I remember writing a few rules last spring.  Well here is a revised version for all you semi friends out there.  Good friends need not worry (you know who you are).

Started in March.  Expanded Dec. 19, 2005

1. Use tact

A The best way is to just call the person on the phone and strike up a conversation. Don’t do the normal beat around the bush bull shit either. If you can’t strike up a casual conversation and naturally work alcohol into the picture, don’t bother calling, your conversation skills probably suck.

B. If you must, resort to aim. The same rules apply as part A. Don’t just blurt out that you want alcohol. Be genuinely interested in a conversation before the topic naturally swings to booze.

C. Do not use text messaging at any cost! That is the biggest load of bullshit and signifies that you are just a prick out for someone’s half empty bottle of booze. Be a little respectful and talk to the person, since they are doing you a favor, you lazy text messaging bastard!

2. Don’t call after 11 PM.

-If its after 11 PM, the person is most likely drunk anyways, which means, the bottle is probably empty as well.

3. If the person does decide to sell you alcohol, especially after 11 PM, be ready to pay the price.

-Be ready to get raped as far as price. For example, a quarter bottle of yegar is $8. Again, you don’t have booze and someone else has what you want!

4. If the bottle isn’t empty, it is probably half empty (which means the person is drunk). So be ready to come to where ever that person is! Again, they are doing you a favor, they can be as lazy as they want, why should they have to do the work and stumble to where you are?

5. If the person you call does not have booze, do not ask them to find someone else for you!

A. They are probably drunk and do not want to bother anyone else, especially for the sake of someone else.

B. Even if part A does not apply, why the hell should the person you just bothered have to do all the work for you? Call your own people, who wants to be the middle man?

C. If the person does end up finding someone, be ready to pay the middle man since they did all the work for you, you lazy bum.

D. Be thankful if Part C happens. Not only is this person doing you a favor, they are doing you a second one by calling someone else for you. That is two favors you owe now!

6. This one is a loophole filled with a few assumptions. But, usually you don’t ask a person you dislike for a favor, right? With that said, if someone is getting you booze, its only proper to ask them to chill, even if they have other plans. After all, they are friends, right? If you are a friend and don’t offer to chill, you are a prick.

A. Added by Kelcy: "You also have to hang out with them every once in awhile without alcohol so it doesn’t always look like you're just using them." -In other words, if you are friends, its not like its going to be a chore.

7. On another note, friends do friends favors. Do not complain about someone drinking your booze if you have done the same to them in the past. You do something for someone and when you try to get even by helping yourself like you rightfully should, you get bitched at. Besides, shit like that should go without say.

8. If you are under 18, don't bother.  To risky.