charlie: i didn't even mention cheese..
billie: well, its shaulzberg (sp..?)..
charlie: i don't care..
billie: well.. thats beside the point isn't it..?
more coming soon..
roy: what's the game plan kevin..? i got a deadline.. i need a quote, give me a quote..
kevin: f*ck off..
maryann: lemme guess, its all my idea right..?
kevin: yep..
maryann: well, we'd better give her some grandkids soon so i can get her off my back.. what do you say..?
kevin: let her sweat a little..
kevin: they deliberated for 38 minutes..
maryann: oh kevin.. honey.. i'm sorry.. geez, what'd they expect..? the man is as guilty as can be.. wasn't a jury anywhere gon let him off..
kevin: yeah.. except one..
maryann: what..? kev..
kevin: not f*cking guilty..!
maryann: oh my god, you lying sack of sh*t..!
kevin: are we negotiating..?
milton: always..
kevin: look mar, i'm only getting behind this if you're onboard.. if you want to go home, i'm with you..
maryann: sure.. hell, lets go home to gainesville, we'll go back to the condo.. you can keep scrounging for clients and i'll keep repossessing cars for akamian and maybe, just maybe, if we kill ourselves, in about 5 years we can afford a baby and we can shack at gulf shores.. are you sh*tting me..?!
jackie: if i want to see leamon, i make an appointment..
maryann: you're kidding right..? god, how do you handle it..?
jackie: take a look around honey.. look, you've got 3 choices.. the holy trinity.. you can work.. you can play.. or you can breed..
kevin: whats this..?
maryann: oh that..? it was going to be a nursery, then i remembered you'd have to be home long enough to knock me up, so now i'm thinking of building a law library..
maryann: tell me i can handle this..
kevin: you can handle this..
maryann: say something nice..
kevin: something nice..
jackie: i heard you met the senator..
maryann: yes i did..
pam: i was married to him..
maryann: no..
pam: kidding..!
maryann: who's that with the senator..?
jackie: oh god girl, you haven't met him..?
maryann: no, who is he..?
diana: i swear he can hear us..
jackie: hell, he can smell us..
milton: maryann.. john milton.. i was hoping i'd see you here tonight and here you are.. already swimming with the sharks..
jackie: careful hon..
milton: what about you..? your family..? you've gotta miss them.. no..?
maryann: i told kevin, the only thing worse than not having a father was having mine..
milton: i can relate..
milton: you should pull your hair back.. do it.. see what happens..
maryann: right now, you want me to pull my hair back..?
milton: is that so terrible..? i'd love to do it, but if i did, everyone in this room who's pretending not to be watching us, would naturally assume that we were f*cking or something..
christabella: are you alone..?
kevin: you mean tonight..?
christabella: is your wife a jealous woman, mr lomax..?
maryann: you left me there.. i had a f*cking panic attack until jackie told me where you were.. 3 hours, you don't even call..?!
kevin: stop.. reset.. i'm upstairs with milton, heath and barzoon and there's a very good possibility i'm about to catch a triple homicide defendant who also happens to be one of the largest real-estate developers in this city.. mar, i had to bail on the party..
maryann: you bailed on me..
kevin: mar, did you hear me..?
maryann: i was all by myself..!
kevin: for 3 whole hours..
maryann: the next time you make a promise, you try and keep it..!
kevin: you gotta be kidding me, right..?
maryann: go to hell.. and you can go sleep on the f*cking couch..!!!
maryann: oh lord, this is $3,000 dollars..
jackie: you know what you should do, you should buy it, wear it once, and throw it away.. that'll loosen you up..
maryann: i don't care if they can here me, i don't care..!!! i don't like it here kevin, and these women, my god, i mean i'm seeing things for christ's sake..!
kevin: you just left them in the store..?
maryann: yes..!
kevin: look, calm down..!
maryann: no..!
kevin: listen to me..!
maryann: no..!
kevin: mar..! mar..! first you do this radical thing to your hair..
maryann: you hate it..
kevin: stop, i think its fine.. i think its fine.. but i also think its traumatic.. you've got the pressure of fitting in with new friends, a new place.. add to that a couple bottle's of wine..
maryann: no, no.. it wasn't the wine, kevin.. it wasn't the wine, or my hair or talking to kathy because i know that's what you're going to say..
kevin: what about kathy..? what about your sister..?
maryann: what about her, she's pregnant again..
kevin: oh.. that's got nothing to do with this..?
maryann: kevin, i never see you anymore.. and now that you've got this big case, its just only gonna get worse.. if you can believe it, i'm actually looking forward to having your mother come and visit..
kevin: what about the apartment..?
maryann: goddamn you..! why do you always have to go and change things around..? this is not about the apartment.. i hate this stupid place..! you know, you buy a couple new suits and you're fine..
kevin: its a little more than that, mar..
maryann: i have this whole f*cing place to fill..! and i know we've got all this money and its supposed to be fun but its not..! its like a test, the whole thing is like one big test.. and, god..! i am so lonely..! i miss you so much..
kevin: i'm sorry baby..
maryann: i don't know what to do..
kevin: lets make a baby..
maryann: don't tease me..
kevin: i wouldn't do that.. not unless you asked..
milton: its a disappointment, i know.. we have em.. all of us have em.. you use it, you embrace it.. then you move on..
kevin: hang on, we gotta talk about this..
milton: aw, listen to yourself kevin, we gotta talk about this.. this is your wife man.. she's sick, she needs you, she's gotta come first.. wait a minute, wait a minute, you mean the possibility of leaving this case had never even entered your mind..?
kevin: you know what scares me..? i quit the case, she gets better.. and i hate her for it.. i don't wanna resent her john, i've got a winner here, i've gotta nail this f*cker down, do it fast and put it behind me, just get it done.. then, then put all my energy into her..
milton: i stand corrected..
kevin: honey..? it's me.. what happened..? are you okay..?
maryann: he let himself in, you need to know that..
kevin: who let himself in..?
maryann: the bath was runnin or something.. i didn't hear him, i swear to you.. and then we talked.. and we talked for hours.. and i haven't talked to anyone.. really talked to anyone in so long..
kevin: did somebody hurt you..?
maryann: yeah..
kevin: who..?
maryann: milton..
kevin: what..?
maryann: he um.. he.. he f*cked me.. and i think i wanted him to, but then i just, i don't know, i just couldn't stop him.. he just wouldn't stop..
kevin: when..? baby, when..?
maryann: today.. the whole afternoon, the whole afternoon.. i'm so ashamed..
kevin: today..?
maryann: yeah..
kevin: today..? today he was in court.. he was in court, in my presence, all afternoon..!
maryann: no..
kevin: yes..! yes..! yes..!
maryann: no.. god, no kevin.. kevin, i'm not crazy.. you have to believe me.. no..! he did this to me..!
kevin: oh jesus..
maryann: he did this to me..! no.. he did this to me..
kevin: baby, what did you do to yourself..? what are we gonna do baby..? what am i gonna do..?
maryann: i'm not crazy..!
maryann: i know why this is happening..
kevin: shhh.. they want you to go to sleep..
maryann: its the money.. blood money, kevin.. we just drank it down, both of us.. we knew it.. winning those cases, taking the money, we knew they were guilty.. but you just kept on winning, everytime.. and i can't look at myself in the mirror, and then i see a monster.. don't do this kevin, please take me home.. please don't do this..! i'm not crazy..!
kevin: goddamnit, what did you do to my wife..?!
milton: well, on a scale of one to ten; ten being the most depraved act of sexual theater known to man, one being your average friday night run-through at the lomaxes' household.. i'd say, not to be immodest, maryann and i got it on at about.. seven..
kevin: f*ck you..!
kevin: what are you..?
milton: oh, i have so many names..
kevin: satan..
milton: call me dad..
milton: free will, its a b*tch..!
maryann: baby, what are you doing..?
kevin: the right thing.. i think the right thing..
milton: vanity.. definately my favourite sin..
jill: i don't shake.. thats not how we make pact's around here..
gregg: well then how do you make a pact..?
jill: you have to endure a bite from a makiki spider..
gregg: spider..?
jill: you'll get dizzy..you'll have a high fever.. you'll say things, lots of things, we'll hear what's in your heart.. then, if your decisions prove true.. then we have a pact..
gregg: spider biting, fever..?
jill: thats right.. what do you say..?
gregg: i say thats the biggest load of crap i ever heard..
jill: maybe you're not a fool after all..
jill: so is this a date..? not that i'd know, i've never been on one.. so what's it like..?
gregg: what's what like..?
jill: this whole, dinner, dating, love thing..
gregg: well.. its kind of like being bit by a makiki spider..
more coming soon..
supermodel: you're not afraid of catching germs..? and you know, i'm coming down with a cold and everything..
lee: from you i'd be willing to catch terminal cancer..
lee: are you gonna be okay cos this is a bad neighbourhood..
supermodel: i'll be fine.. i'm a black belt..
more coming soon..
spencer: now, she got balloons.. why didn't i get no balloons..?
jillian: 'cause you got candy..
spencer: i got no candy.. where's my candy..?
jillian: its in the car..!
jillian: you like the belly..?
spencer: *nods*
jillian: good, cos i like the belly too..
jillian: where's nan..?
spencer: she's out..
jillian: its past midnight..
spencer: well, she's young.. she's having fun.. don't you remember when we used to have fun..?
jillian: no..
jillian: you killed my husband..
spencer: yea.. and then i f*cked his wife..
more coming soon..
dr larch: goodnight, you princes of maine, you kings of new england..
(boys giggle)
fuzzy: why does dr larch say that every night..?
orphan 1: maybe he does it to scare us..
orphan 2: no you idiot, dr larch loves us..
fuzzy: but then why does he say it..?
buster: he does it because we like it..
fuzzy: do you like it curly..?
curly: yeah..
fuzzy: i like it too..
homer: they wanted a girl, curly..
curly: nobody ever wants me..
homer: hey, come on.. come here.. you know, you're one of the best curly.. and we wouldn't let just anyone take you..
curly: dr larch wouldn't let just anyone take any of us..
homer: well, thats true..
curly: nobody's asked for me, have they..?
homer: nobody special enough, curly..
curly: you mean, somebody has..?
homer: only the right people can have you.. now what do you say we go unpack your suitcase..?
candy: i would really like to have a baby one day..
nurse angela: of course dear, you'll have beautiful children..
dr larch: you'll have princes of maine, kings of new england..
homer: i've never actually seen a lobster..
candy: are you serious..?
homer: i've never seen the ocean, either..
wally: you've never seen the ocean..? that's not funny, that's serious..!
candy: hey homer..
homer: hey..
wally: i was just giving homer some driving lessons..
candy: oh yeah..? what's that..?
wally: what..?
candy: here.. (takes branch out of front of car) looks like you've been giving him flying lessons..
wally: he loved it..
candy: wally here thinks people like being whacked by branches..
homer: oh i loved it..
candy: really..? unbelievable..
wally: well, thank you very much..
more coming soon..
ashley: i'm gonna tell them not to bother us until new years.. when i get in there, you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane..!
gabriel: she just said she loved you.. what do you have to say to that..?
rudy: i had better sex in prison..
rudy: f*ck that.. nick doesn't do anything until nick gets something for nick.. i want some hot chocolate.. you wanna hear about some indian casino, i want to see some goddamn hot chocolate.. and some pecan f*cking pie..!
more coming soon..
junuh: it's alright boy, no need to be scared..
hardy: i ain't scared.. i've seen men drunk plenty of times..
junuh: well, what do they look like..?
hardy: well, they ain't much to look at.. at least not so much as they seem to think it is, but it don't scare me none..
junuh: gentlemen, we might be looking at the only male in chatam county who isn't completly full of sh*t..
junuh: the fact is, there ain't enough whisky in the state of georgia to get me drunk enough..
hardy: well, how drunk is drunk enough..?
junuh: good question hardy, come over here and take a seat, i'll tell you how drunk drunk enough is.. now the question on the table, is how drunk is drunk enough.. and the answer is that its all a matter of brain cells.. you see every drink of liquor you take kills a thousand brain cells but that doesn't much matter 'cause we got billions more.. and first the sadness cells die, so you smile real big.. and then the quiet cells go so you say everything real loud for no reason at all, but thats okay because the stupid cells go next, so everything you say is real smart.. and finally, come the memory cells.. these are tough son's of b*tches to kill..
junuh: i lost my swing..
neskaloosa: well find it..! goddamnit..!
adele: here's one short kiss, it is, i'm afraid all the romancing i have in me at this time.. (kisses junuh and starts crying) i do hope i haven't given the intention that i'm crying over us junuh, because i'm not..
junuh: you're not..?
adele: no, i'm not.. i'm crying over savannah..
junuh: savannah..?
adele: over her pain and the pain of her people..
junuh: you're in tears over savannah..?
adele: i am, i truly am..
junuh: then who'd you take your clothes off for..? chattanooga..?
junuh: i lost my swing adele..
adele: really..? where'd it go..?
junuh: you a caddy..?
bagger: well that depends.. are you a golfer..?
junuh: is there something you wanted to tell me..?
adele: well, i'm trying to think of how to say it junuh.. there is a purpose to this visit.. and thats to apologize.. but i'm not a naturally apologetic woman so it takes me a little longer to get my thoughts in order.. i want to seem properly contrite for having gotten you into this golf match but not seem that what i did was ill-intentioned because it was not..
junuh: what exactly are you apologizing for..?
adele: for publicly humiliating you..
junuh: oh, well yeah, that'd be a good thing to apologize for..
adele: however.. i think that.. basically, what i'm trying to say.. is that i'm sorry.. but its not my fault.. you're the one to blame..
junuh: that's one hell of an apology adele..
junuh: what was it adele..? what did you like about us..?
adele: i liked the way we danced..
junuh: i can win adele.. i can beat both of them.. look in my eyes and tell me what you see..
adele: determination.. pure determination..
junuh: panic adele.. pure panic..
adele: is there something i can feel i deprived you of all those years..?
junuh: i liked the way we danced..
adele: ten years and not one single solitary word from you..? you don't do that to someone you love..! i deserve better, i deserve some correspondence and some indication of what you felt..! junuh, i don't know what happened to you, but whatever it was, it could not have been as unbearable as a woman waiting with no end in sight.. wondering if she's remembered or forgotten by the man she loves.. you never even said you were sorry.. and now i'm supposed to just run and melt in your arms like butter on a hot muffin..?!
junuh: i'm sorry adele.. i am truly sorry..
adele: its too late for i'm sorry junuh..!
junuh: well, tell me what i'm supposed to say.. it was too long ago..
adele: no it wasn't.. it was just a moment ago..
junuh: interesting match..
adele: i always thought so..
willie: so what do you think of belva..?
leo: she's good from far but far from good..
kitty: they're thinking of getting married..
erica: i don't wanna talk about it with him here.. he's not my father..
frank: look.. you're mother looks really upset..
erica: could you get the f*ck out of my room..?
more coming soon..
sara: what are you doing..?
nelson: buying redemption..
sara: redemption's not for sale today, sorry..
nelson: ok.. guess i'm going to hell.. get off the car..!
sara: look at that manny.. my very own prince charming.. i don't think i've ever met such a royal asshole in my entire life.. so does your mom know you treat women like hookers or did you raise you to believe that being nice means patronizing the whole world..?
sara: so what do you do for a living..?
nelson: i'm in advertising..
sara: so you like it..?
nelson: people tend to enjoy what they're really good at..
sara: so besides your job, what else makes you miserable..?
sara: what is this..? what happened to your hand..?
nelson: nothing..
sara: well, can i look at it..?
nelson: why..?
sara: 'cause i'm a vampire..
sara: so what did you do today..?
nelson: i got fired.. they took the company car.. and my girlfriend left me..
sara: perfect..!
nelson: what are you doing..?
sara: taking your shirt off..
nelson: why..?
sara: because you smell like puppy pee..
nelson: why a month..?
sara: because its long enough to be meanigful and short enough to stay out of trouble..
sara: you know he asked me to marry him..
chaz: he's not the first..
sara: but it was the first time i wanted to say yes..
sara: remember me..
more coming soon..
laura: so do you get off fondling women's shoes..?
c.w briggs: well, once in a while, i'll fondle a whole woman..
laura: you have a fresh mouth, i'm not sure i like you..
c.w briggs: they say i always get my man..
laura: me too..
laura: chinatown or harlem..? you prefer, jazz or opium..?
c.w briggs: i prefer the rug in front of my fireplace..
c.w briggs: won't your fiance be angry..?
laura: if you don't invite him, i won't..
more coming soon..
candy: how could you do that to me..? one minute you're crying on my shoulder about darlene, the next minute you're banging me from behind..!
lonnie earl: well, you told me not to look at you..
roy: candy, what the hell happened to our wedding picture..?
candy: cat.. too much cat nip, y'know..?
candy: so i've been thinking and.. you know what i really wanna do when we get to
candy: i wanna renew our wedding vows..
candy: because its romantic,
candy: hey lonnie earl, where the hell have you been..? i haven't seen you in days..!
fred:
fred: dammit boy, don't take that tone with me, i will slap the taste out of your mouth..!
fred: where the hell were you yesterday when all this was happening..?
candy: oh, he was at the house.. i needed him for something..
fred: oh..? well okay..
lonnie earl: well i'm glad we're finally on the road.. here's to a big ol' time..
[police siren wails]
lonnie earl: well, sh*t on a stick..
darlene: lonnie earl, can i get some wine coolers..?
lonnie earl: well, why can't you drink beer like everyone else..? i told you its full up in there, we ain't got room for a bunch of wine coolers..
candy: i wouldn't mind having one of them wine coolers..
lonnie earl: buy some damn wine coolers then..
candy: coolers..!
lonnie earl: i don't know why you like to drink them things.. sissy sh*t..
[lonnie earl feeling sick from eating a steak]
candy: oh my God, i think he's dying.. don't die lonnie earl..!
lonnie earl: i don't think so.. i'll just sink like a cat in a bag..
candy: are you happy dar..?
darlene: i guess, why wouldn't i be..?
candy: oh.. i don't know.. i mean, things just don't seem right between the two of you lately.. i mean, i always believed you two were meant for each other, you know..? like burt and loni..? well, not like them because they ain't married no more.. but like, elvis and priscilla.. well.. you know what i mean..
darlene: is there something you know that i don't..?
candy: no.. no, no, no.. no dar, no i don't know anything.. i just care about you guys so much, you know..? and especially you dar because you're my best friend..
darlene: oh honey..
candy: and.. can't a friend try to help a friend..?
darlene: yea, but oh honey, don't cry.. come here silly..
candy: damn wine coolers, got me all emotional..
candy: i gotta pee..
candy: i'm going back to the hotel..
candy: oh gross,
darlene: what you doin
darlene: oh
candy: well i'll be damned.. 97.1 degrees, i think i'm ovulatin.. 97.1 is what that library book said to look for..
lonnie earl: maybe its just the heat..
darlene: 97.1 degrees lonnie earl, thats below normal temperature..
lonnie earl: well, she's probably too close to the window..
candy: my window is up.. and according to this thermometer, farmer
lonnie earl: no we ain't stoppin at no motel, not right now.. we just got back on schedule and i ain't gettin off..
candy: hey, who said anything about a motel..?
lonnie earl: if we stay in kingman tonight, we'll be back on my schedule..
darlene: but we were gonna stay at the grand canyon tonight and get up and look at it tomorrow..
lonnie earl: but we can't do that now because see, our travelin sex show here has put us behind schedule..
darlene: then why did we stop here..?
lonnie earl: because we had to eat, honey.. and this fits in okay..? besides, the grand canyon's just a big ol' hole in the ground.. you can look outside the window and see a big hole in the ground..
candy: that ain't the same.. i think it'd be nice to see it..
roy: hey you know, i wouldn't mind riding one of them jackasses down in that sucker..
darlene: dammit, thats the one thing i wanted to do on this trip.. i told you i wanted to see it since second grade when mrs beechner told us about it.. she said everyone though God rested on the seventh day but really he was workin on his hobby, carving the grand canyon..
lonnie earl: well, thats sweet but if you remember, mrs beechner also kept her sh*t in a shoe box, remember that..? so i don't know if thats the greatest authority in the world, you know..?
darlene: take a picture of me..
candy: lay like a supermodel, okay..?
darlene: i don't look like cindy crawford..
bell hop: i could take some pictures..
candy: that's okay..
candy: oh my God, darlene, it's shania twain..! she is so goddamn hot..! (singing shania twain..) shimmy, shake, make the earth quake, kick, turn, stomp stomp, and then you jump..!
lonnie earl: you know what we ought to do, baby..? after while, why don't you and me take one of them bubble baths, what do you say..?
darlene: well, you know better than that, i don't take bubble baths..
lonnie earl: of course you don't.. i forgot..
roy: well you know, that tub is big enough for all of us..
candy: oh great
roy: yea i am dumb, you guys definately make me clear of that on a daily basis.. dumb, dumbass, dumb sh*t, dipsh*t, sh*thead, sh*t hole, sh*t for brains..
lonnie earl: dildo..
roy: dildo.. you know, would it be possible to have a lets not pick on roy day..?
lonnie earl: lets go downstairs..
roy: okay.. i'm sorry..
candy: darlene..?
darlene: mm hmm..?
candy: what do you mean you don't take bubble baths..?
darlene: gives my pooter and infection that stings worse than a swarm of bees..
candy: oh look, its one of them theme weddings..! oh ain't that sweet darlene..? thats it..! thats what roy and i need..
darlene: what..?
candy: a theme wedding.. i'd be dorothy.. and he could be that tin guy.. and we could have.. midgets for bridesmaids..
darlene: why would you dress up like that for a wedding..?
candy: because its romantic..!
lonnie earl: come down here, didn't i..?
hooker: huh..?
lonnie earl: i said, i come down here, didn't i..?
hooker: yes you did..
lonnie earl: yea.. now you might have to twist my arm.. but i'll go up to your room with you..
hooker: i don't think you could handle me..
lonnie earl: oh honey, i could handle it.. there's no doubt about it..
hooker: well, i don't think you could afford it..
lonnie earl: what the hell does that mean..?
hooker: it means i see your type come through here all the time.. all blow and no dough..
lonnie earl: is that a fact..? let me show you something honey.. (takes off boot) see that..? you know what that is baby..?
hooker: a shoe..?
lonnie earl: well hell yea, it is.. its also two months rent..
hooker: well, your rent must be very cheap.. (walks off)
lonnie earl: well that was a pretty sh*tty thing to say to somebody.. she can kiss my ass.. come over here and just take over the damn country..
lonnie earl: well, f*ck her, she was a lesbian anyway, i could tell..
roy: she ain't no lesbian, she's too pretty..
lonnie earl: son, there's all kinds of lesbians, pretty ones and ugly ones.. there's all kinds.. she had lesbian energy thats all i know..
roy: well, i'm a lesbian in a man's body..
madame zora: this is very telling.. see, the queen depicts a strong slant to your feminine side.. hmm..
candy: feminine side..
madame zora: could you be expecting..?
[at store getting a bunch of pregnancy tests]
candy: i'm gonna take all of these.. i'm not taking any chances tonight.. hell, you know what, give me three of them butterfingers..
lonnie earl: you know i'm not buying all that screamin and moanin and sh*t you been doing just so you know..
candy: what the hell are you talking about..?
lonnie earl: don't bullsh*t me candy, you know what i'm talking about.. you're still mad about our little fling and you're doing all that sh*t for my benefit, i get it..
candy: doin what..?
lonnie earl: squealing like a stuck hog with your husband when y'all do it.. but it ain't workin, its a bad acting job..
candy: who's acting..?
lonnie earl: well, all i know is, you don't make all that racket when you and me do it..
candy: well, you figure that out, sherlock..
candy: i can't find any midgets..
darlene: well, you might try under 'L' for 'little people'..
candy: i swear to God, if i don't get any midgets i'm gonna be so upset.. i can't have this wedding without midgets..
darlene: just how many times have you two been visiting sin city..?
candy: ..twice.. just two times, i swear to God, thats it.. what are you doin..? why are you pack--
candy: not now
darlene: oh i don't want your consolin..! thats your husband..! he's the one who needs your consolin..!
roy: well, thats okay.. you can go first..
darlene: dammit
roy: why are you mad at me..?
candy: why are you yellin at him for..? he's just trying to be nice..
darlene: shut up wh*re..!
[knock on door]
bell hop: folks, you really gotta keep it down in--
darlene: GET THE F*CK OUT..!
bell hop: yea..
lonnie earl: hey, hey, hey, i got a great idea, okay..? i know how to fix everything.. darlene and roy gotta sleep together.. it'll make it even, its like a dealer trade in..
candy: you are such a sick f*ck..!
darlene: have you finally lost your mind..?! if i wanted a make-up f*ck, it would be with tony
darlene: this is wrong.. its just wrong..
candy: i know its wrong.. and if i could just wiggle my nose like samantha on bewitched and make this all go away darlene, i would i swear to God..
darlene: you'd probably call up aunt clara and lonnie earl would f*ck her too..
lonnie earl: i'm sorry
candy: suger kitten..?
lonnie earl: well, i hope everybody's happy.. friends..?
[candy slaps lonnie earl across the face]
lonnie earl: sh*t, f*ck..!
candy: we gotta talk about this.. we're too close to throw away what we got..
darlene: what we got..? we got a f*ckin mess is what we got..! and i had nothing to do with it..!
candy: if you open your eyes, you'd see that i'm right..
darlene: all i'd see are your legs up over my husbands shoulders..
candy: don't go there..
bell hop: (clears throat) ladies..
darlene: the only thing i'm still wondering is how a spoilt brat like you f*cked lonnie earl without your daddy's permission..!
candy: roy's cheating on me, i saw him dancing with some puerto rican skank at the bar..
lonnie earl: did she have a hairy lower back..?
candy: yeah..
lonnie earl: long brown hair..?
candy: yeah..
lonnie earl: little piece of deer skin covering her titties..?
candy: yeah..
lonnie earl: that ain't no dancing partner, thats just a hooker working the bar down there..
candy: you really did look beautiful tonight, darlene..
darlene: i actually felt beautiful..
Bell Hop: And this one is for, ah let’s see, how did she put it…the whore-dog who sells cars in Millsburg. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Bell Hop: Oh no, no, please. Don’t give me your dollar. I’ve been most pleasantly taken care of by Darlene. She’s quite a woman! Alright…whore-dog, all, good day.
darlene: i saw these two couples on the jerry springer show that screwed up a hell of a lot worse than we did and i figured if they could make up by the end of the show, in time, maybe we could too.. but i guess life isn't always that simple.. so we all decided we'd better leave what had happened back in
candy:
roy: i know..
candy: no, i mean i really love you..
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