This is an excerpt from the NEW VERSION of Beauty & The Beast.
SCENE ONE - OPEN STAGE
DANCERS ENTER JAZZ HANDS AT THE READY.
01 - SONG - MAGIC TO DO (FROM THE MUSICAL PIPPIN)
Hi there ....... Welcome to our panto.
Join us........ Sit back and see a new show.
Have fun! ........ Come and spend an hour or two.
Cheer loud..... If you see a good guy!
Boo hard!.... When you hear the bad guy!
Don't hide! If you see a monster or two.
We've got magic to do........ Just for you
We've got pantomime tales to play
We've got parts to perform.... Hearts to warm
Many things... to take by storm
As we go along our way
Dancer____ - Welcome to the YOUR COMPANY NAME Pantomime Beauty and the Beast
Intrigue.... Plots to bring disaster
Humour.... Handled by a master
Romance.... Feel your heart beat faster...it's true!
Illusion.... Fantasy to study
Battles.... Barbarous and bloody
Come close....... Sit where everybody can see
Dancer______ - Once upon there lived a handsome Prince.
LIGHTS UP ON PRINCE AND FIONA THE ENCHANTRESS ENTERS
Dancer______ - He lived in a beautiful castle.
Dancer______ - One night an old beggar woman came to the castle door.
Enchantress - Please give me shelter.
Prince – Never. You are old. Get out of my castle.
Enchantress – I will give you this rose.
SHE OFFERS HIM A ROSE WHICH IS THEN ATTACHED TO THE BACK WALL AND EXTENDS FROM IT. WHEN SHE TAKES HER HAND AWAY IT STAYS THERE SUSPENDED.
Prince – A rose? Go away old and ugly woman.
Enchantress - Don't be fooled by appearances. Sometimes beauty is found within.
Dancer______ - The old woman changed into a beautiful enchantress.
Enchantress - I will change you into a hideous beast. If you can learn to love before your 21st birthday, only then will you be yourself again.
Dancer______ - The Prince ran to the highest tower in the castle. Who could ever want to love…a hideously….ugly…beast.
MUSIC CONTINUES AS THE MARKET STALLS ARE SET UP. LIGHTS FADE TO BLACK.
SCENE TWO - A MARKET PLACE
MUSIC 2 – SONG - I TELL HIM NO SIR! (Maria from Sound of Music)
Good morning Miss! Good morning Sir! There’s such a lot to do.
The beds to make, the bread to bake, the kids all off to school.
I don’t know why I’m standing here. No time to talk to you!
We’re keeping very busy in the village.
GASTON ENTERS WITH FRENCH FRANK – SHAKE HANDS ACTING.
There’s only one distraction that will stop us in our chore
He’s six foot tall, he’s dark and tanned, he loves me I am sure
He’s Gaston, lovely Gaston, he’s my hero. I want more!
We’re trying to keep busy in the village.
Gaston - No wonder now that all their hearts are torn!
Beauty - You’re one big load of
Gaston - Brawn!
Dancer______ – Good morning Beauty!
Beauty – You are an oaf, a fool, a big banana!
Girls/Frank – He is the hero, strong and so complete.
Beauty - Which of the girls will you choose now to marry?
Girls – It has to be me
Gaston – Beauty it’s you!
Beauty - How sweet.
Beauty - What do you hear? Each day I tell you no sir!
Boys -What does she hear?
Girls - He needn’t ask me twice!
Beauty - A thicker man you won’t meet!
Girls – We love him from head to feet.
GASTON SNATCHES BEAUTY’S BOOK
Gaston - Form a queue right here
Beauty - Girls he’s not nice!
What does he hear each day I tell him no Sir!*
Girls - We’d marry him if only he would ask.
Beauty - One day you’ll leave me alone.
With my books all on my own.
Will it take a hundred years for you to see?
Girls – He’s so famous, he’s the big show from Las Vegas, he's our hero!
Gaston – Beauty! You’ve got to marry me!
Girls – Wooaaahhh!!!
Beauty – There is more to life than brawn.
And siestas on the lawn.
And to have a dozen kids by half past two.
Girls - You have books, we’ll take the man.
With his hands like frying pans
He’s so perfect.
Gaston - Girls I’m blushing.
Beauty - That’s not true.
REPEAT CHORUS UNTIL * then final time only…
Beauty – I’d never marry you so please don’t ask!
SONG ENDS. THE GIRLS ALL SCREAM AND CROWD AROUND GASTON ACTING LIKE HE'S A FILM STAR.
Beauty – Good Morning everyone!
Dancer _______ – Good morning Beauty. How are you today?
Beauty – I'm very well thank you.
Dancer_____ - Where are you going?
Beauty - I’m on my way to the bookshop.
Dancer _____ - Books? We don't have time for reading.
Beauty – Oh books are wonderful. They are full of romance, adventure, beasts and ghosts.
Dancer _____ – You went to the bookshop yesterday!
Beauty – Oh yes, I got this book. It’s a romantic story.
Boy Dancers – Urrrrggghhh!!!
Gril Dancers - Aaaaahhhh!!!
Dancer_____ - You've read it already?
Beauty – I couldn’t put it down.
Gaston – If I picked you up I’d never put you down.
Boy Dancer______ – Really! How rude! You need to learn some manners.
GASTON FLEXES HIS ARM TO SHOW HIS MUSCLE AND FRANK GETS KNOCKED OVER.
Gaston – (TO THE GIRLS) How are you all?
Girls – Gaston/My hero/Cooee darling!/Come here gorgeous.
Gaston – Girls! Relax! Stay cool.
ALL THE GIRLS GIGGLE. ALL THE BOYS LEAVE.
Beaty – Oh please! What a circus.
Gaston – Yes and I’m the ring master! Do you want to buy a ticket?
Beauty – Gaston, out of my way please.
Gaston – Wait! It’s in the other direction!
Beauty – What is?
Frank – What is?
GASTON TURNS AND FRANK GETS KNOCKED OVER AGAIN.
Gaston – The registry office!
Girls – Wooaahh!!
Gaston - Girls please! Later!
THE GIRLS ALL EXIT WAVING.
Beauty - Now tell me Gaston, why would I need a registry office?
Gaston – Everyone is standing by…..ready to marry us.
Beauty – Never in a month of Sundays.
Gaston – Well I’ve got just the diary for you.
GASTON CLICKS HIS FINGER, FRANK OPENS A DIARY, THE PAGES CONCERTINA DOWN. EVERY DAY IS “SUNDAY.”
Beauty – You're incredible!
Gaston - Thank you very much.
Gaston – French Frank, she's the girl for me!
HE STAMPS HIS FEET AND STEPS ON FRANK'S FOOT.
Frank – Ow. Ow....How can she say no to you Gaston?
Gaston – I know, it’s incredible. It’s amazing. I need a plan.
Frank - Ham or Cheese?
Gaston – What?
Frank - You need a flan. Yes, I heard you!
Gaston - A plan! Not a flan!
Frank - Sorry Gaston! Look! Here comes Beauty’s father.
Gaston- Come on. Before he attacks us with another mad invention.
FRANK AND GASTON EXIT. MAURICE ENTERS.
SCENE THREE - IN THE MARKET PLACE
MUSIC 3 – Maurice Enters
MAURICE ENTERS WITH A MACHINE TO BLOW UP BALLOONS.
Maurice – Hello everybody. Hello! Welcome, welcome, welcome! Is everybody happy? Hello left side! Hello right side! Hello front side! Hello back side! Let's be nice to each other. Let's have all the ladies lean forward and kiss the men in front. And then the men can all lean back and kiss the ladies behind.
My name is Maurice, I’m Beauty’s father. The “not so great” inventor. This is my BALLOON-AMATIC 2. Are you impressed? Do you know what happened to my BALLOON-AMATIC 1? It blew up! It was meant to blow the balloons up! This is the first time I’ve ever used this version and I need a bit of help.
Do you like balloons? I can see that lady brought two of her own. I need a volunteer from the audience. Do you want to help me? Ok come here.
MAURICE GETS A VOLUNTEER FROM THE AUDIENCE.
BOY VERSION – What’s your name? JOHN - Who cuts your hair John? The council?
GIRL VERSION – What’s your name? SALLY Lovely name! That was my name when I was a girl.
Right if you pump the pumper and “I’ll stick it up me jumper.” I’ll put the balloon on here. Now if you pump the pumper the machine will automatically blow the balloon up and then tie a knot in it. Then you can have a nice big balloon as a present. Ok, pump the pumper. Pump the pumper!
HE INFLATES THE BALLOON BUT LETS IT GO AND IT FLIES INTO THE AUDIENCE.
Oh dear. Let’s have another go. Pump the pumper!
ANOTHER BALLOON FLIES INTO THE AUDIENCE.
Oh no! Excuse me madam, can you keep your mouth closed it might pop in! One more attempt. Now this time nice and slowly. Slowly. And now very fast! Pump the pumper.
THE BALLOON FLIES INTO THE AUDIENCE.
Oh well, it didn’t work….but thank you for your help. Oh I know! Have a lollipop! Then come back next week as I’ve just invented a machine that pulls teeth out!
GIVES THE CHILD A LOLLIPOP AS COMPENSATION.
Sit down. Maybe I'm not the only one who's got a problem with his pumper. Let me see if I can fix it.
HE GOES BEHIND THE MACHINE TO LOOK AT THE PROBLEM AS BEAUTY ENTERS.
Beauty – Hello.
Maurice – That's incredible! The machine is talking to me.
Beauty – How are you?
Maurice – A talking machine. Amazing. I've invented a talking machine. "Hello machine take me to your leader."
Beauty – (TAPPING HIM ON THE SHOULDER) Hello!
Maurice – Aaagghh!!!! Oh hello Beauty! You scared me.
Beauty – I scared you? You were talking to your machine. How is your latest invention?
Maurice – Ah yes, the BALOON-AMATIC 2? Well, my assistant (NAME) and I couldn’t get it to work.
Beauty – Have you been working hard again?
Maurice – Yes but not too hard, only one hard. Have you had a good day?
Beauty – I went into town and returned my book.
Maurice - Not the library..it's never open with the cutbacks!
Beauty - I’ve been chased around town by that awful Gaston.
Maurice – No, I turned it off.
Beauty – What?
Maurice – You asked if I left the gas on?
Beauty – No, Gaston, he chased me all around town.
Maurice – Well you’ll have to get used to that. You’re a big girl now.
Beauty – I know but I can always be safe here with you.
MUSIC 4 – SONG - BEAUTY & MAURICE (You Two from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)
Maurice – Of course you can, Beauty. And you always will be.
What makes the battle worth the fighting?
What makes the mountain worth the climb?
What makes the questions worth the asking?
The reason worth the rhyme?
To me the answer's clear;
It's having someone near; someone dear
Maurice - * Someone to care for; to be there for, I have Beauty.
Beauty - Someone to do for; muddle through for, it’s my duty!
Both - Someone to share joy or despair with;
Whichever betides you.
Life becomes a chore, unless you're living for
Maurice - Someone to tend to, be a friend to. That’s my cutie!
Beauty - Someone to strive for, do or die for. I’m your Beauty.
Both - Me you... we two... are the two to be so true
'Cause we.... us two... we have me and you.
Beauty - Oh father. You always make me laugh.
Maurice – It must be my funny face.
REPEAT FROM *
Beauty – Well I’ve got things to do.
Maurice – Yes, me too. I think I might just make a few adjustments to my great invention. I'll take it to Tien 21 to see if they can help.
Beauty – What about taking it to Media Market?
Maurice - Media Market? I'm not stupid. See you all later. Bye bye.
BEAUTY AND MAURICE EXIT.
SCENE FOUR - IN FIONA'S SECRET LAIR
MUSIC 5 FIONA AND SNOT RAG ENTER.
FIONA THE ENCHANTRESS ENTERS. CLOSELY FOLLOWED BY SNOT-RAG. EACH WORD IN ITALICS IS SAID AFTER THE FIRST FOUR PHRASES OF MUSIC.
Fiona – Snot Rag.
Snot Rag - Tissues!
Fiona - Snot rag!
Snot Rag - Tissues?!
Fiona - Why do you keep saying tissues?
Snot Rag - Why do you keep saying Snot Rag?
Fiona - What? Because it's Snot funny?
NOTICING THE AUDIENCE
Are you lot still here? Isn't it a school night? No homework to do? I've come to a conclusion.
Snot Rag - I had that after an accident once.
Fiona - That's concussion numbskull! My conclusion is, I'm the best looking girl in the land! Oh yes I am!
AUDIENCE - OH NO YOU'RE NOT TWICE THEN....
Buy a mirror! I’ve been thinking about that Beast!
Snot Rag - Not the big hairy employee who works in the fish and chip shop?
Fiona - Chip Fat Fred? No, not him!
Snot Rag - Not the big hairy car mechanic who works in the garage!
Fiona - Spark Plug Pauline? No, not her!
Snot Rag - Then who?
Fiona - That Beast locked away in his castle.
Snot Rag - No-one's seen him for years!
Fiona - Because of me!
Snot Rag - No!
Fiona - Ah, did you hear about the fool who keeps going around saying "no"?
Snot Rag - No.
Fiona - So it's you! I’ve been thinking about that Beast and his castle. I want that castle.
Snot Rag - I suppose you’ll have to marry the Beast to get it.
Fiona - It can't be any worse than going out in LOCAL NIGHT SPOT on a Saturday night.
GASTON ENTERS WITH FRANK
Frank – (SINGING) We don’t need another hero;
Gaston - Me!
Frank – (SINGING) We don’t need to know the way home.
Snot Rag – If you turn left at the next right it’s straight on back the way you came.
Gaston - Do you know who I am?
Snot Rag - Why? Have you forgotten?
Fiona - It’s David Cameron
THE SHOW CONTINUES FOR 20 MORE PAGES!
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THE SHOW CONTINUES FOR 20 MORE PAGES!
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