●●● Cherry Life ●●●

Werewolf

But then you transform; creature of the night
How can any human call you a monster?
They can only see through the eyes of fear,
Only able to see the stereotypes
I deeply wish they'd see your beauty;
the beauty of the beast

You don not like bullets made of silver; but then, who does?
They say that it's a way to kill you, but it would kill them too

I got the idea for this poem from a line in a song by The 69 Eyes, which is a Finnish band. Unfortunately, I forgot the title, bu it might be 'Don't turn your back on fear' but I am absolutely not sure. However, in the song there is a little miss pookiness mentioned, and I started daydreaming a little about her. That is how I came up with her.

Enjoy, and for now, sayonara,

{Kurai-hime}

Little Miss Spookiness

She's in love with the dark
Always longing for the night
She's a young queen of fright
Little miss spookiness

No one ever saw her by the light of day
But the sun goes down and she comes to life
And if all humans are asleep, she shows the real her
She's a little miss spookiness

She loves to scare you to death
And likes to play with the creatures of the night
She sleeps with the windows opened wide
Hoping that her dark prince will take her for a ride

Spinrag in her bloodred hair, skin as white as snow
She floats with ghosts
She wears a once white, ragged dress
And laughs always at the best

Little miss spookiness
So dead, and yet alive
By day, resting in a place that's like an unmarked grave
But when the night falls, no one's safe

She likes the evil, more than most
She's a little monster, straight from your worst dream
She's your biggest fear
And at night, she goes out to kill

She's a young queen of fright
Always longing for the night

Little miss spookiness.....
Beware, you might be next....

Boulevard of broken dreams

There she stands
A little, dark girl in the freezing snow
Lost, and so left out
Although she's in a place with people all around
She'll always be alone

I'm lost in this cold, not-caring world. I'm surrounded by people and still I'm alone. That's how it will always be, how it has always been. No one cares about me, no one knows me. And by the passing of time I got used to it. To be honest, at the moment, I can't give a fuck about any of that for a feeling of belonging

Everyone just walks straight past her,
Not realising she exists
No one sees the tears in her beautiful, hurting eyes
Tears of sadness, and of loneliness
No one sees the hate that keeps her going

People walk just straight past me, not realizing I exist. But, I'm not sure if I still exist at all. I have been living for so long that I as well might be a ghost. No one sees the tears in my eyes, not that it's possible to see the tears in my eyes, if you don't even see me....

All the dreams that she once had
They are all shattered into pieces
She walks a boulevard of broken dreams
And nobody sees

All those dreams that I once had, they're all shattered into pieces. There were so many things that I wanted to see, so many things I wanted to learn, so many things I wanted to do. But life doesn't care for dreams, only for reality, and one by one my dreams were destroyed. Now I'm walking a boulevard of broken dreams, and no one cares.

No one really knows her name
She's just a little shadow girl
Lost in this superficial world
No one understands who she really is

No one remembers my name, for I've lived in the shadows since the day that I was born. Since the day that I got lost in this superficial world. People don't care about others, as long as they get what they want. That's just how it is. The only thing that matters is their own will and vision, and if you don't agree with that you're crazy... insane.... 

Little girl, called a freak
She will keep on going till there's no way back
She saw too much
She can't forget
The way this life really is

This society wants everyone to do as everyone else, to be a face in the crowd, without an own opinion, an own vision. Being different isn't allowed. Once they told me at school that we should be gratefull, cause we're free. But we aren't free. We've never been. Tell me, do you feel like you're free? Why don't you wake up, and see? You're not free. Our whole lives are decided by others. People just have to listen to others, to their parents, teachers, bosses, gouverment. For everything there are rules. We are bound to the rules of society about how to behave, and when to be happy, or sad. Just wake up and see how life really is. Please, wake up.....

Suddenly, the snow turns red and she's gone
Angels sing a requim
for a little girl that yesterday still was

But now the day has come to leave it all behind, to take a knife and cut the strings. Dear mr. Knife, I've waited for so long. Soon the snow will turn red, and I'll be gone. Into the nothing.......

 Nothing, that's all that will be left. My body will be gone, and the blood will be washed away when new snow falls. So, what's left? It won't be my soul. I've been alone for so long, that I doubt if I even have a soul, that I doubt if there's anyone who has a soul. Mankind lost its connection with it's soul a long time ago. So when my body's gone, there'll be nothing left off me. And I'll just be a name, someone who once was born, who lived, and died, without having meant anything. A fly that only lived for one day.

But to me, that's better. I'd rather live for just one day, than to go on till I'm old and tired, and longing for death, realizing that you've never meant anything. That you never did anything they'll remember you for, and that you, once you're gone, you'll be forgotten.

Another story from my depressed period. Although, this is depressed feelings mixed up with anger. As yet untitled, which will not be a suprise when you read the story. But you should judge for yourself, so try to enjoy reading.

{Kurai-hime}

There is always a reason - a motive- as to why people act a certain way.
I have my own reasons as to why I am the way I am. But those reasons are mine and mine alone. A prying finger that belongs to anybody but my friends is not welcome.
There are many regrets left unsaid; like hushed little whispers at the back of my mind.
I feel the pain, but feel no shame. Because everything I did ultimately led to an outcome I planned far in advance. Or at least that’s what I tell myself; repeating it over and over in my mind; a silent mantra.
For if I do not doubt will wrap its ravenous tendrils around me. And the second I grant the footprints of shame solid ground, everything will be lost.
My security is built around certainty and it will forever stay that way.

Why are you looking at me, as if you can give me solid ground?

Don't even fucking bother trying. It won't work! My whole life, my footsteps've turned me down. One by one.

And I certainly don't need free advice. Go baby someone else. Don't talk to me as if I'm a little girl you just can tell what's right and what's wrong.

Remember how you wanted to be friends with them, back then? You got so close to being one of them. Now that's quite a nightmare. You got yourself other friends, didn't you? Didn't work out very well either, did it? I thought so. You've finally learned it, haven't you? Friendship means nothing. It's an excuse for people to screw each other over and over.

No reason to try to make things better. Really, that only makes things worse. They will accept you, and well, you know you don't really want to be one of them. You don't want to conform and act like you're completely braindead. You're too good for that. They certainly won't let that happen without trying to stop you. They will do whatever it takes to protect their little vacum of idiocy. And that means, you will have to do equal things to protect yourself.
So, it might turn out it's necessary to draw people's attention to yourself. Why? Because otherwise they'll assume you agree with everything when you do not. Haven't you noticed how they always seem not to notice you when you comment something they did? Exactly. So, fuck them, fuck every stupid rule, every single person who told you it's impolite to interfere, every single morron who said it only works against you. They already hate you, so lets say it to the point; it won't make any difference.

You know how they play this little 'game' of them, don't you? They'll always change the rules when it's your turn. And then, they'll watch you burn and laugh. Funny, isn't it? Oh yes, I'm laughing so hard I'm almost crying, but only because I've never heard so much idiocy from someone who ough to know better than that.

Why don't you want to see? It only makes you miserable. You don't make the situation any more bearable by closing your eyes for it.

It's no wonder you feel so tired of it all, and that you feel like you don't know anymore what's right and what's wrong. But, you need to gather just a little more courage. Fight on. That's what you've done for over four years now. It won't be long anymore, now. Just one and a half year, and you'll be free. You won't see them ever again if you chose so. And well, I don't doubt that you will chose for that indeed.

We all know the last part is the hardest. But, that's no reason to give up, lose courage and just generally spend your time trying not to die. You feel empty, don't you? As if your heart is frozen, and with that... your love for everything. For study, for people, for talking. All you do now is hiding, escaping, searching for the perfect hideaway. You're just making it harder for yourself, but making it easier for everyone else. Making it easier for me. Because, you've always surpressed me. You never allowed me to reach the surface. Why don't you embrace me. I'm a part of you, after all. Your... so-called dark side, I guess. But that's no reason to turn away from me. Without me, you won't survive here. Especially not now.

Because, your fears are getting worse and worse. Your sadness and the uncomfortableness that makes you avoid most company, stops you from being yourself. From creating a 'healthy' balans between your sweet 'good' side, and your dark side. Yin and Yang. Because, they're certainly not in balance now.

Say that you like them, one last time. Say that you don't mind when you do mind, for just one fucking last time. One last time. The last of many lies. Because, it makes no one happier if you say these things. It doesn't make them happier; it only makes them use you. And it certainly doesn't make you happier. One last lie, and then perhaps you can leave this place. Even if it's just in your mind, you won't have to be there. Then you can escape.

They can hurt but won't kill me.

What a drag it is, the state I'm in. A miserable little creature, afraid of her own shadow! It's pathetic. And why? Because they're not nice to me. Aww... isn't that cute..? This little goth girl is afraid of the big mean barbie dolls and action man dolls. How pathetic.

And you can't leave. You're too stubborn for that.

It's pathetic. You feel so empty, so dead. You know what makes you feel this, and yet you do nothing about it. Do really think you are someone?! Fool. You're nothing. Dust. You're just as pitious and empty as they are. Are you gonna cry now?! Why, because I'm not nice. Face it, hun. The world is not nice. So you can crumble and hide in some dark corner as if you're afraid for the light, claiming that the world is nice, or you can stand up, and fight. For yourself.

You're the one who has to chose. Now hurry up, you haven't got the rest of your life to decide.

Honey, you're an emotional wreck. Do you even know who you are anymore? Do you ever say what you mean? Why are you able to write these things, to think them, when you are not able to put them into practice, to do what you have longed for so long? To say the things that haunt your mind?

And of course, you'd love to be somewhere else. You're not. Deal.

One thing, dear, stop sounding like some shrink.

Don't be so self-occupied. Do you really think they think about you whole day. C'mon princess airhead, you're not that interesting. Become someone and then perhaps someone will give a shit.

Don't crumble, don't act like a little kid which needs her mommy to tell her everything is alright and that there is no monster under her bed. Face it, hun, there is a monster. And believe me, it's nothing, compared to what you have to deal with. If you could just see what they really are.

Vampires, zombies, undead, living dead, monsters. Call them whatever you like. That's up to you. As long as you realize they're dead.

Basically, they're just corpses walking around. Now, isn't that a good explanation why most idiot girls douce themselves with (awful smelling) perfume?

Don't expect any sympathy from them. At all. They're dead, they have no feelings. Well, that doesn't make much difference wih them when they were alive, does it?

Of course vampires are in fact more like you than humans. But... these 'people', in fact they're vampires. They don't feed on blood, they feed on your emotions. They love to just sence your pain and anger. Why do you think you feel so drained lately? C'mon dear, you've been their 'doner' for quite some time now. You know that. You really did. You knew all along. You started feeling so uncomfortable around 'people'. Do you really think that has nothing to do with it? Little fool.... Why don't you just open your eyes and face reality?! 

Perhaps, vampires is a bit strong. Perhaps it's more like, parasites. But in any way, you can't let this go on this way.

You know what you have to do. Fight them. Kill them. Kill, or be killed.

It doesn't matter how you fight them. Just make sure no one finds out how exactly you do it. If you do things that are illegal, just make sure they don't find out. After all, what one doesn't know, doesn't hurt, right?

... you work exactly the same way...

 This, I wrote one day when I was really annoyed by a friend of mine who was so desperately searching for a boyfriend that it seemed as if she fell in love with another guy each week. Now, I do not claim to know everything about love, but in my opinion, one cannot learn what love is like from books, from other people's stories. What you read are just empty words, it are just shadows of the true feeling. No matter how good one is with words, it can not be described. Keep that in mind when you read this attempt to writing a poem.

Boy, I hope my writing skills have improved a little. If not, there is no hope for me left ;). Enjoy reading,

{Kurai-hime}

Romantic soul

Romantic soul, you have no idea
what love is really like
All you see is the bed of roses

Romantic soul, if I'd ask you about Romeo and Juliet
You'll tell me about the romance
You don't care about the end, the death
After all, they died for each other,

You don't know anything about love
You can't imagine what it's like
Can't imagine what it's like to die for love

That might sound romantic, but it's not
Love's only a dream, a empty phrase
Only existing in a fairytale

You have no idea what Romeo and Juliet were like

 Romantic soul, you think you know what love is like
But all you know you saw on the tv
It's all a lie

They lived in a world of their own
you are doing the same
A world, filled with dreams, and fear, and pain
This place is filled with misery, and it's getting to much
Life's not a bed of roses,
Love's not like it always seemed

You can't imagine what it's gonna be like

Grow up, open your eyes!

This is something I wrote after my previous haircut, now more than one and half a year ago. Yes, you read right, I now had another one. I though I should just mention this, as to make sure you will place everything in the right perspective. This, I wrote after the huge fight with my former friends, but about this, you can read somewhere else. I refuse to repeat the story any longer.

This is probably one of the worst poems I ever wrote - at least of the ones I liked yet enough to save the document on my computer - and that says quite a lot. Therefore, I will absolutely not mind if you'd decide to skip this poem.

{Kurai-hime}

Well, idiots, you've had your chance
Time's up now,
No more caring for your nonsense
Disliked you before
Hate you now
Don't see the purpose of behaving like a whore

My old haircut's gone,
So is the old me
Well, Darling, the devil inside me is set free

I never liked idiocy
True
But I never thought I'd see
There was such an amount

I won't
Be sweet again
Won't laugh
Don't care
Won't care about you again

Won't give a fuck
About your cruel words
Won't give a clue
About what hurts
And what does not

I'll be the most perfect
Soldier this world has ever seen
Cold, emotionless
Threaten me as much you like

x

Goodbye old me,
Soon you will be gone
And I'll start all over

After all these years I've been you
I'll let you go,
And die.
For after the transformation has taken place
There won't be any space
For someone like you.

So this is a goodbye
To everything I have been
Goodbye to all the things I might seem

 It's a paradox.
I die, another I will rise.

This transformation, oh so slowly
It took place
Unseen, but now it's time
For me to face
The things I have become

I leave behind the childish I
The one who kept bothering about
Other peoples' lies.
The one who saw the world
With innocent eyes

It's time to say farewell
And let time tell
The story of the person I once was
Just another girl in another high school class

Soon the I, I am will be no more
For I will not mind anymore
About their words so sore
Niceties will exist no more, not for me
And then, of humans' chains I will be free.

Farewell past me,
No more words to say
Except of course that it were they
Who have made me become this way.

Farewell past me,
Nothing left to say
But the message that it were they
Who forced me to become this way

 Time for me to embrace my loneliness
It took so long before I saw the mess
I have become
Through caring about them anyway
Though they disliked me
But of those pathetic doubts I'll now be free

See, there this is no time for the me
I am right now,
That time has passed away.
No need for the old me to stay.

I won't do niceties anymore
Won't give a fuck about their words
Whether praising or sore
There'll be nothing anymore
they'll be able to do to me
That hurts.

There's no reason for the shit
That comes from their mouths.
Their opinions will never anymore cause doubts.

I'll no longer sing this song of sorrow.
Of human loss and fear for tomorrow.
There is no time for that.

I live here and now,
and that's all there has to be said.

I won't paw and struggleI
n order to climb your ranks
And rather am weird and different
Rather insane and have a brain
Than to be pretty, and popular with guys, and cute
And then getting pregnant, and be sane.

Goodbye old me
We had a great time together
But there's nothing to mourn about

So please fuck off
You've tried to screw up my life.
And as revenge I'll give up my old life
And get a better one
On a level that you will never reach
And believe me, no need for a farewell speech
You are glad to see me leave
And I am just relieved
To be rid of you

I never liked fools
And I'll admit it now.
Can't stand idiocy
I hate you bunch of fools
For me still being me rules 

I won't give a shit
About your idiotic dreams
Your grades, and everything that seems
Oh so important to a fool
Darling, from now on
You'll be nothing but a tool.

You call me ugly
Honestly think I'll care?
Don't try to use me
I'm aware
You might not realize
And I won't show.
But I know how idiots work
So come on, you parasites
Have a go.

I dare you, come and try
You'll never be able to make me cry

You've destroyed my humanity
My humanity; illusionary; a pure fantasy
No need to try
My old weaknesses have died
Together with the me, destroyed by you

Can't blame you for,
It was my time to die

But believe me
You'll miss that me
Prepare to cry

You have no idea
What kind of monster you created
But you did
So learn to live with it
And save me your fake cries
I have time, nor desire to listen to lies

Spare your breath
You'll need it, dear
Try to survive your stupidity
Or just come near
Me
And I'll end you misery

Oh look, someone with a brain!
Yeah, now that's something you don't see each day!

And you can run
But you can't hide
And believe me, I'll find out
About whatever you lied
to me

The new me, will punish you for everything you did
You won't like the new me
But since you neither liked the old me
Nothing will change
As your idiocy continues to try to break me

Peer pressure. And yes, it does not only have to come from classmates, friends are usually MUCH worse.

No I won't dress up, nor put some make-up on
I won't wear a short skirt, won't smile

I don't feel the need to have a boyfriend,
Only to fit in

I don't want to be seen with him to be like you
Don't wanna kiss him, just because you think he's hot
I don't need a boy who only wants a mannequin
I'm not a doll!

If that's the role you want to play,
than go on, enter this stage and stay.
And play the play of our lives

I have no desire to go out with someone
I don't even like
I dont ever gonna follow your nasty lead,
I won't grow up, caring about nothing, but my own greed

You've been trying to tell me how to live, for a very long time,
Please, tell me, is to irritate someone a crime?

Originally, a My Chemical Romance fanfic...

I never thought that it would be this way

Heero's Sight:

Everyone is leaving. My brother, my friends, everyone I've known.
They're married now, they have kids. They're getting older, and in the end.............they're gonna die.
And I..... I'm gonna stay the same forever.

Immortality seems great, but once you get it, you'll get bored.
All I want now, is going back in time, to make sure Morag wouldn't turn me into a vampire

David, my quiet, little brother, he's an old man now. He reminds me of my own father at that age. He even sounds just like him.
When he speaks to his children, I can't do anything else, than think back to my own childhood.
Our father used to speak just the same to me and David, like David speaks to his kids now.

David's kids........ Two boys and a little girl.
They look a lot like David.
They are just as beautiful and every time I see them, it seems to me their beauty has grown.

I've seen them a lot, though they haven't seen me.
I've been watching them, hidden in the shadows.

That's what I'm doomed to: to stay in the shadows for ever and ever.
No one can ever be told what I am. David, he thinks I'm dead.
That's what they all think: that I've died in this car accident..... three..... four..... maybe ten or twenty years ago..........I have no idea.
Time hasn't got any meaning to me anymore.

That's the best thing about being immortal: you have all the time in the world.
But at the same time you haven't got any time. It just passes by.
It doesn't haunt you. It doesn't touch you, it just leaves you unnoticed.

I won't get any older.
But what's the reason to live forever, if there is no one to spend it with?
Once there was someone, for who I gave up everything I had.............

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