I ran down the familiar street. The one we’d walk every day, the one we’d met on.
Every memory we shared ran past my eyes.
The houses and cars, parked neatly in their drive ways became nothing but a blur as the first tear threatened to spill.
My head was telling me to stop. To calm down and think this through. My heart was telling me to keep running. If I ran fast enough, I’d get there in time.
I’d get there in time to save her.
from what exactly?
I shook the thought away, forcing my legs to move faster, pounding against the pavement, which eventually turned into grass.
“I love you.” she froze against my body. I knew she knew I meant it this time. Not just as friends like any other time I had said it.
“I love you too,” I smiled as she smiled her perfect smile, the one that lit up her whole perfect face.
“Marry me,” I laughed slightly as she froze again and tucked her hair behind her ear, “I’m being serious, I can’t imagine a life without you.”
She nodded and her lips danced across mine, as if sealing our bond. A bond I knew would last for eternity.
There she was. Alone. On the bridge. The place I realized she was my best friend. The person I couldn’t live without.
“,” I called out to her as I approached the bridge. Normally my legs would be aching and breathing erratic, but this time something was different, “,” my voice was barely a whisper this time when she didn’t respond.
“Your gone,” she finally looked at me.
Through me.
But it wasn’t her. It wasn’t my .
The sparkle in her cheeky eyes had gone and they were dull and lifeless.
“Your gone,” she broke into sobs this time, “Your gone and I can’t get you back,”
I watched on as my best friend screamed at me. I couldn’t even remember what we were fighting about. I was too busy thinking about what I had done and if it was the right thing. It wasn’t as if I didn’t love her, I loved her with every fiber of my being, but I needed reassurance. Reassurance that she was happy with me. . She’s my best friend. She deserves more than the best. She deserved to be happy her whole life.
“Are you happy?” I watched as her face changed as I finally spoke, her yelling coming to a halt.
“Of course I’m happy, what kind of question is that?” she looked at me, demand in her eyes.
“I just want you to be happy . For your whole life. I need you to be happy so that I can be happy,” I gave in, running my hand through my hair, watching that familiar smile light up her face.
“It’s going to be alright sweetie,” I whispered, guiding her away from the bridge, stroking her hair softly.
That was when she pulled away.
“How will it be okay,” her eyes flared, “How will it ever be okay ?”
Again she stunned me. She always managed to do that, right from the first time we met and she told my next door neighbor he looked like a pug when we were eleven.
“I don’t know,” the guilt rising, “It just will. You will,”
“You don’t get it,” she took a step back, tears flowing freely down her face again, “You’re gone. You died. You left me when you said he wouldn’t,”
“I couldn’t help it, I didn’t want to,” I stepped toward her, my heart breaking as I watched he face go from grieving to anger towards me.
“You could have! You could have stayed at home,” her knees gave way and she collapsed into the grass, leaving me to do nothing but watch as the strongest person in my life gave up, “You went to get bloody milk for me, . You don’t just die because I want milk. It’s my fault you went out, my fault that car hit you,”
Cautiously I allowed myself to fall on the ground next to her.
“I don’t know the pain you’re going through right now, but you can’t blame yourself,” I took her hand, brushing the hair from her face with my free one, “I won’t let you,”
“I miss you so much,” she sobbed, allowing me again to take her in my arms, her head burying itself against my shoulder, “i need you,”
“I know,”
“I want it to be the way it was, the way I remember it,”
“It can’t be,”
“I don’t want to forget you,”
“You won’t, I’ll always be there,”
“Why do I feel so lonely then? It’s too much , I can’t do this all alone,”
“You won’t, I’ll be here for you,”
Silence filled the air around us as we sat in the grass. We sat their until it was too cold to breathe properly and too dark to see our hands in front of us.
I knew she was lost in her memories, memories that made her happy, memories of us.
I didn’t want to disturb that.
But in those silent moments, where I held her against my shoulder for the last time and listened to her sob, I knew that she knew I wouldn’t leave her, that i would always be in her heart, watching over her and that those memories would keep her happy and strong.
“So I’ll see you once the summer’s over?”
I watched as the grin faded from her face as she spoke to me. We we’re sixteen and it would be the first summer in five years we wouldn’t have spent together.
“You betcha. But don’t worry, I’ll be sending you lots of emails and letters everyday,”
“Letters?”
“Okay so I might email you once or twice,”
I felt her punch me on the arm.
“I’m being serious ,”
“So was I,”
“Can you just listen to me for a second?”
I grinned slightly as she began to lose her temper.
“No matter where our roads take us this summer, remember I’m coming back to you,”
“You make it sound as if you love me or something,” I joked.
“I do,” she grinned slightly, as I felt my jaw drop, “I’m joking you loser. But I do love you, you’re my best mate, I need you around no matter what so I have someone’s arse to kick when I need to,”
“Thanks,” I rolled my eyes as she embraced me in a hug.
“Don’t forget me,” I called as she climbed into her family car.
“Never,”