydon Terriers dismal run of three defeats sees the return of
fans-favourite superstar goalkeeper Aaron Whitehead back into the
frame, despite an encouraging performance by stand-in Markus.
Above: Another super stop
Also returning into the fold is Dutch dazzler Daniel Van Der Molen who
confirmed his permanent signing to the club last week after an
emotional plee from the fans.
Above: Van Der Molen, stunned by his ommission from world cup squad, wants to prove his place for Euro 2008
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Trotters Trimmed
Croydon Terriers: 6
Trimmers Trotters: 3
Croydon Terriers opened their season well with a convincing victory.
Amin, who had been heaviliy critisised by fellow striker Michael
Whitehead following his goal drought answered him with a fine hattrick,
whilst Cashel, Dutch Dan and Kangol opened their accounts. Keeper Aaron
Whitehead was in immaculate form, deciding him in goal was an unfair
advantage and swapped with Dan Brand to show himself out on pitch.
However this was when disaster hit, and Brand conceeded straight away,
bringing shame to himself and his team.
Man of the Match: Amin
Dan of the Match: Tough one, now was have two dans.
Goal of the Match: Amin's drag back to slide home, late first half
Save of the Match: Judges are still deciding the top ten to be released on DVD
Above: Instead of the Match Ball, Amin got a horse for his Hat-Trick
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Spiers Furious At P.O.T.S Award
Robert Spiers has expressed his extreme anger at being overlooked for player of the season.
The Terriers Utility man was caught leaving the Terriers training
ground early, refusing to comment but leaving us with this chilling
image of his dispear
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Awards for the Season
Dan Brand collected managers player of the season for the second time,
whilst Cashel Bolster finished top scorer with princely sum of 6. Dan
Brand also tapped up goal of the season and runner up goal of the
season with his cracker from the half way line to save our blushes
against Rangers falling behind only to a superb piece of teamwork to
open the scoring in the victory against Trimmers Trotters.
Above: Jackie Hackett, overwhelmed at her sons honour
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Bright Finish
The Croydon Terriers finished the end of the season with some style
after back-to-back wins allowed them to finish 3rd after being bottom
half way through the season.
New signing DUTCH DAN made his mark with a double in a 5-3 victory over
Trimmers Trotters, with Michael "Andy" Sinton getting a great goal
against his old club.
Above: Michael can barely contain his delight after bagging a goal against the club that released him
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Croydon Cash-In
Croydon Terriers: 6
Triangle: 2
Cashel Bolster scored two and everyone else got one for the Terriers first win of the season. Former midfielder Duncan Garrett claimed he wanted to phone up and congratulate his friend and former partner Cashel for his goals whilst watching the game live on Eurosport, only to reemmber after two rings Cashel couldn't answer as he was playing |
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Richard Dyer-ing to come back
Former player of the season and Terriers captain Richard Dyer is to
make his comeback to the Croydon Terriers after a lengthy spell out.
His brother Gary will join him.
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Two Stars Return
Croydon Terriers have managed to get back two of their stars for next season.
This year meant the Terriers pretty much had to play with a different
team every week, but portuguese under-21 international José Fernandez
and prolific striker Cashel Bolster have returned to the squad for the
forthcoming season.
Above: Two legends back at last
Losing 7-3 to the champions, with 3 injured players, a defender in
goal, a keeper on pitch and a referee who doesn't know football from
rugby, not bad. At least we get another trophy next season |
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Relegated
Help we got relegated.
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Sad Day For 6-Aside
Croydon Terriers fierce rivals Hurricane have dropped out, making next season in division 2 pretty dull.
Whats on the floor think they're our rivals but they're not.
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Croydon Cruise to Victory
Seemingly already relegated Croydon Terriers added some spice to the
tale by gaining a 3-0 advantage over Bantead. Banstead took one look at
Ginga Ninja Rory and decided it wasn't worth the risk losing more than
3-0.
It now adds massively calculation complications to the story, Meaning
still 4 teams can go down between Whats on the Floor, Soccer Town,
Banstead and Croydon Terriers.
Above: Kevin Dyer wouldn't comment on his old clubs success
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Makeshift Terriers Almost Hold Other-CHampions
A game of fifa street soccer finished 5-3 to former champions Elite,
with Terriers forming another makeshift side but almost holding out.
Half time saw Terriers reduced to 5 men after Kangol went home with
shin splints (sho'nuff). 15 year old striker Michael Whitehead bemoaned
"WHAT A FLAN FACED PRICK" no need. Ginga Ninja Rory, Goalkeeper Francis
and painter/striker Lee were all missing. The Terriers now need 2 wins
form their last 3, as a minimum, and hope some sort of mathematical
miracle takes place in order to stay up in what has been declared as
their last season due to my dad being deposited in the bin.
natalie bull is a dadwars
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Terriers narrowly lose out to champions
Croydon Terriers: 1
Mitcham Town: 2
Ginga Ninja Rory grabbed his first goal for the team as the Terriers
took on the champions Mitcham Town in a farciacal match. Mitcham were
awarded a jokersboners penalty after stand-in Terriers keeper was
adjudged to have come out of his area, despite mobile phone replays
clearly showing he wasn't. On top of that decisions were all over the
gaff, with Mitcham bringing down the Ginga Ninja when he was the last
man with a sliding tackle, with nothing being shown.
The game could have been drawn level if not for a amazing save in the
dying minutes from Mitcham Town keeper, and if AW had saved a pretty
tame second goal it could have been points shared.
JOKERSBONERS
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So it seems only update this when we win
A brace from 15 year old Mike Whitehead was the difference as Terriers
came out 2-0 winners against a skillful Soccer Town. Conditions were
worse than the terms Biggers release, but there was still plenty of
slick moves from both sides. The win means Terriers draw level on
points with their opponants and relegation rivals Banstead.
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Just incase you forgot
O hey whats on the floor whats happenin'
Won with a game in hand shh
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Starlet Grounded
Young striker Michael Whitehead who got his first goal last week will miss tomorrows night as he is grounded.
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Terriers Fail in CroyCorp Swoop
Croydon Terriers failed to sign Croydon Corperation star Carl, who has
been struggling to make his way into his current side. Assistant
manager Daniel Brand tried to woo the striker with doughnuts and women,
but he could not be tempted. "Rather perish" was the words of Carl, 19,
who was a hopeful for the lineup against Whats On The Floor for Monday
night.
Above: Daniel Brand's vain attempts to snatch Carl just aren't working
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Ban Stead
Ban Jon Stead
Croydon Terriers: 5
Banstead Casuals: 0
The Terriers finally beat Banstead, who previously humiliated them 10-1
and 5-1, putting out a solid performance. The first win for the
Terriers has come long awaited, with 15 year old striker MW opening his
account with a powerhouse finish. For once Brand actually managed to
defend giving goalie AW kept his first clean sheet, whilst the third
Whitehead almost suffered nosebleeds with his late dashes into the
area. Spiers continued his filthy play wiping out everything in view,
and Dave done ok i guess with 4 goals.
http://www.musarium.com/naval/GRAPHICS/scared_skinhead_eyes.JPG
^ Link above.... The legendary and James Godbold favourite Banstead goalkeeper wants his place in the team back. ^
For the first time since the glory hay-days, the Terriers got a
consistant team together from the previous week and hope to continue
that, along with their climb out of the relegation zone, by beating
Whats on the Floor next week. 2 wins in a row? Why not ask for another
clean sheet by butterfingers whilst we're at it?
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Preview: Terriers vs Champions
The Terriers will take on Mitcham Town on monday with two new players.
Last weeks new keeper did enough to impress and replaces injured
Whitehead, along with a new mystery striker. Godbold, Benson, and the
two Dyers have gone AWOL and won't be returning to the squad. Little
Michael Whitehead looks to start along with his pops, and top scorer
Rob Spiers with linesman Brand continue in the team.
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No Passion, No Pride
Croydon Terriers were mauled 4-1 by Soccer Town, with just 2 regulars
turning up. Disgraceful turnout saw Godbold, Benson, and the Dyers
among the absentees showing no commitment to the cause meant the
Terriers had to snap up a new keeper, pushing regular stopper outfield
where he struggled immensely to make any impact. Ironically it was he
who had the Terriers first chance on goal, well saved by Soccer Town
goalie Ryan Reynolds (lookalike).
Terriers Replacement keeper was on outstanding form, impressing on his
debut, whilst Rob Spiers clinched his 3rd of the season. Dan Brand came
close, but again showed he can finish like paula radcliffe.
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Delayed Match Played Tonight
Last weeks postponed match vs Soccer Town will be played tonight, with
the Terriers still in selection crisis. Godbold and Benson have gone
AWOL, Dave Catheral lost his toenail, and Uncle Tony has taken a knock. Returning to the squad are the Dyer brothers.
Above: Craig, still absent
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Preview - Banstead
Croydon Terriers go to Banstead with an abysmal record, two losses in two games, losing 10-1 in the cup and 5-1 in the league. But news gets even better, star defender Tony Whitehead will miss the game along with impressive 15 year old whizzkid Michael, along with AWOL Dave Catheral, whilst last weeks absentee's Godbold (personal), Benson (Bruise) and the Dyer brothers (Excuses) could return.
 
The game could however, be delayed for bank holiday. FINGERS CROSSED
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Absentee Players, Absent Minds
The Croydon Terriers lost their first game of the season for the first
time ever, as a piss-poor turnout from players meant the Terriers had
to form a make-shift side to take on Unbeaten Searles Superheroes.
Five first teamers missed the game from one excuse to another, meaning
15 year old striker Michael Whitehead was to make his debut, along with
James Burree at the back. The side done well to hold off Superheroes,
even taking the lead 1-0 after Robert Spiers powered home an excellent
piece of play. Michael was creative up front and formed a good
partnership with Spiers, with Brand, Burree and Tony Whitehead forming
a good first half defence. But as the game went on, players began to
tire and three goals quickly conceeded tolled up to an 8-2 scoreline
(despite what the tables say).
So to all those who couldn't be fucked to show up, cheers pals, and to
those with a bit more heart, why did you even bother showing YOU SHOULD
HAVE MADE EXCUSES AND NOT TURNED UP
only joking; morrison just resigned for palace
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New Season Begins Tonight!
Croydon Terriers kick off their second season in Division One, playing
fellow former Division Three champions Searles Superheroes.
Above: Searles Superheroes celebrat winning Division 3
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Croydon Terriers Survive On Final Day
The Croydon Terriers came from 2 down to win 4-2 against Galacticos on
the last day of the season, sending them down along with rivals
Hurricane.
Not only that, Hurricanes loss means that Magnificant Seven don't win the league
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SAME OLD FREEWEBS
Always deleting things and then changing the password
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Who is Travis Fenandes?
24th May 2005
After not even bothering to turn up to the game last night, everybody is asking that question: Who is Travis Fenandes? Noone seems to know. If you know who he is, email matthewbrand@hotmail.co.uk |
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King Ineligible, DJ Dave Grounded
24th May 2005
Last night, it was discovered that neither Joliene King nor DJ Dave Roberts could participate in last night's defeat against Soccer Town. It was not known until last night that women cannot play in the league and therefore Joliene King was ineligible to play. DJ Dave could also not play but this among other rumours was because his mum had grounded him probably for more incestral acts. Others rumours suggested DJ "Dangerous" Dave has been tracked down by the police and once again locked up. It is still to be seen whether DJ Dave ever makes his Terriers debut. |
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Result: Terriers 4-5 Soccer Town
24th May 2005
Monday Division One
Terriers 4-5 Soccer Town
Goalscorer(s): R. Spiers (1); K. Benson (1); Drew (2)
C.T.'s Man of the Match: Drew
Match Report to Follow Shortly |
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Tonight's Game: Final Team Lineup
24th May 2005
Final Team Lineup:
GK: A. Whitehead
DR: J. Godbold
DL: G. Dyer
DMC: R. Spiers
FC: Drew
FC: K. Benson
Substitute(s): R. Dyer |
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Terriers to Wear Pink
23rd May 2005
There is set to be a change in the colour of the team kit tonight. The traditional blue kit is being replaced by a pink kit. This action made by Whitehead is said to be another response to recent poor team performances. Whitehead is noted to have said "If these players play like poofs and fairies, they ought to look like it!". Dan Brand has reacted to this news and said he would reconsider his Terriers' career unless the kit is changed back for when he is expected to return in a weeks' time. |
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Banana Boots Benson
23rd May 2005
If Kenny Benson makes an appearance tonight, you will notice that he is wearing yellow boots. Manager Aaron Whitehead has decided to take this action. He is said to be furious with recent performances and is especially angry over Benson's poor finishing in last week's game versus Whats On The Floor. Benson is obviously not happy about the punishment but is hoping that future performances will help redeem him. |
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DJ Dave and Joliene King on Trial
23rd May 2005
There will be three new players playing for the Terriers tonight. Along with Travis Fenandes, Joliene King and DJ Dave Roberts will be on trial. Joliene King who is the first female to play for Croydon Terriers is reknowned for her skills on the pitch. Manager Aaron Whitehead to said to be privileged that Joliene has offered to play. Along with Joliene, DJ Dave Roberts will be also making his debut. You will have probably have heard of DJ Dave before. He has in recent months been in the press for his incestral acts upon his then 14 year old sister. He has always said what he did was natural but the judge did not see it this way. He was found gulity of molestation of a minor and was sentenced to 12 years imprisonment. DJ Dave escaped from HM Prison Belmarsh after 2 months and is a fugitive. Whitehead decided to put DJ Dave in the side because "I felt sorry for him.". Both players are at the moment on trial until further notice.
 
Above (Left): DJ Dave Roberts
Above (Right): Joliene King |
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Colombian Keeper to Make Terriers Debut
23rd May 2005
Colombian keeper Travis Fenandes is set to make his Croydon Terriers tonight against Soccer Town after being signed by team manager Aaron Whitehead from AFC Bastardlona back in his native country. Whitehead feels he ought to not be compromising his role as team manager along with playing week after week. He feels that signing a new keeper will allow him to concentrate wholly on his managerial role and get the team back to winning ways. Whitehead though has insisted that Fenandes is on trial and must prove himself. Whitehead said "Fenandes is an illegal immigrant but this does not stop me from putting him straight into the team. Obviously if immigration find out about this, Fenandes will have to go but I will not worry about this until the obstacle arises."
Above: Keeper Travis Fenandes |
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Tonight's Game: Provisional Team Lineup
23rd May 2005
Here is the provisional team lineup for tonight's game: Terriers v Soccer Town (Starts 8.45pm)
GK: T. Fenandes
DL: J. King
DR: G. Dyer
ML: DJ Dave
MR: R. Dyer
FC: Drew
Substitute(s): K. Benson; J. Godbold; R. Spiers
Notes:
J. King makes Terriers debut in place of R. Spiers who is dropped to the bench
T. Fenandes makes Terriers debut in place of A. Whitehead who is dropped from the squad
DJ Dave makes Terriers debut in place of K. Benson who is dropped to the bench
G. Dyer replaces Godbold who is dropped to the bench |
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Benson Aiming to Retain Position as First Team Player
20th May 2005
Edited on: 21st May 2005
Kenny Benson said yesterday that he is willing to fight to retain his place in the Terriers first team selection. Benson is quoted as saying "I'm top dog now!". He went on to suggest Craig Burrows and Drew have to be at their best to be selected in front of him. Whitehead's reaction to this breaking story is not known yet but it has been suggested in local press that he is very happy with the strikers attitude. |
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Match Report: Terriers 3-6 Whats On The Floor
17th May 2005
Last night Croydon Terriers succumbed to a 6-3 defeat at the hands of Whats On The Floor despite a good performance at Imperial Fields.
The first goal scored on the night was by Whats On The Floor. This goal was scored by a simple mistake in the Terrier's backline(CT 0-1 WOTF). The second goal was a Whats On The Floor free-kick. An unmarked player picked up the ball and drilled it low under Whitehead. The keeper didn't have a chance (CT 0-2 WOTF). Whats On The Floor almost extended their lead but thanks to the crossbar, the score remained at 2-0 for the time being. This lead was however extended not long after when a cracking medium range shot swerved in. (CT 0-3 WOTF). Any other team at this point would have cracked but the team held together and managed to claw a goal back. (CT 1-3 WOTF). Could this have been a revival of fortunes. Don't joke. Not too long after, the Terriers conceded yet another goal and Whats On The Floor reclaimed a 3 goal cushion (CT 1-4 WOTF). Something miraculous then happened. The Terriers managed to slot home 2 goals and the match was alive again. (CT 3-4 WOTF). The game was nearly all square when Benson hit the post. Would the terriers go on and claim a point or even 3?. Don't be silly! Richard Dyer made a foolish mistake which even Dan Brand wouldn't even make (well thinking again, Brand does it every match). Dyer managed to give the ball away on the edge of the box for the second time in the game. A Whats On The Floor player managed to slot home yet another goal (CT 3-5 WOTF). Whats On The Floor killed off the game late on when one of their strikers was unmarked, picked his spot and with all the time in the world, scored. The final score was Terriers 3-6 Whats On The Floor. Not only was this disappointment. Godbold, managed to get himself injured just before the final whistle went. He and Drew though were easily the best players in the Croydon Terriers side. Frankly, Whitehead was more of a hinderance that a help and as for Spiers, he appeared to be on a different wavelength to his team-mates up front with him being unable to connect with the forwards.
C.T.'s Man of the Match: Drew
Save of the Match: The Whats On The Floor goalkeeper made a great stop early on against Drew's goalbound low drive through the rain.
Shot of the Match: Whats On The Floor's 3rd goal |
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Result: Terriers 3-6 Whats On The Floor
17th May 2005
Monday Division One
Terriers 3-6 Whats On The Floor
Match Report to Follow Shortly |
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Tonight's Game: Provisional Team Lineup
16th May 2005
Here is the provisional team lineup for tonight's game: Terriers v Whats On The Floor (Starts 8pm)
GK: A. Whitehead
DR: J. Godbold
DL: R. Dyer
DMC: R. Spiers
FC: Drew
FC: K. Benson
Substitute(s): G. Dyer |
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Interested in Joining the Terriers? WEEL YOU CAN'T SAYS MANAGER
14th May 2005
Do you want to play football in your spare time?
Do you have a talent for football?
Do you live in Morden or in the surroundings area?
Do you want to be part of a team?
Are you reliable and hardworking?
If the answers to all of these questions are yes then email or instant message either player-manager Aaron Whitehead (mrfenandes@hotmail.com) or Matt Brand (matthewbrand@hotmail.co.uk)
Matt Brand attempts to be a scout
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Brand to Miss Next League Game
11th May 2005
Terrier's Player-Assistant Manager Daniel Brand is scheduled to miss next Monday's game against Whats On The Floor. The reason for his absence is because he and his girlfriend are off on a weeks' holiday to Majorca. This would prove to be a dilemma for manager Aaron Whitehead who sees Brand as an indispensible player to the club. Whitehead is quoted as saying, "Brand must get his priorities right" and also denied rumours that a secret meeting could be being held between Brand, his agent and FC Barcelona who are wanting his signature.
Above: Star player Brand |
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Robbie Earle to Join Croydon Terriers?
11th May 2005
There has been mounting speculation this week that former Wimbledon captain Robbie Earle could be on the brink of joining the Terriers. The ITV Sport pundit Earle is currently in a contract dispute which means that he will not be eligible to play against old division two rivals Whats On The Floor next Monday night.
 
Above (Left): Earle in his playing days at Wimbledon
Above (Right): Earle in his broadcasting role |
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Solid Start in New Campaign
11th May 2005
Following the outrageous celebrations in the last game of last season, the Terriers continued their success by winning again in a 3-0 triumph against Banstead. This was only a default result since Banstead did not turn up for this much anticipated fixture. Even so this was sweet revenge against a Banstead side whom thrashed the Terriers 11-1 in last year's cup competition. The lack of squad members explains that disastrous defeat. |
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