Subject: Mujibar
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready"
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.
He noted how hurricanes at one time were given only female names, and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she."
One of the students raised her hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain.
So he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendations.
The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to as masculine because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
5.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to as feminine because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Dan the computer guy, to come over.
Dan clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him,
"So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote out ... I D 1 0 T
I used to like Dan.
Top 10 ways to tell if a
Redneck has been
working on a computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck
parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck
has been working on a computer
is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
Remember When ...
A computer was something on TV
from a science fiction show of note
a window was something you hated to clean...
And ram was the cousin of a goat....
Meg was the name of my girlfriend
and gig was a job for the nights
now they all mean different things
and that really mega bytes
An application was for employment
a program was a TV show
a cursor used profanity
a keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age
a cd was a bank account
and if you had a 3 1/2" floppy
you hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage
not something you did to a file
and if you unzipped anything in public
you'd be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire
hard drive was a long trip on the road
a mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and a backup happened to your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife
paste you did with glue
a web was a spider's home
and a virus was the flu
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
and the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
but when it happens they wish they were dead
Bill Gates And God
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker.
The supreme deity turned to Al and asked, tell what is important about yourself.
Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important.
God looked to Al and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand". God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most.
Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important.
God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand".
God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly.
God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?"
Bill responded " I think you are sitting in my chair".
Dear Wife
Dear Wife....I'm sending you this email to bring up to date on the events of our family.
I tried to talk to you while you were on your computer, but you just kept telling me that you would BRB.....whatever that means.
So, I decided to send you this email.
John Jr. cut his first tooth today. He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing.
Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound?
Sorry about him dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard. Is it working okay since I cleaned it up for you?
Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off.
Susie had her first date Saturday night. She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car.
She put the keys back on the key rack underneath the cobwebs where she found them.
Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do?
In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.
Tim is playing football. He looks forward to going to school now that he has a sport to play.
He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games if we bought you a laptop to bring along? Do you remember him?
He's the one who empties your porta potty for you.
Lets see.....since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago),
the refrigerator had to be replaced, your mother and dad painted the room where your computer is (hope you like the color),
the church has a new pastor, the President has been impeached, and oh yes..... I have a new job.
Well, I think that's about it. I'll email you again in about 3 months. You take care of yourself honey.
We all "miss" you very much and will see you the next time the power goes off!
Love, Your Husband
My Darling Husband
To my darling husband......
Dear John,
I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so that you will be sure to read it.
Please forgive the deception,
but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your IBM computer entered our lives two years ago.
The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy.
He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project.
All the figures were good, but yours was excellent!
The chair and the back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him.
Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age.
She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday.
What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.
I am also doing well. I went blonde about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really is more fun.
Lars--I mean Mr. Swenson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all.
I have discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed around,
although that feather duster does make you sneeze.
The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it.
I made sure that the painters cut air holes in the drop cloth so you wouldn't smother.
Well, dear, I must be going. Uncle Lars - Mr. Swenson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do.
I have hired a housekeeper to take care of thing while we are away.
She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup, and bring your meals to your desk, -just the way you like it.
I hope you and IBM have a lovely time while we are gone.
Tommy, Jen and I think of you often - try to remember us while your disks are booting.
Love, Mary.
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