June 21, 2006

Upon arriving to get my athletic physical, I soon remembered the first task to this dreadful test:
Urinating Into A Dixie Cup

I remembered years passed when I had trouble with this part. (One time I even spilled my piss) I decided that this time I will get it right. Oh, and I did. It's a technique I call the "Listen and Fill".

I thought, "Hm...I wonder how many other girls have the same problems I do" So to help out the girls that have yet to master the art of Dixie-Pissing, I have compiled a set of instructions (with illustrations...woo) in which girls can use for this nerve-wracking requirement to the athletic physical.


Step One Acquire a cup from your school nurse or gym teacher or whomever is guiding the physical. (See fig.1) Make sure you have drank an immense amount of water before you get there. If you don't have to pee, they'll make you sit there and drink water until you have to. (And that's a bitch)

fig.1

Step Two Find the bathroom. (see fig.2) Preferably the bathroom closest to where you must bring your urine sample. Find an empty stall with toilet paper and a clean toilet with no poo or tampons in the bowl. Remember: you'll be reaching down into this toilet bowl. You don't want to reach down too far and get crap all over your hands. Then your life would suck. You'd probably also die.

fig.2

Step Three This is the first part of my technique called "Listen and Fill". Release your pee. Listen for the trickle noises. (See fig.3) Hear that beautiful music of urine against water. But don't get too into it because now you're ready for the next step!

(fig.3)

Step Four You're almost there! Now it's time to fill! Spread you legs and reach under until you can hear the dixie cup being filled. (see fig.4) Only fill it a little bit at the bottom of the cup. Keep some toilet paper on hand so you can wipe yourself. Just because you're adding a cup, doesn't mean you change standard bathroom procedures! Oh yeah, and you better wash your hands or I'll have Chuck Norris give you a roundhouse kick to the face. Trust me, you'll die. Of course, that's if you havn't died already from Step Two. Now take the cup and give it to your nurse.

fig.4

This concludes my tutorial on peeing into a dixie cup. I hope it came in handy!