Handling Noisy Neighbours
Chapter 3

Drainage trucks and crew arrive about 8.15am
Small mechanical digger is unloaded at noisy neighbours' place.

What Worked!

After about three weekends of ASSing the neighbours the following amazing event occurred. It was a Tuesday morning and I was home (thanks to Self Clearing my partner and I are no longer wage slaves). Now, we'd seen a white van and plumber at their place since we started ASSing. But so far we hadn't been quick enough to grab photos. Now I heard noise from the garden and went out to investigate. It was hard to believe what was happening so I grabbed the camera and took photos. Enjoy!

The drainage service truck was here from 8.15am to approx 1.15pm

The operator jumped six inches off his seat when I said good morning!

This all happened because the neighbours had woke us up AGAIN so I AGAIN Liquid ASS'd their backyard and around the sewer pipe. The next morning the plumber arrived AGAIN to work on their problem. By now we're noticing that they're more careful about keeping their windows and doors closed. AGAIN they woke us up so AGAIN we sprayed and AGAIN the plumber arrives. I'm too excited to remember to take photos so decide to leave the camera handy near the back door, in case the plumber comes again. As you can see, the job was TOO BIG for the plumber!

No need to get upset now that we have the EQUALIZER. I just put my jacket on over my pajamas, put shoes on and go and spray a few squirts around their front door and rubbish bin. Then I go into the back garden and spray around their sewer pipe. The operator said if he'd known I was home the job would have been much easier - more room to work in - from my garden. I expressed deep sympathy with his situation and said if I'd known they were coming of course there'd be no problem digging up our garden as well. I lied.

Is Liquid Ass too powerful???

Check out these emails between myself and staff at Liquid Ass:

On 6/5/06, I wrote:
To Assman A - An astonishing update. In my paranoia, I was convinced our noisy neighbours had discovered who'd been ASSing them. Even though my partner disagreed. "They're just not that bright", she said. Anyway, today we heard something going on at the neighbours' place so sneaked out to investigate. There was a man with a white van and a noisy machine - checking out their DRAINAGE SYSTEM!! I overheard him say there was no blockage there now, but it's a common problem, etc, and to call him if it happens again! We KNOW there's no drainage problem because we share the same system. How AMAZING is Liquid Ass? Oh, Happy Happy, Joy Joy!!! (Assman Downunder)

(Response from Liquid Ass)
Thanks for the update. That is too funny. We have found that people usually don't suspect the smell is a prank because of the absence of a sulfur smell. Liquid ASS smells too much like poo. Since the smell MUST be caused by something, the next suspect is the sewer/plumbing. You will find that playing with the minds of your neighbors is highly entertaining (and harmless). You are now in control. (Assman A)

Just this last weekend I was AGAIN awoken by their loud conversation in their back yard, Monday morning at 1.15am. My partner predicted this would happen because Monday was a public holiday, which meant they didn't have to get up early to go to work. (They actually told us one time that we shouldn't be complaining about their noise at weekends because we're not working the next day!). Their logic doesn't impress me. I don't work anyway, don't need too. To help them understand OUR point of view (and the LAW which states foks are entitled to the quiet enjoyment of their premises, etc.) I AGAIN I sprayed front and back. THIS time the heavy guns arrived, as you can see! And the neighbours had to take a day off work to provide access to their premises.

Meanwhile, we've just ordered another batch of Liquid Ass...