* my favourites
*If an insane person doesn't know he's insane, how does a sane person know he's sane?
~ Shayna
*Life is too important to be taken seriously."-Oscar Wilde
*Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
~Janis Joplin
*"We are the people our parents warned us about."-Bumper sticker
*"Never trust a doctor whose office plants are dying"-Erma Bombeck
"You can't have everything...Where would you put it?"-Stephen Wright
*You see things and say, 'Why?", but I dream things and say, 'Why not?
George Bernard Shaw
* My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected.
Anna M. Uhlich
* It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Erma Bombeck
Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision
just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.
Joel Barker
* It may be that those who do most, dream most.
Stephen Butler Leacock
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
- Albert Einstein
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down.
- Brian Weir
Keep away from people who try to belittle your
ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you
feel that you, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
He who asks a question may be a fool for five minutes, but he who never asks a question remains a fool forever.
- Tom J. Connelly
When one door closes, another opens. But we often
look so regretfully upon the closed door that we don't see the one that
has opened for us.
- Alexander Graham Bell
If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
- unknown
The best things in life aren't things.
- Art Buchwald
The best way to predict your future is to create it.
- unknown
It is better to bind your children to you by a feeling of respect and by gentleness, than by fear.
- Terence
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.
- Harold Hulbert
A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.
- Thomas Szasz
Your family and your love must be cultivated like
a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to
keep any relationship flourishing and growing.
- Kim Rohn
Take care of the earth and she will take care of you.
- unknown
What is the good of having a nice house without a decent planet to put it on?
- Henry David Thoreau
**We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We
say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why
some are afraid when told they are loved.
- unknown
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Ann Landers
Each time someone stands up for an ideal, or acts
to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he
sends forth a tiny ripple of hope.
- Robert F. Kennedy
Every time we open our mouths, men look into our minds.
- unknown
The function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.
- Ralph Nader
Let's not just transform those in need, we can also find ways to help transform those in power.
-unknown
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard
You really can change the world if you care enough.
- Marion Wright Edelman
Tell me and I forget; show me and I remember; involve me and I understand.
- unknown
The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.
- William Arthur Ward
I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day;
I'd rather have one walk beside me than merely point the way.
- David O. McKay
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- unknown
We should never permit ourselves to do anything that we are not willing to see our children do.
- Brigham Young
The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but reveal to them their own.
- Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
- Matthew 5:15 (see also v.14- 16)
The shell must break before the bird can fly.
- Tennyson
Everyone is shy --- it is the inborn modesty that
makes us able to live in harmony with other creatures and our fellows.
Achievement comes not by denying shyness but, occasionally, by setting
it aside and letting pride and perspiration come first.
- Kirkpatrick Sale
When you're worried, tell yourself the truth: Shyness is a strength to build on, not a character flaw to be stamped out.
- ``Shyness Is Not A Character Flaw" at the Malvern School
Shy and proud men are more liable than any others
to fall into the hands of parasites and creatures of low character. For
in the intimacies which are formed by shy men, they do not choose, but
are chosen.
- Sir Henry Taylor
Example sheds a genial ray which men are apt to borrow,
so first improve yourself today, and then your friends tomorrow.
- unknown
The time is always right to do what is right.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
The moment we begin to fear the opinons of others
and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of
policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and
life no longer flow into our souls.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton
|
Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.
- André Dubus |
The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.
- Lady Bird Johnson
The bashful are always aggressive at heart.
- Charles Horton Cooley
The shy man does have some
slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is
able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens
other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon
the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence,
depressed and nervous.
- Jerome K. Jerome
Some make it happen, some watch it happen, and some say, "What happened?"
- unknown
We will find only what we look for, nothing more and nothing less.
- unknown
What you see depends mainly upon what you look for. - unknown
Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
- Japanese Proverb
Now is the time. Needs are great, but your possibilities are greater.
- Bill Blackman
True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.
- Brigham Young
I'd rather be right than President.
- Henry Clay
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
- F.M. Hubbard
Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
- Walter Anderson
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil.
- Max Lerner
No
man is justified in doing evil on the ground of
expedience. - Theodore
Roosevelt
Science may have
found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst
of them all -- the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.
- Albert Einstein
The only good is knowledge, and the only evil is ignorance.
- Diogenes Laertius
The world is a
dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but
because of the people who dont do anything about it.
- Albert Einstein
There can be hope only for a society which acts as one big family, not as many separate ones.
- Anwar el Sadat
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.
- Irish proverb
Either men will learn to live like brothers, or they will die like beasts.
- Max Lerner.
We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
--Martin Luther King
Remember sadness is always temporary. This, too, shall pass.
--Chuck T. Falcon
He who has hope has everything.
--Arabian Proverb
Trials give you strength, sorrows give understanding and wisdom.
--Chuck T. Falcon
For hope is but the dream of those that wake.
--Matthew Prior
Hope is grief’s best music.
--unknown
Fall seven times, stand up eight.
--Japanese proverb
When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"
--Sydney J. Harris
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
--Soren Kierkegaard.
Hope is like a bird that senses the dawn and carefully starts to sing while it is still dark.
--unknown
The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.
- unknown
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
- Margaret Mead
Luck is when opportunity knocks, and you answer.
- unknown
Destiny is not a matter of chance but of choice. Not something to wish for but to attain.
- William Jennings Bryan
Twenty years from now you will
be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones
you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twain
There is a time to let things happen, and a time to make things happen.
- unknown
The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.
- Lloyd Jones
Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.
- Aldous Huxley
You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
- Mahatma Gandhi
I will cause you to walk in the straight way...
I will open to you the gates of righteousness..
For whoever find Me, finds life
-
Psalm 118:19; Proverbs. 8: 35-6(I am christian, so shut up if you are
about to say something not nice against this quote!)
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
- Martin Luther King
Justice denied anywhere diminishes justice everywhere.
- Martin Luther King
It is essential
that justice be done, and it is equally vital that justice not be
confused with revenge, for the two are wholly different.
- Oscar Aria
There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.
- Elie Wiesel
Only the actions of the just smell sweet and blossom in the dust.
- James Shirley (1596-1666)
- It is the spirit and not the form of law that keeps justice alive.
- Earl Warren
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
- Jesus
Too often we
underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening
ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which
have the potential to turn a life around.
- Leo Buscaglia
Kindness is
tenderness. Kindness is love, but perhaps greater than love...Kindness
is good will. Kindness says, "I want you to be happy.
- Randolph Ray
Kindness is an
inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get
anything in return. It is the joy of our life to do them. When we do
good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we
think, say, want and do.
- Emmanuel Swedenborg
Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.
- Seneca
Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.
- Theodore Isaac Rubin
Kindness is a language which the dumb can speak, the deaf can understand.
- C.N. Bovee
My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.
- The Dalai Lama
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
- David Viscott
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may
be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have
and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
- unknown
And now I will show you the most excellent way:
The entire law is summed up in a single command, "Love your neighbor as yourself."
- Galatians 5:14 (NIV)
- To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.
- Anne-Sophie Swetchine
Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly.
- Robert Schuller
Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.
- Henry Van Dyke
Aim for success, not perfection.
Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the
ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember
that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and
allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make
yourself a happier and more productive person.
- Dr. David M. Burns
The way to succeed is to double your error rate.
- Thomas J. Watson
Perfection has one grave defect: it is apt to be dull.
- W. Somerset Maugham
I think perfectionism is based on
the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each
stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is you will
die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their
feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more
fun while they're doing it.
- Anne Lamott
A big shot is a little shot that kept shooting.
- unknown
No dreamer is ever too small; no dream is ever too big.
- unknown
A person's true wealth is the good he or she does in the world.
- Mohammed
To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
- Anatole France
To accomplish great things, we must not only dream, but act.
- Bill Blackman
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more wisely.
- unknown
Great changes may not happen right away, but with effort even the difficult may become easy.
- Bill Blackman
The willow knows what the storm does not: that the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it.
- Blood of the Martyr
Don't ask for a light load, but rather ask for a strong back.
- unknown
What counts is not necessarily the size of the
dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. -
Dwight D. Eisenhower
If the going is real easy, beware, you may be headed down hill.
- unknown
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals.
- unknown
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
- Seneca
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
- unknown
In any moment of decision the best
thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong
thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.
- Theodore Roosevelt
You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.
- Professor Harrold Hill (The Music Man)
One does evil enough when one does nothing good.
- German Proverb
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
- unknown
The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment.
- unknown
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
- Benjamin Franklin
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
What happens to a man is less significant than what happens within him.
- Louis L. Mann
There are times when a man should be content with what he has but never with what he is.
- William George Jordan
Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny.
- David O. McKay
Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- unknown
Are you fit company for the person you wish to become?
- unknown
If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them.
- unknown
If you feel you have no faults ... there's another one.
- unknown
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
- unknown
If
I speak in tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a
resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy
and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have a faith
that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give up
all I possess and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I
gain nothing.
Love is
patient; love is kind; it does not envy; it does not boast; it is not
proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily
angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres.
Love
never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will pass away; where
there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge it
will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when
perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When
I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I
reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind
me. Now we see but a poor reflection, then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.
- I Corinthians, chapter 13
When your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme.
Jiminy Cricket
*Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.
Martin Luther
* The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt
*Great hopes make great men.
Thomas Fuller
* The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I don't dream at night, I dream all day; I dream for a living.
Steven Spielberg
*The greatest job in the world-Dreaming for a living. Oh god how I would love to do that!~C.A. Sulze
Dreaming permits each of and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Dement
A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.
Len Wein
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
Euripides (408 B.C.)
My friend is he who will tell me my faults in private.
Solomon Ibn Gabirol
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.
Abraham Lincoln
Success seems to be connected with action. Successful men keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
Conrad Hilton
People may fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to blame someone else.
Anonymous
In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance.
H. Jackson Brown
The only way to find the limits of the possible is by going beyond them to the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke
Determination is the wake-up call to the human will.
Anthony (Tony) Robbins
We will either find a way or make one.
Hannibal
The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things
that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events
that occur.
Vince Lombardi
* The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination.
Tommy Lasorda
Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men! Do no pray for
tasks equal to your powers. Pray for power equal to your tasks.
Phillips Brooks
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
* There is a growing strength in women, but it is in the forehead, not in the forearm.
Beverly Sills
And each man stand with his face in the light of his own drawn sword. Ready to do what a hero can.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise.
Cato, Roman censor
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
J.G. Holland
*Learn the richness of solitude and quiet. That "still small voice" is yearning to be heard.
Susan Jeffers
Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child.
Ron Wild
I do not think much of a man who does not know more today than he did yesterday.
Abraham Lincoln
Whatever your grade or
position, if you know how and when to speak, and when to remain silent,
your chances of real success are proportionately increased."
Ralph C. Smedley
Wisdom is supreme;
therefore make a full effort to get wisdom. Esteem her and she will
exalt your; embrace her and she will honor you.
Proverbs 4:7-8
True knowledge exists
in knowing that you know nothing. And in knowing that you know nothing,
that makes you the smartest of all.
Socrates
It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide on what to do.
Elbert Hubbard
"No one will win the battle of the sexes; There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"-Kissinger
"Love is giving the ability to destroy but trust them not to."-anonymous
"One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say"- Will Durant
*"Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking"-H.L. Mecken
"Don't let life discourage you;everyone who got where he is had begin where he was"-Richard L. Evans
"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."-Hunter S. Thompson
"He who controls the past commands the future. He who commands the future conquers the past."-George Orwell
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you."-Lao-Tzu
* Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
~ Jules de Gaultier
*All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost.
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.
~ Desiderius Erasmus
The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.
~ Virginia Woolf
*Even a small star shines in the darkness.
~ Finnish proverb
Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.
~ Nora Ephron
< The supreme
happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for
ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
~ Victor Hugo
< Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes . . . just be an illusion.
~ Javan
Quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit; occidentist telum est.
A sword never kills anybody; it's a tool in the killer's hand.
~ Seneca (the Younger)
When in doubt, make a
fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being
brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on Earth.
So what the hell, leap!
~ Peter McWilliams
What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.
~ Leo Tolstoy
< The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.
~ Leo Tolstoy
*** Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
~ Leo Tolstoy
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
~ Jean Kerr
Show me the country in which there are no strikes and I'll show you that country in which there is no liberty.
~ Emma Goldman
Don't worry about
people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good you'll have to
ram them down people's throats. ~ Howard Aiken
Good
writers define reality; bad ones merely restate it. A good writer turns
fact into truth; a bad writer will, more often than not, accomplish the
opposite.
~ Edward Albee
*A person who does not read good books has no advantage over the person who can't read them.
~ Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
< A classic is a book which people praise and don't read.
~ Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
~ Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the difference between dog and man.
~ Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
~ Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
*Dreams are illustrations . . . from the book your soul is writing about you.
~ Marsha Norman
Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions.
~ Edgar Cayce
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
~ Samuel Clemens (a.k.a. Mark Twain)
*Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
*Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Even in
literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be
original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring
twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of
ten, become original without ever having noticed it.
~ C. S. Lewis, English author
*Men create war to compete with women, who create life.
~ Sharon Doubiago
Always love your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
~ Oscar Wilde
*You can kill a man but you can't kill an idea.
~ M. Evers
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
~ Dr. Suess
If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
~ Anonymous
Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion.
~ Mason Cooley
*The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a very creative mind to spot wrong questions.
~ Antony Jay
****The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary.
~ Ashleigh Brilliant
*Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people. ~ Martina Navratilova
Blessed are the cracked for they shall let in the light!
~ Anonymous
- I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some
~ Herbert Rappaport
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. Carl Gustav Jung
It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them. Alfred Adler
*Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Oscar Wilde
My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough. Lao Tsu
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs painting. Billy Rose
*I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Winston Churchill
Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance. William Shakespeare
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies. Oscar Wilde
There are three faithful friends—an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. Benjamin Franklin
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde
I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde
To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times. Mark Twain
*A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. Arthur Block
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Albert Einstein
Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next. Franklin P. Jones
*What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. Richard Harkness
Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day. Benito Mussolini
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate
it. Franklin P. Jones
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should
have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because
I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown
Experience is that marvellous thing that enables you recognise a mistake
when you make it again. F. P. Jones
*"Sure, everyone always said 'Socrates what is the meaning of life?' or
'Socrates how can I find happiness?', did anyone ever say 'Socrates
hemlock is poison.'???????" Socrates right before his death
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we
didn't. Erica Jong
**The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is
generally employed only by small children and large nations. David Friedman
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Lily Tomlin
*Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. W. C. Fields (me:That's me in the morning! hehe)
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...' Isaac Asimov
Bumper Stickers:~:
Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate
No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.
*My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone
I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...
*Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go
*" I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!"
I break for........................OH SHIT NO BRAKES
There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
Learn from your parent’s mistakes use birth control
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
All men are idiots, and I married their king.
Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.
Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young
3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
***Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
*According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
*According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
*Age is a high price to pay for maturity
- Ever wonder if illiterate people get
the full effect of alphabetsoup?
~ John Mendoza ~
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be
praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
~ Lily Tomlin ~
In elementary school, in case of fire you have to
line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to
tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?
~ Warren Hutcherson ~
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains,
a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt
with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your
biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body
before you do the wash
~ Jerry Seinfeld ~
We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets
in the chest. Yoko Ono is standing right next to him. Not
one ******* bullet. Explain that to me! Explain that to me!
~ Dennis Leary ~
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I
lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three
~ Elayne Boosler ~
My mom was a ventriloquist & she always
was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought
the dog was telling me to kill my father
~ Wendy Leibman ~
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They
always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go.
I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her
~ Ellen DeGeneres ~
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe
lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving
~ Steven Wright ~
A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her & her
new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad
~ Christopher Case ~
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started
walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today
and we don't know where the hell she is
~ Ellen DeGeneres ~
My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in
the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to
swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
~ Paula Poundstone ~
Somewhere in the world there is a large gathering of fluffy
white rabbits with slippers on hopping around a peaceful
forest grove, & on each slipper is a little stuffed human head
~ Nick DeCamp ~
Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork.
I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken.
Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?
~ Jon Stewart ~
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together
without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place
~ Johnny Carson ~
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook,
but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer
~ Bob Monkhouse ~
Have you ever noticed anybody going
slower than you is an idiot, & anyone
going faster than you is a maniac?
~ George Carlin ~
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh
~ Conan O'Brien ~
