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When: Last night
Where: My Dad rocks!
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
Being that the Holy Ritual of Breeders' Holidays still continues in America
(sigh), I asked my father last night if he wanted anything in particular
for Father's Day, which is the day before my tubal (June 17, yay!).
To which he said, "hey, you making sure I never have to deal with grandkids
is enough for me!"
I'm buying that man a gold watch just for saying that. I love my Dad!
~~Diana
When: minutes ago
Where: here
Type: Other
Regarding Ranter 22069's article about the holy terror who was beating
up teachers...(and the payrunt getting up in arms about it!!)...my, how
times have changed! I went to schools where it was very rare for anyone
to act up in class--and if they did, usually one rebuke from the teacher
was enough to ensure future silence. In fifth grade, I had this kid who
sat in front of me who enjoyed pestering those around him (my quiet terrified
self being a usual target). Not only that, he just could not SHUT UP. (And
naturally, he came from an unwashed tribe of 6 kids altogether, all of them
behavior problems in some way, lucky us!) Well, one day our normally mild-mannered
teacher, Mr. Evans, turned stark red and headed toward Doug (the kid) in
a rage. Of course, sitting behind him, I was trembling in my boots--what's
going on? Where's he heading? So the bookish, bespectacled Mr. Evans comes
over and bodily yanks Doug out of his seat by his collar, drags him to the
front of the room & smashes him against the blackboard several times,
all the while shouting, "I HAVE HAD IT w/ YOU! YOU WILL NOT DISRUPT MY CLASSROOM
ANYMORE, YOUNG MAN!" Etc., etc. Doug, fortunately, was petrified, his eyes
popping out w/ the same vigor as the veins in Mr. Evans' neck. When he finally
released Doug, Mr. Evans ordered him to the principal's office. Then he straightened
his tie, patted his hair back into place, and apologized to the rest of
us for his outburst. We all sat, stunned, but needless to say, there was
NO monkey business in that class for a long time! And once our shock wore
off, we all chattered endlessly at recess about how Mr. Evans was our new
hero! And word got through the school that Doug's other hellion siblings
suddenly seemed to have turned over a new leaf as well...HMMMM! Of course,
this was back in the '70s, where nary a peep was heard from the (hopefully,
ashamed) parents, to say nothing of the concept of a lawsuit. Ahhhh, I miss
those days!
When: June 6, 2000
Where: Bill Maher's stand-up special
Type: Hey, did you see this?
Thought you might enjoy this excerpt from Bill Maher's HBO special Be More
Cynical (June 2000):
Bush's attack ad in California said "You can challenge me on the issues,
but when John McCain compared me to Clinton, that was just too low." Oh,
yeah... eight years of peace and a booming economy: the man must be punished.
Not Bill Clinton! That's just too low. Because, you know, what are we gonna
tell the children?
What do we tell the chiiiildren? We've told them about the Holocaust, and
the possibility of nuclear annihilation, but Bill Clinton, you can't. The
maniac, with his [indicates his crotch]. I would have told the kids the
truth: "Kids, some very bad men made the president feel guilty about his
blow job." As if that's what you're thinking about when you're four. Yeah,
that's what was on my mind when I was four: "Gee, I wonder what kind of
pussy Eisenhower's getting?"
This obsesssion we have with kids - whatever happened to people? You know,
the veterans of childhood? Those of us who made it out, don't we count anymore?
Must everything be for and about the children? "Our most precious resource"?
I promise you, our most precious resource is petroleum.
Don't you think we should stop celebrating spawning? People celebrate spawning!
It's not a virtue anymore. There's six billion people. We're not rebuilding
after the Flood now. Stop celebrating! Every Mother's Day they give an award
to some maniac who shitted out twenty kids or something. This woman shouldn't
get an award; she should have her legs tied together and be heavily sedated.
Those plucky McCaugheys from Iowa - that litter of puppies that woman had
- and then they have the nerve to say "It's a miracle from God." It's a
miracle from Pfizer, okay? This has nothing to do with God. This has only
to do with masturbating into a cup and lab coats and turkey basters. Seven
children. They live in a shoe now.
I don't dislike children; I just don't particularly want to be around them
a lot. The problem is, neither do their parents. And I'm tired of being
constantly, involuntarily deputized into the fight to keep your kids away
from adult pleasures. "It takes a village." That's just a saying. Us other
villagers are busy, okay? I have other things to do in the village.
What happened to telling kids that some things are for children and some
things are not? There's hundreds of thousands of non-violent drug users
in jail now because that's the front line of defense in keeping drugs out
of the hands of children. And it's just not right. It's not fair. You know,
this "Drug War," we put up with so much shit because of it. I do, personally.
There's censorship in television; I can't make a joke about taking drugs
on my show. We can talk about taking drugs, but we can't make a joke, because
the kiiiiids might be watching. We made it funny - NO! Then they'd wan't
to run out, and they'd take drugs, and that could lead to dancing.
Mr. Maher by way of CornFlakeBoogie :)
When: May 2002
Where: Alaska Cruise
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I just spent six entire days without so much as seeing a child -- absolute
heaven! The setting of this wondrous event was the Yorktown Clipper (Clipper
Cruise Lines) sailing the Inside Passage of Alaska. The scenery was gorgeous,
the wildlife (whales, seals, otters, bears, mountain goats, bald eagles,
etc.) was amazing and the ship (with only 113 passengers) was a glorious
bastion of childfree tranquility. It's a small ship (14 laps around the ship
is a mile) which caters to an older crowd (the majority of the passengers
are over 55, I was one of about 10 passengers below that age bracket, a couple
in their 40s, some in the 30s, a few in the 20s), and entertainment consists
of drinking and chatting with your fellow passengers, a library, lectures
from the onboard naturalists, the wildlife and shopping at the few ports
we stopped at. I've never felt so relaxed in my life. I didn't miss not knowing
what was happening in the "real" world in the least. The crew was young
and enthustiastic, the food was unbelievable, (especially the desserts and
afternoon cookies), every desire was met and the conversation with other
passengers was ADULT conversation. The passengers were mostly very well
traveled and more interested in talking about the wonders we were seeing
and their other trips than talking about their children and grandchildren.
I really enjoyed getting to know my fellow passengers and I'm not the type
who does the small talk thing easily. I *highly* recommend a trip on a Clipper
ship, they have three and go to multiple destinations. If you're considering
a cruise, you should definitely consider one of theirs. Debra
When: Saturday
Where: In a Charmed CF Life
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
HEY BREEDERS!!!!
How are you today? I just wanted to remind you of what a CF life is like,
one you will NEVER have again. Bwahahaha, living GREAT is the best revenge.
DH and I were in bed until 2 (secret, we woke up at 9). We snuggled, we
cuddled, we discussed world issues, our lives, our careers, our relationship.
Then, we showered, together of course, we both look FABULOUS enough to do
that. We went to play racquetball for 2 hours, went for a jog after that,
then cleaned up again and went to an AMAZING dinner that you CAN'T AFFORD.
You might get our tax dollars, but you can never have this kind of life!!!!
When: June 6 2002
Where: New Zealand Herald
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
This is a quote from Helen Clark. The female Prime Minister of New Zealand.
On another note, this quote is taken from an article where she is apologising
for discrimination against Gays by the media and general public. "Helen
Clark added that continual references to her being childless had rebounded
on her political opponents. "They've been at it for years and ... it's been
totally counterproductive," she said. "It's meant to be offensive, it's
meant to be hurtful. But I actually have great faith in the common sense
of Kiwis and I think these days most people are going to say 'For God's sake,
people are entitled to choice about their life, Helen's made her choice,
that's fine with us'. "So what are they getting at? Am I supposed to not
be a real woman because I haven't had children? It's all bizarre and I don't
think most people relate to it. Sure, a little hard core relate to it because
they are just bitchy and silly and I've put up with it for years." Go Helen!
Glad to see this woman is RUNNING our country!
Rant #22120
Type: I just wanna flame
Tsk, tsk, you nasty, rotten childfree people. I feel so very sorry for
you that you can't enjoy the wonders that parenthood conveys, like revisiting
your childhood abuse on trembling, crying children that can't run away,
or making your child the catch-all companion in your life to replace all
the boyfriends, siblings and friends you've run off with your bitterness
and paranoia. How can you possibly consider your lives complete if you've
never threatened suicide to keep a child in line or made nasty digs about
your kid's physical imperfections? You know, you really can see God in the
eyes of a child, especially when that child is praying for you to stop slapping
her because she accidentally left her keys at home. Who's going to take care
of you when you're old if you don't have kids? Who are you going to pump
for cash when you want a new haircut if not your minimum-wage earning kid
who's barely living above the poverty line? How will you possibly cultivate
new friendships without the sparkling conversational gambit of your horrid
child who didn't even come home for Christmas (conveniently omitting the
part where you told him you wouldn't pick him up at the nearest airport because
you didn't want to drive that far, of course)? You know, you've never known
true love until you've yelled at your child for crying over the gruesome
death of a beloved pet or laughed uproariously at the idea that a boy-any
boy- might actually like her. Who will you manipulate, who will you hurt,
who will you transfer all of your frustrations and anger on, who will you
lie about in order to gain sympathy from others, if not your precious child?
Parenting really does make you a better person, you know: If you didn't have
your child to kick around, you might be forced to deal with the situations
and fellow adults that are making you unhappy, and someone could get hurt,
or at least you'd lose face. Even if you don't actually become a better person,
you can groom your martyr's image by talking incessantly of all the sacrifices
you aren't really making and all the accomplishments you supposedly would
have made had you not been burdened with children. So today I entreat you,
fellow childfrees, to make the responsible choice, the selfless choice, the
mature choice to shit out the next generation of neurotic, bitter wrecks.
Do it for yourself. Do it for America. If you don't, you might just go on
to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling life full of joy, having never known
the unique pleasures that parenthood allows.
When: Mmmm, a while ago
Where: Rita Rudner's stand-up
Type: Hey, did you see this?
Here are a couple of good ones from comedian Rita Rudner:
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't
decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives."
Later on, she said:
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet...
...so we bought a dog. It's cheaper, and you get more feet."
"I asked a friend of mine who has kids, 'What if I have a child and it
grows up to hate me and resent me and blame everything that's wrong with
its life on me?'
"And my friend said, 'Oh, Rita, don't be silly... what do you mean, "What
if?"'"
:) CornFlakeBoogie
When: today
Where: a forwarded email
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I got this in an email today, its called 50 Natural Highs. Why a rave?
Because NOWHERE on this long list are the mention of babeez/kidz!!
1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts 3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket 5. A special glance. 6. Getting mail. 7.
Taking a drive on a pretty road. 8. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 10. Hot towels fresh out
of the dryer. 11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.
12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry) 13. A long distance
phone call. 14. A bubble bath. 15. Giggling. 16. A good conversation. 17.
The beach. 18. Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter. 19. Laughing
at yourself. 20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. 21. Running through
sprinklers. 22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. 23. Having someone
tell you that you're beautiful. 24. Laughing at an inside joke. 25. Friends.
26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. 27. Waking
up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. 28. Your first
kiss (either the very first or with a new partner). 29. Making new friends
or spending time with old ones. 30. Playing with a new puppy. 31. Having
someone play with your hair. 32. Sweet dreams. 33. Hot chocolate. 34. Road
trips with friends. 35. Swinging on swings. 36. Wrapping presents under
the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking your favourite drink
37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without
feeling stupid. 38. Going to a really good concert. 39. Making eye contact
with a cute stranger. 40. Winning a really competitive game. 41. Making chocolate
chip cookies. 42. Having your friends send you home-made cookies. 43. Spending
time with close friends. 44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your
friends. 45. Holding hands with someone you care about. 46. Running into
an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
47.Riding the best roller coasters over and over. 48.Watching the expression
on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you. 49. Watching
the sunrise.50. Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another
beautiful day.
When: June 11, 2002
Where: Life
Type: I just wanna flame
Truly, is there any such creature so intriguing yet dull, so complex yet
simple, so frightfully obnoxious yet painfully annoying as those who practice
that noblest of professions, mooootherhood? Indeed, for many of us, the
TANKASS BITCHULACRUM, or Great North American Leaky Titted Moo, is a mystery,
a paradox in her logic and reasoning.
"I have a right to breastfeed wherever I want! If you don't like it, don't
look!", she says, boobs akimbo in the sporting goods aisle. "Now sign my
petition to get those dirty paintings of nekkid women out of the Museum of
Fine Arts!"
"The government has no say in how I raise my children!", she says on her
way to the bank to cash in her fat tax rebate check.
"Being a parent makes you less selfish, more compassionate" reads the bumper
sticker on her SUV as she squeals out of a Wal-Mart parking lot, leaving
behind a cardboard box full of half-starved, unwanted kittens.
"Babykillers will rot in hell!", she screams at the Planned Parenthood
workers, while her children roast to death in her locked car ("I was only
gone a minute, officer!")
"Those childhaters are so bitter and immature!" she fumes as she trolls
and flames.
So what steps can we, the CF, take to help us understand our friends the
moos? Well, we could all get frontal lobotomies and start drinking before
noon, but, attractive as those options are, they would only allow us a moo's
ignorance; We'd have to do something else to gain her boundless hypocrisy.
And so for now, the moo must remain a mystery, albeit a boring, commonplace
one.
When: June 15, 2002
Where: WQAM, sports-talk radio, Miami
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
Couldn't help but pass along this little outburst by Hank Goldberg, an
excellent talk-show host in South Florida. The topic was poor attendance
at Florida Marlins baseball games, and someone sent in an e-mail about how
the games aren't child-friendly. "You obviously don't have young children,"
the e-mail began in response to one of Goldberg's opinions. Goldberg's response:
"You're right, I don't have young children. I hate the little brats, and
I've got no use for kids."
When: June 13, 2002
Where: McDonald's--Lodi, California
Type: Clueless parent rant
(This is actually more of a "clueless GRANDparent" rant). My buddy and
I stopped at a local McDonald's to grab some take-out. There was this older,
heavy-set woman with at least two little brats in tow; one of the little
resource-suckers, about six or seven years old, was getting in the way and
pushing buttons on the little ATM PIN-number pad at the front counter; the
other little vermin, a toddler, was running all over the restaurant and screaming
at the top of its lungs at God-knows-how-many Decibels. Meanwhile, as I was
about to place my order, GrandMOO tried to cut in front of me and started
harassing the employees about how she wanted her food TO GO, but the employee
went ahead and took my order anyway. Meanwhile, the toddler, still running
around and screaming, ran past my friend, who was reading a sign on the wall;
a few steps past my friend, the little shit-factory tripped on a seam in
the restaurant's tile floor and fell flat on its face and started crying.
GrandMOO promptly turned and yelled at my friend, "WHY DON'T YOU MOVE YOUR
FEET OUT OF THE WAY...HE'S JUST A BAAYBEEE, AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER!"
My friend said, "EXCUSE ME...MY FEET WEREN'T IN THE WAY," to which GrandMOO
replied, "OH, YES THEY WERE!" My friend said, "NO, THEY WERE NOT...AND IF
YOU'D MAKE YOUR CHILD MIND, HE WOULDN'T BE RUNNING AROUND AND FALLING!" GrandMOO
shouted back, HE CAN'T MIND...HE'S ONLY TWO YEARS OLD!!" My friend replied,
"YES, HE CAN...YOU HAVE TO MAKE HIM MIND!!,"to which GrandMOO replied by
just repeating the part (falsely) accusing my friend of tripping the kid.
Having heard enough of this fat slug's bullshit, I said to her, "You probably
WANTED the kid to trip, so you can SUE somebody!" GrandMOO turned to me and
yelled, "WELL, I'M GONNA SUE YOU!!," to which I laughed and replied in a
mocking voice, "BRING IT ON!!" GrandMOO started to claim she was a lawyer,
and that she was going to sue me; I held my hands out in front of me, wiggled
all 10 fingers, and said, "OOOOOOOOO...I'm so SCAAAARED!" She pulled out
of her purse a business card for some law office in Southern California and
practically shoved it into my hand. She started in on my friend again about
not getting out of the baybeee's way, and I told her to "PUT HER KID ON A
LEASH!!" GrandMOO stuck her finger in my face and said, "YOU BETTER WATCH
YOUR WORDS!!!" My friend told her she'd better watch HER words, and she called
him a "FAGGOT," to which my buddy replied, "Oh, that's REAL mature for a
'LAWYER'" There was a family (with very well-behaved kids) eating in the
restaurant, and their mother finally said to GrandMOO, "You've GOT your food,
and we don't want to HEAR you any more...so just leave...GET OUT!!" As GrandMOO
rounded up her brood and backed out the door she screamed "FAGGOTS...YOU'RE
ALL FAGGOTS!!!" I smiled and held up the law-office business card high so
she could see me make a show of tearing it to bits. I started to call her
a "fat welfare slug" as she was leaving, but all I got out was "YOU FAT WEL..."
before the eating family's mother said, "Just take it easy," and my friend
told me to calm down. After I got my order, my friend and I left the restaurant,
and GrandMOO and her brood were long gone. I had hoped she would be out there
waiting, so I could finish telling her off once and for all. This piece of
shit was obviously NOT someone with any education (let alone a law degree),
as she displayed her true intelligence by assuming that two men who arrive
at a restaurant together are automatically GAY! Furthermore, she displays
her level of maturity by using the first profanity in the argument. To all
breeders and parents of breeders I can only say this: YOUR CHILDREN (OR GRANDCHILDREN)
ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, NOT EVERYONE ELSE'S!!! IT DOES NOT TAKE A "VILLAGE"
TO RAISE A CHILD...IT TAKES RESPONSIBLE PARENTS OR GUARDIANS!!! Or, to put
it another way..."Not my child...NOT MY PROBLEM!!!!!" (Sorry for everything
being in one paragraph...I don't know how to use HTML.) Thank you, Turtle,
for the space...Sincerely, "CF (and STRAIGHT, I assure you!) in Lodi!"
When: November 2001
Where: Hogwarts
Type: Other
I'd like to take a moment to present a "Hey! a Lovely Lad, Endearingly
Lacking Overt Obnoxiousness - Yesss!" Award (HALLELOOYA) to just about the
only two kids I can think of that I actually can't get enough of: Daniel
Radcliffe and Rupert Grint, the stars of Harry Potter. Okay, so they're
not little children now anyway, but from all the interviews they've done
on TV, they seem to be very polite, intelligent, genuinely cheerful young
gentlemen.
(Now their slightly younger co-star Emma Watson, she rubs me the wrong
way. For example, the second time the cast went to a movie premiere, the
two boys were still awestruck, telling the reporters, "Wow... you can never
get used to something exciting like this!" Emma, on the other hand, said
"Been there, done that, bought the shirt.")
Oh, well, HALLELOOYA to the two dudes, anyway!
<|~8^) CornFlakeBoogie
When: June 16, 2002
Where: Breeduh and broodsow and fambuhlee get kicked out of restaurant
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I think my DGF and I caught the last bit of justice left in the universe
today. We went to lunch to celebrate Un-Father's Day (THANK GOD FOR VASECTOMIES!!!)
at a swanky place downtown after making reservations three months ago. It
was also today that I asked her to marry me, and she said yes, but that's
a different rave! Anyhow, while we were waiting to be seated, a breeduh,
broodsow and three sproggen who all looked like they just came in out of
a trash compactor (after the squishing) marched in line ahead of an elderly
couple and demanded to be seated because, SAY IT WITH ME--SING IT...they
have keedz and need to be gettin on home for the big barbeekeww! So, let
me get this straight...you're eating BEFORE going to a barbecue? Looks like
these weren't college professors...but oh well...so they were impolite to
the maitre d', who told them they had to wait. As names were called, the
fambuhlee just stood there mumbling about how rude "those people is". Okay...they're
ENGLISH professors. Now I get it. As our name was called, we went up in line
and the moo looked at my now-fiancee and asked her if they could take our
table and if we could wait. We replied, using this exact language, "NO WAY
IN HELL". Breeduh and Broodsow then made a scene with the maitre d' after
we were at our table. About two minutes later, hotel security and a policeman
were escorting them out of the restaurant to the delight of onlookers. May
I ask what in the hell gives somebody who hatched a sprogling the right to
cut in front of everybody? Nothing that I'm aware of. Oh well. At least we
spent the afternoon having totally mind-blistering sex and then took the
dogs out to play in the animal park near our house. I will gladly admit to
being dad to my two Chesapeakes, but not to some fucking fleshloaf! Viva
la CF. -DogDaddy PS...Happy Un-Father's Day to the Rest of Y'ALL!
When: Last Week
Where: Local conversation with a breeder
Type: Note to lurking breeders
I recently had this conversation with a breeder (it's been paraphrased
a bit):
ME: No, I don't have kids and don't want kids.
BREEDER: What if everyone felt that way, then society would die off!
>br> ME: [having fun at this point] So, you are saying that because
just one person doesn't want to have kids, then society is in danger of
dying off?
BREEDER: Well, no. But if everyone felt that way...
ME: OK, so are you worried that I am so powerful that I can influence the
world or are you saying that the parenting experience is really so bad that
the secret of it's utter awfulness can't be leaked out lest everyone realize
that parenting truly sucks and stops having kids?
BREEDER: [Stammering, of course] Of course not! Parenting is a joy! Parenting
is fulfilling! It's wonderful!
ME: Fine, whatever you say. But if it's so wonderful, why do you keep arguing
for tax breaks and special privileges?
BREEDER: [Still stammering] Well, it's wonderful but we still need help.
ME: You're not making sense [like, duh].
Moral of the story: When a breeder argues the "what if everyone thought
like that" argument with a CF, that is a frank admission that the parenting
experience is so bad that it must be kept secret. If the secret gets out,
then no more kids! Of course, we knew this a long time ago. And if a breeder
tries to argue this point, just hit them with "so, parenting is really that
bad?" They will deny this, of course, and sing the praises of parenting. Then,
hit them with "so if it's so wonderful, why all the tax breaks and special
privileges for parents?" At this point, their heads will explode. Big fun.
When: today
Where: newspaper op-ed page
Type: Dumb real-world media item
Op-ed writer in today's paper really pulled my string. She's upset the
Supreme Court overturned the law that would make libraries use filters,
so children couldn't see porn and adults couldn't do any research on their
medical conditions. You know. THAT good, sweet law that the evil Supreme
Court didn't like.
She got to her main point about 3/4 of the way through her diatribe. Americans,
she says, should not become "victims" of the First Amendment. Presumably,
she means that if Big Government doesn't filter information for us (fooor
da chylllldrun!), we've been victimized. Excuse me, but freedom and responsibility
go hand-in-hand. If you don't like porn sites, don't fucking visit them!
That's how I handle it. If you want a filter, put it on your home computer
and monitor what your kid does on the internet!
Why is this such a hard concept to understand? Accepting the responsibility
of being a citizen is NOT the same as being a victim! What an idiot!
When: June 17, 2002
Where: Standard India restaurant, Chicago
Type: Clueless parent rant
A weekend rant/rave that I forgot to post. On Monday, Paczki (who posts
here) and I obtained Indian food buffet, she being in Chicago from Denver.
:) Everything was wonderful, until a single hipmoo with 1.5-yr-old sprog entered
and, of course, sat at the table next to ours.
Surprisingly enough, things were tolerable at first. Sprog was quiet, and
moo fed it some of the less-spicy buffet items, which I think is a good
idea. It gets the kid accustomed to world cuisine instead of McHorrors,
at least. But, of course, this ray of hope was soon to dim.
Sprog got hold of silverware and began to bang it on the table, a table
that consisted of a glass top laid over white linen (to keep the cloth flat
and clean). This went on for a couple of minutes, hipmoo doing nothing save
for the bovine, "Isn't she cyoooote and smaaartt" face.
To his credit, the owner quickly appeared, walked directly to hipmoo's
table, and said to the kid, "Oh, so you will try to break the glass on my
table will you? No no no," and took all of the silverware away from the kid,
providing a not-so-subtle hint to hipmoo that (as the rest of the functioning
adult world in the restaurant was already aware) banging on glass tables
with silverware is unacceptable.
Bravo! I know where I'll be spending more of my dining money! For those
of you in Chicago, you may be assured a pleasant Indian dining experience
at Standard India on Belmont, just a few doors east of Ann Sather. I really
need to start that "CF Friendly Businesses" directory...
Pizzette
When: June 21 2002
Where: FUCK! I hate breeders!
Type: Garden-variety rant
Why in the hell does fambuhlee friendly mean screw the childfree? Today
at work, I was told that I "HAD" to work the weekend shift because little
Moomie had to take Shitford and Vomita to summer camp and couldn't come in.
I told my boss that I had worked six weekends in a row and wanted at least
one off to spend with my DH. He replied that since I don't have kids I have
to cover for the breeders. I sat there fuming and called his boss. Eventually
bigger boss told me I had the week off, but now my boss is steaming mad at
me because his boss cut off his balls for telling me that I have to cover
for the breeders. I will start looking for a new job on Monday.
When: Yesterday
Where: on TV
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
Sometimes I forget how anti-breeder mentality "The Cosby Show" was. Case
in point: yesterday, an episode comes on where Claire is cooing over a friend's
baybee, and she wants anooother one, etc. Cliff of course is trying to talk
her out of it. The rave is that at the end of the episode, Claire decides
that having another baby wouldn't make her happier because her life is just
fine the way it is! Woohoo! I love it when people put thought into reproductive
choices. -Otter
When: Another board
Where: Watch out! The new crop of entitlement bitches are now dating age!
Type: Garden-variety rant
It pains me to say this ... but it must be said.
Menz (and gay womenz), if you want to avoid beeing "oopsed" or getting
involved with a wedding-obsessed Breeder-in-Waiting, AVOID AVOID AVOID so-called
"Rules Girls."
Womenz, if you want supportive, non-gossipy, non-vicious, non-looks-obsessed
friends who won't judge you for not having a maaaaaaaayan, AVOID AVOID AVOID
making friends with so-called "Rules Girls."
I used to think "The Rules" were a pretty good, common-sense approach to
dating. There was even a board that used to have pretty good posters on
it.
However, the franchise went through a change-over, and was dumped by its
parent company. A new board opened that is now CRAWLING with the "New Breed"
of "Rules Girls" -- nasty, vicious, social-climbing, appearance-obsessed,
bitter, baby-rabies-having, mayan-chasin', "oopsing," Single Mom Entitlement
Mooing, humorlessly and cruelly career-obsessed, unfeminist yet thinking
catching a mayan makes them feminist, CUNTS I have ever seen in my life.
It used to be that you could post on the old boards and get wonderful advice,
given with politeness and even compassion. Now if you post, bitter, desperate
harpies will decend upon you and rip you to shreds. God forbid you should
post a pic there. The spoiled, early-twenty-something hobags will say the
most horrible, cruel things about your looks and end their diatribes with
"And you'll never get a maaaayyyyan."
I figure what happened is that the widdle pweshsus born into the new Entitlement
Thinking of the 80's have now come of age and are posting there. Because
Moombie and Duhddie spoiled them, bought them cars and plastic surgery, bought
them law school and indulged their evey whims, these desperate women are
using "The Rules" as excuses to be rarified BITCHES.
Do not, under any circumstances, post on any Rules Boards. They hate the
CF, they applaud single Moombie-hood, they are obsessed with getting a mayan
and will judge you if you are single. They are a pack of gold-digging, money-obsessed,
women who hate women and I must serisouly warn any man or gay women to make
damn well sure that their date is not a "Rules Girl." They will "oops" the
shit out of you and fleece your bank account for all its worth.
What is sad is that these young women think they are feminists. They seem
to have forgotten, or never been taught, that feminism precludes gouging
the eyes out of our sisters' faces over a MAYAN.
Rant #22545
When: June 22, 2002
Where: cruises.expedia.com
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
Long time reader, first time poster. It is fan-effing-tastic to see this:
Adults-Only Cruises Relax completely on these four adults-only voyages
with Celebrity. Soak up the sun all day and party all night; all passengers
will be over 21. It's a chance for total rest and relaxation - a vacation
of your own.
This is from Celebrity Cruises. AWESOME!!!
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
If you are in Houston, and see a slender woman with short brown hair driving
an SUV Windstar, loaded with kids, chances are she may NOT be a soccer mom.
In fact, she may be a childfree, cosmopolitan person who has seen the world,
and visited 6 continents.
My friend is a schoolteacher, and she bought a minivan because she is always
hauling her students around. But she has no children of her own. She decided
,years ago, to see the world during her summer vacations. She has been to
all 50 states, just visited India, has been above the Arctic circle. She
is in my music group and is a fascinating person.
I guess teachers tend to be childfree, because they take care of children
all day. Tzarina in Texas
When: 22 June 02
Where: Flight from hell--fundie Xtian moo and her spawn
Type: Airline hell
AAAARGH! I never really had that much trouble with moos, duhs and their
spawn until yesterday. I flew from LAX to JFK on a long, six-and-a-half hour
flight from hell. I paid for an upgrade to first class, thinking, okay at
least it might be peaceful up here. Wrong. I sat across from some kind of
fundie Xtian moo and her obnoxious, babbling sprog. I was subjected to this
constant litany of complaints about me reading pornographic material (Cosmo?
WTF?!), drinking (one little Bloody Mary doesn't make me an alcoholic), dressing
inappropriately (my nicest little black dress and sandals from Barneys,
no f*cking less...I spent a fortune on that outfit...inappropriate my ass!),
not praying before I had dinner, and then being "overexcited" (once again...WTF
with that?!) about having an ice cream sundae for dessert. Now first of
all, these so-called "moral" observations of my behavior were said from
moo to sprog in a voice something to the effect like "we as Christians don't
do THAT!" that I could clearly hear. Second, what in the hell is my behavior
any of her nosy business as long as I'm not offending anyone else?! Dammit!
So I finally have enough and had to shock the bitch, so I looked over and
told her face to face that I was wearing lace thong panties, had my vibrator
on full blast and planned on having sex with as many strange men as I could
find in the airport before I went to my hotel. She looked like I just flashed
her and immediately started praying. The sprog started to giggle. I didn't
hear from them the rest of the flight, but I heard the flight attendants
laughing their asses off in the galley. Now why do people ask me why I don't
want kids? As we were leaving, the one flight attendant slipped a little
bottle of Baileys into my bag and said that they enjoyed having me put her
in her place. Hey...just another day in the life of the CF Bitch from LA.
When: Yesterday
Where: Anybody else think the world is going to hell in a handbasket STRICTLY
because of Breeders and NO ONE ELSE???
Type: Garden-variety rant
Yesterday, I had one of those sartori moments ...
I had whiled the day away browsing around an outdoor outlet shopping center.
However, my relaxing day was pretty much ruined by Breeders, Breeders everywhere,
pushing SUV strollers, screaming at their kiyydzz, etc.
What was really bugging me was that several times, Moos pushing strollers
would rudely block the aisle where the small sizes like the size 2's were,
and I couldn't even pick out any clothes. They didn't even say "Excuse me"
or offer to move, even after several long minutes. The Breeder Moos were
too flabby and stretched-out from Breeding to fit into the clothes, so why
block the aisles from those of us who were actually going to BUY the little
pair of sexy black satin stretch capris? What is up with Moo wishful thinking?
Anyway, as I watched Breeder after Breeder load up with carts full of crap,
I realized that most stuff the Breeders buy is made in China by slave labor
and child labor, and I got REALLY bummed out.
Then, I watched them stuff their faces with burgers and chicken, and I
started thinking about factory farming and animals suffering, and I got
even MORE bummed out.
Then, I looked at all ths sprogs in carriages, and started thinking about
overpopulation, and my bummed-out meter went up.
So I bought a couple of books at a discount bookseller and started for
home.
On the way home I saw the beautiful countryside raped by new developments
for McMansions, and I saw dead deer and other poor animals by the side of
the road, and forests being torn down to make strip malls, and damn if I
didn't feel like crying.
IT'S THE BREEDERS' FAULTS!!! I started thinking to myself. REALLY! Breeders
and Breeders only are the main cause for the demand for cheap products made
in China, McMansions, wildlife animals being displaced from their homes,
the high demand for fast food and cheap meat (and therefor factory farming),
etc. etc.
Get rid of the Breeders, and get rid of the problems.
Yeah, only in my dreams, right?
)-:
When: June 24, 2002
Where: In the neighborhood
Type: I just wanna flame
Any ideas to make annoying breeder trash neighbors go inside and take their
3 year old snot with them? I can't even garden in peace anymore, because
that brat won't leave me alone! He's not happy if everybody in sight isn't
paying attention to him. Running the lawnmower and weedeater doesn't seem
to work. I agree with a previous post in that so many of the world's environmental
problems can be traced back to breeders. As a matter of fact, I'm sure all
the environmental problems can be traced to overpopulation. Atlanta, Florida,
and Alabama aren't arguing over water just for kicks. It's because Atlanta's
population has grown, and they need more water. Subdivision development
trashes the creeks and rivers, diapers fill the landfills, and more cars
on the road ruin the air we breathe. But, that doesn't matter as long as
were bringing another pwescious wittle baybee into the world. I get so fed
up with hearing people talk about helping the children, helping people,
etc. What about the other species? What is so freaking special about helping
a member of your own species anyway? Afterall, insects protect their own
and work to preserve their own species. So, why is it so great that humans
do the same thing? I think it's our jobs as humans to see beyond our own
species, to stop soiling our nest with our numbers, and to take care of
the earth and other species. Human breeding is destroying the planet.
When: 6/25/02 - 7:55 am
Where: 99.1 WHFS
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
So, I'm listening to my favorite HFS (www.whfs.com Baltimore/DC/VA area)
DJ Graeme .. he's the morning show guy ... I hear Graeme say ".. and then
this chick asked if I wanted kids." Naturally, I turn up my radio. Then
he says "No, I don't have any kids, and I don't ever effing want any" For
the past 15 minutes or so, he's been talking to listeners about their big
V experience. Not one bad one!! Graeme has declared this morning Pro-Vasectamy
morning.. One small step ... bky
What kind: Not a rant -- a rave!
Where: Rock club in Chicago
I just want to rave about something good for a change! Here in Chicago
we've got a thing called Brew & View at the Vic -- the Vic's usually
a rock club (one of those big beautiful old theaters that's been converted
to a music venue) but on the weeknights when they don't have bands, they
keep the bar open and show movies. So anyway last week I went with a posse
of friends to go see _The Fellowship of the Ring_ one more time on the big
screen (we're all big fans, all seen it before, love it, etc.). And this
was THE PERFECT place. Why? Because it's a BAR, and they check IDs, and THERE
ARE NO SPROGS. You can relax, have a cocktail, have a cigarette (this is
nice in a 3-hour movie for those of us who have that habit--for those who
don't, the place is fairly big and well-ventilated and wasn't that crowded),
and enjoy a movie in the company of ADULTS who don't screeeeeeeeem at the
scary parts (why *anyone* would think this movie is appropriate for young
children is unfathomable to me, but they do, oh they do) don't ask stupid
questions in that annoying squeaky hyperamplified sprog voice, don't throw
tantrums if they don't get the right kind of candy, don't get bored five
minutes in and start running up the aisles...you get the idea. It was a much
more enjoyable experience than any time I ever saw _FOTR_ (or almost any
other movie) in a "legitimate" theater. And it's funny isn't it, that a crowd
full of 30SOMETHING PUNK ROCK DRUNKS who have all seen the movie five times
before is a MUCH more respectful (to other patrons) and attentive audience
than any group of people that includes breeders. So if your city has a place
like this, I recommend it strongly. If not, suggest it to a local bar owner--it's
a GREAT idea.
When: June 25, 2002
What kind: Not a rant -- a rave!
Where: Doctor's office
I have to share this with you guys! This afternoon at the doctor's office
I met the sweetest little old lady. I told her that she reminded me of my
grandmother. She gave me this death look and I thought I'd insulted her
age; rather, she says to me, "I cannot remind you of your grandmother because
I am not a grandmother." I looked quizzically at her companion, who said
to me, "She is childfree." She is 90 years old! I was really impressed, because
most women that age are great-grandmothers or something by now. Until now
I haven't met ANY childfree seniors.
When: June 26, 2002
What kind: Not a rant -- a rave!
Where: in the media
definition of what ADD stands for (as heard on talkback radio last night):
Adult Deficiency Disorder
Also, heard on the news this morning that a French court has held that
a foetus is NOT a human being, therefore you cannot be convicted of homicide/murder/manslaughter
for killing a fetus. Some dumb French bint was suing her obstetrician for
murder because the lump died during the birth procedure.
There is some sanity left in the world, now, how does one apply to migrate
to France?
Here's a really good author that I've been trying to get people to read,
his name is Daniel Quinn. In the trilogy "Ishmael/The Story of B/My Ishmael",
he eloquently goes off about WHY we are multiplying ourselves into oblivion
(no relation). I swear my comments fall on mostly deaf ears. Glad to know
that's not the case here, Turtle. Love you all!!
Oblivion
When: recently
Where: my bedside, light summer reading
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
Dolly Parton is a new heroine of mine! Now I haven't followed her recent
career but I remember listening to a lot of stuff of hers ("Jolene", for
instance) as a little kid in the "psychological South" (southern Ohio, aka
Little Kentucky.) I just read her new bio. Coming from a LARGE family and
having taken care of many of her sibs, she writes, "I have never been pregnant.
I don't know hwat that feeling is like. I think God has different purposes
for different people. Some women are meant to be mothers and grandmothers.
I was meant to be 'Aunt Granny.'" RIGHT ON, GIRL! Hey, if even a li'l dirt
poor Tennessee girl can admit that, why can't the majority of this freakin'
nation, in 2002, yet?! xo, Fati O.
When: June 27, 2002
Where: the motherhumping, breeder lovin' local Winn-Dixie
Type: Other
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Goddam motherfucking piece of shit Winn Dixie, and
fucking upromise.
The last convenient local grocery store has fucking sold out to a piece
of shit bonus reward club type program, complete with that "let's stick our
head even farther up breeder's asses" program known as "upromise".
I won't even go into detail why I don't appreciate having to whore myself
to a company's marketing database in order to enjoy the sale prices I used
to enjoy last fucking week without having to dick around with a bogus, shitsucking
"bonus reward card". That's bad enough. NO, it's this "upromise" bullshit
that's really got my knickers in a twist. For those of you CFers fortunate
enough to have never heard of this program, you can get more info here.
You may want to keep your barf bags handy.
Despite the fact that I'm so effing pissed I don't know whether to shit
or go blind, I am starting to compose a complaint letter and I encourage my
CF brethren to do the same. Remember, just because it isn't in your neck
of the woods yet doesn't mean it won't happen to you eventually. Here's
what I have so far--I intend to send it to upromise.com, winn-dixie.com,
and every damn company I can find that supports this fucking breeder subsidy:
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really appreciate you listing what companies
sponsor your "upromise" plan. That way, I can avoid doing business with
them.
Why? Very simple. None of these companies is offering their kickback to
a college fund (good only for children, I see, but not anyone else who may
wish to save for college or graduate school in order to better themselves)
out of the "milk of human kindness". No, the cost for maintaining this program
is embedded in the price of the products. How come this is wrong, you ask?
After all, if participants in the plan are paying just a little more for
the wonderful products they would buy anyway, at least they will get the
money back when they cash in their account!
True enough, for participants who have minor children. But consider these
statistics: According to the 2000 Census, 36% of all American households
have children under the age of 18 in residence. This means that fully 64%
of all American households, each and every one of which must purchase goods
and services, receives absolutely no benefit from your plan. Yet, if they
purchase goods or services from companies that sponsor upromise, they are
paying jacked up prices from which a percentage will be funneled away into
a program that holds absolutely no "promise" for them. This would be on top
of the many thousands of dollars per year that this very same 64% of the
population each pay in local, state and federal taxes to support public education
from kindergarten through (state-supported) university level.
Why, why, WHY would you want to deliberately alienate 64% of your consumer
audience?!? We encompass a wide demographic, indeed: singles without children,
married who choose not to have children, married/single who are physically
unable to have children, empty nesters, etc. I realize it is difficult to
please everybody. However, isn't there some way you can please this minority
population, the ones with the under-18 children who are the only ones who
stand to benefit from your program, without hijacking the wallets of the
majority?
Comments & suggestions welcome on the discussion page. Oh, and as a
final note, I would just like to add that upromise can suck my syphilitic
dick.
Seethingly yours,
Sabinecat
When: June 28
Where: Yet another "let's pad the world!" piece of crap
Type: Something elsewhere on the net
Oh, God, there are no words that I could use to possibly give this proper
credit, so I'll just put the whole (brief) article here:
"If you thought some schools went overboard when they banned dodge ball
last year, consider this: A Santa Monica elementary school principal recently
banned tag, saying the game can only be played under the strict supervision
of physical education teachers and not at all during the lunch hour recess.
That's due to: one, the risk of injury; and two, a "self-esteem issue,"
because whoever is "it" could be considered a "victim."
"We had some children who were not playing 'it' appropriately," Franklin
elementary principal Pat Samarge said, adding that "Little kids were coming
in and saying, 'I don't like it.' Children weren't feeling good about it."
Well, I should hope not. Tag is about the lamest of the playground games,
involving none of the requisites of real sports: a ball, violence, fantasy
leagues, fanatical Brazilians or corrupt French judges.
Every kid knows that chasing someone around the playground and trying to
tag them isn't nearly as much fun as just standing there and throwing a
rubber ball at their skull. That's why dodge ball is such a great game.
It requires agility, lightning reflexes, hand-to-eye coordination, superb
aim and a high pain threshold. Frankly, dodge ball is so entertaining it's
amazing it hasn't caught on beyond the schoolyard. Imagine a game where
Roger Clemens is supposed to hit Mike Piazza with a ball that Piazza can
immediately fire back at Clemens, and you get just a taste of what dodge
ball could be like at the professional level. I'm telling you, take dodge
ball professional, and this company would have to add ESPN3 to the schedule.
And dodge ball is as peaceful as an Amish barn-raising compared with other
popular schoolyard sports.
Thank God the reporter seems to be on our side. Is anyone else terrified
that these pussies are going to be running the country one day?
~~Diana
Where: Bill Maher, our Politically Incorrect friend to the Childfree
Type: Other
As you all know, (or may not) our beloved CF show "Politically Incorrect"
has been cancelled by ABC. I was bitching about not being able to do anything
or know how to go about ranting about this. I finally found a way we can
all help. Bill Maher has openly acknowledged his childfree stature and I
feel that the fine CFers on this page can write away--sign your names to
this petition, forward it to your friends, (quite easily) and this will reach
the bigwigs at ABC, the sponsors that pulled the show. Please be professional
and don't sware, we want to look good baby, for Bill!!
The website is: http://www.millionflagmarch.com/bill
Hope is not lost, over 7,000 signatures already have been signed!
Let's speak up for the man, who last night in a repeat show, said "I have
no interest in children."
I love the man!! He rocks!
Julia and Cyclops
Rant #22839
When: Sunday - June 30, 2002
Where: Sunday Paper - Iran's Attempt to Stop Overpopulation
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
The Muslim clerics have seen what overpopulation has done to this country
and are trying their best to curb more births. Iran has almost a 25% unemployment
rate and most of the well-educated citizens are underemployed since there
are not enough jobs for professional people. Schools run in two shifts to
accomodate the high volume of children. The imams (Islamic clerics) are
explaining to the Iranians how Islam does not forbid contraception and more
than condones the childfree life or a small family.
It is very easy for anyone to get birth control in Iran since the stores
stock and display all brands of birth control pills as well as condoms.
This country has the largest condom factory in the Middle East that most
of the Islamic world relies on for products. The imams are also promoting
vasectomies and many Iranian men are very open to this procedure due to
concern of the health issues if their wives stay on the Pill for an indefinate
amount of time. Many Iranians are quick to admit that they regret having
these large families when the conservative Islamic clerics encouraged this
to provide more soldiers...er, I mean "cannon fodder"...during the war against
Iraq. One man with seven children admitted in the interview that he wishes
he only had two children instead of the seven he has and he willingly had
his name printed for the article.
It is nice to see religion promoting the childfree lifestyle or at least
encouraging their members to stop having these UberTribes of offspring after
seeing how too many kids devastates a family or country's population issue.
There is barely enough for the people of Iran now so another batch of UberBreeding
would only push this country further into despair. Too bad the United States
of America cannot follow this good example! One idiot pro-life Christian
American said how the Iranian students sacked Planned Parenthood during the
embassy hostage issue when Jimmy Carter was in office. No such thing happened.
This is only pro-life myth to perpetuate how those "darkies" just love breeding
and how the "whities" need to keep up by popping out more babies!
CF Sultana! - one of "those" darkies
When: Now
Where: In the office
Type: Clueless parent rant
A woman in my department, Pam, did not come to work today as she had to
have her 14 year old border collie put down. It was something that was upsetting
her for the last few weeks, as she knew it was inevitable. Finally, she
couldn't stand seeing him in pain anymore, and made that horrible trip to
the vet this morning.
I was very sympathetic, as were MOST of the other people at work. You can
probably guess who WASN'T sympathetic. That's right--the breeders.
"Where's Pam today?" one of them mooed, passing her empty desk.
"Pam won't be in today," I said, calmly, "she had to have her dog put down
this morning."
And if I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I never would have believed
what the bitch said next: "Oh, for God's sake, it isn't like she lost a
CHILD!
I was so incensed, so angered, and so hurt for Pam and for all animal lovers
that I snapped right back with, "you're right, it's much worse. Dogs give
you unconditional love--that's irreplacable."
Well, I guess I'll be the Evil Child Hater yet again in the office--it's
been a while since I've caused a scene anyway.
~~Diana
When: Years ago
Where: TV
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
Watching an old rerun of Hill Street Blues, I don't know the characters
or anything but this man has his second wife at his mothers and the moo is
having a fit over the fact than man and wife #2 are not planning to have kids.
The moo is totally unreasonable screaming about the "career woman" and her
son tells moo that it is their lives and their decisions and she can deal
with it and shut up about it or he will leave. She keeps screaming and he
leaves with his wife!!! WOOT! We'd never see something like this on current
TV!
Rant #22945
When: Yesterday
Where: In my brain
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I had an epiphany last night,and am here to rave about all CF people and
exactly WHY it may be we possess no desire to breed. DH and I were out walking
last night. There is a breeduh fambly down the street from us who probably
don't know how many kids they have, let alone cats. It is a never-ending
breeding cycle. Not much we can do, except stop and play with them when we
walk by. (The cats not the sprogs). Last night we noticed there was a litter
of kittens - about 7-8 weeks old. No surprise. I bent down to pet one and
immediately noticed that it was covered with fleas. I mean HUNDREDS if not
THOUSANDS of fleas. On a tiny little kitten. The poor thing was so lethargic
and anemic is was just lying there. The fleas were literally biting it to
death. I stayed with the poor thing and sent DH to the store for flea treatment.
He came back and we sprayed all of them, as they all had fleas but not as
much as this poor little one. We took the poor guy home, (yep, stole him
right out of the yard, and I bet they haven't noticed he's gone) bathed him,
and put on some topical flea treatment - store version of Advantage. He was
technically too young for it, but he would have been dead in two days if
not treated. We made a nice bed for him in the bathroom, and left him overnight
to sleep off the trauma. This morning he ate a little but is still weak and
scared. We have a call in to a local woman who shelters homeless cats, and
if that doesn't work out we have several other options. We already have three
cats and that is our limit or we'd keep him. SO...the epiphany I had was
this...maybe the reason I and other CF's have no desire to breed is that
we are here to take care of the animals. Seems like so many of us feel strongly
about animals. If we had a passel of screeching rugrats, chances are we would
have neither the time nor the resources (financial or otherwise) to have
pets of our own or help others in need. Maybe it IS a natural thing, kind
of like the gay gene? Something to think about anyway.
When: Tonight
Where: CBS Primetime
Type: I just wanna flame
I was just watching primetime, and saw the last segment about Diane Warren,
the songwriter. This lady has written at least 90 hit songs in her career,
and as far as I could tell, she has been passionate about songwriting since
she was a teenager. Her mom tried to discourage her,telling her to learn
shorthand and typing instead, and always being after her to find a nice rich
man. Anyhow, Ms Warren is now 45 years old, and looks happy. As much as she
works, she has found something she loves to do, and is happy doing it. Her
mom is not however. She is still after her daughter to find a man and by
implication, breed. She has even made comments about having brought home
the wrong baby from the hospital and such. Way to be supportive, mom. So
what if Ms Warren has not settled down with a mayyaan, or sprogged. She is
happy as she is, and more power to her for that. Does her mom really expect
her to throw her dream and her happiness away for a crappy mundane job, and
a fat pocketbook (oops I mean man)? Give me a FUCKING break.
When: July 15, 2002
Where: My new boss explains the vacation/sick/other coverage
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I just started my practice at a larger multispecialty medical clinic. I
just finished my pulmonology fellowship and only treat adults, so that is
not much of a problem. My new job is with a bunch of docs, nurses and other
professionals who talk incessantly about their kids. I have made it clear
that I do not have any, nor do I intend to just to fit in with these people.
Today was my first day, and the Managing Partner and Administrator of the
clinic both told me that vacation and holiday coverage rotates among all of
the partners and associates of the clinic, and also I would not be expected
to hear "Oh...you don't have a family so you can do XXXX for me so I can be
with my brats...". The Administrator said that they had so many complaints
from CF, EN and single clinic workers that the partners voted to require everybody
to pitch in during holidays, vacation times and emergencies. I might like
it here.
When: July 15, 2002
Where: Teenho Jaguar-thief gets sentenced! Read it here!
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I have been waiting for the longest time for this day to come, and now
that it has I am going to get smashed to the gills tonight with my new boyfriend.
I went to court this morning to give my victim's impact statement and to
hear Teenho sentenced. The judge, "Conviction Carl" for those of you who
remember, really had a lot to say. Before he told Teenho what her sentence
was, he said to the parents, "Seldom have I ever come across parents who
were so clueless. Your continued insistence that this was just a teenage
prank committed by a woman (note that he used an adult context here) with
a previous record of six convictions for theft is incredulous. I can only
wonder what you would say if she had committed murder. Although it is this
woman who is rightfully being sentenced, by all that is held in highest esteem,
it is you, the parents, who should be doing jail time for your complete amoral
ignorance of the law and of your daughter's conduct. I find you to be the
most loathsome and reprehensible threats to society, that is people who breed
children with absolutely no sense of responsibility for the terror that you
have unleashed on society. I can only convey the public's sense of outrage
at your asinine conduct." Then Conviction Carl turned to Teenho and said,
"Young woman, you have absolutely no sense of right or wrong if you believe
that the theft of another's property, combined with the breach of trust and
responsibility placed in you, can be simply ignored with the excuse of being
a teenage prank. You stole money, alcohol, a motor vehicle worth thousands
of dollars, breeched the trust of a neighbor who now, by her own admission,
lives in fear and distrust of others as a result of your callous disregard
for the laws and proper conduct required in a civilized society. I cannot,
in good conscience, allow you to continue your reign of fear across this
county, state or any other place on this earth. You will be given many years
to make amends, and I hope and pray that you learn some small element of
truth of what I have just said during the time of your incarceration. Only
you can make your future. Only you can dig yourself out of the moral hell
you have created for others. Accordingly, under the laws of this state, I
sentence you to a term of five to seven years in the state correctional facility
for women to begin immediately. You must serve a minimum of four years before
you will be eligible for parole. Since you have broken the terms of your
sentencing for the previous convictions, I am compelled to order that those
convictions now be permanently included in your criminal record, as they
cannot be expunged." With that, the moo and duh began to sob, and Teenho
started yelling at the judge that, "...I'm just a girl...". The judge ignored
her and left the courtroom. The ADA took me by the arm while the parents
were pointing at me and calling me various and sundry names. I moved out
of my house over the weekend into a new property and have already sold the
old place. So...I am going to enjoy my triumph of Teenho's 5 to 7 year sentence
with a few pitchers of Martinis and my new boyfriend! YEE HAW...FIVE TO SEVEN...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Thanks Turtle! --Jaguar Ranter
When: 7/17/02
Where: At work
Type: Clueless parent rant
Do idiot breeders not realize that we see through the rhetoric. Today,
I got into a discussion with a breeder at work. She's all for taxes going
up to support education. She keeps telling me this garbage about feeling
sorry for the poor kids, because they are the ones who suffer as a result
of not having enough money for education. She is always saying, "If you
don't pay for them now, you'll pay for them later in the prisons." I told
her that I was poor as a child, lived in one of the poorest counties, and
went to one of the poorest schools in the state, but my PARENTS taught me
that it is wrong to steal, kill, etc. Throwing money at education isn't going
to keep kids out of prison. ATTENTION BREEDERS! IF YOUR CHILD GOES WRONG,
THEN IT'S YOUR FAULT. YES, YOU ARE A FAILURE AS A PARENT!!! Did I mention
that this breeder's husband is a school teacher? Could it be that she just
wants him to get a raise? I think that's the sum of it. I told her that people
shouldn't have kids if they can't afford them, and that people who are so
concerned about these "poor" kids should donate money to the schools. But,
of course, she won't do that. She might have to cut back to only two beach
trips a year instead of three. Thanks, Turtle!
When: July 20, 2002
Where: after midnight on Jay Leno's TONIGHT SHOW
Type: Hey, did you see this?
Anyone see comedien Martin Lawrence's spot on TONIGHT SHOW with Jay Leno?
Martin has two daughters, one 6, the other around 1. Jay asked him "Are
you a firm parent?" Martin's response, "Hell yeah". Seems Jay thought he
would be more mellow and laid back, but Martin stressed that it was important
to start raising good kids from an early age. Jay: "Do you believe in spanking?"
Martin: "Hell, yeah". He poo-pooed solutions like 'time out', by saying
that 'time out' with him meant 'you have time out to pick your teeth up
from the floor'. DH and I couldn't stop laughing, as DH is a fan of his,
and earlier we were talking about spanking as a form of punishing bratty
kids. Martin's raising human beings, not ritalin monkeys. Rock on, Martin!
NNNCINTHEUSA
When: July 17,2002
Where: Melbourne
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I love the movies but pretty much stick to video because of bad experiences
with crying, seating kicking, obnoxious kids. However when I was looking
through the schedule for the Melbourne Film Festival I saw a notice that
said because the films on show had been exempted from classification all
showings would be for over 18's only - no babies - and no exceptions under
any circumstances! I almost broke my leg getting to the phone to book my
tickets. Bliss - adults only and guaranteed by law!
When: July 17,2002
Where: Melbourne
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
I love the movies but pretty much stick to video because of bad experiences
with crying, seating kicking, obnoxious kids. However when I was looking
through the schedule for the Melbourne Film Festival I saw a notice that
said because the films on show had been exempted from classification all
showings would be for over 18's only - no babies - and no exceptions under
any circumstances! I almost broke my leg getting to the phone to book my
tickets. Bliss - adults only and guaranteed by law!
When: July 22, 2002
Where: My Old Neighborhood
Type: Garden-variety rant
I just found this site tonight and find it to be delightful. Up until recently,
I was keeping alive the hope of one day having a child of my own, but after
a recent foray into the Wubbulous World O'Retail as my second job, that
desire has deflated completely. Brats have come and Brats have gone...every
day there's at least ONE to deal with that will inevitably cross my path
and ruin my day...but what I'd like to share with you good people right now
is a somewhat lengthy look at what could quite possibly be crowned The King
Of Sprogs that I have had the displeasure of knowing.
For a long time, my old neighborhood had its clunkers come and go. We lived
through people with dogs that howled until 4 AM, jackasses that raged their
dirtbikes all over the neighborhood and terrorized pedestrians, militant
christians that demanded we remove our Jack-O-Lanterns from the front window
every Halloween because they found them offensive...but nothing quite compares
with the force that is "the Danny".
The trouble began when a family moved in two houses down from us. The family
that had previously lived there were the proud owners of two crotchfruits
that, though they were known to scream when they didn't get their way (very
loudly, in fact), could be pleasant at times and my family was known to
buy Girl Scout cookies from the female sproglet on a yearly basis.
When the new family moved in, The Danny was only a toddler and seemed like
a quiet kid. Sometimes you saw him sitting on the front porch staring blankly
off into space and that was about it. It seemed, once he hit the ripe old
age of 5 or 6, something snapped in this little yard-ape's head and he began
his spree of destruction. It started innocently enough. He took up the annoying
habit of standing on the curb while his duhddie was doing yard work and
spraying the cars that drove past with the garden hose. Not destructive,
per-sey, but most definately annoying and, of course, duhddie was completely
oblivious to it. Eventually, The Danny spritzed my honda as I was driving
up the street to visit my parents and I had the misfortune of having the
window down at the time. Angry and wet, I put the car in reverse and informed
duhddie that he really should keep a better eye on his damned kid. I was
given a dirty look and the hose was half-heartedly taken away from The Danny.
But wait, it gets better.
As The Danny got older, he became more of a menace. Since it seemed my
parents and siblings were among some of the only people on the block who
felt they shouldn't have to stand for their neighbor's sperm nugget running
amuck and causing them distress while they were trying to mind their own
business, The Danny made sure that they were given what nobody wanted: his
undivided attention. His reign of terror began when he tossed a couple of
eggs at our garage when no one was home. When my parents, having no proof
that he had done it, did nothing to retalliate, he became bolder. My dad,
several times, caught him rooting around in our front yard flowerbed, pulling
up plants and stomping on others. When my parents demanded he leave, he'd
step to the edge of the property, smiling impishly and then would coyly stick
a foot out and put it on the lawn yelling "What are you gonna do about it??"
Repeated talks were had with The Danny's parents and one thing became evident.
Not only were the parents completely oblivious to the fact that their rugmonkey
was a demon incarnate, but that they were complete morons to boot. Stupidity
and indulgence...the perfect combination to raise a child with these days,
apparently.
Things came to a head when The Danny, near the end of the summer, got it
into his rotten head to knock down a bird's nest that had been built behind
our porchlight, crush all of the baby birds inside, and leave them strewn
on the porch. My mom said he made no attempt to look innocent and was riding
his bike back and forth in front of the house watching while she dealt with
the grisly remains of the birds.
The birdslaughter having not satisfied him, later that night while my younger
brother (probably about 16 at the time) was out mowing the lawn, The Danny
began chucking rocks at him from the end of the driveway. My brother, short-tempered,
quickly lost patience when one of the rocks hit his shin and chased the
little bastard back to his own den where he was confronted and brayed at
by The Danny's parents as the kid whipped up a batch of crocodile tears for
them and informed them my brother was after him "for no reason".
My brother, bless his heart for never letting things that piss him off
go lightly, went back home in a rage and phoned the police about The Danny.
After explaining the rocks, they asked to speak to my dad who informed them
about the other incidents. They told my dad that this was the second time
someone had called in a report on The Danny (thank god someone else in our
neighborhood, whoever they were, realized that they didn't need to live in
fear of sprogs) and that they would check on it if they recieved a third
report, either from us or from another neighborhood tenant.
Someone beat my parents to the punch in filing a third report, apparently,
and we were all incredibly gratified to see a police cruiser parked in front
of The Danny's lair a few weeks later. However, apparently nothing came
of it.
I've since moved to Washington and been free of this little troll's antics
for the better part of a year, though my mom makes it a point to keep me
updated each time I call if The Danny has done something. Their latest butting
of heads happened about a week ago. The Danny has taken to hanging out with
a group of sprogs that live up the street and they've formed their own circus-bait
gang. The Danny has also developed a love for skateboarding and seems to
think its funny to wait until someone drives up the street and then zip out
in front of them on his board and make them slam on their brakes. I'm kind
of glad I left, really, because I don't know if I'd be able to resist the
urge to "accidentally" stomp on the wrong pedal.
Anyway, he has been doing this to my dad on many occasions until my dad
had enough and decided to not bend to the sprog's will anymore. On the latest
occasion Danny attempted his "amazing board trick" Dad continued going at
the speed he was going and The Danny had to frantically scramble out of
the way to avoid being hit. That evening, mom heard pelting sounds against
the house and looked outside to see Danny and his sproggang across the street
chucking dirt clods at the house.
My dad went out to deal with them and one of the sprogs bugled "THAT'S
THE FUCKER WHO TRIED TO HIT DANNY!!!" Charming mouths on these kids...another
product of fine white trash parenting. Dad went, once again, to have another
futile talk with The Danny's parents and was told by The Danny's Moo that
she was tired of his bitching about her PRESHWUS WIDDLE BAY-BAY and she
didn't want to hear from him anymore. This was the kicker, apparently, when
she tried to hide behind the defense of "its a STAAAAAAGE!!! ALL kids go
through a STAAAGGGEE!!!!" Maybe in the seventh level of hell they go through
a destructive stage that lasts a goddamned two years and counting, but here
on Earth, you stupid Moo, we've invented a wonderful thing called discipline.
It was something me and my siblings got a lot of growing up, and you know
what? None of us ever felt a need to chuck rocks at our neighbors, kill
animals or attempt to intimidate those who were four times our age.
This Moo and Duhddie need to take off the blinders that The Danny has put
over their eyes and realize that they are raising a menacing little shit.
The fact other people have complained shows that this isn't some horrid
malfunction that only my family has because they can't see the Danny Sprog
for the widdle ANGEL that he isn't.
My parents have started talking about moving a lot more seriously these
days, apparently growing tired of hoping that The Danny's family will follow
suit of the previous tenants of the house and move. I don't blame them for
not wanting to be around when this anklebiter gets to be old enough to, god
forbid, drive a car. Or worse yet, sire his first illegitamate crotchfruit
with a breeding-age femmesprog. Funny how one person's product of roving sperm
can bring down the tranquility of a neighborhood. ~~Finney
Turtle: Well, you know, they make nailguns that don't have to be
connected to anything, and they make fasteners intended to be driven into
concrete with said nailguns. Get a couple of friends, hold the asshole down
on the sidewalk, and fasten his scrotum to the sidewalk. Then, after he's
had a couple of minutes to think about what life will be like with his balls
attached to the pavement, put one in his eye and walk away. This kid WILL
end up in prison someday, likely after date-raping women, abusing his presumed
future girlfriend or wife, killing more small animals, and likely committing
many intervening petty crimes against people, property and the peace. Suggest
to your parents that they buy a videocam and use it. Hire a lawyer and use
it. And if all else fails, go to Home Depot.
Because his parents never told him "no," eventually the police, a judge,
and state or federal prison staff will have to. Then Moo can whine all she
wants about his "staaaages."
Turtle
PS: credits to Kurt Vonnegut for the original variation on this idea, from
Slaughterhouse-Five.
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
Thought a lot of people here would be interested in this story:
New Contraceptive Awaits Green Light
Jul 23, 2002 12:18 pm US/Eastern (AP)-(WASHINGTON)-A tiny, spring-like
device threaded into the fallopian tubes seems to offer women permanent
birth control without surgery and should be approved for sale, advisers
to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration voted Monday. If the FDA agrees,
the Essure device could become an easier method of sterilization, the most
widely used form of contraception. The FDA isn't bound by its advisers'
recommendations, but typically follows them. The advisers did attach some
conditions. Noting Essure can't always be inserted successfully, the panel
urged FDA to require better data on the failure rate for potential patients
to consider. The panel also wants Essure maker Conceptus Inc. to continue
studying women who tested the experimental device for a full five years,
to ensure its effectiveness. The advisers also urged some additional steps
to assure doctors are properly trained to insert the device and that women
understand it's not reversible birth control, said FDA engineer Colin Pollard,
chief of gynecologist devices. With standard sterilization, doctors cut and
tie the fallopian tubes, or cauterize or clip them shut, to keep eggs released
by the ovaries from reaching the uterus. It requires either conventional
or minimally invasive surgery. The operation is very safe but any surgery
carries some risks, so gynecologists have long sought a non-surgical option.
With Essure, doctors thread a wire up the vagina, into the uterus and up
each fallopian tubes to place the tiny spring. Flexible coils temporarily
anchor it inside the fallopian tubes. Dacron-like mesh embedded in the coils
irritates the tube's lining and, over three months, scar tissue grows to
permanently plug the tube. It doesn't offer immediate birth control, and
women must be tested to ensure the scar tissue has fully blocked both tubes.
When: today
Where: the Hunger Site
Type: Not a rant -- a rave!
As some of you may recall, The Hunger Site used to have a bunch of sister
sites that were "for da chilldrun." Well, THS is now under new management.
The kiddie sites are gone, and in their place is a new sister site... The
Animal Rescue Site!! One click every day provides food to animals in shelters
and sanctuaries. All lurking animal lovers should head over to www.theanimalrescuesite.com
and help out.