I glanced in the mirror again, this time looking away as the taxi out the front sounded its horn. Sighing again, I picked up my suitcases, carefully carrying them to out the front door before locking up the now empty house.
Sure it had my furniture and crap in it, but no habitants.
I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t stay and allow myself to slowly die by a broken heart. Someday’s I even found it impossible to breathe. Those were the days when you were near.

It’s funny though. I thought I could deal.
That I was able to handle you not loving me.
That I was able to blank out the burning touches, or the way I felt my body shiver when our hands brushed.
The way I thought I could ignore the fact I managed to lose track of time when you looked in my eyes.
And then suddenly, I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t make myself hurt like this anymore.
And this time I knew I would sick to the promise of getting over you.
Getting away from you.
Everything was perfectly planned.

“You alright miss?” I nodded and gave the taxi driver a weak smile as the car slowly headed towards the airport, the images of the streets and city I loved filling my mind for the last time.

“Are you sure?” again I smiled at the older man at the front of the vehicle. There was no way I was going to let my weakness show, I didn’t care that it looked like I had been crying.

I had, I wasn’t going to deny that, but I had to put this smile on my face.
I had to let the world know I wasn’t fine. That inside I was screaming for you.
I’d gotten used to it anyway.
Using this smile.
It was the one I let you see. The one I made sure was always on when I knew you were coming over, or if you wanted me to catch up with the guys.
It was the one you believed.

I handed the cabbie the money as he pulled to a stop out of the front of the airport, before quickly climbing out of the car to grab my bags.
God knows why I was rushing. It wasn’t as if anyone knew what I was doing.
Or why I was leaving.

No one would understand the way I felt. The way I tried to stop feeling like this.
Even I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop. Why I loved you like this, knowing I could never have you in my arms.

Shaking my head, I continued on my path into the airport
. My heart leaping as I spotted your album poster out the front of the music store.
The smile dancing in your eyes.
Closing my eyes, I tried to regain my composure, not expecting to see that here. Instead all I saw was your face. Your eyes piercing mine.

“How amazing is this?” your accent spoke quietly, pulling on my hand so I was lying on the grass next to you, as you gazed up at the stars, completely unaware that my attention was solely captured by you.

“Yeah, it’s great,” I whispered back, glancing at the twinkling pin pricks briefly, turning back to find your attention back on me.

“What’s up?” this is what i hated about you. you could read me like a book, I suppose that’s how best friends were meant to be.

“Nothing,” I answered and sat back up, playing with the grass between my fingers.

“Fine, I’m not going to force you to tell me,” he sighed, sitting up as well, wrapping an arm around my waist pulling me closer to his chest. I shivered involuntary.

“We should go back inside,” I softly pushed myself away from his body, avoiding his gaze as I stood up.

“Yeah,” he simply answered, again taking my hand in his, squeezing it gently.

Taking a deep breathe I opened my eyes again, still finding myself face to face with your image.
I took you in, your soft hair, your piercing eyes, your laughing smile, I took it all in for one last time, before I stepped forward, knowing there was no way I could go back. No way I could ever erase that smiling face from my mind, the face I thought about constantly for years.
Focusing my attention on the check in desk, I let my guard down, allowing the tears to flow freely.

I didn’t understand how life could be so cruel.
But mostly, I couldn’t understand how I could love you like I do.
Like I always will