SO MUCH BETTER 31 - The End
by Pascale


"Is that your phone ringing...?" my mum asked with her mouth still full of food. We were out having lunch, chatting about what-not, when my phone rang. A soft ringtone came from my pocket. "Oh," I didn't realise it was my phone until she said it. I took the phone from my pocket and my eyes grew as I looked who it was that was ringing me. "What?" my mother asked, and I showed her the screen. "Answer it!" she demanded me seriously. She knew I had been avoiding him. I stood up from the table as I answered my phone and made my way over to the toilets. "Hello?" I pretended not to know who was calling. "?" "Yea?" "Hey, it's me, Matt..." he sounded uncomfortable. As if he'd been pacing around his house for hours, thinking about wether he should call me or not. "Oh... hi," Shit, that sounded a bit too un-enthousiastic. "How are you?" he asked. It was the first time we spoke to each other since the whole thing happened. Things were cool now, but we had to start our friendship over again. We both didn't know how things were gonna work out, but we also wanted to stay friends. We just had to find out how to be that way again and not feel weird about it. "I'm pretty good thanks, yourself?" I sounded bored. Well, I was bored! He was trying to make this overfriendly conversation with me, while I knew that it wasn't like him to be like this. "I'm alright, thanks... hey listen," he came down to business. "Did you hear about 'the end of the tour party'? The whole re-locationing and stuff?" I nodded, but then realised that he wasn't able to see me nodding. "Ohyea, Yea, I did. It's in London somewhere now right?" For some reason I still sounded as if I was forcing each word out of my mouth. I tried not to be like that, but I couldn't help it for some reason. "Yea... are you going? It's in two days already..." "I'm not sure yet, are you?" "Well... I was planning on it, but then James said that I should check with you first," As soon as Matt said it I could hear somebody freak out in the back. Probably James who was listening to our conversation and now Matt busted him -haha. Well, Matt didn't only caught James there for listening to the conversation, but he also busted himself. Now I knew that he wasn't calling out of his own initiative but that somebody made him do this. Lame ass loser. "Oh uhh... well, you shouldn't." "No?" I sighed and just letting go of the being nice thing helped in being more real. "Matt... listen. I'm gonna kick myself so hard and maybe it's totally embarresing to say that I miss you but I sercretly do although I really don't want to..." "Oh Pascale, but-" "No wait. I want to say this.... we will never be how we were once, but we can be how we want to be now? Mates? We practically know everything about each other and care for each other, well. at least I do. I don't want to throw something like that away like it's got no value... go to the party if you want to, and maybe we'll see each other and we'll catch up," I stopped talking and waited for a response, but it stayed silent. "Say something man," I heard James say out loud. "Seriously," Matt started. "You freaking mind reader!!" he spat out, making me smile. "That was basically everything that I needed to hear! Thanks!" I could hear from his way of speaking that he was smiling, which made me laugh. "So, I'll see you this weekend.. or maybe not," Matt made an end to our phonecall when suddenly something shot into my mind. "Wait Matt? Can you pass the phone to James for a second?" "... how do you know he's here?" he was confused as I laughed. "Just give him the phone!" A short silence followed. "Yhellooo?" a strange voice was heard. "James," "Ah, crap. Ok. Hi, it's me." he dropped his act. "I want to ask you for a favour... kind of a big one..." "Ok spill!"

"And? How did it go?" my mum said before I sat down. I sighed. "Well," I said and smiled. "I guess we're fine now," "Ah that's great." "Yea it was just like old times, we were joking and stuff. Felt good," I let out a deepbreath. My mum and I finished our lunch and went home. When I stepped into my room I heard the doorbell ring. I thought of James standing at my door for a second, but when I checked the clock I knew it couldn't be him. "?" I heard my dad yell up the stairs. It was Thursday and he was at home, like he was alot more often than he used to before I went away on McFly's tour. "Yea?" I yelled back while trying to put my hair in a neat ponytail but failed. It looked like I just rolled out of bed. "There's somebody here for you," he said. I heard a bump, followed by a "I'm sorry," Fuck. It was James. "James?" I stepped out of my room and looked down the stairs. "I thought we said tonight?" my dad walked away as I walked down the stairs. He was holding his guitarcase and in his other hand a backpack. "Yea, but I figured I'd freak Matt out and leave sooner," he smiled at me. I took his guitarcase to make it easier for him to take his coat of and made my way upstairs already, bumping it into the wall a few times, sortly followed by James. Now I knew what that bump was that I heard James apologising for earlier. "What did Matt say when you said you were off to my place?" I asked, curious to his reaction. James snorted. "Well, after we hung up he was all curious what the hell we'd been talking about," he sat down on my deskchair. "Did you tell him?" "Of course not, that would totally blow the whole surprise!" he smiled as he opened his bag and I clicked his guitarcase open. "Did he think we were talking about him?" I smiled. I knew Matt was dying now to know what the hell we were up to. "I think so, he was totally nervous. I didn't say that we planned to meet today, so when I left and said that I was going to your house, he was totally confused," I couldn't help but laugh. "Here," he said and handed me his notebook. I took it and gave the guitar I was holding to him. "Let me get my own aswell," I said while I opened a drawer of my night stand and got my notebook out. "You think we can pull it off in one night?" James asked me. I shrugged. "Four songs is alot," I said as I opened mine and James' notebook. "But we're both brilliant!!" James called out in a funny voice, making me laugh. "And if it's not possible today, we always have tomorrow!" he said as he played some tunes on his guitar. "How bad would Matt freak out if we actually met again tomorrow," I smiled cheeky, making James laugh. "Why, hello!" I heard my mum suddenly say. She was standing in the doorway of my room, looking quite surprised. "James, this is my mum, Mum, this is-" "Don't be silly, I know James!" she smiled and said hi. A little uncomfortable James said hi back. I don't think my mum ever got introduced to him, but she knew who he was because of Matt. "I'll go and get you something to drink," she said and walked of. I rolled my eyes at James, who smiled. "Don't do that, your mum's nice!" he said while he smiled. "... and kind of fit. Can't we write a song about her?" he said, trying to mess with me. I didn't react to it, "If you want to," I shrugged. "But not today! We have some other business to take care of!" I said while I turned James' notebook to a clear page and wrote in big letters at the top ''. James saw it and nodded. "Okay then, start with ... the hardest one," he said and started thinking of a tune. "Why is he the hardest one?" I asked, kind of confused. "Well, 's the most talented one in the songwriting out of the four of them, so it has to be really good to impress him," James explained. Why, that's great. It wasn't as if I was totally secure about doing this, but on the phone James said it would be a great idea and that they'd appreaciate it very muchly. Making me more unsecure about the whole thing, putting more pressure on me, wasn't exactly what I needed. When I asked James to help me write a song -just a short one- for each and every one of them as a personal gift for their end-of-the-tour-party, he was so cool about it. He'd said it was a great idea and that he was more than willing to help me. I asked him if we might could record it with his singing, as he is one. A singer I mean. Even though James and I weren't close friends, I was more open to him than I'd been before. From disliking the weird talented kid, I became more to respecting the best friend of my ex-boyfriend. Oh... that sounded weird... 'ex-boyfriend'... I think I'm gonna stick with 'my friend Matt' instead of 'Matt, my ex-boyfriend'. "Okay, let's get started!" James said and we both got to work.

"?" "yea?" "Is James staying over for dinner?" my mum was standing at the bottom of the stairs. I thought for a second. "No, he's not!" I yelled back. "What? Why not?" James moaned. "You just want to stay so you can flirt some more with my mother, sicko!" I said to him, making him smile cheeky. "But neither am I!" I yelled again. "Oh," my mum was surprised. I walked out of my room and looked down the stairs. "We're leaving in a second to go and record some stuff, so we'll probably just order something or have something to-go somewhere," I explained. "Oh that's alright," she said and walked away again. Normally my mum would stay out of my songwriting. She wasn't good at rhyming and she never really knew where to go with a starting song. But, today she actually really helped us. She brought us drinks twice, giving James the chance to flirt with her... twice. Because James was such a gentleman, she decided to stay for a bit and ask us what we were doing exactly. I explained, and she took a look at what I was writing. Out of nowhere she threw some crappy lyrics in that made me think. She inspired me so, that I think I would've never come up with such good songs as we have now. We finished two songs, one for and one for . "So... where are we gonna record this stuff?" James asked me. He knew that I didn't have a studio. But... I knew that he did have one. "Your studio," I said while I got my things together. "We can't go there! Matt's there!" James told me. I thought for a second and looked at him. "Well, we can just tell Matt... he might be able to help with the singing anyways," I said. "No! I like to make him crazy with secrects!" James complained. "Think about it! He's got nothing to do with it, he might as well help us along with it, right?" I just wanted to record the songs! It wasn't as if I was super happy with Matt being there, but I had to finish this! "What about 's and 's song then?" James asked. "We'll write those at your studio? Matt can come in real handy," I nodded as I spoke. James sighed and eventually gave in. "Too bad man, I was so looking forward to spending more time with your mum," he joked. "You know that my dad's here too right?" I said while I put my shoes on. James pulled a face. "Oh... ok clever thinking then! Let's get out of here!" he said and put his guitar in the case. Five minutes later we were on our way to James' place.

"Matt?" James yelled when we entered his way-too-big-for-only-one-person-house. "In here mate," I heard Matt's voice. I couldn't help but feel nervous around him. James spoke to me softly, and pointed out where the studio was. I made my way while James went to say hi to Matt. "Hey," James said when he walked into the livingroom where Matt was watching TV. "Hey," Matt said, not taking his eyes of the screen. James put his guitar down, took his jacket of and threw it onto the sofa. "So, did you just come back from 's place?" Matt asked, now looking at James. He was trying to look like he didn't care. As much as James wanted to rub it in his face and make him totally crazy, he remained calm and serious. "Yea, listen," he lifted his guitarcase again. "I actually took her with me," he said and pointed behind him. "What?" Matt sat up. "Yea, on the phone she asked me to help her write four songs, for each one of McFly, as a gift for their party you know," James explained. Matt just listened and nodded. "That's why I went there, but we need to record it, so now we're here," James said while he walked backwards towards to the hallway. "She's actually here... like, right now?" Matt was confused and wanted clearafication. James nodded. "If you want to help us, you're more than welcome! We still need to write two songs," Matt raised from the sofa. "Uhh.. yea, sure." he said and turned the TV off. Together with James they made their way to the studio where I was pressing some buttons. When the entered I quickly turned around and stepped back from the pennals. Of course, James had seen it. "Hi," I said trying to look innocent. "And?" James said as he looked around, asking me what I thought of the place. "Oh my God. No way you have paid for this yourself," I said as I looked at all the buttons again. "Yea, he did," Matt said, looking painfull. "Busted's paid off quite good for him," Matt said. I could tell that he was trying to be normal and nice and friendly but that it was still a bit difficult to be like that. It was all forced a bit too much. Matt sat down in one of the comfortable deskchairs. I took the sofa where I got my notebooks out. "Should I go and record it right away?" James said, holding his guitar. I shrugged. "Sure," and James went into the booth, leaving me and Matt alone. Well, he was still there but there was glass in between. "Can I see what you've got?" Matt asked, holding his hand out for my notebook. "Sure," I said and handed it to him. Next to him there was another big deskchair, where I took place. I was able to see James now ánd to push buttons, hehe. "Matt," James said in the microphone. "Can you make sure that everything sounds alright?" James asked as he sat down on the stool infront of the mic. He put his lyrics down infront of him and got comfortable. "Oh, you know those old cassettes I've got?" he asked Matt. "Uhh... yea?" Matt said and pushed his chair back, making it roll to a pile of boxes in the corner of the room. "Record every song on another tape," James looked at me. "That's like way cooler!" he said, making me laugh. I nodded, but wasn't sure. "Would you rather like to get a CD or a mixtape?" I asked Matt. I figured it'd be better if I completely ignored our past and just get on with it... it worked so far. "Mixtape, definatly!" Matt rolled his chair back, holding four tapes. I was amazed by how much knowledge they had about this whole studio thing. ", go search for my fridge and get three cans of redbull!" James ordered me. "Yes dad," I joked and walked away. Just before I left the room I could hear James, setting in 's song. The door closed and I had the chance to have a look around his massive house. A double floor appartment with tóó many rooms. And, the bastard lives here by himself! No wonder why Matt spends all his free time here! On the other hand, Matt's house is pretty amazing too. James' house is just crazy! I've heard that he has a lot of parties, and I'd been invited to a few aswell. But, I never went because I didn't like James. I figured he'd only have weird friends, so I always came up with an excuse. Well, Matt always came up with an excuse when he showed up at his parties alone. 'Headache' or 'Girls stuff' was mostly what he said. I don't know if James ever knew that I disliked him. "Oh my lord," I said when I entered the kitchen. A big American fridge was staring at me. Note to self; stay friends with James!

"You guys, I'm off," Matt yawned. It was getting late (read; 8pm) but we wanted to finish it now. We were so close, the last words to 's song had to be written down and then it had to be recorded. "Alright, see you tomorrow?" James asked. We were both sitting on the sofa, trying to find the right lyrics. "Yea," Matt nodded. James looked back at his notebook. Matt and I shared a look, both not knowing how to say goodbye. We were waiting for each other to say something, so we both stayed silent. James noticed. "You thirsty?" he asked me. I looked at him. "Not really," "Well I am, can you go and get me another drink?" James slightly pushed me off the sofa. I knew what he was doing, I didn't protest though. I did what James asked me, and walked out the door, followed by Matt who was making his way to the frontdoor. "?" he asked as I was about to walk into the kitchen. I turned around. He opened his arms. "Please?" he added. He didn't have to add it, because I was already on my way to hug him. I was drowning into his arms, about to cry when I noticed how farmiliar it felt. I wanted things to go back to how they used to be, Matt was the best boyfriend ever! When I thought that the hug would never end, which I didn't mind by the way, he let go of me. "Thanks," he said and smiled at me. "No, thank you!" I said and we both had to laugh. "See you at the party?" he asked. I nodded. "Ok, good luck with your last song!" he said, gave me a wave and left the house. I closed the door behind him as I sighed. "That almost made me puke!" I heard James' voice. He was standing at the top of the wide stairs and had seen it all happen. "Shut up," I smiled at him, who was now fake puking. "Redbull you wanted?" I asked as I was about to walk into the kitchen. "No, I'm alright, come on," he waved me over. I laughed at how he just gave away his whole act. I ran back up the stairs and we walked into the studio again.

"No, that's shit. James... this whole song is shit!" I cried out. "What's the matter with you, it's amazing!" James spat out. We were both tired and for some reason I didn't like the song that we'd written for . "I'm sorry, but it just feels unpersonal! It's not special enough!" I crossed half of the first verse. James sighed frustrated. "It's special already!" he said as he looked at the lines. "It's not how I want it!" I said and now crossed away the whole first verse. Annoyed as he was, James pushed his guitar into my hands. "Ok then, you do it how you want it!" he sat back and crossed his arms. He knew I couldn't play guitar. Well, I knew a few things but my fingers weren't trained enough. But, as stubborn as I am, I took the guitar and tried not to fail. Before I played anything I took a deepbreath and thought about what the hell I wanted to tell with this song. It was so clear and obvious with the other three. was one of the guys who I had learned SO much from, my own personal mentor. was like a brother to me, we shared so much secrets and stuff. was one of my best friends so it wasn't hard to write a song to him. But ... we weren't really close, but I could call him a friend. He had been overprotective and such a cutie to me when I felt bad, but he had hurt me a few times aswell. He could be harsh and cruel too... This song could go anywhere! What do I want him to know about me... what do I want to tell him... what? "Schisofrenia is hot these days," I sang softly as I tried to play guitar. Hey, it didn't sound too bad! "You caught along on it quite well, I know you in more than just one way..." James kept silent. I messed up on guitar, but in my head a story began to reveal. It was a slow song, one of the soppy kind. I saw James grabbing my notebook and scribbling down what I just had sung. "More than just this guy I know," I stopped to think about what would rhyme with know, but what still had meaning ánd made sence. "... alot more than just a little while ago," James was writing fast. "Feeling like strangling you several times," I took a breath and though again. I wasn't sure if I should say the next thing I was thinking. James was here... this was, well maybe a bit embarresing. But, it was either open up to James or give a shit song. I chose the first one. "But I can't help to wonder 'what if things were different' sometimes," I looked at James, trying to see if he thought about what I just said. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't, but he didn't show anything in his face. When he gave no reaction what so ever to my lyrics, I went all the way. Every feeling that I had towards floated out, and even shocked me a few times. I had no idea that I looked up to him so much! I always thought he was a good looking guy, but anybody reading the lyrics that I had sung would think that we had this whole romantic history. I hoped James wouldn't make any comments about it... I also hoped that wouldn't be too freaked out after hearing this all. I finished my song with two sentences that I've secretly been thinking about a lot lately. "A never ending hug, sending shivers down my spine... will I feel the same way when we hug, the next time..." I stopped and looked... well embarresed. I was never shy to make people know how I felt, but this was a secret about myself that I didn't even know! Maybe I did though... maybe I knew all along but I denied it. Never wanted to face it.

James didn't say a word about it. He did say something about 'deepest of my heart' and 'even more genius than usual'. He figured out a way to make it sound like a song on his guitar. We practised a few times, singing together, but it seemed like James couldn't get the hang of it. Most of the time it was me singing alone and him playing the guitar while he was reading along to the lyrics in his notebook. "Argh," James said frustrated. He tried a few more times and then stopped. ", it's getting late..." he looked at me. I glared at him, "It's only 21:30!! Come on, we can finish this!" "Alright," James rolled his eyes and put his hands back on his guitar. He looked at the notebook again and grinned. "If I didn't just see you and Matt downstairs hugging, I'd think you had the biggest crush on !" he laughed to himself. Well, it was obvious that this comment was coming right? He'd been staring at the words long enough already. I didn't laugh along though. Instead, I tried to find myself less confused. "... would that be wrong?" I looked at James, who looked back at me. "What? You've got a crush on ?" he tried to sound casual but I could tell that he was shocked. I didn't answer him, which was more than an answer than just telling him. "What about you and Matt?" he asked looking kind of sad. I shrugged. "I don't know," I was being honest. A short silence followed. "It's not like I don't like the picture of you and together... but I just expected you and Matt to get back together," he told me. "Really?" I was surprised. I mean, yea me and Matt were a great couple. But, we all knew what he had done. We also knew what I had done; I had changed. We didn't fit together like the perfect puzzlepieces we used to be. "You kidding me? When you left we all placed bets on how long it would take for you two to get back together! You're like Brad and Jennifer!" James explained matter-of-factly. I gave him a look. "Brad and Jennifer never got together again..." "... oh," James simply said. "Do you think I should give the song to as it is? Or... is it too in his face?" I asked insecure. "Why would it be too much of in-his-face?" he asked me, looking at the lyrics again. "James! You just told me that you placed bets on me and Matt! Nobody will ever expect this!" I exclaimed. "And I think that's a good thing! But... in order to make it work..." James squeezed his eyes together. "You've got to sing it," he was being serious. I burst out laughing. "Yea right, my voice? We don't want him to go deaf, James!" I laughed. He didn't. "What you talking about? You've got a beautiful voice!" he looked at me. I glared at him. "No, I'm not gonna sing it," I put my foot down. Well, I tried my best at doing so. "Hmm too bad... what do you think Matt would say when he finds out about this song eh?" he put the notebook down. "Eh?" "Yea, think about it. He freaked out about the thing with , what would he do when it's now yóú that's making a step forward to ?" Oh, James was trying to mess with me! The bastard! "Of course, I could go and ask him..." James grinned at me. "That is, if you sing this song..." I had to think quick. I didn't want Matt to flip against . I didn't want Matt to flip against anybody! He had to be okay with this right? We were broken up now! Although... that hug in the hallway did feel só good... did Matt feel 'that way' about me still? I looked at James and sighed. "Alright, I'll sing it... jackass!" I grabbed the notebook out of his hands. "You ask Matt tomorrow how he'd feel if I'd be dating somebody else... somebody of his mates. Ok? And don't let him know anything about this song, because he'll probably never hear it anyways!"

It was the day. The day of the end of the tour party. The day I'd see McFly again and give them their own song - each one about the person I'm gonna give it too. One sung by me. I was surprised that it didn't sound way crap. It was alright. I have to agree with James... if he would have sung it, it would've sounded hella gay. Around 1pm I got a phonecall from Fletch. He asked me if I wanted to come earlier to help with the sound and just hang out for a bit. Meet the boys again. James and Matt would be there too - but Matt already explained to him that we were cool, so us both being there wouldn't make any problems. I agreed and went there early. When I was at the door no one would let me in. I didn't have a pass or my universal pass, because I quit remember? I had to hand it in after I stopped my job there, so now I wasn't allowed to just walk into the concert hall like that. So, I called my uncle and he said he'd send somebody to get me. While I waited I looked through the glass down the entrance hall. It looked quite fancy already. Suddenly I saw walking towards the door, followed by , and who were all rushing, skipping and running to keep up with . They were all smiling and I could hear them scream from outside. They unlocked the door and let me in, only to all jump on me, making me almost fall to the floor. Asking me how I've been, asking me about how much I'd missed them, asking me if I'd written anything lately, asking me why the hell I quit my job and asking me a hell lot more questions- we made our way to the concert hall. When we walked in, I looked around and was quite amazed. It was a big hall with large booths around all the sides, with a big stage in the back. The McFly logo was already up there. "Who gets to the stage first wins," and the four of them took of running, leaving me to laugh. I put my bag down and took a good look around. All the walls were covered with big posters and screens which flashed pictures of the four. It all looked awesome! I tried to picture it full of people and smiled to myself. Tonight was gonna be fun! I thanked myself for listening to my parents who forced me to go. I already had decided to stay home so I placed myself in front of the TV in my sweats. It didn't take long for the both of my parents to get me off of there and in my room to get some normal clothes on. "Hey !!" I heard from behind me. Matt and James entered the concert hall, both holding a can of redbull. "Hey," I said, giving them both a hug when they were close enough. "Lucky lucky girl," James said, glaring at me. "What did I do?" I said jokingly scared. "You got your own dressingroom! Matt and I have to share one!" James said full of disgust. Matt nodded to what he had said. "Bastard!!" we suddenly heard yell when was running around with two drumsticks, hitting everything on his way around the stage - including people. 's head had been used as a highhead and he didn't like it. I had to laugh at the two. I missed hanging out with them and just watching them (and sometimes joining in on their) fooling around. "Come on, let's give you a tour to your dressingroom," James said. I picked up my bag and followed him, leaving Matt in the concert hall.

The minute we left the concert hall, James looked at me with a smirk on his face. "What?" I asked, quite worried about what he was gonna say. "Did you think about how you're gonna give the cassettes to them?" he asked while opening a door for me. "Uhh," I said. I hadn't. I didn't just want to hand it too them... I'd feel stupid, gay, shy and embarresed. "I thought of this cool magiv trick where you can let the tapes appear from their ears!!" James was hyperactive. I looked at the redbull in his hands, then at his face. James looked back and knew what I was thinking because he immediatly covered his can with both his hands. I rolled my eyes. "I don't know, I guess I'll just..." I really had no idea! How the hell could I do it? "Do you want to do it in personal? Because if you don't, you can always just hide it in different places... like, you know, guitar cases, bags, pockets, dirtylaundry-" "Oh yea, thats a good id- dirty laundry?" I looked confused at James. He shrugged. "Why not?" I shrugged it off and followed James into another hall. "I think I might do that... you know, when they're busy doing something I can just sneak into their dressingroom and leav them all behind in different places for each of them," I said. Instead of James replying to what I'd said he slammed on a door. "Your room," he said and opened it. It wasn't big and there was only a small sofa and one chair in there - but that was enough for me. I was on my own. I dropped my bag in there and closed the door again. "Down this hall are all the dressingrooms, Fletch and Brian are... what, about 4 doors away!" Oh yea! Brian! Oh, secretly I missed that man. He was always there whenI was bored and lonely to have a nice chat with. Plus, I loved his accent and his humour. "Is Brian here already?" I asked. James shook his head while we walked down the hall, back to the concert hall. "No, he gets here tonight, just before the actual party," I nodded. Too bad. If he would've been around during dinner we could've had a proper conversation. This evening I'd drink - so that'd mean dancing all night. There wasn't any time for a good conversation. And, by the way, we all know how I get when I'm drunk. But! I closed a deal with myself. I was gonna drink tonight, but I wasn't gonna get drunk. I knew the fine line between the two but I just wasn't able to find it that good when I had been drinking. That's my main problem. When we entered the concert hall, I saw Fletch. He was talking with the sound guy when he saw me. I saw him excusing himself and walking over to me, while I walked towards him. "My favourite cousin in the world!" he said before he hugged me. "My favourite uncle in the world!" I said and laughed. "Shut up," Matt had to laugh too. "You only have one cousin and you only have one uncle!" he spat out, making us all laugh. "I see you're alright, good." Fletch said and smiled at me. "Yea, I feel great! How about you?" I asked. He sighed. "I'm stressed about tonight. Brian's coming over tonight and I miss that person next to me who's also taking care of stuff. Now it all comes down on me," he said. "Don't worry, there's loads of people around who are able to help-" I wasn't even able to finish my sentence because I got interrupted by a loud crash, followed by laughter. We all looked at the stage. Half of the drumkit had fallen over, and a guilty looking was standing behind it. He tried to hide, but was too late- we all had seen him. "! What the hell?!" Fletch yelled. "It's what, 1:20! You're not even allowed on stage yet!! Get off there, all of you!" Fletch said when he saw and giggling in the corner. Fletch rushed off, scaring all the lads away from the stage. "There's a foosball table in here!!" we suddenly heard James yell behind us. He was standing behind a bar, in a dooropening that -i guess- lead to the back where all the bottles of drinks were stored and all that. Everybody had heard him and ran over, including me and Matt.

Spending the rest of the day playing foosball in teams, I highly enjoyed myself. I turned out to be the best player out of the 7 of us -hell yea, those highschool breaks really payed off- and everybody wanted to be on my team. Teams were changing all the time, which gave everybody the chance to play. When we got thirsty we just opened a bottle of coke - there were hunderds there anyways. For a minute I was worried that people might be looking for us and were unable to find us - but every time somebody scored all the lads went nuts with cheering, high fives and others with screaming and swearing. No way people wouldn't hear that we're in here. It was around 4:30 when Fletch popped his head around the corner. "Guys, time for sound check!" "Oh, come on, let us finish this game! Only a few balls left!" James moaned. "Not you, McFly!" Fletch laughed. "Oh," James had to laugh too. "Sorry, I'm still used to you pulling us away from foostables at tours," Fletch let us finish the game and we all left the foostable alone. While McFly started their soundcheck, the three of us spend watching them for the first few songs. After a few songs a woman came up to us -god knows who- and asked us to go and get some food for the whole crew as the catering was late. She passed an envelope to Matt which contained money and explained the way to the nearest chinease take away. We left the concert hall and Matt looked in the envelope. His eyes grew and his grinned. "How do you guys feel about a trip to France?" he asked jokingly as he showed us how much money there was in there. "Dude!" James said shocked. "How are we ever able to buy that much chinease... no wait. How are we ever able to get that much chinease food back to this place when there's only three of us?" I asked as we left the building. The sun was still shining and I was thankfull for the summer. Everything looked much happier and more joyfull with a bit of sunlight. "Are they gone?" asked through his microphone. The woman who sent us away looked through the door and saw the door closing behind us. She gave them a thumb up and the boys set in their next song. "Going good you guys," Fletch said to himself and smiled.

During dinner it was just like old times. We poisoned Tom's food with salt and pepper when he was off to the toilet and did the same thing when Dougie went. We made pictures and threw pieces of cucumber to Fletch' head. Every time he'd turn his head we'd all be eating our dinner like angels. Don't forget the camera crew that was walking around the place all the time, shoving camera's up peoples faces while eating. "Oh, that's for the tour DVD," had explained to me earlier. "Just pretend like they're not here," he said and I kept myself to that. They were filming the lads from time to time and had a chat with them. I'm sure that I appeared in shots aswell but it wasn't as if I got introduced or anything though -thank God-. Imagine how many more girls would hate me if I'd be on this DVD the whole time! Enough people dislike me already, and I'd like to keep the ammount of that as it is. "Hey, guess who's here!" Fletch suddenly said out loud. We all turned out heads to him and I saw him smiling at me. "Huh?" I asked. Who was he talking about? I looked at the door and saw my parents entering. I smiled and got up from my table where Matt and James were explaining to the others who they were- with James' special explanation of the 'hot mum'. "Mum, dad! What are you doing here?" I asked when I hugged the both of them. "We came to have a quick look before we went of to dinner!" my mum said joyfull. My dad added; "And a film," I nodded. "So you going out tonight then," I said to my mum while my dad walked of to Fletch. "Yea, nothing special, just-" I suddenly gasped. "31st of May!" I looked at her with big eyes. How could I forget. "Your anniversary!! Oh my God, I totally forgot, congratulations!!" I hugged her again. She laughed. "Don't worry about it, I was happy enough that your dad remembered it," we both laughed. "Come on, let me introduce you to some losers," I said while I walked back to my table and took my place again. "Guys, this is my mother," I smiled. "Oh wait wait," my mum said and caught everybody's attention. "Ok, don't blame me if I get things wrong," she looked at . "... ," she said and looked at the one sitting next to him, . "," Now people understood what she was doing and they all had to laugh. "I know Matt, I know James," they both said hi as my mum carried on. "That's , the genius behind McFly," my mum said, making blush slightly. "My daughter," she said to me, making some people laugh and making commtens like 'Good that she still knows who you are' and 'Glad she didn't leave you out there?'. "And the last one, !" my mum sighed relieved and recieved cheers from all the lads, making me laugh. "Did I get all of them right?" she was enthousiastic. I loved seeing her like this. "Yea, each and everyone of us!" said before he took a bite again. "Have a seat with us," James said while he pulled a chair from another table, making Matt laugh. "Man, I wasn't even thát nice to her!" Everybody laughed and my mum looked at me. I was just glad that Matt and I were able to make jokes about this now and that people laughed and not looked at me uncomfortably, making sure that I was alright. "Thanks James, but I'm gonna go in a bit, we just came by to say hi," she smiled, making James pout. "Urgh," I looked at him. "Suck up," I followed. "What? I'm just being nice!!" James spat out. My mum laughed. "," my dad called out. He was talking with Fletch, probably about how they'd been... and also probably about me. Family does that, they don't care how annoying it is. "I'll see you tomorrow," he gave me a wave and called my mum over. I yelled a goodbye and they both left. As soon as my parents -especially my dad- left the room, James started talking. "I told you she was hot!" he said, making me roll my eyes at him. "She deserves a song, doesn't she?" James was being serious, but he looked funny with his raised eyebrows and bits of chinease stuck to his face. "You've got nice parents," smiled to me. I nodded. "They're the best," I smiled to myself. And I thought of not even showing up to this... pfft. I wouldn't have missed this for the world!

"AAH!" I quickly covered my body with the dress that I was holding. I was standing in my underwear, ready to get my dress on when the door of my dressingroom suddenly opened without a knock. "Haven't you heard of knocki-" I was ready to go and scream at who ever opened my door just like that. I could've been naked! But when I saw who entered I gasped. "Jade?!" "Yea!" she squilled. We both screamed and hugged each other. "Oh my God, how the- what... HOW did you get here?!" She looked so good! Her long hair had even grown longer and was resting on her shoulders in big curls. Her fringe was neatly blowdryed and her outfit was stunning. She looked casual, but neat. Cool but fancy. Oh, I loved it! I don't know how she pulled it off - I would've looked like a tramp in that! "," she smiled. She was looking so happy... and I... I was standing in my bloody underwear, pressing a dress against my body while the door was still open. I quickly closed it, making Jade laugh. "I don't understand... what happened? What did I miss?!" I would've expected anybody to walk into my dressingroom but her. What a great surprise. I thought I'd never see her again! "Well, you left right... explained the whole happening and I'm sorry-" "Don't worry about it, Matt and I are chill now... anyways, continue!" I sat down on the small sofa and Jade took place on a chair. "Well, I got a phonecall after about three days after you left and told me that the guys find out about the two of us texting all the time," I gasped. "They did?!" Jade smiled and nodded. She was so exited! "Yea, and he told me that he expected them all to make fun of him and stuff because I'm a fan and stuff," I nodded. "But they were so cool about it! Nobody made jokes and then said that he should invite me over to the party..." Jade slapped her own legs and looked at me. "But... then they re-located it because of me and Matt..." I said confused. I would've understood that she'd be at the party in the US, but not here in England. "Yea I know, that's how I know all about you and Matt and everything because he had to explain why they re-located and stuff. And, at first I was totally bummed because I couldn't go see the guy that I have a crush for one last time," she stopped to breath. "But then, they invited me over to the party here, in England!" I missed her American accent and the girl talk that we always had. "Oh my Gosh!" I covered my mouth. I was amazed. "Yea, I flew in with Brian about an hour ago and now we're here!" she shrieked of happiness. "Brian's here too?" I looked at her for a second and thought about running over to his dressingroom... but then, I was still in my underwear. There was a knock and the door opened. 's head popped around the corner. "!" I looked at him with raised eyebrows. "How come you didn't tell me that Jade was coming!!" I threw a pillow from the sofa to his head. He laughed. "Surprise," he gave his best jazzhands, making the both of us laugh. "Come Jade, I want to show you our dressingroom, you won't believe how clean it is!" held is hand out, and Jade took it. I couldn't help but let out an 'aww'. wanted to fire a comment back, but I pushed the both of them out as I still had to get dressed. Everybody was getting dressed and the make-up and hair ladies were busy, making everybody look like filmstars. When I had my dress on I looked in the mirror. I looked stupid on my bare feet, but with my heals on I looked classy. Too classy. I sighed. I didn't want to look overdressed next to everybody else! Out of frustrating I pulled the hairband out of my ponytail and shook my head around. I looked again and was surprised. "Hmm," I said to myself. With my hair hanging down kind of messy, it looked... kind of cool. I was wearing a short just-above-the-knee-dress that looked like it was suposed to be strapless, but had two thin straps that held the dress up. Hell, my boobs would've been too small too keep this up all night if I wouldn't have had them straps. It was black... but I only had red shoes. Crap. I looked at my bag and remembered the jewelery I brought with me. I found a few necklaces... but they looked cheap with the dress. I figured I'd go with a few big red plastic bracelets. I smiled at myself and walked out of the room. Closing the door behind me, I found a busy hallway. But, a fun busy one. Everybody was laughing and smiling and there seemed to be no stress at all! I wanted to go see Brian first, but I got pulled into make-up by Jade. "I'm gonna get my make-up done!" she exclaimed happily. "My God, how much redbull have you had?" I joked. "None!" she said in the same hyperactive way and squeezed my arm so hard that it left white fingermarks. "You look gorgeous!" she said and smiled. I had to laugh. "I love having you here!" we both laughed and waited our turn.

After a hell loads of airbrush foundation -that stuff works! Hell, I want it at home!- some mascara and red lipstick, finished with some lipgloss, I was getting my hair done. In a strange way the lady let it curl slightly, but it was still long. You know how people curl their hair, and then it looks way shorter? That's what didn't happen... magically! She blowdryed my whole head and it was a neat mess. I didn't know it was possible, but with a little hairspray I felt like a pussycat doll! Jade and I were standing in the hallway with loads of other people. James and Matt had joined us, both in jeans, a cool shirt and a blazer. "Show them were you keep your phone," Jade giggled at me. I sighed and looked at the lads. "I don't have pockets or good shoes where I can keep it... so," my hand disappeared in my cleavage and pulled a phone out. James and Matt both burst out laughing, together with Jade. I just smiled. "Yea well, at least now I will feel it when I get called!" Normally when that thing's in my pocket, I hardly ever feel the vibration when I'm walking. And, my sound's almost always off. "Who's my favourite English girl?" the American accent that I heard came from behind me. I turned around and saw Brian... well, was it really Brian? He looked amazing! "BRIAN!" I said and we hugged. "My gosh, you've changed!" I was shocked at how good they made him look. His hair was still messy, but it looked cool! There was actually wax in there now... wow. "Did they pluck your eyebrows?" I asked, giving him a closer look. I laughed. "Yea, man... that hurts!" I rubbed one of his eyebrows. When I saw his teeth I knew it was really him. Still as crooked as they used to be. "And you look amazing aswell," Brian said and nodded impressed. I smiled gave a pose, making him laugh. "Good to see you smiling!" he said and looked at Matt. I felt Brian's distance towards Matt, but I ignored it. I had nothing to do with that, Matt and I were alright. "Yea, I'm doing great! You?" I changed subject. "Wonderful, I've never been to England but I love it so far," he tried to pull of an English accent but it sounded crap, making us all laugh. "James, is everybody-" Fletch called out, but when he saw us all turning our heads to him he waved us over. "Gotta go," I said to Brian and walked towards Fletch together with Jade, James and Matt. "Okay, people are coming in, the redcarpet is in use and the paparazzi is going wild with their flashes. It's best for you to go now, there's a car waiting for the four of you at the backstage door," he mainly talked to Matt, but we all heard what he said. Later on when everything was taken care of Fletch and Brian would share a car aswell and as one of the last McFly themselves. It would look like we came from far away... while we basically just turned around the corner and stepped into the same building that we had just stepped out of. If everybody knew how things really were backstage, they'd all be dissapointed. It's not so much glitter and glamour. More a bunch of stressing people walking around like chickens with lists of what they all need to do and check on. It was crazy, but I got used to it. We got into the car that was waiting outside for us and it didn't even take two minutes for us to get out of it again. Stepping onto the red carpet, filmcrews in our faces and going absolutely blind by all the flashing camera's. Then I realised it. I was walking down the red carpet with Matt. There had been so many rumours here in England about him cheating on me and us breaking up and me being mad and us being in fights and his beating me up - I knew that I promised myself to stay away from the magazines and the internet, but I couldn't resist. The good thing was that it didn't hurt me, most of it made me laugh - what the hell do they know? As soon as I realised that I was in the public eye with my ex-boyfriend which nobody really knew about, the questions came. "The tabloids say you're split up, how much of that is true?" "Are you dating with or are those just rumours?" Ah, those rumours were going around aswell. The pictures from me wearing 's hoody when we left that pub where Matt lost his temper got some people thinking strange things aswell. Instead of anybody answering we just all wrapped our arms around each other, smiled, posed and waved. I thought about how much Jade had to love this. She knew who James and Matt were and how they'd been super famous with Busted. Now she was walking down a red carpet to a party (invitation-only) of her favourite band, with a bassplayer who fancied her. Argh, I'm starting to get jealous! How much do I wish to be her right now?

When we entered, there were fancy waiters who offered us a glass of champagne. All of us took a glass and walked further into the entrance hall. The doors to the concert hall was still closed and there were quite a few people there already. I recognised a few people from TV and I saw the camera crew for the DVD running around, trying to capture everything. I saw Jade looking at me after I took a sip of my champagne. "What?" I had to smile at her way of trying not to laugh. "Nothing," she tried to sound innocently. "I'm just surprised to see you drinking," she said, teasing me. I threw her a glare, but she knew I wasn't being serious. "And you too," James looked at Matt. Matt raised his eyebrows and looked surprised. "What do you mean? I don't have any bad experiences with alcohol at all!" Matt said sarcasticly, making us all laugh. I saw somebody walking towards us from behind Matt and recognised the face. He saw that I had seen him and pushed his finger against his lips as if to say that I shouldn't tell them that he was walking up to us. It was Charlie. The other ex-member of Busted. He took a sprint and landed on Matt's back, surprising him completely - and James too! "Gosh, Charlie!" Matt sweared when he shook his hand, trying to wave most of the spilled champagne off of it. "Nice to see you too Matt," he said. I had to smile at his posh way of speaking. It was nice to see the three once-best-friends together again. Many times Matt had been moaning about how much he missed going on tour with the band and just hanging out at their place when they still lived together. They had a chat when I suddenly saw Jade, squeeling so hard that she was nearly passing out. "Are you okay?" I laughed when she looked at me, about to explode. "They re-united!" she hissed, making sure that they lads didn't hear. I nodded and smiled. "Isn't it amazing... lets get them some guitars, maybe they'll turn onto the automatic pilot and form a band again," I nudged Jade, knowing that she used to be a Busted fan aswell. That's how she got to know McFly by the way. "Ohhh," Jade sighed and smiled at me. "I wish they were robots... that way we could just program their minds back in time and they'd still believe that they'd be a band 'til the year 3000 and make seven albums," Jade dreamed away. "The dickheads only made four," "Four?" "Including the US and Live album that is," Jade knew more than I did. "Thinking about it like that, they're just a bunch of losers who didn't proceed their dreams, aren't they?" "Yea," Jade nodded. "Hey ," Charlie finished talking with his mates and now took the time to say hi to me. "Hi Charlie," I smiled innocently. "I hear you're dating then," Charlie tried to fool with me, knowing that it was a lie. "Ohyea, totally in love," I just played along with a serious face. "I've heard you're gay though," I gave Charlie a look. "Ohyea! Mate, I've read that too!" James pointed at Charlie. "Aren't you supposed to be marrying a drag queen somewhere right about now?" Matt checked his watch, making us all laugh. "Yea well, I still can't believe that I'm interresting for that kind of stuff," I caught Charlie looking at Jade. "Oh, Charlie," I said, looking at Jade. "This is Jade, 's future girlfriend," I said, making Jade blush. "Jade... well, he doesn't need to be introduced really," I laughed. They started a conversation about and her being from America -blahblah the whole thing. It gave me a chance to look around. My glass was empty by now and I wanted to get rid of it, so I took a few steps to a table to place my glass on there. Right when I let go of the glass, I felt somebodies arm wrap around my shoulders. I looked to my side and saw 's face. "Hey, you got here already!" It wasn't much of a question, more a fact that I just said out loud. He completely ignored my comment though. "Would you do me a favour and not just yell out loud to everybody that Jade is my so called 'future girlfriend' please?" he softly spoke to me with a serious face. I knew it might have been wrong for me to say it like that, but I didn't really care much about it. "It was only to Charlie," I argued. "There's more people here that can hear you!" 's let go of me. "Don't worry, Jade doesn't mind!" I said and smiled at Jade who was throwing me looks while she was talking with Charlie. "But I do," said and I looked at him. "I don't want her to get all the negative attention that you get sometimes," he really was being serious. He was being all in my face and normally it would've scared me and made me upset, but this time I put my hand on his cheek and smiled. "Aww, that's the sweetest thing ever." I knew he couldn't handle the 'aww' and he sighed. "Just.. please?" he asked again. I nodded. "Sure, don't worry about it." went his own way and I walked back to the people I came in with... but now, only Matt was left - holding an empty champagne glass. "Where did they go?" I asked, looking around. "Attacking the food table," he said and nodded his head in the direction of where they were standing. I saw the three of them, tasting everything that was on there and I chuckled. "Losers," A waiter walked passed, offering everybody more drinks of different kinds. Matt placed his empty glass on the tray and took two filled ones off of it, handing one over to me. "Thanks," we cheered and took a sip. "Do you happen to fancy ?" I nearly chocked on my drink when Matt suddenly -out of nowhere- dropped the question. Now I knew why Jade, James and Charlie were suddenly so interrested in the food table. They left Matt alone to talk with me. I coughed a few times and swallowed before I was able to speak again. "Uhh..." was the first thing that came out. I didn't know what to tell him... I didn't know what James had said to him, so maybe I would say things that James hadn't and I could mess up on this. Plus, I didn't even know the answer to that question. Right now it felt like a puppydog crush, you know? One that you know of that it's never gonna happen - like fancying a backstreet boy - you know what I mean? All you can do is dream a bit, and I didn't even do that yet! The only thing that I knew was that everytime I thought of or talked about him or looked at him or - anything! I'd smile. It made me feel happy to think about him. Being around him made me feel good, and I had no idea why. Shit, I was being silent for too long. I was about to say something like 'I wish I knew the answer to that' or something, but then Matt beat me and started speaking first. "Don't get me wrong or anything, it's not like you can't like somebody else. You know, we're broken up now! Things like that happen, so... if there's anything you shouldn't do it's feeling guilty towards me," he looked at me and took another sip of his drink. I just stared at him. "But, is it okay if I do though?" I questioned him. He chuckled. "Well that's your own choice really, but I know that there's gonna be more lads for you and more girls for me, and that will suck at first," he stopped. Probably to think about what he was gonna say next. I loved him talking. He was clever, he knew how to say these things so that I completely understood what the hell he was talking about. Then I thought of what he had actually said and it made me think. There's gonna be other boys for me after Matt... but there's also gonna be other girls for Matt. Jealousy. The first thing I felt was jealousy. Of course I wouldn't like Matt dating other people! The girls will probably be skanks and I'd be totally jealous of them! But, then again... I wouldn't stop him from doing so. "It was gonna happen eventually anyways, and all I really want is for you to be happy," he took another sip of his drink. I smiled at him. "Thanks," "Plus, 's a good guy. If he wasn't, I wouldn't have been friends with him, so I know." I couldn't help but smile. "Don't be so nice to me, I'm supposed to get óver you," I joked and we both laughed. "No but- you know what I mean right?" I nodded. I totally understood. "I like the new Matt," I tilted my head a bit to the left and looked at him. I wasn't gonna be able to fall in love with him again... but there was no way that I could ever stop loving him.



It didn't take long for the doors to the concert hall to open. Slowly everybody walked in - so did Matt and I. Alot of people took place in the booths and made themselves comfortable. Other people went to stand at the tall tables in the middle of the hall and continued their conversations over there. We just followed the crowd and looked around for a bit, talking about how many people we actually didn't know. We both have our experiences at Universal Islands but most of the people walking around were total strangers to me. Suddenly I saw an waving arm- which was attached to a smiling, hyperactive Jade. She was sitting in a booth, together with James, Brian and Fletch. Charlie must have went his own way I guess. "There they are," I nudged Matt and walked towards the booth with him following me. We joined the others and got -again- drinks. I decided to spend the whole performance with that one drink. I had to learn where to stop and this would be the ultimate test -dundundunnnn.. hahaha-. I was sitting next to Jade and I just loved how the two of us got along so well. I remember the first time that I saw her, I thought she was a total stuck up bitch who thought that she was better than me. First impressions aren't always right, so it proves. She was exactly like me... and well, I could be a bitch at times aswell. But still. You know what I mean right? I would've never éver thought that we'd be sitting here at the end of the tour, together, acting like best friends. I never really had a bést friend. You know, one friend that jumps out. One that knows everything about you. I always saw me classmates attached to each other, two by two. Girl-girl and boy-boy. 'Best friends forever' the girls would say, and the guys... well they never said very much when I was around. I always felt left out when they were all linking arms in the schoolhalls and chatting about which guy they fancied this week. I'd always been so jealous, until I went off of highschool and met Matt. We became best friends, but it was weird because he was a boy... and he was older than me. Now that Jade was here, I felt like I was back in highschool. I was one of those girls now, who had a girl-friend who knew more about them than any other person. Well, that wasn't exactly the case with me and Jade, but I felt like the people that I used to be so jealous of. Maybe I'm supposed to say that the jealousy wasn't worth it. Maybe I'm supposed to say that I shouldn't have despised those girls in highschool because it's not that big of a deal. But. It felt so good! It took a little longer for me to find a girl that I clicked with - but now I did. Highschool might be over for me, but the dream of being popular never dies.

"Come on, she's totally checking you out! I'm serious, look at her!" Jade was trying to talk softly so that the woman who was looking at our booth all the time couldn't hear her, but her over-excitement took over and she was nearly yelling every word. Jade and I found joy in setting Fletch and Brian up with two ladies. One of them just walked away - God knows where off to. But the other one that keeps on looking at our booth is still standing at a table with a champagne glass in her hands, throwing look from time to time. Both incredibly shy -what a surprise- they didn't take us seriously. If I would've been one of them and Jade had been talking to me the way she had been doing for the past ten minutes, I wouldn't have taken her seriously either. But... she was right! These women weren't just looking over - they were really checking them out! Ok, only one woman now. She wasn't bad looking either... I'd say ka-ching! But the adult men thought differently about that and tried to ignore us- which seemed to work so far. Although they didn't seem to appreciate what we're doing, they don't complain and they've both looked at the people that we pointed at. One step forward... yes, no, maybe? Ah well... the night's still young right? Anything could happen. Anything.

The music that had been playing in the background slowly faded out. One by one -quite quickly- people shut their mouths and looked at the stage... which was still empty. Then, an introduction film began to play on the big screens. You know how these films go. A man with a heavy voice introduces them and pictures of the lads flash on screen. I heard somebody hitting a base-snare and knew that they were standing next to the stage - nervous and hyped up, ready to go on. The tune of the first song started and they all ran on stage where they started their first song - cheered on by everybody in the building.

Their first song finished and it seemed like most of the nerves had slid off. They took a sip of water and welcommed everybody to their very lást gig of their US tour - even though they are in London already. They had a little chat with the audience. wanted to point out that his mum was there and gave her a wave, the cutie. Well, his mum thought different about that, because as soon as he said 'Look everybody, my mum's here! Hi mum!' a spotlight was set on the booth where she was sitting, making all the heads turn and laugh. Not laughing át her, but it was still a bit embarresing. Then something happened - and I wish it didn't - which made me go half blind. pointed out who their managers were and asked for a clap for them, as they're awesome! I'm fine with it that far, but then the big ass spotlight went straight onto our booth, shining right into my eyes. I was aware that people weren't looking at me but at Fletch and Brian who gave the lads a wave - but still! There I was, sitting next to Matt and everybody good have a good look with that bright light. When the spot went out, I sighed. Matt noticed and squeezed my knee. I looked at him and smiled. "Still a bit weird eh?" he asked, but smiled with it. I shrugged. "I just don't want any more rumours to start and all that nonsence," Matt understood. The lads started the second song and when I heard Jade sing along I remembered something. The cassettes! Now would be the perfect time to go and hide them in their stuff... nobodies backstage at this moment! With a lauzy excuse I left the concert hall and made my way to the backstage area. There weren't even people to check if I was allowed to go there - but the doors were locked and everybody was inside the concert hall, so I guess it was fine. I quickly rushed into my dressingroom to get the tapes from my bag. Holding all four of them, I checked the names on them. Ok, I have them all. Holding onto them tightly, I left my dressingroom and made my way to McFly's. I couldn't help but be nervous. I felt my heart beating in my throat and my mouth was dry. I feel like I have to be quick - I might get caught doing this! But then again... nobody is here! I walked towards the door that lead to McFly's dressingroom. Making my way up to it, I noticed that it was able to lock. Shit. They didn't actually lock their dressingroom, now did they? I brought my hand to the doorhandle, and as soon as I was holding I heard a heavy voice from down the hall. "Hey! Where do you think you're going?" An angry man yelled. Ok, never mind - this was it. I couldn't get the tapes into their dressingroom like I planned, plus! I felt totally embarresed for this man catching me while 'breaking in' to McFly's dressingroom. I turn my head to see the man who yelled at me. I have no idea who he is... probably one of the many crew members. For a second he looks at me and then waves his hand at me. "Oh, I'm sorry , never mind." I'm completely surprised by this strange man knwoing my name, while he just calmly walks away and turns around the corner. The hallway was empty again. I was still holding the doorknob. I pushed it down and pressed against the door. "Oh, thank God!" I sighed. The door was open. I quickly close the door behind me and take a look around the room. Wait... is this really McFly's room...? I recognise their bags, yea. It's really their room! How come it's so neat and cleaned up and... why is the snacktable still full of food? That table normally is empty in the first five minutes there! Normally this room would be a total mess! I realised I was going over something that wasn't important. I felt the tapes in my hand and looked at the first one. "," I said to myself. I opened his bag and found... a 'Friends' DVD box. I smiled. I knew he would watch that first thing tomorrow morning when he wakes up. I opened the box, put the little cassette in and closed it -pressing it hardly-. Next up, . Whereee could I leave 's tape. I saw 's bag but knew that he never really looked in there. Then I saw Jade's bag. She'd probably stay at his place anyways! I put the tape underneath the shirts that lay on top and prayed that this would work out. Next on the list - . wasn't a person that looked through his whole bag before taking one thing out, like Jade does- so that wasn't an option. I looked around and saw an outfit, lying on the armstool of the sofa. I recognised 's socks (he always wears the same socks! Don't worry, he has about a thousand pares of them) and thought for a second. Would it be clever to hide it in there somewhere. Well, he'd find it, that's for sure. And, he wouldn't be able to listen to it because he has to hurry because there's people waiting for him downstairs... seemed like the best option. I took a sock and pushed the cassette into it. This way I knew for sure that he'd bump into it. At least... I hope that he feels it when there's something in his bloody sock! Ok. One tape left. . It was very very very important that he wouldn't find his tape until tomorrow when I'm gone. Otherwise he might listen to it when I'm still here and that's just embarresing. It maybe isn't, but I'm not gonna risk that. Bag, guitarcase, clothes, coat, shoes - wait! Coat. He won't wear that until they leave and he probably won't even put it on but just throw it into his bag. Next time when he puts it on and puts his hands into his pockets, -like he always does because he has an 'illness' called 'the cold finger syndrome'... the wuss- then he'll find the tape! That's brilliant, because that might take a few days and I can move out of the country in that time! I chuckled to myself as I placed the cassette into his pocket and looked around the room. Nothing seemed to have changed. Good. I straightned my outfit and softly left the dressingroom. I rushed over to my door, opened it and slammed it. Now it looked like I just came out of my own dressingroom, nobody would know a single thing about what I've just done... well. Maybe except for that man who just saw me. But I didn't know him and he probably just knew my name from the magazines, so I'd be alright. I'd be just fine.

I walked back into the hall. People were watching the lads perform and nobody seemed to wonder where I'd been. Jade asked me what took me so long, and I quickly said something about a cute boy in the entrance hall. I saw Jade looking at Matt, thinking it might be awkward for him, but Matt must have known what I was doing so I didn't worry about that. I looked around and saw waiters, walking around with little snacks. The mood that was hanging in the air was chill - almost hippie like. But posh at the same time... ánd also a bit sex-drugs-rock'n'roll combined with fancy celebrities. Argh, I can't explain it! It just felt good! I was glad that I was there. In between their songs they make these little chats with the audience, like they always do. Only know people actually answer instead of only deafmaking screams. People always talk about how well McFly knows how to connect with the crowd. They make jokes, have fun, have a laugh, ask them questions and tell disgusting facts about each other. Anything that can make them laugh can make the crowd laugh - it's easy. They're not serious on stage, they fool around! That's just who they are and people love it. When they were having a chat like the ones I just told you about, it was who was entertaining the crowd with a small quiz about , getting everybody into fits of laughter. "Question one, What colour is 's poo? Is the answer A. green B. red C. black or D. all the above?" was laughing while he was speaking into the microphone, looking at for his reaction. just laughs and is curious to what answer people will give. The audience laughs at and most of them yell 'Deeeeeeee' 'D D D D' Making and laugh even harder. and took the time to change their guitars and had a sip of water. Two stools got placed behind and . I figure there's a slow song coming and they have to set the mood a little by sitting down. and disapeared of the stage and cleared his throat. "Ok everybody, the next song we're gonna play is... completely new. It'll be the first time ánybody will hear it, making this also the first time that we play it live, so have mercy if we screw up," said, making some people laugh.

They start playing, acoustic -which is the most beautiful sound of a guitar that excists- and I get caught up in it. Some people are holding up lighters and swaying along with the music. The song's beautiful, one of the kind that makes you want to cry. One of the kind that feels like its written about you. Every word makes sence and you can almost predict whats coming next. I dreamed away with their voices and the acoustic guitar sound. If it doesnt make you fall in love, it will break your heart. It can make you cry of happiness or make you wish you had a lover if your single. Beautiful, such a beautiful song.

"hey you know this song already?" Jade whispered in my ear. "... huh?" I was confused... I didn't know the song already. If I had known this song, I would've recorded it and it'd be playing on my iPod twenyfourseven. "You're singing along! I thought they said they never played it before, liars!" Jade shook her head at the lads, who she thought just lied to everybody. Suddenly I gasped. Both my hands covered my mouth and I froze. "Are you ok?" a worried Matt asked, trying to look me in the eye, but I just stared in space as I listened to the words that was singing. I looked at Fletch and saw him smiling at me. My facial expression stayed shocked as he nodded with an even bigger smile. Flash backs literally flash through my mind. "Besides, I owe you anyways," had said it when I finished the crying phonecall with my mum and at that time I didn't know what he was talking about. And when I met outside when I went to get my phone in the bus, and he scared the crap out of me... he knew where my phone was, because he got Jade's number out of it. "I forgot something," said, holding a folded piece of paper. I thought he wrote Jade's number down on that piece of paper... but when I got my phone, it was lying next to my open notebook. The piece of paper he was holding had nothing to do with Jade. It were my lyrics... lyrics that he stole from my notebook. The song that I was listening to was a mixture between the song that I had written for a very long time ago -the one where he said I could take care of the lyrics- and other lyrics that i randomly wrote down. When the whole 'ghost appearance' of at the bus happened, I'd told about it. He'd been asking questions... Did I see anything? Did say anything? Did I know what was doing outside? The bastards, they completely planned out the whole thing! I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned my head, realising I was still covering my mouth with both my hands. It was , holding his hand out, waiting for me to grab it. I took it and he lifted me from the sofa. I was in shock just as much as I wanted to hit and go 'Oh my God, you stole my lyrics!' but mostly, I was so thankful for them - making a song with lyrics that I wrote. It would go onto their new album for christ sake! dragged me across the hall and before I knew it I was standing on stage, in between and . They kept on playing the tune but stopped singing. "Everybody, give it up for !" I couldn't believe the cheers I got. Normally I'm the one who gets the nasty comments when I'm around these guys. "She had no idea... but we actually surprised her with this song. The thing is, we wrote it. But, with a little help from her. Well, not just a little," "She wrote all the lyrics without knowing it would form a song in the end," I was just standing there, looking shocked and overwelmed. "We need your help," I looked at who was looking into the crowd. "You see, here," he looked at me, and I was already shaking my head while carried on playing guitar. I knew what they were up to and wanted to make my way. I looked to my right but there was , ready with a waterbottle to spray over me if I took one step closer. I looked to my left but there was stood with his arms spread out, making sure that I couldn't get passed him. "She has a bit of stagefright," carried on. The assholes, they planned it all! There was no getting out... they made sure that there was no possible way for me to get off of that stage. "Luckily we know that she cán sing," "So if you could all support here, she might sing along..." A microphone got pushed into my hands. The first thing that popped into my mind was 'I don't know the lyrics' but as soon as it crossed my mind I got a piece of paper pushed into my other hand. The lyrics. Crap. "Can you all please sing along so she doesn't feel like she's up here all alone?" asked the crowd and got cheers in response. I looked behind me and on the screen I saw the lyrics. Everybody was able to sing along... huh, wait what? I turned around again and saw the background, behind the lyrics. Oh God... I looked into the crowd and the lights made it hard for me to see, but I could see Jade - jumping up and down from excitement. She knew. She god damn knew. Behind the lyrics on the massive screens all around the stage were pictures of the night that we went out with Jade. The night where she got to know a bit better... the pictures that I told her to keep private and to herself. "Ok, here we go!" said and they started playing the tune louder and the song's chorus started. I held the microphone close to my mouth and sang, trying my best to completely ignore the sound of my own voice.

"You sang so beautiful," "Thank you," I decided just to thank people for their compliments instead of fighting them, like I'd done when people started telling me how they felt about my singing. I was surprised when I saw more people impressed and, well, nobody really laughing at me. McFly had been gone for half an hour already, when I suddenly thought that they might be taking showers too. Praying to God that there were more than just two showers in this building, I waited for them to come back. I kept an eye on the door, but stayed far away from it too. What if one of them found the tape already and came over to me to tell me what they think of it? I don't want them to find it when I'm still around. "They'll be here in a minute," Fletch nudged me. He'd probably seen me staring at the door for the past 30 minutes. "Quesion," Brian appeared next to Fletch and looked at me. "Why on earth are you managing McFly when you can be managing your very own niece who has a way better voice than they do?" Okay, so he obviously wasn't talking to me, but to my uncle. I couldn't help but blush a bit at what he'd just said. "I found myself asking that question to myself for the past hour," Fletch smiled at me. "Oh come on," I said, knowing that they were joking anyways. "If I'd known that you would get on a stage in front of so many people, I'd signed you straight away," Fletch nodded, looking seriously. I wasn't sure if they were being sarcastic now, fooling with me or not because they knew that I got forced into doing it. Maybe it wasn't as bad and embarresing as I thought it would be - after getting all those replies from everybody, but it still wasn't something that I wanted to do on a daily basis. "Yea right, like I'd get as many people to listen to me like they do," I said, meaning McFly. I rolled my eyes at the both of them, letting them know that I thought they were being silly. They didn't leave it alone though. ", what if I'd make a serious offer to you?" "Yea, you can't keep such a pretty voice like that inside for the rest of your life! It would be wrong if you kept it away for the rest of the world," Brian added. I looked at them and saw they were being hella serious - ignoring the many drinks they'd had. I nodded slowly. "Ok. What if I'd say I'd think about it?" I smiled at Fletch, but he rolled his eyes. "Ok, Brian. We can forget it - she's saying no," I dropped my mouth. "I never said that!" "You just said you'd think about it!" "Yea so?" Fletch was being unreasonable. "All my experiences with women saying that they'd think about something have been negative... what could make this situation any different?" "It's mé your talking to!" I made a point, making the men smile at me. I pointed behind them. "There's some ladies there, waiting for your attention- go and entertain them!" Both the men turned their heads to look at the women I just pointed at. I took my chance and rushed away from them, before they could see where I went. I could see the both of them turning back and finding me gone - shaking their heads, laughing and talking to each other. Then they both turned around and made their way. I smiled to myself. Score. Goal one of the evening completed.

There was a knock on the door, which didn't get answered so it just opened. Four lads, talking with each other while getting dressed and doing their hair got interrupted by Matt. "Dudes-" Matt started, getting everyone quiet. "Last gig... best by far!" he said and recieved thankyou's from everybody. "Did you see how many people actually answered our questions?" said, quite amazed. "That's just because there's no fans in here," Matt sat down on the sofa next to who just finished putting his shoes on. "Not true, Jade is here," joked, recieving a punch from . "Great job on getting ánd keeping on stage though," Matt nodded impressed. "I know right! We actually thought that she might knew that we planned something," said, but Matt shook his head. "No, we got her out of the door quickly enough when you had the soundcheck - she had nó idea what so ever," Matt smiled. "Anyways, the people are waiting man!" Matt got up again. "Are you coming downstairs already?" "I'm good to go," said who'd just finished his hair - finally looking away from his own reflection in the mirror. "Me too," clapped his hands together and followed and Matt who already left the room, making their way down to the concert hall. and were left together. was doing his hair while took another sip of his water bottle. "Hey, can I ask you a question," suddenly asked. didn't say anything, but knew that he would get the question anyways. "Are you and Jade like, together now?" he waited for his answer, just staring at 's back who was still looking at himself in the mirror. "I don't know," finally said. "Depends pretty much on her and her staying here," he followed. "Yea, but she can't stay here forever, can she?" was afraid that his friend was maybe getting into this a bit too much. There was gonna be a day that Jade would have to go back to America and he'd be left alone - heartbroken. Again shrugged to his question. "Maybe she can," he said and now finally turned around to face . "I mean, she already got fire from her job and now she dropped out of college and everything-" was about to tell his friend more, but interrupted. "She was still in college?!" he spat out. gave him a look. "Don't be so stupid, she's just as old as we are - hell if we wouldn't have been so lucky to be in this band we probably would've still been in college aswell," said and threw one last look in the mirror before walking towards the door. "Ohyea... yea ok, your right..." said after thinking about it. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" said, now standing by the door, about to leave. "Yea sure," got up aswell, walking towards the mirror. "Like, a personal question?" asked, just nodded. "When are you gonna give up this whole act and tell me that you fancy ?" froze and looked at . "Shut up," quickly smiled as if just made a joke. "I'm serious mate, you don't have to tell me, but at least face it yourself?" There was a silence that filled the room. It got killed by opening the door. "I'll see you downstairs in a bit." and the door got closed. looked at himself in the mirror and sighed.

Oh crap - there they are! and just entered after Matt. They got greeted by everybody who was standing near the door and immediatly fell into conversation with a few people. Probably just chatting about the show they just did and the whole tour, them being back in England - the whole heebayeeba. They didn't seem like they were looking for me, so that meant I'm fine, right? I mean, if they found their tapes they probably want to listen to them immediatly and they'd find out that I made those things for them and they'd come and tell me that they found them. But - they didn't. Well... at least not and . Did that mean that was wearing other socks... or did he find it and just threw it in his bag... hmm. Ok, stay away from for abit until I notice him not acting weird towards me. There was . He entered alone and it took two seconds for Jade to run over and hug him. Also he got greeted by loads of people and fell in conversation with a few. I saw Jade getting bored just listening to him getting compliments from others and she noticed me. I waved her over. Nearly skipping through the hall, bumping into hell loads of people she came and stood next to me. "Even famous people like them," Jade squeeled. I smiled. "Yea, but they just say that so they can get free tickets for their little daughters and neighbours and stuff," I shrugged, making Jade laugh. There he was. The last one that I was waiting for. . He entered the room and smiled to a few people who greeted him. I saw him looking around the room and then our eyes met. He didn't smile or wave - he just started walking towards me. My heart started pouding. Did he find his tape already? But I hid it in his coat - he would've never ever checked his pockets before coming downstairs! Just before was near enough for me to hear him, somebody yanked my arm and I got dragged away. It was Jade who screamed something about 'our dancemoves' and she started dancing. There were people moving to the music already but Jade was just throwing all her energy out, creating a dancefloor. I had to laugh, but just joined in. I didn't look behind me - I was too scared for my eyes to lock with 's again. What if he'd wave me over...? I couldn't just say no to that. So, Thanking God once again for Jade being here, we did our stupid dancemoves like we did back in America. I danced all my nerves out - I didn't care if people laughed at me. As long as I was having fun! After a few songs I noticed ... with, a digital camera! I stopped Jade from her wild moves and pointed at . We looked at each other and a smile grew on both our faces. Rushing over to it only took us seconds to get him away from the person he was talking to. "Hey ," I smiled. "Can we have a look at your camera?" Jade carefully took it from 's hands. "But it's not mine-" as soon as Jade had the whole thing in her hands, she rushed away. "Thanks," I patted him on the back and ran after Jade, leaving alone with empty hands while we were laughing our asses off. Right - back onto the dancefloor. You know when you're dancing, you have this little space for you and your friends... like, every little group of people has their own spot on the floor? We lost it now because we made our trip to . We tried to get our space back, but the old people and their 70's dance moves -they all dance like shit, I'll tell you- just didn't let us through. I looked at Jade who sighed after she got elbowed in the face. "Booth?" I mouthed to her, she understood, nodded and followed me to an empty booth

We got another drink and had taken loads of pictures already. We'd been walking around with our camera and sat in a booth, talking about the people that walked by -and grading some of them-. When we were looking through the pictures that we already made and knocking half empty glasses over that were still left on the table, , and join us. and Jade start looking at the pictures together - leaving me to glare at and . I haven't had the chance just yet to be mad at them. "Fucking bastards," I glared but couldn't help to smile through it. "You can't possibly tell us that you didn't like it," had to laugh. My mouth dropped. "You really thought that I'd like being dragged onto a stage and being forced to sing a song that I didn't know of - without a soundcheck may I add?!" and looked at each other, then both at me and nodded. I sighed and smiled. "Dickheads!" "There's the camera! Brian was looking for it!" said while he put a tray full of drinks down on the table. Jade smiled at him. "Is this Brian's camera?" asked. nodded. "Yea, he asked me to take a few pictures. When I just ran into him at the bar he asked me how it was going with the pictures," he pulled a painful face. "What did you say?" wanted to know. "That it was going great," they laughed. I decided to take another drink from the tray - immediatly I got a look from . "What?" I asked, taking a sip. Instead of saying anything to me, he turned to . "We have black markers upstairs, don't we?" he made his point very clear. "Oh come on, I promise you that I will never ever get that drunk again!" I said, holding two fingers up. People shrugged it off, while sat down with us. and Jade were still too caught up in the pictures, so that left me and these three lads to talk. "So, what were you talking about?" said after taking a sip of his beer. " was calling us names for what we did to her," said very seriously as I nodded. looked surprised. "Really? I thought you wouldn't mind, you got on that stage quite easily," he said, looking at me with raised eyebrows. "That's because I was so caught up in this beautiful song and suddenly I realised that it was all stuff that I'd written, and Fletch was giving me this smile and then suddenly you were there and before I knew it, I was on stage and when I realised that you wanted me to sing I wanted to get away-" "But you couldn't!" smiled. I nodded. "I can't believe that you planned this whole thing out," I shook my head and took another sip from my drink. Suddenly a hand took my glass and put it down on the table. I looked beside me. "You've had enough so far," James and Matt -both drinking coca cola for the evening, the brave boys- joined us. I smiled when Matt gave me his drink. "Thanks," "You're welcome," I looked around, there couldn't possibly fit any more people on this sofa. From left to right it was now James - - - Jade - me - - and Matt. and Jade we both leaning backwards, still staring at the camera and now also taking pictures of themselves while the rest of us was sitting up straight so we could actually speak (and listen) to each other. Matt, James and start this conversation about... whatever, while me and and started our own. After a while and had to switch places to make the communication easier. "Now tell me, did everybody know?" Tom nodded. "Brian, Fletch.. all of us, even James and Matt ánd also Jade. But she only knew because we needed the pictures because we knew that she had them," Harry told me. I shook my head again - unbelievable. "But, don't get me wrong." pointed out. "If you weren't able to sing we would've never done this to you," he said. I wanted to fight it immediatly, but stopped me even before I could start. "NO!" he said, putting his hand over my mouth. "Remember that karaoke night... where we forced you onto that little stage aswell?" I nodded with still his hand over my mouth. "I filmed that," nodded proudly and smiled. removed his hand and I slightly gasped at . "Oh my God, I remember you doing that!" "Yea we all forgot, but on Fletch' laptop it sounded quite perfect," "Pff, perfect he says," I grinned, waving it away. I didn't want to hear it. I'm a songwriter - not a singer for God sake! "Oh come on-" "No, . Leave it," cut off. just glared at me jokingly, making me laugh. Suddenly we all had to move and stand up because and Jade wanted to get out of the booth because they wanted to show of their Michael Jackson moves -... what the fuck?- James took his chance and immediatly joined in. was up now anyways, so decided to go to the toilet and get another tray of drinks. We talk abit about the losers dancing and I take my chance to look at the pictures that Jade and made. I smile as I see the exact same pictures as they took when they were in America. Both their heads squeezed together and both pulling funny faces. Suddenly I feel a hand on my knee and see that it's linked to 's arm. I look at him, he moves his head towards my ear. I listen to him while I see Matt looking at me. "Can we talk, in private?" he asked me softly as if he didn't want anybody else to hear. I nodded and shrugged, letting him know that it's not a big deal. "When?" I asked. He looked at me and pointed down - meaning 'now'- while looking at me questionably. I nodded and shrugged again, wondering about what he wanted to tell me. We both got out of the booth and I realised that I was leaving Matt alone. Feeling a bit guilty over leaving him there all by himself, I take a step back and tell him that we'll be right back.

I followed to where ever he wanted to talk to me. On our way to that place, we bumped into with a full tray. was too fast to notice him, but I wasn't and took two beer glasses of the tray. "We'll be right back," I tell him too and quickly follow who's already standing at the door. "!" I yell, making him look back. I raise one glass as I walk over to him, and he takes it from me. Leaving the concert hall we walk up the stairs to the dressingroom hallway. While walking up the stairs we both keep quiet. I keep on thinking that he might wants to talk about the song that he'd made from my lyrics, but when I see the dressingroom hallway my stomach turns. The cassettes! Crap, did he find his? Or another one maybe? No, I don't want this! We're walking next to each other and my thoughts are racing. How can I get away from this without being rude or starting a fight? Then I see my dressingroom door and McFly's dressingroom door a few doors away. You know how in animation films, people who have ideas get these lightbulb moments? I had one of those! Without making it seem weird - I just opened my dressingroom door... luckily followed. I celebrate in silence but don't let it show. I just escaped something that I've been scared for for a few days already. Thank goodness. I close the door behind me and sit down next to , who put his drink on the table. "So," I start, waiting for him to speak up while I take a sip of my beer. turns his body towards me and looks at me. "Do you hate me?" I look at him and slowly shake my head. "No..." There have been times where I wanted to kill you, but I don't hate you... iI didn't say that out loud of course. "Why not?" does this guy need an ego boost or what? Well, he looked quite insecure, so I decided to just answer his question. "Because... you're my friend. We hang out... if I hated you, I wouldn't be sitting here right now," I explained. He looked down and thought. "Why? Do you hate me?" I didn't know why he asked me this in the first place. "No I don't," he shook his head without looking at me. "I have been a mean, selfcentred, careless, heartless guy... I don't see why you still don't hate me?" he looked at me, but I found it hard to look in his eyes. I sat back and put my feet onto the sofa swell, making myself comfortable. "Next to that, you've been funny, sweet, joyfull, making me laugh and what not? ... why do you feel so bad about yourself, when your positivity outshines your tiny bit of negativity?" What was wrong with him? What happened to the happy, tough that I knew? Was he slowly breaking down? "I had a chat with Matt earlier," he still wasn't looking at me. "And he told me something..." Uh-oh... did Matt tell him about my crush? He wouldn't have! I told him that in trust! "And we came to the conclusion that you are... the best chick éver!" Did my heart just skip a beat? "Your nice, your friendly, you forgive people, you put yourself in their shoes to understand how they are feeling, you're cool about the most weirdest stuff- it's almost too good to be true!" My gosh... I've always wanted to be too good to be true. But. Then, actually be true! Was he just giving me this mega ego boost or was there a 'but' coming up...? "And, Matt said that for him you were actually too good to be true. Like, he had you once but then he screwed up..." Now it looked like he was playing Dr Phil with me. Was he jealous of the Dr Phil time me and used to have...? I'm confused! "Now," looked at me. " told me something today, and I've been talking to Matt about it," I nodded, but I had no idea what the hell he was going on about. "And, I tried to get Matt on my side, but he agreed with ..." Is he going to tell me what actually said... or is this just gonna stay vague? "And then he said that I should talk to you about it and just tell you how I feel about the situation." Ok, that's it. I'm just gonna ask. "So... what's the situation?" I asked. He looked at me and thought about his words. He wanted to tell me something, but I think that he didn't know how, or which words to use. Was it something shocking that he had to tell me... was something wrong? Scenario's of telling me he had a killing illness to scenario's of telling me that he found the tape were all flashing through my mind. sat up a bit and looked at me for a second, before looking at his hands that were playing with his jeans. "I'm sorry if I scare you and if I'm gonna ruin this whole thing in between us," ...is there something in between us? Did he mean just friendship, or was he suggesting more than friendship. I was confused, but figured that listening would give me the answers. "But I have always had a soft spot for you. Well, everybody has, but... I don't know. Every time I look at you, or be around you, or talk to you... I'm happy. It might be weird for me to say this but to me you are-" "so much more than a friend?" I finished for him. If I wasn't already sure about my major crush on him- I just saw everything clear. "... yea," he said, looking a bit confused at me. I didn't want to give my feelings away just like that- I might scare the boy off. But the reason why I didn't say anything for a little bit is because I felt guilty. Not only towards Matt and (I still wasn't sure about him and me and the whole him having feelings for me thing) but also towards . "Please say something?" said, giving me a quick look. " Ok listen," I moved a bit, making myself more comfortable. "I havent been honest... like - at all. Well, I haven't lied but I just never told you the truth... I couldn't, because I just found out this week actually," Secretly I smiled to myself. was probably thinking the opposite of what I was thinking right now. "But, I guess I've always known... like, remember when we said goodbye at the airport and things were really awkward... we shared a hug and.... i nearly fainted." he looked at me, surprised and in his eyes I saw the that I used to know again. "Really?" he smiled a little. "Yea! I don't know what happend, but my legs just stopped carrying me for a second." Another silence broke in. We both didn't knew what to say- so we waited for each other to speak up. That didn't work quite well... and luckily it was who decided he would do something about it. "Can I... can I just say this out loud, to make it clear to you what I'm trying to say?" he asked carefully and the that I just saw was gone again. He looked... well, actually a bit scared to be honest. I nodded to his question. He was having a rough time. "Urgh... ok. I'm.... in love with you. Have been for quite a while... and, you can hit me, punch me and kick me as much as you want - I totally understand!" I nodded slowly as he looked at me, waiting for my hand to hit his face. "I'm not gonna hit you," I said, making him let out a relieved sigh. It made me smile a little. "Can I just say how I feel about this?" nodded. "I feel guilty... towards Matt, towards - I don't know why but I just can't help it. I also feel guilty for making you do this because you never had to if I would've just told you that I've had a crush on you like forever!" There. I just blurted it out. If didn't get the hint from the fainting at the airport story then he just found out what I meant. "Really?" "... yea." we both looked at the table in front of us. "Wow... I imagined things being thrown against my head but-" he couldn't finish his sentence. Before he got to the end of his words my lips got locked against his. I don't know what made me decide to do it- but it felt like somebody just pushed my head against his. As soon as our lips touched I forgot about Matt and and all my guilt feelings totally vanished when I felt him kissing back. It was just me and him, nothing else mattered. The world could have died and I wouldn't have noticed.

"Are you guys in- ... here..." As soon as the door opened we stopped and pretended to be busy doing something else. I suddenly was very interrested in how my nails looked while mumbled something about a hole in the leather of the sofa. It was Fletch who was stood at the door- doing his best not to burst out laughing. "I'm sorry to disturb but..." we both looked at him and got greeted by a flash of a camera. I heard footsteps running away and a laughing James. Fletch laughed too when he saw our faces. "I'm so sorry, he said that I had to open this door and- I appologise," he quickly closed the door again. Ok. So... it would only take minutes for everybody to know. I looked at and burst out laughing. My red lipstick was all over his face - no wonder Fletch was having such a hard time keeping his laughter inside. "Oh my Gosh..." was the first thing I said. "Nice uncle you have there," he smiled. "What! Don't blame that on me! It's your manager!" I laughed, and so did . "Ok, let's get ourselves presentable," he smiled at me. I nodded and after a look in the mirror, a facewash and a bit of red lipstick we were ready to go downstairs, back to the party.


Months passed...

", its time to go on" said. "You're freaking out a little," "Well yea!" he had been totally chilled out the whole day and now when the time was there, he couldn't stop trying to take care of everything. Stressing - he was stressing out of his body. "Don't!" I said to him before I walked out of the room with him following me. "Everybody is already inside, they're waiting for to go on," I heard Fletch say to Melanie as I walk passed them. She's his new intern - and he's training her to become my new manager. She's not much older than me but she knows more about managing than I do. I'm glad that my manager will be a woman that I can relate to - for the past month Melanie, Jade and I have been practially doing everything together. Loads of people were wishing me luck and told me to have fun while I was making my way to the stage. Remember that offer that Fletch and Brian told me about when they were... well drunk? I didn't take it serious at the time. About a two months after that, I had practically moved in with - I got a phonecall. Turns out that mailed the cassette that he got from me to Universal. He said that he loved it, he had no other choice! Well, the people at Universal loved it too and offered me a recorddeal... for real. With the encouragement (and a lot of training from the guys and Jade in the form of singing in the shower and making me talk to strangers) of all my friends and family (that would be my parents and Fletch who kept on pushing me to take the offer) I said yes. It only took me a month to finish my first album and at the moment my 'fame' started to grow. I still found everything weird and awkward. I'm used to being the person behind the scenčs - not the one in the actual spotlights! But, I was getting the hang of it. Well, I knew how to be proffesional... I've been around people doing this for a long time so I knew how to do this. It just still felt unusual. I got the cue to go on - and so I did.

It's weird to think of how things turned out. and Jade live together now. Jade was crazy enough to get all her thing and actually move to England ( still buys her plane tickets whenever she wants to go see her family) and I sort of live with . Not officially but I kind of spend all my time at his place. Matt's got a new girlfriend - and... to be honest, she's nice. I don't act like it though, I mean... there's so many things about this girl that I recognise in myself. That's basically why we won't fit through one door together. But, she's alright (don't tell her I said that). James and remain single - but they've built up this chickmagnet reputation so they're basically being mensluts. But, I don't blame them... I've never seen either of them with a girl, so it's nice to see that they're at least getting some now (meaning that all the gay rumous around them aren't true by the way. Yea I know - big shocker!) What happened to was a bit of a shock. and I caught him - with Melanie! It's not official just yet, but if things work out will be dating my manager-to-be. As for Fletch and Brian - I only speak to Brian on the phone every now and then and I always get his hello's through from Jade whenever she's been home. I don't know anything about their lovelife's but as far as I know, I'm still auntless.

My life is great right now. There's so many highs that I'm scared for the lows that might come -things have to stay in balance you know- but I know that when a low will be waiting around the corner to drag me down, there will be loads of people willing to pick me up of the ground and help me get through it. I know that this might sound like a happy ending, but it's not... this is only just the beginning...

the end