April 12, 2004

I am getting sick of months dedicated to everyone but me.  The other day I saw a some people writing random shit on the ground in chalk.  Apparently they have gay month now.  They also have black history month and [insert some minority] month.  Well, damn it all, I want an average white male month.  And don't give us some shitty month like October or January!   May or June will do just fine.  During this month, average white males will celebrate mediocrity and make banners stating "33% of average white males whack off at least once a day to Anna Kornikova" or "1 out of every 5 average white males owns a ps2."  See, we aren't to needy or depressed, we just need to celebrate our lifestyle just as much as the next lesbian or big black man!  So don't discrimante, give us an average white males month now!

March 22, 2004

The super bowl needs some serious changes. 1. After the AFC and NFC championship games you have to wait TWO weeks for the super bowl.  These two weeks are loaded with hype and redundant analysis from washed up pros.  Just shut up and play the game already!  One week between games is bad enough during the regular season but waiting for half a month for only one game is pure crap. 2. Every year terrible artists are trucked in for an extended half time shows.  Brittany?  Timberlake?  Now maybe its just me, but I don't think teeny boppers make up the key demographic in NFL viewer-ship.  So why do these artists continue to play super bowl half time shows?  3. Who really cares about the outcome of the game?  Do the hardworking blue collar masses really care what happens to a bunch of selfish millionaires?  What was with that one arrogant piece of shit that pulled a cell phone out of the goal post after scoring a touchdown?  Heres an idea:  Play the fucking game and cut the shit!  I grow tired of these rich babies and there asinine stunts!  This is also a sport that is filled with numerous 400 pound out of shape lard asses one step away from a triple bypass.  Stay away from that triple cheeseburger Mr.Sapp.....for the love of god, lose a few hundred pounds!  

4.  Now I could go on and on about how much the NFL sucks but I'd rather give you advice on what sport to watch instead.  My only regret is not thinking of this rant earlier.  But the Mens College Basketball tournament in March is the most amazing sporting event in the world.  Now I love the world cup in soccer and the French Open, ect. in tennis, but both still don't come close to College B-ball!  This tournament consists of poor college students just like me and you playing for pride (not the chance to pull out a cell phone after draining a three).  The tourney starts with 65 teams.  The first two rounds are the best. The first 4 days include 48 games.  Granted there are as many as 4 games going on in different areas of the country at the same time but CBS always brings you to a game outside your region if it is close.  During these four days you get nearly 45 hours of highly competitive well played basketball.  Now if you can force yourself to watch four hours of slow paced football than college b-ball should be no problem!  Fill out a bracket and compete with your friends and family and I swear you'll get addicted.  But please, no 16 seeds, for the novices out there!  November is always so exciting because thats the start of College B-ball, with 326 teams fighting for those 65 spots.  Honestly, if I could show you some tapes of UABs 102-100 win over Washington or Alabama's upset of #1 Stanford I would, but take my word, they are exciting games.  This is an amazing sport played by people who genuinely care.   Be sure to catch the sweet 16, starting on Thursday at 7:10.

I can't believe how freaking stupid my pet mice are.  Actually, I think all mice are freaking retarded.  It's actually quite comical, hence why I continue to keep them.  My female mice had babies a few months ago and a few days ago the baby male mouse started getting it on with his mom....Hello, STUPID, does incest ring a bell?  Geez, think of how dumb the babies would be.  Well, I didn't want a shit load of mice as dumb as rocks, so I did the only other logical thing....I put the baby in with Bandit, the dad.  They squabbled for a while so I took the baby out.  I changed the bedding so the cage would have more of a neutral smell (instead of pee infested bedding with Bandits smell) and even spread food throughout the cage to distract the two idiots for a while.  Still, they squabbled.   After a while, they quit and stood their for a few hours, like morons....so I slept, watching the dipshits gourge themselves with more food.  That's another thing about mice, they have no control, they'll eat everything.  Plus, they have no bladder control, so they constanlly pee on people.  Anyways I had to distract them from fighting and food was the best way I could think of.  Well, the stupid baby ended up killing the dad....The mouse that brought this idiot baby into the world.  Gee dad, thanks for filling up mommy with sperm...I think I'll invade your cage and kill you now....What an asshole that mouse is!  Why don't you sit in the corner and gouge your eyes out now.

Feb.19, 2004

If there is one lesson I have learned in my 19 years of life, it's that most people will do almost anything to avoid any serious confrontation.  Being the nice guy that I am, I usually don't exploit this weakness that seems to be present within the masses.  But realizing that most people would rather stay silent than yell and scream at an aggressor has it's advantages. 

A perfect example of people avoiding confrontations is at lunch time, when we line up to feed on the slop that the crappy cooks supply us with.  Sometimes, there is a real long line and I just don't feel like waiting, so I cut....25....50, sometimes 100 people at a time.  I do it every day and not a single person has said a word to me this year.  And trust me people notice.  I get blank stares but nothing more.  Do I feel bad?....Nope, cause no one can stand up for themselves!  If someone simply said, "stop it", I would.  But no one does so I continue to take advantage of it.

This may seem like the wrong thing to do, but often times, it is the selfish person that finishes on top.   They are the ones with the drive who are determined to get to the top no matter what while the masses consider the feelings of others and refuse to stand up against the jerks who pass them by for raises and promotions.  Like me, walking off to my table with hot food and plenty of time to spare while the suckers waste their time in line.  I am so efficient!

Feb. 18, 2004

What the hell is wrong with my schools cafeteria?  Almost every day, as I am walking back to my dorm from the crapateria, I feel these sharp pains in my stomach.  And trust me, I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who experiences these pains.  I feel like throwing up after eating this bland pig shit that these uninspired "cooks" try to pass by as food.   

Even worse is a story I heard when I was doing community service a while ago.  I overheard the workers talking about this one particular kid who worked there. It was an everyday conversation until I heard the word puke. Apparently, this mentally challenged kid works there and sometimes he gets far to excited and eats to fast...And pukes all over the walls. Really, no joke! Is this how our food should be prepared? This is an outrage!  I pay $28,000 to go here and we can't hire half decent chefs?  Not to sound like a jerk, but I expect more with my tuition money!

Shut up!

Feb. 16, 2004 People who won't shut up in class bother me. One girl in my English class got the same question wrong FOUR times! You heard right, four times!  Here's an idea: Shut up and give someone else a try! I could tell the professor wanted her to shut  up but he was far to nice to her. Take note: Just talking for the sake of talking and blurting out random shit will not get you participation points in class. Think things through before talking!  I do not talk that often in any of my classes but when I do, I have something to add to the class, which should count more than some dipshit blurting out 20 assinine comments.

Feb. 13, 2004